I will sit down and do a proper review later, but out of respect to those who haven't seen it yet, I just want to get some early thoughts out about Captain America: Civil War (Civil War). So no spoilers here. It's safe for everyone. MOSTLY. If you don't want to know ANYTHING about Civil War, stop reading and go back to sucking dick or something.
Went to see it last night with most of my DnD group (geek cred, motherfuckers!) minus the DM and as I was sitting there in the cinema, I was like, "What did I do to deserve this? Did I sell my soul to the devil to watch a movie this good?"
Civil War is the best Marvel movie and by default - the best comic book movie so far. It is on par with Orgazmo - greatest superhero movie of all time. DC is out. Fuck DC, man. I'm a DC fanboy but by God, their movies suck ass just as hard as they're sucking Zack can't-tell-a-story Snyder's untalented ass. Fuck Snyder, man. He used to be in my top 5 directors list. Fuck him and Brad Bird too for Tomorrowland. Tomorrow-hebephilia-and-Randian-bullshit-land. Fuck that Ayn Rand Objectivism bullshit.
Anyway, let's get back to Captain America: Civil War.
Everything was there, man. Adam and Steve - I mean, Tony and Steve, Black Widow, all the characters feel real. Layered, flawed, conflicted. They felt like real people, man. Can't talk about anyone's motivations so I'm gonna talk about Chris Evans' biceps.
Captain America's biceps are so great, it will shake your iman and your gender identity at the same time.
Even the bit characters all do not feel like bit characters. Ant-Man was great in terms of how they made him the starstruck guy. Spider-Man works. Oh, Lawd! Spider-Man works.
FINALLY! Spider-Man! Has come back to MARRRRRR-VEL! Tom Holland sounds like a believable Peter Parker though in my head, Spider-Man has always been a sarcastic asshole. Holland works as a new superhero and a kid, which is who Spider-Man is for most of his career-defining comics.
Imagine Zack Snyder directing the next Spider-Man movie. I will fucking torch the bloody fucking cinema.
Black Panther works for me. Bucky works. All the characters have very clear motivations, either to fight or help or even switch allegiances . Not like BvS: Dawn of Justass.
The plot is well laid out, not like BvS: Dawn of Justass.
The only blemish is one of the characters functions like BvS: Dawn of Justass' Amy Adams' Lois Lane + Jesse Eisenberg's Luthor. I'm talking about Zemo who is both non-essential to the plot and his evil scheme doesn't make much sense. But. BUT! Because the movie was drowning in the great characters, performances and action sequences of the main cast of superheroes, fuck Zemo.
Let's talk about the action sequences. If you think Batman in the warehouse was the best part of BvS: Dawn of Justass, the stuff we see in Civil War makes that look like Darth Vader vs Obi-Wan in Star Wars: Episode IV. The action in Civil War makes Batman in the warehouse look like Awie fighting Mustapha Kamal in one of Sembilu 2's many dream sequences.
Some of the early action was shaky and had too many cuts (and that's not really bad), but after that, it gets better, and better, and better. At one point, I was on the verge of ejaculating my pants.
What I also like is that even the bits we see and hear in the trailers are delivered differently in the movie, making things seem so fresh even though we've all seen it before. Even the tone of delivery for "He's my friend" "So was I" was delivered differently to suit the NEW development in the storyline. Clever editing, clever directing, clever performances, clever planning, clever, clever, clever.
I can't go on without spoiling the movie. I'll do that next week after the first weekend and the first few days. But in conclusion, greatest superhero movie so far. Better than Winter Soldier and Captain America is now the best sub-franchise in the huge, huge Marvel Cinematic Universe.