Aku baru nak tido, baruuu je nak terlelap, bila ada orang telefon aku. member lama dengan cadangan baru.
Hu-ha, hu-ha, dah dekat setengah jam aku bercakap dengan dia.
Pastu, aku bukak filem Tekkonkinkreet dan aku mula menonton. Aku tak tau langsung pasal Tekkonkinkreet, walaupun aku ada pinjam komiknya daripada Roy.
Manga Jepun yang pelik. Walaupun aku tak paham dengan apa yang jadi setakat ni, aku rasa terpanggil untuk tulis satu artikel pasal falsampah dan kehidupan. Muahahaha!
Ramai yang cakap kat aku, aku ni sombong. Angkuh. Riak.
Sedarkah diorang ni yang kesombongan, keangkuhan dan kebongkakkan itu cuma boleh wujud kalau ada dua pihak yang terlibat?
Kena ada satu pihak yang bercakap, dan satu pihak lagi untuk MERASA egonya kecil atau diperkecilkan.
Kalau aku menjerit betapa hebatnya aku, sambil berdiri dalam hutan sorang-sorang, kau ingat lipan dalam batang kayu buruk peduli ke tidak?
Mereka yang hanya merasa dan terasa, tanpa memahami apa yang dirasa, samalah macam seorang pemabuk yang minum empat botol whisky dalam jangkamasa tiga jam. Mabuk dan tak sedar diri.
Sama macam pengkhianatan. Kena ada sekurang-kurangnya seorang pengkhianat, dan seorang lagi, sekurang-kurangnya, untuk dikhianati. Pengkhianat dan mangsa khianat. Penganiaya dan yang teraniaya. Perogol dan mangsa rogol. Takkan rogol sorang-sorang kot? Ko rogol apa? Lubang kat tanah?
Hampir semua benda, perlukan penglibatan dua atau lebih pihak. Subahat. Lu pikirlah sendiri.
Apa yang kita nampak dalam diri orang, kita hanya boleh kenal kalau benda tu ada dalam diri kita sendiri.
Aku biasa termenung jauh macam watak novel Melayu, pasal aku susah nak paham kadang-kadang. Aku tak paham banyak benda yang orang buat. Last-last, aku cakap pergi mampuslah kesemuanya.
Kalau aku nak paham, aku kena jadi macam tu jugak. Buat apa aku nak paham? Nak paham orang bodoh dengan jadi bodoh? Nak paham penakut dengan jadi penakut? Nak paham orang dalam denial dan tak sedar diri dengan jadi tak sedar diri? Bukan kerja aku, beb. Tu kerja bapak kau.
Pemahaman ego saja sudah mencukupi. AKhirnya, pada tahap yang paling asas, semua benda tak sedar dibuat pasal ego.
Kau nak berasa besar. Ego kau nak berasa besar. Nak jadi lagi besar. Jadi, kau buatlah apa-apa dan kau rasalah apa-apa. Dengkilah orang. Khianatlah orang. ANiaya orang. Cakap benda buruk tentang orang. Masuk bakul angkat sendiri, cuba mempamerkan imej diri yang baik agar orang pandang tinggi pada ko. Pasal kau nak puaskan ego kau. Nak bagi ego kau besar.
Toksah nak cakap ko takde ego.
Dan kau cakap aku angkuh? Aku bongkak? Aku la pulak.
Tenunglah ke dalam lubang gelap, dan lubang gelap itu akan menenung ko.
Sebenarnya, emmm. Takpalah. Kalau aku jelaskan lebih terperinci, nanti ko cakap aku angkuh. Lu pikirlah sendiri.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Sleep of the Just
The cleaner came today, and my apartment is spick and span. Or is it, spic and span? Anyway, it's clean.
I laid my head down on the bed and I just went to sleep, almost missing my 8pm interview.
And now, back from that assignment, I'm about to get one of the best sleeps for the past week.
Cheers!
I laid my head down on the bed and I just went to sleep, almost missing my 8pm interview.
And now, back from that assignment, I'm about to get one of the best sleeps for the past week.
Cheers!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Intermission: The Amir Hafizi Show
I have entertained perhaps over 300 people during Raya. So coming back to KL, I decided to just be alone, save for some assignments and nightly excursions.
Coming back, it was as if a pendulum that was suspended high up came down like a guillotine. Bam!
I can sense the momentum of things forming, gathering speed. Both good, and evil. As a Demon Lord, I am quite neutral to both alignments.
Tomorrow is the start of my weekend, where I will work my ass off. There are many things I am preparing for next week. I have two days to do them all, and I have less time to loiter around and do nothing. Or talk bullshit.
I have met two of three people outside my family whom I really look up to, after Raya. I have received their counsel, and observe again how they do things.
End of the day, this is still my show. And only I know what I want to do, what I am doing and determine how it will all turn out. I have always walked my own path. No one else I'd rather be, though idiots who are wannabes constantly say I am imitating this or that, because they are not original and always copy this or that.
There is only one writer whose style I wish to emulate - Neil Gaiman. Because his style is no style. He basically absorbs other people's styles and reproduces them with his own brand of whatever. He's like a copy ninja. And that's a legit original style right there. Geddit? Nevermind.
I am glad that everything happened the way they did, so I could be in this state of consciousness. Except when I'm drinking too much, and get really, really unconscious. And even being unconscious has its uses.
I believe that our true purpose is to awaken, and that cannot happen living a life of lies. Plausible deniability, yes, but never lies.
I believe that most, if not all, of suffering is self-inflicted. I do not believe in blaming other people, machines, animals for our own faults. They should be blamed only for their own faults.
It is hard to swallow, but accepting this fact and being okay with it is the key to freedom. On days when I am in full acceptance of everything - good or bad shit - there is absolutely nothing I can't do. On days of resistance, when I grapple with the realities of human cruelty, I become weak.
As Lord of Destruction, I understand that strength does not come from an ability to smash things to pieces. All that destruction is, is change. And there are more effective ways, easier methods, of making changes without using force.
You go in, embrace it, and then you shift. You become the fulcrum on which the universe turns. Like Aikido.
Whatever. I do not believe it is relevant for any of you to understand. Whether you do or do not, it really doesn't matter. I am merely reflecting the temporary light of a dawning sun.
Soon, it will be too harsh for the eyes. Your eyes.
Coming back, it was as if a pendulum that was suspended high up came down like a guillotine. Bam!
I can sense the momentum of things forming, gathering speed. Both good, and evil. As a Demon Lord, I am quite neutral to both alignments.
Tomorrow is the start of my weekend, where I will work my ass off. There are many things I am preparing for next week. I have two days to do them all, and I have less time to loiter around and do nothing. Or talk bullshit.
I have met two of three people outside my family whom I really look up to, after Raya. I have received their counsel, and observe again how they do things.
End of the day, this is still my show. And only I know what I want to do, what I am doing and determine how it will all turn out. I have always walked my own path. No one else I'd rather be, though idiots who are wannabes constantly say I am imitating this or that, because they are not original and always copy this or that.
There is only one writer whose style I wish to emulate - Neil Gaiman. Because his style is no style. He basically absorbs other people's styles and reproduces them with his own brand of whatever. He's like a copy ninja. And that's a legit original style right there. Geddit? Nevermind.
I am glad that everything happened the way they did, so I could be in this state of consciousness. Except when I'm drinking too much, and get really, really unconscious. And even being unconscious has its uses.
I believe that our true purpose is to awaken, and that cannot happen living a life of lies. Plausible deniability, yes, but never lies.
I believe that most, if not all, of suffering is self-inflicted. I do not believe in blaming other people, machines, animals for our own faults. They should be blamed only for their own faults.
It is hard to swallow, but accepting this fact and being okay with it is the key to freedom. On days when I am in full acceptance of everything - good or bad shit - there is absolutely nothing I can't do. On days of resistance, when I grapple with the realities of human cruelty, I become weak.
As Lord of Destruction, I understand that strength does not come from an ability to smash things to pieces. All that destruction is, is change. And there are more effective ways, easier methods, of making changes without using force.
You go in, embrace it, and then you shift. You become the fulcrum on which the universe turns. Like Aikido.
Whatever. I do not believe it is relevant for any of you to understand. Whether you do or do not, it really doesn't matter. I am merely reflecting the temporary light of a dawning sun.
Soon, it will be too harsh for the eyes. Your eyes.
24-7: Thursday
The following takes place between 3pm and 4pm.
Neet-noot! Neet-noot! Neet-noot!
Me: Chloe, are you there?
Chloe: Reading you loud and clear. What's your position?
Me: I'm waiting for my next meeting. Touching base with contacts, looking at the scene from multiple perspectives.
20 minutes pass...
*toot-toot tee-root!*
Me: CTU?
Chloe: Yeah. So?
Me: Still waiting. How can so many things happen to Jack Bauer in such short periods of time? This thing right here consists mostly of waiting, and handling the pages from afar.
2 minutes pass...
*toot-toot tee-root!*
Me: Yeah?
Chloe: I'm bored. Let's blow up the White House!
Me: Yay!
Neet-noot! Neet-noot! Neet-noot!
Me: Chloe, are you there?
Chloe: Reading you loud and clear. What's your position?
Me: I'm waiting for my next meeting. Touching base with contacts, looking at the scene from multiple perspectives.
20 minutes pass...
*toot-toot tee-root!*
Me: CTU?
Chloe: Yeah. So?
Me: Still waiting. How can so many things happen to Jack Bauer in such short periods of time? This thing right here consists mostly of waiting, and handling the pages from afar.
2 minutes pass...
*toot-toot tee-root!*
Me: Yeah?
Chloe: I'm bored. Let's blow up the White House!
Me: Yay!
Tales from the Drunk Side: Weeee!
I just got back from some work. Lots of things to do, bitch!
But I am content. I didn't say much. But I know what I'm talking aboot.
I am one of the most intelligent people of my generation. And most of people from other generations are either dumb or misguided.
Old people want to go to heaven. Younger people want to do drugs. Why? Because they're all stupid.
I am the last bastion of mankind. The last hope. And I am dying. Sorry. Not much I can do.
But I am content. I didn't say much. But I know what I'm talking aboot.
I am one of the most intelligent people of my generation. And most of people from other generations are either dumb or misguided.
Old people want to go to heaven. Younger people want to do drugs. Why? Because they're all stupid.
I am the last bastion of mankind. The last hope. And I am dying. Sorry. Not much I can do.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Death
So today, I walked with Death.
"There is a war coming," I said. "I sense it. Many people could die, or get hurt. They are stoking the fires of racism. On all sides."
"I think it might be good," said Death.
"That it is inevitable, and necessary?"
"No," she said. "Not inevitable, and not necessary."
"And so, why is it good?"
So we talked about other things.
This racism thing, if they make a mistake, will kill a lot of people. If so, I would like to submit a list of losers, idiots and motherfuckers to die first. Don't worry, it's a multi-racist list. Everyone gets to die.
"There is a war coming," I said. "I sense it. Many people could die, or get hurt. They are stoking the fires of racism. On all sides."
"I think it might be good," said Death.
"That it is inevitable, and necessary?"
"No," she said. "Not inevitable, and not necessary."
"And so, why is it good?"
So we talked about other things.
This racism thing, if they make a mistake, will kill a lot of people. If so, I would like to submit a list of losers, idiots and motherfuckers to die first. Don't worry, it's a multi-racist list. Everyone gets to die.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Sekapur Sirih
Dengan lafaz 'pukimak mak bapak ko!', aku kembali semula ke depan komputer aku.
Muahahahaha!
Dah seminggu asyik blog pakai Blackberry. Dahlah screen kecik, signal macam pukimak mak kau.
