Nothing newsworthy today, so I am going to reiterate my agenda.
SOme people told me, "Everyone's a prick." in the hopes that I would reveal myself as a prick. Like him, perhaps. But I am not. I am a fucker, WITH a prick, but I alone am no prick.
A lot said to me, "Everyone's a racist." I find that term highly insulting. How can I be racist when I am the product of interracial fucking? I feel for all races and wish that we would all be one race - Mixed.
Like the Malay model of race. I have never in my life met a pure Malay. There are Malay-Chinese (Chi-Lays), Malay-Indians (Malians), Malay-Bugis (Magis), Malay-Jawa (Khir-Toyo), Malay-Batak (Balays), Melayu-Pattani (Patta-lays), Melayu-Kelantan (Cawat Kote) and loads of other variations.
We got more flavas than Baskin Robbins.
And everyone consider themselves as Malays.
Malay is a group of people who hundreds or thousands of years ago decided to become one race. Speak more or less the same language and integrate our many cultures.
Malay1: Let our powers combine!
If the Malays can do it, without any loss to identity and culture, Malaysians can, too.
That is one of the agendas. One of mine. So that people of my generation can just relax and be assimilated into the Borg. Resistance is futile.
The second thing on my agenda is to help some people get food.
The charity structure in this country is fucked up. There is a lot of money floating around, but I wonder if any significant dent to poverty has been made in the past 50 years.
Anwar Ibrahim used this as his platform in the early 70s. A platform to get into politics. After that? Senyap. His maudlings and meddlings I believe, caused more problems than solutions.
And then there's apathy. In this, I am selfish. I wanted people to be apathetic until a few years ago. I wanted people to stay stupid and inactive so I can make myself look good and make my millions faster.
Now, it seems that people are on the move. So my tactics must change. I'll just go with the flow. I'm a fish, so I will swim with the current to get where I want to go.
Look, eradicating poverty is a fool's errand. It can't happen 100%. It would even be hard to hit 20%. But we can't just quit. What are we? RPK? Eli Wong?
If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'll live as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my pornographyyyyyy.
Whitney Houston, yo!
So I'm going to set up a programme a few months from now which will be independent of all the major shit.
I hope you'll join me, and we can take the country back from politicians.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Superhero Thing
Just woke up, amidst empty green cans.
Headache? Nope. Ponstan took care of that, even though it's for period pain.
Anyway, I am going back to Kuantan next week.
The first part of the charity thing, is to gather information and to devise a course of action.
After that, I'm going to call on you to give money to the project. I don't know how much yet. But everything will be itemised. And I have to use a foundation or a club as a means to collect money.
Most of my projects will be done before the end of the year, meaning I might be free by then to coordinate all of this shit by then.
More details as they reveal themselves to me.
Headache? Nope. Ponstan took care of that, even though it's for period pain.
Anyway, I am going back to Kuantan next week.
The first part of the charity thing, is to gather information and to devise a course of action.
After that, I'm going to call on you to give money to the project. I don't know how much yet. But everything will be itemised. And I have to use a foundation or a club as a means to collect money.
Most of my projects will be done before the end of the year, meaning I might be free by then to coordinate all of this shit by then.
More details as they reveal themselves to me.
Self
Some time ago, something was asked of me.
The first reaction I had, even though I know that reactions are bad, was fear. Then, doubt.
Doubt is good. Because doubt is humble.
I will carry doubt around. Always.
And then, I thought to myself, 'what is important?'
And the answer is, my answer is, 'nothing'.
For all the good money can bring us, it will eventually be nothing. When we die.
For all the respect, fake or real, that people shower us, in the end, on our death beds, it means nothing.
Health? Eventually, given a long enough timeline, everyone dies.
To compare our lives and the quality of our lives with other people's is simply feeding the ego.
"I know I'm fucked up, but at least I'm better than THAT guy."
What does that mean?
What would it mean, when we die? We all become worm food. Dust. And garbage. That's what we are.
Life is the ultimate democracy, because in the end, everyone dies. Everyone. No one you can bribe, no votes you can buy, no people you can lie to, no court you can run away from, that will save you from death.
So...why worry?
Wot, me worry?
MAD got it right.
And now, we have a choice.
We can wander around our lives, trying to be things we're not (better than other people) or we can just let go of the worry and take the reigns of the world. And enjoy it. Always, ALWAYS, enjoy it.
Cause it's all a big:
Joke
Stage-play
Movie
Song
Poem
Fill in the blanks.
Aw, man, ain't nothing gonna stop me now.
The first reaction I had, even though I know that reactions are bad, was fear. Then, doubt.
Doubt is good. Because doubt is humble.
I will carry doubt around. Always.
And then, I thought to myself, 'what is important?'
And the answer is, my answer is, 'nothing'.
For all the good money can bring us, it will eventually be nothing. When we die.
For all the respect, fake or real, that people shower us, in the end, on our death beds, it means nothing.
Health? Eventually, given a long enough timeline, everyone dies.
To compare our lives and the quality of our lives with other people's is simply feeding the ego.
"I know I'm fucked up, but at least I'm better than THAT guy."
What does that mean?
What would it mean, when we die? We all become worm food. Dust. And garbage. That's what we are.
Life is the ultimate democracy, because in the end, everyone dies. Everyone. No one you can bribe, no votes you can buy, no people you can lie to, no court you can run away from, that will save you from death.
So...why worry?
Wot, me worry?
MAD got it right.
And now, we have a choice.
We can wander around our lives, trying to be things we're not (better than other people) or we can just let go of the worry and take the reigns of the world. And enjoy it. Always, ALWAYS, enjoy it.
Cause it's all a big:
Joke
Stage-play
Movie
Song
Poem
Fill in the blanks.
Aw, man, ain't nothing gonna stop me now.
Ancient Spirit of Evil
Many aeons ago, I dreamed a dream.
And that dream, was to be a multi-millionaire.
I don't need much. Just RM2 million.
After paying taxes and my insignificant debts, I will be left with around 1.4 million.
I was to invest the 1 million and never touch it. The other 400K? For downpayment of a car and a house and for my expenditure for the next four to five years.
I would move to Kuantan, my hometown, and finally learn the roads. I am VERY bad with directions. But I generally know where things are.
After four to five years, the 1 million will generate around 400-500K and I can start the cycle again. Repeat until I die.
Anyway, the point is, if anyone asks me about my agenda, that was it. That was everything. To go back to Kuantan and be a superhero.
I have raised funds before. There are lots of rich people in Malaysia, especially in KL. And there are lots of people looking to launder their money or whatever the fuck.
I can organise monthly fundraising drives and channel the funds back to Kuantan. For multiple projects. Some, no, most, would fail. But one or two will succeed.
The poor folk have skill. And the Government and the rich have money. But they have no one to manage the fucking projects, man.
You wouldn't believe the variety of projects the Government has started to try and help the poor.
Well-intentioned, badly-thought-up, badly-managed endeavours that eventually get swept away by floods and a flood of human stupidity. Sorry. Monkey stupidity.
They need someone like me. All brains and a loudmouth.
I know what needs to be done.
A non-profit grocery store, where the profits go back to the community. Doubling up as a food bank. With goodies bought by the rich people in the cities.
Fish farms handled by people who know what they're doing, and what needs to be done.
Farming projects that could sustain a thousand families for years, if not decades.
If I had 2 million, and used my ingenuity and resourcefulness to get the funds and the manpower as well as the brains to do these things, I believe the world could be saved.
For I can inspire thousands to do what I have done. Our people are good at copying. At imitating. At aping. Cause they're monkeys.
But I don't have two million dollars, with which to liberate me from these financial shackles and allow me to go to Thailand as and when I please. I don't even have one million.
God, in God's sick manner, plonked down a means for me to achieve this, without the two million.
So if you have the money, keep it. I don't need it.
It will be a long and slow process.
And there will be lots of failures.
But if I was ever afraid of failure, I wouldn't have been a writer in the first place.
I'm a gamblin', ramblin' man, motherfucker! I take ridiculous amounts of risk. Just because I can.
And I'm not RPK. I'm not running away, man. I'm here to stay. Give me your best shot.
And that dream, was to be a multi-millionaire.
I don't need much. Just RM2 million.
After paying taxes and my insignificant debts, I will be left with around 1.4 million.
I was to invest the 1 million and never touch it. The other 400K? For downpayment of a car and a house and for my expenditure for the next four to five years.
I would move to Kuantan, my hometown, and finally learn the roads. I am VERY bad with directions. But I generally know where things are.
After four to five years, the 1 million will generate around 400-500K and I can start the cycle again. Repeat until I die.
Anyway, the point is, if anyone asks me about my agenda, that was it. That was everything. To go back to Kuantan and be a superhero.
I have raised funds before. There are lots of rich people in Malaysia, especially in KL. And there are lots of people looking to launder their money or whatever the fuck.
I can organise monthly fundraising drives and channel the funds back to Kuantan. For multiple projects. Some, no, most, would fail. But one or two will succeed.
The poor folk have skill. And the Government and the rich have money. But they have no one to manage the fucking projects, man.
You wouldn't believe the variety of projects the Government has started to try and help the poor.
Well-intentioned, badly-thought-up, badly-managed endeavours that eventually get swept away by floods and a flood of human stupidity. Sorry. Monkey stupidity.
They need someone like me. All brains and a loudmouth.
I know what needs to be done.
A non-profit grocery store, where the profits go back to the community. Doubling up as a food bank. With goodies bought by the rich people in the cities.
Fish farms handled by people who know what they're doing, and what needs to be done.
Farming projects that could sustain a thousand families for years, if not decades.
If I had 2 million, and used my ingenuity and resourcefulness to get the funds and the manpower as well as the brains to do these things, I believe the world could be saved.
For I can inspire thousands to do what I have done. Our people are good at copying. At imitating. At aping. Cause they're monkeys.
But I don't have two million dollars, with which to liberate me from these financial shackles and allow me to go to Thailand as and when I please. I don't even have one million.
God, in God's sick manner, plonked down a means for me to achieve this, without the two million.
So if you have the money, keep it. I don't need it.
It will be a long and slow process.
And there will be lots of failures.
But if I was ever afraid of failure, I wouldn't have been a writer in the first place.
I'm a gamblin', ramblin' man, motherfucker! I take ridiculous amounts of risk. Just because I can.
And I'm not RPK. I'm not running away, man. I'm here to stay. Give me your best shot.
I, Superhero
I have always maintained that politicians and politics have failed us all.
In a sense, this is true.
Caught up in their battles for power, influence, money and vagina, they have forsaken the true source of their mandate - the people. And I am not talking about the People's Front or the People's Back. Or people who think they are all people.
We, as a people, should start helping ourselves. You expect those bloated idiots in Toyota Camrys and Harriers to help us?
They can't even shave their fucking armpits! You expect them to help us all? To save us?
Hah!
They would sooner dip into any funds they could find before they would help a starving villager. They would rather use scholarships to send their own children overseas than give it to the needy and the deserving.
Why? Because they are evil. And selfish. And petty.
But we should not let them off the hook. NEVER.
If one thing I've learned, from some of the greatest managers I have worked with, lazy, selfish people would infinitely love it if other people were to do their jobs for them.
They have no concept of belonging, of ownership to their jobs. Of duty and honour. These people will never be ashamed that other people are doing their jobs for them, for they have no shame.
These people, who would steal Milo from orphans are no better than monkeys. In fact, monkeys are a billion times better.
These people who abuse their powers for selfish reasons and ONLY think of themselves should be ISAed and killed.
We need to stop telling people what to do and do it ourselves, and at the same time, make sure that those people who were supposed to do their jobs actually do it.
Earn your fucking keep.
There must be balance in the farce!
And no matter how bad, NEVER do their jobs for them. Because this will feed their laziness and selfishness.
And we must be ever vigilant on our own matters and our own responsibilities as well.
There is so much we can do for our own communities. Fuck the politicians. People are lazy? Fuck 'em! People are selfish? Kiss my hairy ass.
If things go well in the next few months, I will finally get a chance to help people help other people.
Let's show the NGOs how it's fucking done.
I hate NGOs cause most are all talk, no action. Or, eksyen only.
I am sick and tired of seeing how bad it is in my village and other villages.
It's very simple. People need food. FOOD. Clothes. A roof over their heads. Perhaps a means to make more money for themselves. To be independent. For we are a proud people. Stupid, maybe. But proud all the same. There is a limit to how many handouts they can accept.
But it all starts, with FOOD.
Ungku Aziz wrote decades ago that one of the reasons kids in rural areas can't do shit at anything and end up loser slobs is because they did not have enough nutrition.
If you're hungry, you won't be able to study. Let alone, work to support your family.
People always say, the solution to everything is education.
He's starving? Here's some nice EDUCATION. Which could substitute for rice as a staple.
Mat rempits? Give 'em some EDUCATION.
Poor English? EDUCATION.
BEFORE giving them EDUCATION, they need food first, motherfucker!
I call upon my cult.
I call upon my alumni.
I call upon like-minded people.
I call upon different-minded people.
We need to take care of this bullshit plaguing our country cause there's no Gaia with five magic rings and Planeteers to assemble Captain Planet.
Few, or no politician will help us. What has PKR done? BN? DAP? PIS? They are only interested in themselves. SO let them die. FUCK OFF AND DIE. But let not the people die. The real people. Not the People's Front. Not the People's Back.
I summon thee!
Okay, so I got a few months to take care of my shit. I have scripts to do. Projects to complete. I will take care of myself first, as should all of you. You can't help people if your own shit is not in order.
When the time comes, I will flash the signal in the sky and I want you to come running. I am not asking you. I am giving you the opportunity to affect real change in this country, beyond party lines. Beyond race lines.
To smash poverty lines back to World War II.
If that makes me an idealist, then so be it. If I fail? Then so be it. The only people who would laugh at me are monkeys. So fuck you.
I come from a long line of failures. My grandfather failed to become a politician, even though a PM asked him to, cause he was more interested in durians. What the fuck?
My father failed to become a corrupt UMNO man cause he had, and still has, integrity. More than anyone else.
But hey.
Fuck all of that. Humans as a species might die off next year or next week. WHo knows?
But if we go down, let's go down fighting.
I know most of you are stupid, so let me do the thinking. Cause I'm a fucking genius and all.
I'll show you how it's done, and you do it, okay?
This is not politics. This is superheroics. Overly dramatic, but who gives a shit? As long as it works, I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK!
I am angry. Notice my brows. They are furrowed. Furrowed because I am angry!
Maddox, yo!
Save the villagers, save the world.
In a sense, this is true.
Caught up in their battles for power, influence, money and vagina, they have forsaken the true source of their mandate - the people. And I am not talking about the People's Front or the People's Back. Or people who think they are all people.
We, as a people, should start helping ourselves. You expect those bloated idiots in Toyota Camrys and Harriers to help us?
They can't even shave their fucking armpits! You expect them to help us all? To save us?
Hah!
They would sooner dip into any funds they could find before they would help a starving villager. They would rather use scholarships to send their own children overseas than give it to the needy and the deserving.
Why? Because they are evil. And selfish. And petty.
But we should not let them off the hook. NEVER.
If one thing I've learned, from some of the greatest managers I have worked with, lazy, selfish people would infinitely love it if other people were to do their jobs for them.
They have no concept of belonging, of ownership to their jobs. Of duty and honour. These people will never be ashamed that other people are doing their jobs for them, for they have no shame.
These people, who would steal Milo from orphans are no better than monkeys. In fact, monkeys are a billion times better.
These people who abuse their powers for selfish reasons and ONLY think of themselves should be ISAed and killed.
We need to stop telling people what to do and do it ourselves, and at the same time, make sure that those people who were supposed to do their jobs actually do it.
