Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Notes on the Run

Lots of idiots were shocked when I offered the view that we are all insignificant. That I am insignificant - that you are insignificant - that everyone is fucking insignificant.

They see this as some sort of depression, when this thinking is one of those things that got me out of depression.

They don't understand it. Because they are undoubtedly idiots.

When you remove your 'self' from the equation, you will be able to see things more clearly. You will be able to feel real emotion without the constraints of the ego, without identification with the self. I have seen so many smart people fall prey to arrogance and the ego. Scratch that. In doing so, they are no longer smart - but idiots like the rest of them.

These past few years, I have been experimenting by tapping into my natural tools such as my drive, my energy and my sense of urgency while retaining my sanity and clarity of mind. The clarity comes realising that I do not matter. That I am nothing. But in order for me to get some things, I have to do certain actions and display certain ... traits.

For example, in order for you to get service at a restaurant, you need to increase your visibility and presence. While talking to people, you need to be empathic and become a receptacle to their thoughts and ideas. In order for you to talk, you need to listen, blablabla.

So anyway, I have found my peace and my solace by removing my presence and my killing instinct entirely. What is outside of my being exists as it is. I sometimes see myself doing things. In the past, whenever I do stupid things, I could sense and see it, but I could not do anything about it. It's like having a dream, watching this idiot stumble through life. That idiot being me.

Through meditation, breathing exercises and mental practices, I have managed to slow the perceived response time between action and thought. It's still not complete - I'll always be a work in progress - but I have seen some improvements.

The more I practice this and the more I make mistakes, I seem to become calmer. It is possible today, to be excited and calm at the same time - if that means anything.

Anyway, I finished a few things tonight and will wake up tomorrow hopefully refreshed enough to tackle the challenges and the Herculean tasks I have set for myself and my team.