Akhirnya! Ramadan sudah berlalu. Raya tahun ni pun dah habis. Aku tanya mak aku, kalau-kalau keluarga aku ada jembalang tanah atau saka yang boleh aku gunakan, tapi rupa-rupanya keluarga aku takde bela hantu. Potong stim betul la!
Aku baru nak bertukar jadi Ultraman dan membantu Eight Superior Ultraman Brothers. Terus tak jadi.
Aku meluangkan masa dengan anak sedara aku, dan walaupun aku okay dengan diorang, aku memang takkan beranak. Aku bukan Bugis Bentuk Beranak. Aku bukan pembiak. Aku rasa, beranak tu, terlalu besar tanggungjawabnya.
Dan mahal. Untuk aku yang bukan jutawan la. Jutawan-jutawan sekalian, yang beranak, silakan. Kalau papa kedana nak beranak pun, ada aku kisah? Jangan anak ko merempit depan aku sudah la. Jangan rompak rumah aku. Bukan ada benda pun. Pergilah rompak rumah lawyer.
Bapak aku pun satu. Sapa suruh beranak? Dia mana ada duit. Mujur aku tak jadi penagih dadah, lepas tu curi tong gas kat rumah. Rumah aku, pakai tiga tong gas raya ni. Semua dah habih dah. Dah pulang balik.
Aku balik KL, dan aku n ak bekerja. Kerja-kerja-kerja. Ada banyak lagi benda tak siap. Ko ingat aku pemalas macam bapak ko? Akulah setan bekerja. Semua benda aku pulun. Matilah kesemuanya. Alang-alang menyeluk puki, biar sampai ke bijik kelentit.
Aku sudah kembali, dengan konek yang superkuat! Yayyyyyy!!! Membujur lalu, melintang patah. Pantat mak kau senang berdarah.
Burit, hanjing, lancau! Mak kau isap konek anjing. Bapak ko kena rogol dengan babi.
Oklah. AKu nak tidur.
Muahahahaha!
Dah seminggu asyik blog pakai Blackberry. Dahlah screen kecik, signal macam pukimak mak kau.
Akhirnya! Ramadan sudah berlalu. Raya tahun ni pun dah habis. Aku tanya mak aku, kalau-kalau keluarga aku ada jembalang tanah atau saka yang boleh aku gunakan, tapi rupa-rupanya keluarga aku takde bela hantu. Potong stim betul la!
Aku baru nak bertukar jadi Ultraman dan membantu Eight Superior Ultraman Brothers. Terus tak jadi.
Aku meluangkan masa dengan anak sedara aku, dan walaupun aku okay dengan diorang, aku memang takkan beranak. Aku bukan Bugis Bentuk Beranak. Aku bukan pembiak. Aku rasa, beranak tu, terlalu besar tanggungjawabnya.
Dan mahal. Untuk aku yang bukan jutawan la. Jutawan-jutawan sekalian, yang beranak, silakan. Kalau papa kedana nak beranak pun, ada aku kisah? Jangan anak ko merempit depan aku sudah la. Jangan rompak rumah aku. Bukan ada benda pun. Pergilah rompak rumah lawyer.
Bapak aku pun satu. Sapa suruh beranak? Dia mana ada duit. Mujur aku tak jadi penagih dadah, lepas tu curi tong gas kat rumah. Rumah aku, pakai tiga tong gas raya ni. Semua dah habih dah. Dah pulang balik.
Aku balik KL, dan aku n ak bekerja. Kerja-kerja-kerja. Ada banyak lagi benda tak siap. Ko ingat aku pemalas macam bapak ko? Akulah setan bekerja. Semua benda aku pulun. Matilah kesemuanya. Alang-alang menyeluk puki, biar sampai ke bijik kelentit.
Aku sudah kembali, dengan konek yang superkuat! Yayyyyyy!!! Membujur lalu, melintang patah. Pantat mak kau senang berdarah.
Burit, hanjing, lancau! Mak kau isap konek anjing. Bapak ko kena rogol dengan babi.
Oklah. AKu nak tidur.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Seribu Pedang Pulang ke Asal
Aku balik KL esok. Dah penat. Dah puas. Aku nak duduk sorang dalam apartment aku, dan aku taknak jumpa orang.
Aku nak bogel kat ruang tamu. Aku nak sejukkan batu aku atas lantai. Aku nak kentut merata-rata.
Aku nak relaks sorang kat rumah.
Pastu aku nak buat kerja. Kerja-kerja-kerja. Kerja sampai muntah darah.
Kat rumah.
Aku nak bogel kat ruang tamu. Aku nak sejukkan batu aku atas lantai. Aku nak kentut merata-rata.
Aku nak relaks sorang kat rumah.
Pastu aku nak buat kerja. Kerja-kerja-kerja. Kerja sampai muntah darah.
Kat rumah.
Curtains!
Well, we said goodbye to who are perhaps the last guests we shall receive this Raya.
I have again lost count of the people who came to the house. Am now just stuck in a stupor. A silence after all that entertaining.
I can't wait to be alone in my apartment again. To be on my own again. Free again.
But really, this Raya I rank as one of the best ever. The family grew up. I grew up. A bit.
We are united, and we're coming to kill you all. In the darkness, we will bind thee.
Am just gonna coast right now. Just gonna relax and be present. And let go.
I have again lost count of the people who came to the house. Am now just stuck in a stupor. A silence after all that entertaining.
I can't wait to be alone in my apartment again. To be on my own again. Free again.
But really, this Raya I rank as one of the best ever. The family grew up. I grew up. A bit.
We are united, and we're coming to kill you all. In the darkness, we will bind thee.
Am just gonna coast right now. Just gonna relax and be present. And let go.
Walking on Water
They didn't say it, but most people - doctors, friends, relatives - seemed to have given the impression that my father would never get better.
He's had four strokes. One major cardiac arrest before 40. Diabetes. Etc.
For a long time, this has been worrying me. It was the biggest thing on my plate. I even explored spirituality to deal with the inevitable.
That one day, everyone dies. Including him, and also me.
People say they know about death, but I find that for most, it's just lip service. Oh well. Not my place to judge idiots.
Even though my father's mind is growing older, his health has improved. This has surprised many doctors and experts we went to. It even surprised me. Two years ago, I thought we were gonna lose him by the end of the year. Last year, when he had his fourth stroke in June, I really thought that was it.
But he's still alive. Still stubborn as usual. He might even outlive me.
This is a relief. I no longer need to worry so much about him. When the time comes, the time comes. Whoever, whatever.
I can move on to other things on my plate. Things keep popping up. They always do. But none can be so bleargh as staring death in the face.
He's had four strokes. One major cardiac arrest before 40. Diabetes. Etc.
For a long time, this has been worrying me. It was the biggest thing on my plate. I even explored spirituality to deal with the inevitable.
That one day, everyone dies. Including him, and also me.
People say they know about death, but I find that for most, it's just lip service. Oh well. Not my place to judge idiots.
Even though my father's mind is growing older, his health has improved. This has surprised many doctors and experts we went to. It even surprised me. Two years ago, I thought we were gonna lose him by the end of the year. Last year, when he had his fourth stroke in June, I really thought that was it.
But he's still alive. Still stubborn as usual. He might even outlive me.
This is a relief. I no longer need to worry so much about him. When the time comes, the time comes. Whoever, whatever.
I can move on to other things on my plate. Things keep popping up. They always do. But none can be so bleargh as staring death in the face.
Year One
Aku baru keluar hospital, bawak bapak aku pergi check-up. Setahun lepas, doktor semua nampak macam nak cakap bapak aku nak mati bila-bila masa je.
Lepas lebih setahun, diorang dah biasa dengan bapak aku tak mati dan terus bertambah sihat.
Tadi, check, semua okay. Keluarga aku memang keras kepala. Hahahaha.
Bapak aku pakai baju aku beli dua tahun lepas. Masa aku ada duit lebih sikit dulu. Dia masih pakai ketayap walaupun aku cakap kat dia, ketayap tu fesyen pencabul kehormatan bebudak.
Bapak Aku: Pedulittaik aku?!
Lepas lebih setahun, diorang dah biasa dengan bapak aku tak mati dan terus bertambah sihat.
Tadi, check, semua okay. Keluarga aku memang keras kepala. Hahahaha.
Bapak aku pakai baju aku beli dua tahun lepas. Masa aku ada duit lebih sikit dulu. Dia masih pakai ketayap walaupun aku cakap kat dia, ketayap tu fesyen pencabul kehormatan bebudak.
Bapak Aku: Pedulittaik aku?!
Saidina
I just spent three hours playing Saidina - the Malaysian version of Monopoly with my nephews and my siblings.
I got that set when I was 12, I think. We played once, and I could never get the family to ever play it again.
18 years later, after I promised the kids a computer version of the game and finding the freeware gone from my harddrive, I dusted off the damned thing and gave it a whirl.
I won, of course. My luck with the dice in Saidina or Monopoly has always been good. I could only wish that it was as real in daily life as well.
We played until Number Two couldn't throw the dice properly and landed on my Kuala Lumpur slot with three houses. Then, my PJ spot with four. I wiped the floor with his ass. I so fucking rule, man.
Hahaha.
Me: Hahahahaha! IN. YO. FACE!
Nephew: Waaa! I wanna go to sleep! Waaa!
Me: Wait! If you sell everything, you can still play, with RM150.
And the game went on for another hour.
Having no guilt is really fun. Muahahahaha!
I am the mighty Demon Lord Amir Hafizi! Bow down before my greatness in luck-based board games! All fall before me! All kneel before my might! Muahahahaha!
Nephew: It's 3am. Can I sleep now?
I got that set when I was 12, I think. We played once, and I could never get the family to ever play it again.
18 years later, after I promised the kids a computer version of the game and finding the freeware gone from my harddrive, I dusted off the damned thing and gave it a whirl.
I won, of course. My luck with the dice in Saidina or Monopoly has always been good. I could only wish that it was as real in daily life as well.
We played until Number Two couldn't throw the dice properly and landed on my Kuala Lumpur slot with three houses. Then, my PJ spot with four. I wiped the floor with his ass. I so fucking rule, man.
Hahaha.
Me: Hahahahaha! IN. YO. FACE!
Nephew: Waaa! I wanna go to sleep! Waaa!
Me: Wait! If you sell everything, you can still play, with RM150.
And the game went on for another hour.
Having no guilt is really fun. Muahahahaha!
I am the mighty Demon Lord Amir Hafizi! Bow down before my greatness in luck-based board games! All fall before me! All kneel before my might! Muahahahaha!
Nephew: It's 3am. Can I sleep now?
Immortality
When humans see bad things that happen to people, they rarely think it will happen to them.
They see people die, and they think they will never die. They see people eat too much and get heart disease, they never think it'll happen to them. They see smokers get cancer, and that will surely only happen to other people.
They're special. God will make allowances for them.
I once thought that immortality came with the name. If I wrote things that are important enough, my name will live on for as long as mankind draw breath.
But I was wrong. For even that is temporary. Mankind as we know today will one day be extinct. Lost forever in the fires of a red giant.
Nope.
True immortality is in awareness. Awakening your self to what is beyond ego. Beyond things. Beyond the petty worries of the daily barrage of stupid banality.
Behold! As I fire energy balls, from my ass! For I am not immortal. But I still can fire energy balls from my ass.
And be at one with the omniverse.
They see people die, and they think they will never die. They see people eat too much and get heart disease, they never think it'll happen to them. They see smokers get cancer, and that will surely only happen to other people.
They're special. God will make allowances for them.
I once thought that immortality came with the name. If I wrote things that are important enough, my name will live on for as long as mankind draw breath.
But I was wrong. For even that is temporary. Mankind as we know today will one day be extinct. Lost forever in the fires of a red giant.