Earn your fucking keep.
There must be balance in the farce!
And no matter how bad, NEVER do their jobs for them. Because this will feed their laziness and selfishness.
And we must be ever vigilant on our own matters and our own responsibilities as well.
There is so much we can do for our own communities. Fuck the politicians. People are lazy? Fuck 'em! People are selfish? Kiss my hairy ass.
If things go well in the next few months, I will finally get a chance to help people help other people.
Let's show the NGOs how it's fucking done.
I hate NGOs cause most are all talk, no action. Or, eksyen only.
I am sick and tired of seeing how bad it is in my village and other villages.
It's very simple. People need food. FOOD. Clothes. A roof over their heads. Perhaps a means to make more money for themselves. To be independent. For we are a proud people. Stupid, maybe. But proud all the same. There is a limit to how many handouts they can accept.
But it all starts, with FOOD.
Ungku Aziz wrote decades ago that one of the reasons kids in rural areas can't do shit at anything and end up loser slobs is because they did not have enough nutrition.
If you're hungry, you won't be able to study. Let alone, work to support your family.
People always say, the solution to everything is education.
He's starving? Here's some nice EDUCATION. Which could substitute for rice as a staple.
Mat rempits? Give 'em some EDUCATION.
Poor English? EDUCATION.
BEFORE giving them EDUCATION, they need food first, motherfucker!
I call upon my cult.
I call upon my alumni.
I call upon like-minded people.
I call upon different-minded people.
We need to take care of this bullshit plaguing our country cause there's no Gaia with five magic rings and Planeteers to assemble Captain Planet.
Few, or no politician will help us. What has PKR done? BN? DAP? PIS? They are only interested in themselves. SO let them die. FUCK OFF AND DIE. But let not the people die. The real people. Not the People's Front. Not the People's Back.
I summon thee!
Okay, so I got a few months to take care of my shit. I have scripts to do. Projects to complete. I will take care of myself first, as should all of you. You can't help people if your own shit is not in order.
When the time comes, I will flash the signal in the sky and I want you to come running. I am not asking you. I am giving you the opportunity to affect real change in this country, beyond party lines. Beyond race lines.
To smash poverty lines back to World War II.
If that makes me an idealist, then so be it. If I fail? Then so be it. The only people who would laugh at me are monkeys. So fuck you.
I come from a long line of failures. My grandfather failed to become a politician, even though a PM asked him to, cause he was more interested in durians. What the fuck?
My father failed to become a corrupt UMNO man cause he had, and still has, integrity. More than anyone else.
But hey.
Fuck all of that. Humans as a species might die off next year or next week. WHo knows?
But if we go down, let's go down fighting.
I know most of you are stupid, so let me do the thinking. Cause I'm a fucking genius and all.
I'll show you how it's done, and you do it, okay?
This is not politics. This is superheroics. Overly dramatic, but who gives a shit? As long as it works, I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK!
I am angry. Notice my brows. They are furrowed. Furrowed because I am angry!
Maddox, yo!
Save the villagers, save the world.
Imbas Kembali Kisah Dahulu: Kurus, Manja dan Bapak Lembu
Aku jumpa keluarga aku.
Kitorang ingat balik masa dulu-dulu, pasal bela lembu.
Keluarga aku dulu bela lembu.
Abang dengan kakak aku jadi gembala. Abang aku akan bawak lembu balik setiap petang dan kokot tahi lembu pakai siling asbestos, pastu bakar.
Aku ikut abang aku je.
Kakak aku ada seekor lembu tu jadi dia punya pet. Nama lembu tu, Manja, anak kepada Kurus dan Bapak Lembu.
Kurus ialah seekor lembu betina yang agak tua. Agak berang dan tak boleh dijangka.
Bapak Lembu pulak ialah jantan dominan kawanan lembu tersebut.
Lembu-lembu ni, suka minum air garam. Tiap-tiap hari minum bergelen-gelen air garam. Aku tukang ambik garam, kadang-kadang. Garam kasar, simpan dalam tempayan besar.
Bancuh dengan air paip. Berbesen-besen, wa cakap lu.
Mujur, masa abang sulung dengan kakak aku kena masuk asrama, aku masih terlalu kecik untuk jaga lembu. Takde sapa nak jaga, jadi bapak aku jual.
Aku memang selalu bernasib baik dalam semua ni. Hehehe. Kelebihan lahir lambat. Ada jugak kekurangannya.
Kitorang ingat ini semua sambil aku makan sup ekor.
Bapak aku memang suka bertani. Tanam sayur, pokok buah, bela binatang.
Ayam, itik serati, puyuh, lembu, semua dia dah jaga.
Jadi, pandangan dia dan pendapat pasal manusia agak mudah.
Kenapa orang buat macam itu atau macam ni? Pasal nak makan. Simple.
Untuk orang macam bapak aku dan mak aku yang hidup sejak zaman perang dan darurat, pada masa orang sanggup makan benda yang lekat dekat kulit pisang, pakai baju kain guni dan kulit pokok, mendapatkan cukup makanan untuk anak-anak adalah sesuatu yang amat penting.
Diorang datang dari zaman susah-susah. Mana ada fast food. Kalau ada pun, tak mampu.
Masa perang dunia kedua, bapak aku dengan nenek angkat aku duk curi beras Jepun. Ambik kot mana tikus dah tebuk lubang.
Pakcik aku, Cina, masuk Polis. Dia pergi bunuh komunis. Pasal komunis bunuh sedara mara kitorang.
Bapak aku ada kat rumah dia masa komunis datang, kidnap abang dia. Tembak dalam hutan. Pakai peluru rifle. Muka berlubang. Bapak aku kena pergi kenalpasti mayat.
Dan kau nak agung-agungkan komunis?
Pasal tu, kalau ada sesapa nak jadi komunis atau nak agungkan komunis, aku pun akan bunuh dia jugak. Pakai cara aku. Sori la. Komunis kat Malaysia ni memang pukimak mak bapak dia. Kalau boleh, dengan mak bapak dia sekali aku bunuh.
Pukimak mak bapak korang la.
Duit RM1 dulu boleh beli macam-macam benda. Dia pergi sekolah, duit belanja setengah sen sehari. Tupun dah kira mewah. Nenek angkat aku kerja memotong getah. Bapak aku tolong sebelum pergi sekolah.
Satu hari, tahun 90an, dia bawak aku pergi memotong bagi pihak makcik aku yang demam. Gila banyak nyamuk siut. Dan aku tak boleh nak isap rokok depan bapak aku. Dia ok la. Isap Gudang Garam.
Tapi, walaupun nenek aku miskin, bapak aku dapat ke sekolah Inggeris. Mungkin pasal anak dia tinggal sorang je. Yang sulung dah kena bunuh dek komunis. Cikgu bapak aku mamat Amerika yang pakai wig.
Bapak aku starting gaji RM200. Jadi cikgu.
Dia beli Vespa.
AKu tengok gambar-gambar lama dia. Masuk ekspedisi pergi ke Gua Charas, bergambar dengan cikgu-cikgu. Ramai yang dah tak ada.
Dalam semua gambar, pakaian dia sentiasa kemas. Bergosok, berkanji, berlipat. Untuk orang yang hidup zaman kena pakai guni buat baju, nikmat pakai baju betul, macam orang, bukan macam beruk, memang amat dihargai.
Makanan kitorang agak mewah, zaman dulu.
Memang dijaga. Pasal diorang pernah merasa zaman tak ade benda nak makan.
Apa yang ko makan, ialah satu status symbol. Bukan mahalnya makanan tu, tapi APA yang kau makan. Ko ingat, orang kampung semua pernah makan KFC? Pernah makan McDonald's?
Member aku ada cerita, ada orang kaya belanja orang miskin makan McDonald's. Bebudak tu makan sikit, tak biasa, pastu tanya, "Ada nasi?" Pastu basuh tangan kat swimming pool.
Ko ingat orang kampung pernah minum Starbucks? Semua pernah makan apa yang ko makan?
