Saturday, December 6, 2014

Fitness Bullshit

Today I fought with gyms again.

I have been getting regular exercise almost every day since my heart attack until I started work at my new job.

My new job requires effort and time in plonking myself into the system. Long story, don't have time to whine about that.

Anyway, I decided one way to cope with working again and my lack of exercise is to establish a healthy routine of going to the gym.

I went to Fitness First 1 Mont Kiara which is in the same building/compound as my office. It has the perfect location and even though it was a pricey RM211 a month, Fitness First is touted to be the best gym in Malaysia with no shady deals and top notch facilities. My expectations were a bit high, for a gym.

I went there for a free one-day trial today and found out that 90% of the gym equipment I tried could not read my heart rate. As in, the screen was fucking blank. Since I would fucking die if I exercise beyond a certain heart rate, I needed the fucking heart rate function to be working, which should be a given.

One after another, the fucking machines could not display heart rate. One trainer/salesperson at Fitness First told me, "Oh, it's not accurate anyway." which is not the point.

And getting a separate heart rate monitor at RM2-6K is NOT an option.

The point is, if I pay RM211, I expect your fucking gym equipment to be properly serviced. It is evident that they were not simply because the fucking heart rate thing was not functioning.

I left severely disappointed with Fitness First. I mean, there I was, my wallet hanging out to throw money at them, and they fucked up. They've been fucking up all this while with not servicing their equipment properly. Sure, heart rate monitoring is not vital for everyone, but it is for me, so fuck you Fitness First.

I went down to cool myself off. I was angry as my expectations on their brand was extremely high. Then as I couldn't get a cab, I decided to give True Fitness a try, despite their reputation of being scammy, slimy and riddled with conmen motherfuckers.

To get to True Fitness from 1 Mont Kiara, I had to risk life and limb crossing a road and up some dingy stairs.

Walked to True Fitness and greeted by a con person. I let him do his schtick - I didn't give a fuck at this moment, I just wanted to see if the heart rate functions are working.

I was honestly impressed with the amount of machines True Fitness Desa Sri Hartamas has, and some of them quite new. In fact, they're renovating the men's locker room and supposedly will be finished by Dec 15.

So, I decided to sign up. I decided to lower my expectations since gyms in Malaysia are all con jobs anyway. I had a big fight with Celebrity Fitness last time and I only won after telling the consultant in Indonesia that Bank Negara has to give Celebrity Fitness accreditation before they can function like a bank.

Anyway, True Fitness con person gave me several packages to choose from, licking his lips as I looked at his scribbles. Basically, this was a con job that was totally unnecessary as I already said I am joining.


I also read online that True Fitness doesn't give towels. Apparently, they do at Desa Sri Hartamas, but that's one of ONLY TWO TRUE FITNESS OUTLETS IN ALL OF MALAYSIA THAT HAS TOWEL SERVICE.

After all this, I felt more protective of my money and became reluctant to sign up to this bullshit, but the process has started and they even brought a lawyer type with bad English to explain to me True Fitness' rights just in case I default payment, as if they're a fucking bank. I challenged his knowledge in basic banking laws and he tried to threaten me with CTOS bullshit when I wonder if there is any court in Malaysia would side with gyms if there is a class action lawsuit. There are already FB pages of disgruntled former gym members for every fitness center here. Every brand has their haters. It takes just one crazy pitbull of a lawyer to harness all the anger and bam - fuck off and die.

Every time I complain about their con job, they would go to the counter and bitch about me, while I'm within earshot. However, I was expecting this from True Fitness as reviews online of their attitude and sliminess are quite well-known.

I told the con person after all is said and done that he didn't need to do his cons. That you don't need to lie or con people or be sneaky to get people to buy your shit. I was already impressed that unlike Fitness First 1 Mont Kiara, True Fitness machines' heart rate functions on 80% of their machines I inspected worked perfectly. 20% rosak.

I was impressed with the size of the bloody fucking gym and the fact that they have yoga classes.

Even if the showers are not ready yet, I'm willing to wait.

What turned me off True Fitness was the scheming, slimy, shady bullshit experience of signing up. I felt like I was molested in a dirty back alley somewhere in Mozambique.

Whatever it is, the True Fitness membership is around 40 bucks cheaper than Fitness First. Minus the admin fee, it's just less than 30 bucks cheaper. I'm still reeling from disappointment with Fitness First 1 Mont Kiara.

I liked Fitness First's no-bullshit policy. But they got too arrogant and cocky with their servicing of machines as it was evident the bloody things did not work. My expectations for Fitness First was also unreasonably high. I should have gone in expecting bullshit and failure every step of the way.

I would not recommend True Fitness, Fitness First or Celebrity Fitness to anyone. These gyms all have fuck ups and they are all badly managed. I am only joining one because I truly need the exercise to stay ahead of my heart disease.

I will detail and record any bullshit from True Fitness here and everywhere. Their renovations are supposed to be done on Dec 15 or 17 and I am supposed to get my card by then. Who wants to bet how much and how long True Fitness Desa Sri Hartamas will fuck up? Surprise me.