Nope.
True immortality is in awareness. Awakening your self to what is beyond ego. Beyond things. Beyond the petty worries of the daily barrage of stupid banality.
Behold! As I fire energy balls, from my ass! For I am not immortal. But I still can fire energy balls from my ass.
And be at one with the omniverse.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Deep Meditation Techniques
First, breathe.
Observe the chaos that is your mind. Accept the state. Accept your mind.
Continue breathing. Be aware of your breathing. Listen to the voiceless being which is you.
Accept your situation. Accept the stupidity of mankind. Accept your own light, your brilliance.
Understand that everything is connected. Understand that you are not the centre of the universe. You ARE the universe.
You are the space around everything. You are no THING. You are formless being. There is no form that can define you. There is nothing that can affect you.
Accept the universe, and allow the universe to accept you.
Now, use the awareness. Learn to see from The Truth.
Fly. Fly and shoot energy balls from your ass. This is what I used to be at peace with my family.
Energy balls. From my ass.
Observe the chaos that is your mind. Accept the state. Accept your mind.
Continue breathing. Be aware of your breathing. Listen to the voiceless being which is you.
Accept your situation. Accept the stupidity of mankind. Accept your own light, your brilliance.
Understand that everything is connected. Understand that you are not the centre of the universe. You ARE the universe.
You are the space around everything. You are no THING. You are formless being. There is no form that can define you. There is nothing that can affect you.
Accept the universe, and allow the universe to accept you.
Now, use the awareness. Learn to see from The Truth.
Fly. Fly and shoot energy balls from your ass. This is what I used to be at peace with my family.
Energy balls. From my ass.
Angin Malam
Nyamannya, suasana paya. Di malam hari.
Muahahahaha!
Betullah apa mak aku cakap. Mana ada orang nak hantar hantu kat aku, pasal aku bapak setan.
Dalam rumah ni, aku ada lembing pusaka. Gunanya? Bunuh biawak.
Aku takde keris pusaka. Tongkat pun takde. Ada lembing je. Lembing biasa. Lembing orang dulu-dulu. Lembing ni pernah digunakan untuk bunuh orang. Secara eksiden.
Ada orang terjatuh atas lembing ni. Tu je ceritanya.
Keturunan aku takde bela hantu. Bela kucing ada la. Bela lembu pun pernah. Nama lembu? Kurus, dan Manja.
Manja, memang manja. Berkeperibadian lemah-lembut dan senang berdampingan dengan manusia.
Kurus, lembu yang garang, dan ibu Manja.
Lembu-lembu ni, suka minum air garam. Aku dulu kerja aku, ambik garam kasar dalam tempayan, letak dalam besen. Lepas tu letak air paip biar sampai penuh. Berebut lembu minum. Bergelen-gelen air garam.
Aku musykil masa aku kecik dulu. Kalau suka sangat minum air garam, kenapa lembu ni tak duduk tepi pantai je?
Sekarang dah takde lembu dah. Semua dah jual. Ayam pun takde. Anak sedara aku ada yang mengidap asthma, jadi takde kucing. Itik semua dah takde. Puyuh dah habis makan. Ikan pun dah habis kena makan.
Bapak aku cikgu dulu, tapi memang mengikut lumrah bapaknya yang suka bertani.
Aku tak suka langsung menanam pokok atau membela binatang.
Apa-apa aja lah. Aku nak tengok TV.
Muahahahaha!
Betullah apa mak aku cakap. Mana ada orang nak hantar hantu kat aku, pasal aku bapak setan.
Dalam rumah ni, aku ada lembing pusaka. Gunanya? Bunuh biawak.
Aku takde keris pusaka. Tongkat pun takde. Ada lembing je. Lembing biasa. Lembing orang dulu-dulu. Lembing ni pernah digunakan untuk bunuh orang. Secara eksiden.
Ada orang terjatuh atas lembing ni. Tu je ceritanya.
