Eckhart Tolle often speaks that a huge pain-body presents with it bigger opportunities for awakening. That negative energy and negativity is ripe with the potential for more understanding.
It is well and good to avoid negativity and negative people because why would you want to waste your life, your time, on them? But if you were to ever find yourself facing negative situations or people, it is also an opportunity to practice being and awareness.
Recently, someone called me up and tried to intimidate me with shadowy fears and I immediately felt heart palpitations. I have a heart condition and might die soon, so this was alarming for me, this intense hatred and negative energy.
At the same time, I also noticed myself becoming aware of my own irrational fears.
This flash of insight soon gave way to irrational fears and worries. I began contacting friends for counsel, and I was distraught. I was also aware of being distraught.
The only change I felt from other experiences of dealing with stressful situations is a small, lingering awareness at the back of my mind about all of this and how it doesn't really mean anything. If before, these things would last for days, weeks, months or years.
After writing Merong, I was worried and fearful for three years and developed insomnia. It possibly contributed to bad cholesterol buildup that caused my heart problems. The fear is always shadowy and most of the time is never realised or will never happen. But the body did not know that and reacted accordingly.
To say that I am better or that I am 'more' than I was before, that I have improved myself and my reactions, are all egotistical and false. I reacted the way I always reacted. The only difference is that I was aware of things and what I was doing as things happened. And that is not more or less. It is just is.
I thank the Awareness for the good days and the bad days.
