There is an international conference coming up real soon. About the Rachel Corrie and Mavi Marmara, organised by Perdana Leadership Foundation.
Venue: PWTC Kuala Lumpur
Date: 11 July 2010
Read the rest here.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
In the Spirit of Rachel Corrie and Mavi Marmara
There is an international conference coming up real soon. About the Rachel Corrie and Mavi Marmara, organised by Perdana Leadership Foundation.
Venue: PWTC Kuala Lumpur
Date: 11 July 2010
Read the rest here.
Amir Hafizi: Year One
Meant to write this last night, but was too busy celebrating with some characters.
It's been one year since I returned to The Malay Mail. I was made editor to my old desk, entertainment, which is now entertainment-lifestyle. I am perhaps the youngest one to hold that post in recent history.
It was tough.
Things that I used to rely on people, now I have to do myself. There is a lot more planning and thinking and a bunch of stuff to do. I felt so grown up and alone.
Some people approach it like gardening. My take on it was as if it's a classic computer game.
Met a lot of characters along the way. Old ones, new ones.
End of it all, I didn't do too bad. It was all right. And it has only been a year. I don't know what the next few years will bring, but I'll be there. For me.
It's been one year since I returned to The Malay Mail. I was made editor to my old desk, entertainment, which is now entertainment-lifestyle. I am perhaps the youngest one to hold that post in recent history.
It was tough.
Things that I used to rely on people, now I have to do myself. There is a lot more planning and thinking and a bunch of stuff to do. I felt so grown up and alone.
Some people approach it like gardening. My take on it was as if it's a classic computer game.
Met a lot of characters along the way. Old ones, new ones.
End of it all, I didn't do too bad. It was all right. And it has only been a year. I don't know what the next few years will bring, but I'll be there. For me.
Monday, July 5, 2010
For All Mankind
The big, huge battle starts now, and I'm not missing it.
Let the cowards hide. I'm built for this.
Let the cowards hide. I'm built for this.
Bookend
I stand in awe of my burgeoning intellect. Also, the kind of stuff I am going to do will need every bit of my wit and my will.
The talk with Death last night, which I have every year or every six months has been great. She is all about action.
I was lamenting the loss of my game, my toy, without the good sense of seeking another toy or game to play.
I was also doing things other than what is important to me. So now I'm doing it, and that is a relief.
I am Dream of the Endless. And I'm also a fucking genius. Genius!
The talk with Death last night, which I have every year or every six months has been great. She is all about action.
I was lamenting the loss of my game, my toy, without the good sense of seeking another toy or game to play.
I was also doing things other than what is important to me. So now I'm doing it, and that is a relief.
I am Dream of the Endless. And I'm also a fucking genius. Genius!
The Shift
Here's a simple exercise.
Whenever you feel anger, hatred, or anything that is bothering you, try and detach yourself from the one that is speaking.
Try to see yourself speaking, your self, the you who is thinking all these things.
That is not you. That is the ego.
The ego tries to convince you many things, especially that it is you. That it owns you, and that the things and people around you are under some sort of sphere of influence.
There is constant stream of thinking and feeling from the ego. Comparatively, the self, the real one, is still. It is unmovable, unreachable. It is simply very still.
I need not tell you that the ego, as explained by Eckhart Tolle from whom I stole most of this, is pathological. The ego tries to trap you in a state of drama, in pain, doubt and whatever negative state that will cause it to feel even more real. To be right. To win. To be the centre of the universe.
The ego knows you. It has been with you since the beginning. