I went to work today, with my head full of all the wonderful people who have left or are leaving the country.
A few more of my dear, dear friends are leaving either this year or the next. Wait. Not a few, but several more.
It has gotten so bad that I feel like I need to hang out with losers and idiots who will never have the capacity to migrate.
I saw lots and lots of Malays at Sogo and Pertama Kompleks the other day. I was thinking, what are they doing? They lounge about, sit around, and just watch cars and breathe in the exhaust fumes.
Then it hit me. These people have no money. If they want to sit in a cafe, they need to pay at least five bucks for a latte. A trip to McDonald's will set them back at least RM10.80. And what if they're not hungry?
Karaoke is RM50 per head. A massage is RM60 for one hour, plus RM50 for 'extras'.
They have no money. So they sit outside in the sweltering heat, on the hot stones of the shopping malls. Going inside means they will have to subject themselves to seeing things they could not buy.
Life in the city is tough. In my village, you can make RM400 a month, and still feed six kids. But they cheat, cause they take edible plants from the bushes and jungles. I wonder if KL has enough mushrooms growing on the sanitised stone steps to feed even a single family? And stone mushrooms? Bleargh.
These are the people who serve you, as sales assistants, cashiers, waiters, waitresses, drivers, gardeners, small-time clerks, blah blah blah. They feed you, wash your clothes, and drive your buses. They take care of your kids. They are very close to you, and yet they see you as very far away.
One day, they will rise.
The poor will take what was taken from them. They will kill the rich people. Scratch their cars. Eat their young. And shit on their fucking lattes and caramel macchiatos.
And I'm still staying here. As my friends leave the country, again, I aim to stay for as long as I can. One day, this will be a big story indeed. Hehehe. People dying on the streets! Woo!
I don't know how long I can stay, amidst all the stupidity. I just need some things to happen, some things to be confirmed, and I'm out. I don't care who is in power. I don't care who the players are or will be.
I. Don't. Give. A. Flying. Fuck.
I got nothing to prove, here. Nothing else I want to do. I tried them all. Liked some of it. Hated others.
Malaysia is just okay. Some things are great, fantastic, some things are really bad. Others, are just average.
I can't save them all. I can barely save myself. I know my limitations very well, cause I pushed and pushed as hard as I can and slammed my face on the wall many, many times.
I had hopes to be part of a revolution. A solution to everything. It's no joke. I really thought it would work. Well, as a tool, it would have. What people do with it, is up to the people.
Best case scenario? Perhaps a more comfortable living for all in 50 years. I gambled everything on that. Sacrificed many, many things. As others did as well. But... it was all for naught.
I got nothing to show for it. Oh well.
Sometimes, you have to know when to fold. This is one dream I had to let go. I am letting go still. It's not easy, cause I am stubborn. But it's gone, man.
Time to dream other dreams.
When the time comes, I will leave. No matter what, we will all leave. The time now is to be spent here.