Keturunan aku takde bela hantu. Bela kucing ada la. Bela lembu pun pernah. Nama lembu? Kurus, dan Manja.
Manja, memang manja. Berkeperibadian lemah-lembut dan senang berdampingan dengan manusia.
Kurus, lembu yang garang, dan ibu Manja.
Lembu-lembu ni, suka minum air garam. Aku dulu kerja aku, ambik garam kasar dalam tempayan, letak dalam besen. Lepas tu letak air paip biar sampai penuh. Berebut lembu minum. Bergelen-gelen air garam.
Aku musykil masa aku kecik dulu. Kalau suka sangat minum air garam, kenapa lembu ni tak duduk tepi pantai je?
Sekarang dah takde lembu dah. Semua dah jual. Ayam pun takde. Anak sedara aku ada yang mengidap asthma, jadi takde kucing. Itik semua dah takde. Puyuh dah habis makan. Ikan pun dah habis kena makan.
Bapak aku cikgu dulu, tapi memang mengikut lumrah bapaknya yang suka bertani.
Aku tak suka langsung menanam pokok atau membela binatang.
Apa-apa aja lah. Aku nak tengok TV.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Sambal Belacan Pembunuh Dewa
Sambal belacan yang aku buat memang hebat, sampai dewa pun mati.
Lepas makan, satu hari tangan aku berapi. Tak payah pakai lighter nak menyalakan rokok.
Kepala berpeluh, hidung berhingus. Mulut terbakar macam neraka. Perut selesa.
Diperbuat daripada lada mutan kacukan lada Afrika Selatan, India dan Thailand (mak bapak aku suka tanam lada), lesung batu tradisional, belacan Kuantan dan asam tomato.
Ditumbuk dengan penuh dendam kesumat dan carutan tidak terbatas.
Rahsianya adalah menghancurkan biji lada, supaya kepedasannya melepasi 1 juta Scoville.
Inilah dia Sambal Belacan Syaitan. Sambal Belacan Syurga Meragut Lalang. Sambal Belacan Membunuh Dewa.
Sambal Belacan yang mampu mengubah dunia.
Lepas makan, satu hari tangan aku berapi. Tak payah pakai lighter nak menyalakan rokok.
Kepala berpeluh, hidung berhingus. Mulut terbakar macam neraka. Perut selesa.
Diperbuat daripada lada mutan kacukan lada Afrika Selatan, India dan Thailand (mak bapak aku suka tanam lada), lesung batu tradisional, belacan Kuantan dan asam tomato.
Ditumbuk dengan penuh dendam kesumat dan carutan tidak terbatas.
Rahsianya adalah menghancurkan biji lada, supaya kepedasannya melepasi 1 juta Scoville.
Inilah dia Sambal Belacan Syaitan. Sambal Belacan Syurga Meragut Lalang. Sambal Belacan Membunuh Dewa.
Sambal Belacan yang mampu mengubah dunia.
Mother! Father! Family!
This was a miraculous Raya. I believe that my family has settled a lot of bad blood between us.
My nephews are getting smarter, which is a relief. Because if they turn out to be stupid ass motherfuckers, I might have to throw them off a cliff while yelling, "THIS! IS! SPARTA!"
My siblings are doing okay. My parents are getting older, but we all are.
It has been a less stressful experience with less fights and anger, which is reserved for only those who deserve it.
You don't want to see us at our worst. A wrath that could bend steel. Anger that could cower Satan himself.
But all is well and good. The Lords and Ladies of Destruction have grown.
Oh well.
Cheers!
My nephews are getting smarter, which is a relief. Because if they turn out to be stupid ass motherfuckers, I might have to throw them off a cliff while yelling, "THIS! IS! SPARTA!"
My siblings are doing okay. My parents are getting older, but we all are.
It has been a less stressful experience with less fights and anger, which is reserved for only those who deserve it.
You don't want to see us at our worst. A wrath that could bend steel. Anger that could cower Satan himself.
But all is well and good. The Lords and Ladies of Destruction have grown.
Oh well.
Cheers!
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