Tomorrow I go for a stress test. It's where they hook you up to an EKG thing and make you walk, jog or run on a treadmill.
Come hell or high water, I won't stop until I reach the final level - level 6. Last time I did it, I reached level 5. I thought that was the final level, but nooooo. There's another level. Hope my heart and my leg muscles hold out.
In the gym, I could do 60 minutes cardio on the eliptical, reaching 9km yesterday. Then I usually follow it up with an hour of weight training - usually 100 crunches, bicep curls, tricep whatever and some chest thingies.
My man boobs are all but gone. My stomach does not bulge outward anymore. Well, not that much.
I am also managing my stress better than before the heart attack. I let go of idiots and the stupid things they do, and I put my faith in people who are smart. I don't think I need to correct or show smart people what's what, because if they can't see what I see on top of what they already see, then they are not very smart to begin with. And I don't waste time with idiots.
I don't feel maligned or victimised by life or by other people because I don't allow it to happen. Once you take full responsibility for yourself, there are no excuses and you will do more.
I'm juggling a full time job and two separate businesses. All are coming along well. I wish the physiotherapist would go out on a date with me, but if she doesn't, I'm not gonna cut myself or feel unwanted or sad or whatever.
I feel my age, which is good. I'm 35 years old this year, and I'm too old for the regular retarded bullshit. The devil is in the details, but you can't go wrong looking at a bigger picture.
People get so lost in minutiae sometimes that we forget what's really important - is anything I'm doing making me happy? Am I happy?
The only way to be happy is to stop wanting. To do away with desire, and not in a 'fight desire' mode. Desire would only be managed by acknowledging it and to acknowledge yourself.
Same with ego, as ego is often times defined by our desires. The desire to be accepted, to have a place, to be recognised, to be told that they are loved, that they are okay people.
I find all this pathetic, but I also understand that it is a basic stupid human need.
Choose your battles wisely. Not everything is a do or die situation. I have been in situations where it is literally do or fucking die. As in, funeral die, morgue die. As in you fucking stop breathing or your heart stops beating.
It forces perspective.
All these people, all these games, the politics, the posturing, the lies - they are all worthless. I do what I want to do. I spend my limited time with people I want to spend time with. And fuck all to everything else.
End of the day, I'm still the best there was, the best there is and the best there ever will be.