Aku tengok orang KL ni mewah betul hidup. Nasi lemak RM20. Baju RM600, t-shirt je.
Ko tayang kat orang kampung macam aku, aku cuma ingat ko bodoh, tamak, berlagak dan bakal kena sambar petir.
Lebih 50 tahun Merdeka, dan masalah orang kampung masih sama. Ramai yang bodoh piang, memang tak boleh nak tolong. Gaji RM120 sebulan, pastu nak beranak sampai 14.
Ye la.
Tapi, tak cukup yang orang kat bandar ni sanggup buat untuk orang kampung yang macam hidup segan, mati tak mahu.
Aku akan melancarkan beberapa program kebajikan dalam beberapa bulan lagi. Aku harap, korang akan tolong. Korbankan lah nasi lemak RM20 ko tu, kalau ko nak, untuk kasi diorang makan seminggu.
Dah melalut la pulak. Kurus, Manja dan Bapak Lembu. Siapalah yang makan lembu-lembu tu?
Kitorang ingat balik masa dulu-dulu, pasal bela lembu.
Keluarga aku dulu bela lembu.
Abang dengan kakak aku jadi gembala. Abang aku akan bawak lembu balik setiap petang dan kokot tahi lembu pakai siling asbestos, pastu bakar.
Aku ikut abang aku je.
Kakak aku ada seekor lembu tu jadi dia punya pet. Nama lembu tu, Manja, anak kepada Kurus dan Bapak Lembu.
Kurus ialah seekor lembu betina yang agak tua. Agak berang dan tak boleh dijangka.
Bapak Lembu pulak ialah jantan dominan kawanan lembu tersebut.
Lembu-lembu ni, suka minum air garam. Tiap-tiap hari minum bergelen-gelen air garam. Aku tukang ambik garam, kadang-kadang. Garam kasar, simpan dalam tempayan besar.
Bancuh dengan air paip. Berbesen-besen, wa cakap lu.
Mujur, masa abang sulung dengan kakak aku kena masuk asrama, aku masih terlalu kecik untuk jaga lembu. Takde sapa nak jaga, jadi bapak aku jual.
Aku memang selalu bernasib baik dalam semua ni. Hehehe. Kelebihan lahir lambat. Ada jugak kekurangannya.
Kitorang ingat ini semua sambil aku makan sup ekor.
Bapak aku memang suka bertani. Tanam sayur, pokok buah, bela binatang.
Ayam, itik serati, puyuh, lembu, semua dia dah jaga.
Jadi, pandangan dia dan pendapat pasal manusia agak mudah.
Kenapa orang buat macam itu atau macam ni? Pasal nak makan. Simple.
Untuk orang macam bapak aku dan mak aku yang hidup sejak zaman perang dan darurat, pada masa orang sanggup makan benda yang lekat dekat kulit pisang, pakai baju kain guni dan kulit pokok, mendapatkan cukup makanan untuk anak-anak adalah sesuatu yang amat penting.
Diorang datang dari zaman susah-susah. Mana ada fast food. Kalau ada pun, tak mampu.
Masa perang dunia kedua, bapak aku dengan nenek angkat aku duk curi beras Jepun. Ambik kot mana tikus dah tebuk lubang.
Pakcik aku, Cina, masuk Polis. Dia pergi bunuh komunis. Pasal komunis bunuh sedara mara kitorang.
Bapak aku ada kat rumah dia masa komunis datang, kidnap abang dia. Tembak dalam hutan. Pakai peluru rifle. Muka berlubang. Bapak aku kena pergi kenalpasti mayat.
Dan kau nak agung-agungkan komunis?
Pasal tu, kalau ada sesapa nak jadi komunis atau nak agungkan komunis, aku pun akan bunuh dia jugak. Pakai cara aku. Sori la. Komunis kat Malaysia ni memang pukimak mak bapak dia. Kalau boleh, dengan mak bapak dia sekali aku bunuh.
Pukimak mak bapak korang la.
Duit RM1 dulu boleh beli macam-macam benda. Dia pergi sekolah, duit belanja setengah sen sehari. Tupun dah kira mewah. Nenek angkat aku kerja memotong getah. Bapak aku tolong sebelum pergi sekolah.
Satu hari, tahun 90an, dia bawak aku pergi memotong bagi pihak makcik aku yang demam. Gila banyak nyamuk siut. Dan aku tak boleh nak isap rokok depan bapak aku. Dia ok la. Isap Gudang Garam.
Tapi, walaupun nenek aku miskin, bapak aku dapat ke sekolah Inggeris. Mungkin pasal anak dia tinggal sorang je. Yang sulung dah kena bunuh dek komunis. Cikgu bapak aku mamat Amerika yang pakai wig.
Bapak aku starting gaji RM200. Jadi cikgu.
Dia beli Vespa.
AKu tengok gambar-gambar lama dia. Masuk ekspedisi pergi ke Gua Charas, bergambar dengan cikgu-cikgu. Ramai yang dah tak ada.
Dalam semua gambar, pakaian dia sentiasa kemas. Bergosok, berkanji, berlipat. Untuk orang yang hidup zaman kena pakai guni buat baju, nikmat pakai baju betul, macam orang, bukan macam beruk, memang amat dihargai.
Makanan kitorang agak mewah, zaman dulu.
Memang dijaga. Pasal diorang pernah merasa zaman tak ade benda nak makan.
Apa yang ko makan, ialah satu status symbol. Bukan mahalnya makanan tu, tapi APA yang kau makan. Ko ingat, orang kampung semua pernah makan KFC? Pernah makan McDonald's?
Member aku ada cerita, ada orang kaya belanja orang miskin makan McDonald's. Bebudak tu makan sikit, tak biasa, pastu tanya, "Ada nasi?" Pastu basuh tangan kat swimming pool.
Ko ingat orang kampung pernah minum Starbucks? Semua pernah makan apa yang ko makan?
Aku tengok orang KL ni mewah betul hidup. Nasi lemak RM20. Baju RM600, t-shirt je.
Ko tayang kat orang kampung macam aku, aku cuma ingat ko bodoh, tamak, berlagak dan bakal kena sambar petir.
Lebih 50 tahun Merdeka, dan masalah orang kampung masih sama. Ramai yang bodoh piang, memang tak boleh nak tolong. Gaji RM120 sebulan, pastu nak beranak sampai 14.
Ye la.
Tapi, tak cukup yang orang kat bandar ni sanggup buat untuk orang kampung yang macam hidup segan, mati tak mahu.
Aku akan melancarkan beberapa program kebajikan dalam beberapa bulan lagi. Aku harap, korang akan tolong. Korbankan lah nasi lemak RM20 ko tu, kalau ko nak, untuk kasi diorang makan seminggu.
Dah melalut la pulak. Kurus, Manja dan Bapak Lembu. Siapalah yang makan lembu-lembu tu?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Ahmad Talib as NSTP Editorial Adviser? Reprise
* Tiada kaitan dengan (Datuk?) Ahmad Talib atau yang seangkatan dengannya.
Sekali SDAR melangkah mara,
Angin dan ribut teman berlumbaaaaa
Hingga tercapai citaaa-citaaa
Jiwa dan raga nilainyaaaaa
Oh SDAR, indukku, menerangi hatiku
Kau curahkan ilmu, ku sematkan di kalbu!
Oh SDAR, indukku, menerangi hatiku
Kau curahkan ilmu, ku sematkan di kalbu!
Oh SDAR!
Oh SDAR!
Ditatang, dipuka, dijunjung di jemala (amende ni? Aku dah lupa la)
Oh SDAR!
Oh SDAR!
Ditatang, dipuka, dijunjung di jemala (amende ni? Aku dah lupa la)
Lai ci kang!
Semangkuk lima kupang!
hari sudah petang,
Kita mesti menang!
Animal like kangaaaaaarooOOOOooooOO! [sic]
Never mind the weather,
As long as we're together!
We're gonna see a wild, wild shooowwww!
Animal like kangaaaaaarooOOOOooooOO! [sic]
Never mind the weather,
As long as we're together!
We're gonna see a wild, wild shooowwww!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
We want a goal that's good for us, yeh!
Good for us, yeh!
Good for us, yeh!
We want a goal that's good for us, yeh!
Sekolah Datuk RazaaaaaaAAAaaaak!
Ballpicker! Ballpicker!
Sekolah Datuk Razak!
Kuat dan tahan lasak!
Ballpicker Sekolah Datuk Razak!
Sekali SDAR melangkah mara,
Angin dan ribut teman berlumbaaaaa
Hingga tercapai citaaa-citaaa
Jiwa dan raga nilainyaaaaa
Oh SDAR, indukku, menerangi hatiku
Kau curahkan ilmu, ku sematkan di kalbu!
Oh SDAR, indukku, menerangi hatiku
Kau curahkan ilmu, ku sematkan di kalbu!
Oh SDAR!
Oh SDAR!
Ditatang, dipuka, dijunjung di jemala (amende ni? Aku dah lupa la)
Oh SDAR!
Oh SDAR!
Ditatang, dipuka, dijunjung di jemala (amende ni? Aku dah lupa la)
Lai ci kang!
Semangkuk lima kupang!
hari sudah petang,
Kita mesti menang!
Animal like kangaaaaaarooOOOOooooOO! [sic]
Never mind the weather,
As long as we're together!
We're gonna see a wild, wild shooowwww!
Animal like kangaaaaaarooOOOOooooOO! [sic]
Never mind the weather,
As long as we're together!
We're gonna see a wild, wild shooowwww!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
Adoi mak sakitnya!
We want a goal that's good for us, yeh!
Good for us, yeh!
Good for us, yeh!
We want a goal that's good for us, yeh!
Sekolah Datuk RazaaaaaaAAAaaaak!
Ballpicker! Ballpicker!
Sekolah Datuk Razak!
Kuat dan tahan lasak!
Ballpicker Sekolah Datuk Razak!
Ahmad Talib as NSTP Editorial Adviser?
Well, it's none of my business, but:
PIIITTTT PIT-PIITTT
PITPITPITPITPIT
SDAR!
PIIITTTT PIT-PIITTT
PITPITPITPITPIT
SDAR!
Satu tak cukup, dua tak cukup, tiga tak cukup kita mahu satu bakul!
Den hero kampung senogori
Den masuk askar di port diksen
blablabla
blablabla (dah lupa, dah lupa)
Den tembak, den poreh tereggor
Den dapek sekor ayam donak
Den boi pado sajon mejor
Dio boi den Lans Kopral, Lans Kopral
Tigo ratuih enam puloh hari
Jopun datang morintah nogori
Semua rakyat semua susah hati
Kena makan rebuih ubi, rebuih ubi
Eeee setere!
Masu-masu wasa!
Kichi-kichi tonga!
Weeeewalweee wal weee walwee walwaa!
We are proud to belong to the school that is strong
That is dear good old SDAR
We are proud to promote to the studies and spote(?)
Of our dear good old SDAR
The blablabla and the joy that we share
Is part of our u-nity
We are proud to belong to the school that is strong
That is dear good old SDAR
Samba lele!
Samba lowa!
Aminamina samba lowa!
Wherever we gooOOoo!
People want to knoOOoow!
Whoo we aree!
Wheeere we come from.
Soooo we tell them!
We are the Sdarians.
Mighty mighty Sdarians
Rough Tough Sdarians
OoooOOOooo!
EeeeEEEeee!
OooOO!
EeeEE!
Ari-ari-ari ooo!
My family is here to take me out to dinner. I'll continue my singing later.
PIIITTTT PIT-PIITTT
PITPITPITPITPIT
SDAR!
PIIITTTT PIT-PIITTT
PITPITPITPITPIT
SDAR!
Satu tak cukup, dua tak cukup, tiga tak cukup kita mahu satu bakul!
Den hero kampung senogori
Den masuk askar di port diksen
blablabla
blablabla (dah lupa, dah lupa)
Den tembak, den poreh tereggor
Den dapek sekor ayam donak
Den boi pado sajon mejor
Dio boi den Lans Kopral, Lans Kopral
Tigo ratuih enam puloh hari
Jopun datang morintah nogori
Semua rakyat semua susah hati
Kena makan rebuih ubi, rebuih ubi
Eeee setere!
Masu-masu wasa!
Kichi-kichi tonga!
Weeeewalweee wal weee walwee walwaa!
We are proud to belong to the school that is strong
That is dear good old SDAR
We are proud to promote to the studies and spote(?)
Of our dear good old SDAR
The blablabla and the joy that we share
Is part of our u-nity
We are proud to belong to the school that is strong
That is dear good old SDAR
Samba lele!
Samba lowa!
Aminamina samba lowa!
Wherever we gooOOoo!
People want to knoOOoow!
Whoo we aree!
Wheeere we come from.
Soooo we tell them!
We are the Sdarians.
Mighty mighty Sdarians
Rough Tough Sdarians
OoooOOOooo!
EeeeEEEeee!
OooOO!
EeeEE!
Ari-ari-ari ooo!
My family is here to take me out to dinner. I'll continue my singing later.
FLCL and the Balance
this is a music video from the masterpiece anime series FLCL. Years and years later, it remains my TOP 5 ANIME of ALL TIME! Nothing can beat Cowboy Bebop, though.
Anyway, the animation style is fantastic not just for the 'Gainax Bounce' (over-animation of the breasts so they appear to bounce) but for the fact that it often goes against convention and what is expected.
Just look at the premise. A girl called Haruhara Haruko starts bashing people on the head with a guitar in the hopes of finding her lover/prey Atomsk, in a town where there is a giant clothes-iron-shaped factory on top of a hill.
All framed by the coming of age story of a kid. There are multiple love triangles that are explored and resolved - all in 6 episodes.
And the notion of the artist and his ideas. Man. The themes and subplots of this series puts a lot of other shit to shame.
The story, animation and music went against convention of what a 'normal' anime is like.
With Watchmen, the quintessential anti-comic comic, we have the purest form of something that goes against the grain.
Superheroes never die, so in the first page of Watchmen, a superhero dies, as scholars noticed. And he stays dead for the remainder of the story.
Fantastic stuff.
But it must be remembered that in order for something to go against conventional shit, there must be conventional shit to begin with. To go against convention, there must be a 'convention'.
Alternative and underground music can't exist without the mainstream. What is punk, without pop? What is the freedom of jazz without the structured order of classical?
And yet, jazz has been deemed as the next classical music.
Stare into the abyss, and the abyss stares back.
When Satan wins and becomes God, there must be a new Satan.
There should and will be a balance!
Imbas Kembali Kisah Dahulu: Zaman Aku Miskin
Dulu, masa aku miskin, orang buat aku macam taik, ko tau tak?
Aku keluar dengan beberapa orang yang perasan bagus. Makan kat Burger King. Kira habis fine dining la Burger King ni. Aku ada dalam RM10 dalam wallet. Cukup untuk makan mamak, bayar LRT dan bas balik rumah. Boo fucking hoo.
Jadi, dekat kaunter Burger King, aku bisik kat member aku yang nak beli set meal, "Weh, aku bayar sikit, aku ambik french fries, ya?"
Dia angguk. Aku kasi dia RM3.
Kitorang pun duduk. Member aku yang share meal dengan aku pergi toilet. Aku lapar, jadi aku start la makan french fries tuh.
Yang dua ekor lagi tu stare aku macam aku ni lipas.
Yang sorang ni lecturer.
Lecturer: Hoih! Dia punya lah!
Ko tengking aku, ya?
Aku: Errr...aku bayar untuk french fries ni saja.
Dan diorang terus pandang aku macam taik, ko tau tak? Kira kononnya akulah parasit.
Member yang share dengan aku pun sukalah, pasal dia dapat rasa best.
Last-last, siapa yang parasit? Siapa yang taik?
Bughit mak bapak koranglah. Masa aku miskin, ko hina aku, walaupun aku bayar untuk apa aku makan. Aku bukanlah Islam sangat pun. Silap-silap, masuk neraka. Pedulittaik aku?
Yang korang yang mulia sesangat ni, kononnya beradab, tapi pukimak. Last-last, perabiskan duit kerajaan je. Perabiskan duit orang miskin yang lain (pasal orang kaya tak bayar cukai). Perasan je lah wei. Hisaplah jubur taik aku.
Sejak masa tu, aku faham yang manusia ni memang celaka dan selagi ko takde duit, selagi tu pukimak-pukimak macam ni akan memperkotak-katikkan ko pasal dia tak secure pasal diri sendiri dan pasal konek sendiri.
Cuma ko perlu ingat. Warga neraka macam aku ni susah nak mati. Pasal 'only the good die young'.
Orang macam aku ni, aku rasa jadi macam datuk aku. Hidup sampai 90++.
Aku taknak pun, tapi nak buat camana?
Aku keluar dengan beberapa orang yang perasan bagus. Makan kat Burger King. Kira habis fine dining la Burger King ni. Aku ada dalam RM10 dalam wallet. Cukup untuk makan mamak, bayar LRT dan bas balik rumah. Boo fucking hoo.
Jadi, dekat kaunter Burger King, aku bisik kat member aku yang nak beli set meal, "Weh, aku bayar sikit, aku ambik french fries, ya?"
Dia angguk. Aku kasi dia RM3.
Kitorang pun duduk. Member aku yang share meal dengan aku pergi toilet. Aku lapar, jadi aku start la makan french fries tuh.
Yang dua ekor lagi tu stare aku macam aku ni lipas.
Yang sorang ni lecturer.
Lecturer: Hoih! Dia punya lah!
Ko tengking aku, ya?
Aku: Errr...aku bayar untuk french fries ni saja.
Dan diorang terus pandang aku macam taik, ko tau tak? Kira kononnya akulah parasit.
Member yang share dengan aku pun sukalah, pasal dia dapat rasa best.
Last-last, siapa yang parasit? Siapa yang taik?
Bughit mak bapak koranglah. Masa aku miskin, ko hina aku, walaupun aku bayar untuk apa aku makan. Aku bukanlah Islam sangat pun. Silap-silap, masuk neraka. Pedulittaik aku?
Yang korang yang mulia sesangat ni, kononnya beradab, tapi pukimak. Last-last, perabiskan duit kerajaan je. Perabiskan duit orang miskin yang lain (pasal orang kaya tak bayar cukai). Perasan je lah wei. Hisaplah jubur taik aku.
Sejak masa tu, aku faham yang manusia ni memang celaka dan selagi ko takde duit, selagi tu pukimak-pukimak macam ni akan memperkotak-katikkan ko pasal dia tak secure pasal diri sendiri dan pasal konek sendiri.
Cuma ko perlu ingat. Warga neraka macam aku ni susah nak mati. Pasal 'only the good die young'.
Orang macam aku ni, aku rasa jadi macam datuk aku. Hidup sampai 90++.
Aku taknak pun, tapi nak buat camana?
Beware the FIENDS
Before you get it on with anyone, please be very wary of their friends. The person might be good, but their friends might suck ass.
The last thing you want to do is to have to deal with all the politicking and jealousy and spite that comes from idiots.
Better bet is hookers. Cause money's her best friend, and unlike non-hookers, they're honest about it.
The last thing you want to do is to have to deal with all the politicking and jealousy and spite that comes from idiots.
Better bet is hookers. Cause money's her best friend, and unlike non-hookers, they're honest about it.
Infinite Crisis
Apparently, one of the big news circulating among Malaysian SoPo bloggers are the revelations of the identities of A Voice and Big Dog by Sakmongkol AK47.
After reading everything, I am only concerned about one thing:
Do you think people know who I am?
Oooh, man. I'm so fucking worried right now. What if people know that The Malay Male is in fact, A___ H_____?
My God, man. I really have to watch what I say. One of these days, they might just find out my real name! My favourite food, the actress I want to fuck, what I do for a living and even how many thousands of girls I fucked.
Man!
This is a crisis!
What if they find out my secret identity? I might either have to be:
a. Fully accountable for what I write
b. Make sure that anything I write cannot be charged in the court of law, and even if it did, there are avenues for full deniability.
and/or
c. Stop blogging altogether.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod
I would have to be...gulp...responsible!
If they know who I am, I am finished!
Oh noeeees!!!
After reading everything, I am only concerned about one thing:
Do you think people know who I am?
Oooh, man. I'm so fucking worried right now. What if people know that The Malay Male is in fact, A___ H_____?
My God, man. I really have to watch what I say. One of these days, they might just find out my real name! My favourite food, the actress I want to fuck, what I do for a living and even how many thousands of girls I fucked.
Man!
This is a crisis!
What if they find out my secret identity? I might either have to be:
a. Fully accountable for what I write
b. Make sure that anything I write cannot be charged in the court of law, and even if it did, there are avenues for full deniability.
and/or
c. Stop blogging altogether.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod
I would have to be...gulp...responsible!
If they know who I am, I am finished!
Oh noeeees!!!
Malaysia = Nigeria
Wah! Sekarang scammers ada dari Malaysia siut! Kita dah setaraf Nigeria. Malaysia Boleh! Aku dapat ni kat dalam e-mail:
Saphier Blue Stone? Produk?
Sapphire tu bukan produk la, bahlul! Dan memang la sapphire tu batu biru. Saphire Blue Stone sama macam cakap, Lembu Haiwan Ruminan. Atau Anwar Ibrahim Gay. Salah tu! Redundant!
Jadi, akupun reply lah e-mail ni:
ASSALAM-ALAIKUM!
Saya mrs Katijah Siti berasal dari malaysia dan sekarang saya bekerja di UK.Ada perkara penting ingin saya maklumkan. saya harap anda akan cuba fahami tentangbisnes ini. Produk Ini di panggil Saphire Blue Stone, ia adalah sejenis mineral. Ia di gunakan untuk cincin, rantai, jubin marmar. dan barangan berharga lainyang terkenal di dunia.
Sebelum ini syarikat saya bekerja mendapatkan bekalan produk ini dari seorang pembekal dari Dubai.Dan saya di maklumi dari salah seorang kenalan yang bekerja dengan pembekal tersebut mereka mendapat bekalan daripada seorang wanita yang berada di malaysia dengan harga yang murah.
Dan menjual kepada syarikat yang saya bekerja dengan harga yang tinggi.Tapi sekarang lelaki yang membekalkan produk tersebut mengalami sakit tenat kerana kecelakaan jalan raya. Dan dia tidak dapat membekalkan lagi produk tersebut. Pihak syarikat memerlukan bekalan tersebut dengan segera.
Saya sekadar cuba nak bertanya, adakah anda berminat untuk melakukan urus niaga ini? ini kerana saya ada nombor telefon agen dari malaysia tersebut. saya kalau boleh tidak mahu agen dari malaysia tersebut berhubung terus dengan syarikat kerana mereka mengaut keuntungan di pihak mereka sahaja.
Jika anda bersetuju Ini bermakna anda akan menjadi orang tengah antara syarikatsaya bekerja dengan agen dari malaysia. Produk ini boleh didapatkan di malaysiapada harga 6250 usd per kg. Dan apa yang saya tahu selama ini bos saya membayar pembekal tersebut pada harga 11,500 usd per kg. Ini adalah peluang yang baik.
Jika anda berminat,saya akan sertakan no telefon agen tersebut di email akan datang. Jadi anda boleh cuba hubunginya untuk dapatkan maklumat produk tersebut ( saphire blue stone) masih bolehdidapati dari dia dalam masa yang terdekat. Saya akan hubungkan anda terus dengan CEO syarikat selepas dapat persetujuan dari anda..
Sila hubungi sayabalik selepas anda menerima email ini untuk maklumat lanjut.
Yang Benar.
Katijah Siti.
Saphier Blue Stone? Produk?
Sapphire tu bukan produk la, bahlul! Dan memang la sapphire tu batu biru. Saphire Blue Stone sama macam cakap, Lembu Haiwan Ruminan. Atau Anwar Ibrahim Gay. Salah tu! Redundant!
Jadi, akupun reply lah e-mail ni:
Cik,
Jangan buat macam ni. Sayalah agen yang mengalami kecelakaan jalan raya itu.
Jangan hentikan mata pencarian saya dan keluarga saya. Tolong jangan sabotaj.
Saya dah hampir jadi jutawan, tapi kecelakaan jalan raya tersebut telah membuatkan saya pekak. Saya menangis setiap hari sampai saya buta.
Lepas tu, saya pergi ke Singapura dan saya main kuda sampai habis semua duit. Kemudian, saya tinggal bawah rumah orang.
Lepas itu, isteri saya tinggalkan saya. Saya cari dia di Pulau Pinang. Saya dapati, dia sudah kahwin sama seorang doktor. Pasal dia pelacur. Perempuan yang hanya inginkan uang dan perempuan.
Saya pun berlatih dengan Setan Kuning dan jadi Si Buta Dari Gua Hantu.
Selepas mendapat Sabuk Badak dan Condek Emas, saya kembali berniaga 'Saphire Blue Stone' demi menjaga anak saya, Sazali.
Saya baru saja kembali dalam bisnes ini. Tolong jangan taburkan pasir ke dalam periuk nasi saya.
Terima kasih.
FUCK OFF AND DIE
To all you fuckers, wherever you are, FUCK OFF AND DIE.
Really, just:
FUCK OFF AND DIE
Take PR, BN whoever the fuck, and just:
FUCK OFF AND DIE
Seriously.
Really, just:
FUCK OFF AND DIE
Take PR, BN whoever the fuck, and just:
FUCK OFF AND DIE
Seriously.
Wheel of Fortune
Some people asked me, "Are you sick?"
And I was like, "Ummm...yeah?"
And they were like, "No no no...ahhh...you know what I mean."
No one knew. I was stressed out since last year. Last year was a bad one. You don't wanna know. I was making more money than the previous years. But, you know, it's not everything.
I got lost when old friends left or turned to enemies.
Funny thing. A few years ago, I kept preaching to my friends that this cunt-ry is gone. It's doomed. Blah blah blah.
I can be very convincing if the cause is something I believe in. But it was more or less preaching to the choir.
So we, all of us, we started trying to get out of the cunt-ry.
I got shortlisted twice for jobs abroad. Switzerland and Germany. I even started learning French and German.
I was going to run before the shit hits the fan.
I said to myself, "I can never live here, in all this bullshit. All the racist Chinese and Indians and Malays. And manipulators and fucking conmen. And fucking politicians! POLITICIANS!"
But...I said no. Push comes to shove, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave this shit-hole. Motherfucker!
My father got sick a bit last year. I used that as an excuse. But I didn't want to leave.
My job's not done, man. There are still shit I needed to do.
But my friends all left.
So I'm all alone, man.
Just me and the cunt-ry.
Just me, baby.
And then there were decent people who turned to the dork side. I don't even wanna start on that.
So I'm still here.
I'm not running away. What do I look like, RPK?
I may be a lot of things, but last time I and some Thai hos checked, I still got my balls. What else can the world do to me? Failure? I have failed more than the next guy. I come from a long line of failures. We just don't give a shit.
Humiliation? I have humiliated and embarrassed myself more than anyone can. Rejection? I got rejected five times. FIVE! Which is around 45 LESS than Tapai. Hahaha! What a loser!
What can I lose, when I don't have jack shit anyway? I even lost myself.
Until very recently, I lost a lot of myself. Whenever a friend leaves for shit, I lose a bit more.
However...everything is a cycle. Things change. Last year and the first part of this year was my emo cycle. I needed to go through that in order to go back to the top of the wheel.
Took me a long time to figure out shit I wanted to do.
I don't really have a plan. Cause I know relying on plans can sometimes lead you astray. I just took things as they come.
Will things work out?
FUCK SHOULD I CARE?
Nobody knows that.
I know just one thing - instead of worrying about things, I'm just gonna enjoy it.
So suck my balls.
And I was like, "Ummm...yeah?"
And they were like, "No no no...ahhh...you know what I mean."
No one knew. I was stressed out since last year. Last year was a bad one. You don't wanna know. I was making more money than the previous years. But, you know, it's not everything.
I got lost when old friends left or turned to enemies.
Funny thing. A few years ago, I kept preaching to my friends that this cunt-ry is gone. It's doomed. Blah blah blah.
I can be very convincing if the cause is something I believe in. But it was more or less preaching to the choir.
So we, all of us, we started trying to get out of the cunt-ry.
I got shortlisted twice for jobs abroad. Switzerland and Germany. I even started learning French and German.
I was going to run before the shit hits the fan.
I said to myself, "I can never live here, in all this bullshit. All the racist Chinese and Indians and Malays. And manipulators and fucking conmen. And fucking politicians! POLITICIANS!"
But...I said no. Push comes to shove, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave this shit-hole. Motherfucker!
My father got sick a bit last year. I used that as an excuse. But I didn't want to leave.
My job's not done, man. There are still shit I needed to do.
But my friends all left.
So I'm all alone, man.
Just me and the cunt-ry.
Just me, baby.
And then there were decent people who turned to the dork side. I don't even wanna start on that.
So I'm still here.
I'm not running away. What do I look like, RPK?
I may be a lot of things, but last time I and some Thai hos checked, I still got my balls. What else can the world do to me? Failure? I have failed more than the next guy. I come from a long line of failures. We just don't give a shit.
Humiliation? I have humiliated and embarrassed myself more than anyone can. Rejection? I got rejected five times. FIVE! Which is around 45 LESS than Tapai. Hahaha! What a loser!
What can I lose, when I don't have jack shit anyway? I even lost myself.
Until very recently, I lost a lot of myself. Whenever a friend leaves for shit, I lose a bit more.
However...everything is a cycle. Things change. Last year and the first part of this year was my emo cycle. I needed to go through that in order to go back to the top of the wheel.
Took me a long time to figure out shit I wanted to do.
I don't really have a plan. Cause I know relying on plans can sometimes lead you astray. I just took things as they come.
Will things work out?
FUCK SHOULD I CARE?
Nobody knows that.
I know just one thing - instead of worrying about things, I'm just gonna enjoy it.
So suck my balls.
Run With RPK
PR said, Walk With RPK.
Then, RPK ran.
See RPK run.
Run, bitch, run!
Yeah, I know it's old news. Fuck your mother.
My sympathies are with RPK. He should run. If he loves his ass.
Mr "Imma die after two or three days in jail."
Judith Miller got more balls than this guy. She stayed in the can for 82 days.
Saying you're not afraid of death, but is afraid of gettin' arrested is like saying "I'm not afraid of HELL! Bring it on! Hellfire and Brimstone! Oops! No, man, I got burned on this pilot light on my gas stove. I guess you idiots have to go die yourselves. Sorry!"
Well?
BITE ME HARD!
Anyway, that being said, I agree with him. And support his endeavour to run away as far as he can.
So, I'm starting a campaign: RUN WITH RPK. Let's all of us who sympathise with the plight of this man to go and run away as well.
Go, man, go!
Then, RPK ran.
See RPK run.
Run, bitch, run!
Yeah, I know it's old news. Fuck your mother.
My sympathies are with RPK. He should run. If he loves his ass.
Mr "Imma die after two or three days in jail."
Judith Miller got more balls than this guy. She stayed in the can for 82 days.
Saying you're not afraid of death, but is afraid of gettin' arrested is like saying "I'm not afraid of HELL! Bring it on! Hellfire and Brimstone! Oops! No, man, I got burned on this pilot light on my gas stove. I guess you idiots have to go die yourselves. Sorry!"
Well?
BITE ME HARD!
Anyway, that being said, I agree with him. And support his endeavour to run away as far as he can.
So, I'm starting a campaign: RUN WITH RPK. Let's all of us who sympathise with the plight of this man to go and run away as well.
Go, man, go!
The Return of Optimus Prime
Ain't nothin' gonna stop me now, bitch.
Imma grab on my balls and say hell yeah, motherfucker!
Oh yeah. Who the man? Who the man?
Other fuckers say dem heroes. Dey willin' ta die and shit. And then they fuckin' tuck tail and fucking run away.
Not me, bastids!
When I was small, all I wanted was just to be a millionaire so I could leave all-a-yous alone here in this stupid shit cunt-ry.
But you din'nt. And look now where we at, motherfucker? Look where we at?
MOTHERFUCKER!
Well, you made the bed, and that bed's name is AMIR HAFIZI. Sleep in my hole now, bitches! So yous all fucked up now, bitches!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm the smartest motherfucker I know. In psycho-history.
In case you forgot, or fell off, I'm still hot, knock your shell off.
Everyone wishin' they could run with my division but they gone fishin'.
Ain't no way you breakin' me kid, I'm harder than nails. I keep it all locked like I'm part of the jail.
Cena, yo!
Ya ain't got no chance, motherfucker.
Ya's all gonna die, thas what joo gonna do. Kiss my ass, eat my shit. Whoops! Shoulda said poo!
Superman II, yo! I got the last remnant of Pimpton.
Imma grab on my balls and say hell yeah, motherfucker!
Oh yeah. Who the man? Who the man?
Other fuckers say dem heroes. Dey willin' ta die and shit. And then they fuckin' tuck tail and fucking run away.
Not me, bastids!
When I was small, all I wanted was just to be a millionaire so I could leave all-a-yous alone here in this stupid shit cunt-ry.
But you din'nt. And look now where we at, motherfucker? Look where we at?
MOTHERFUCKER!
Well, you made the bed, and that bed's name is AMIR HAFIZI. Sleep in my hole now, bitches! So yous all fucked up now, bitches!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm the smartest motherfucker I know. In psycho-history.
In case you forgot, or fell off, I'm still hot, knock your shell off.
Everyone wishin' they could run with my division but they gone fishin'.
Ain't no way you breakin' me kid, I'm harder than nails. I keep it all locked like I'm part of the jail.
Cena, yo!
Ya ain't got no chance, motherfucker.
Ya's all gonna die, thas what joo gonna do. Kiss my ass, eat my shit. Whoops! Shoulda said poo!
Superman II, yo! I got the last remnant of Pimpton.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Tripping the Light Fantastick
There is so much anger in me, I felt like I've been RAPED! In the FACE!
It all started with the KFC dream, where the KFC in my dreams decided to make it difficult for me to buy any of the combos to feed my extended family.
So I woke up and went for dinner, angrily.
I asked for chrysanthemum tea, to soothe my anger. The waiter brought me...hot lemon tea! What the fuck!
AAAAHHHHH!!!
Inside my head, little men jump up and down platforms and go into pipes and swing on vines. And collect fake cash.
Me: Dik!
Waiter: Yes?
Me: I ordered chrysanthemum tea, not HOT LEMON TEA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
My anger has not been soothed. But it is not the waiter's fault. It is obviously the lack of training in the service business in Malaysia. F&B is primarily service.
So I went and had coffee with a friend. We ordered two drinks, but the consistency of one of them - vanilla latte - is different than my own caramel macchiato.
I didn't see a tray, so I carried both with my hands. The macchiato is thicker than the latte, so I keep spilling the fucking latte.
Again, I am angry! ANGRY!
Inside my head, characters fuck each other and have children, and are possessed by alternate selves and live in a soulless world.
A bit stressed out, which is a normal condition for me. I have two scripts to finish this weekend, and a few projects to draw outlines. One of them being the online card game I've been thinking about.
It all started with the KFC dream, where the KFC in my dreams decided to make it difficult for me to buy any of the combos to feed my extended family.
So I woke up and went for dinner, angrily.
I asked for chrysanthemum tea, to soothe my anger. The waiter brought me...hot lemon tea! What the fuck!
AAAAHHHHH!!!
Inside my head, little men jump up and down platforms and go into pipes and swing on vines. And collect fake cash.
Me: Dik!
Waiter: Yes?
Me: I ordered chrysanthemum tea, not HOT LEMON TEA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
My anger has not been soothed. But it is not the waiter's fault. It is obviously the lack of training in the service business in Malaysia. F&B is primarily service.
So I went and had coffee with a friend. We ordered two drinks, but the consistency of one of them - vanilla latte - is different than my own caramel macchiato.
I didn't see a tray, so I carried both with my hands. The macchiato is thicker than the latte, so I keep spilling the fucking latte.
Again, I am angry! ANGRY!
Inside my head, characters fuck each other and have children, and are possessed by alternate selves and live in a soulless world.
A bit stressed out, which is a normal condition for me. I have two scripts to finish this weekend, and a few projects to draw outlines. One of them being the online card game I've been thinking about.
Nightmare
I just woke up from a dream. Drenched in cold sweat.
I had dreamed first, about two couples.
One was a normal-sized couple who discovered miniature-sized versions of themselves in the toilet.
The normal-sized couple is facing a divorce and separation, while their minis are very close.
So the minis soon discovered that the big versions are themselves in the future. Or vice versa. And it's all because what the guy writes will come true.
Suddenly, the women are swimming in the reflecting pool of the Washington Monument. I don't know why.
And then, suddenly, I am back in Kuantan and the Washington Monument is also in Kuantan.
Wut?
So I was back home, and my relatives came. I went out with a sibling to buy some food - KFC.
I wanted to order the largest combo available and was told that it was Superbad combo. A tie-in with the movie, I suppose.
Me: So, how many pieces of chikin in this combo?
Salesguy: Oh, we don't know.
Me: What?
S: Because it's random, you see. But usually there's always a lot of pieces of chikin.
Me: Wut? Is there mashed potatoes in there?
S: We roll it all up in a ball.
Me: ...
S: ...
Me: Okay, what's the second largest combo?
S: That's the Gala Everything.
M: Okay. How many pieces of chikin?
S: There's no chicken in Gala Everything. It's basically everything else.
That was when I got angry. SO angry.
I started getting really angry. But I didn't do anything because this is Kuantan and my parents would get reports if I did anything bad.
I just got angrier and angrier.
How can KFC be so stupid?
Then I woke up.
What the fuck, man?
I had dreamed first, about two couples.
One was a normal-sized couple who discovered miniature-sized versions of themselves in the toilet.
The normal-sized couple is facing a divorce and separation, while their minis are very close.
So the minis soon discovered that the big versions are themselves in the future. Or vice versa. And it's all because what the guy writes will come true.
Suddenly, the women are swimming in the reflecting pool of the Washington Monument. I don't know why.
And then, suddenly, I am back in Kuantan and the Washington Monument is also in Kuantan.
Wut?
So I was back home, and my relatives came. I went out with a sibling to buy some food - KFC.
I wanted to order the largest combo available and was told that it was Superbad combo. A tie-in with the movie, I suppose.
Me: So, how many pieces of chikin in this combo?
Salesguy: Oh, we don't know.
Me: What?
S: Because it's random, you see. But usually there's always a lot of pieces of chikin.
Me: Wut? Is there mashed potatoes in there?
S: We roll it all up in a ball.
Me: ...
S: ...
Me: Okay, what's the second largest combo?
S: That's the Gala Everything.
M: Okay. How many pieces of chikin?
S: There's no chicken in Gala Everything. It's basically everything else.
That was when I got angry. SO angry.
I started getting really angry. But I didn't do anything because this is Kuantan and my parents would get reports if I did anything bad.
I just got angrier and angrier.
How can KFC be so stupid?
Then I woke up.
What the fuck, man?
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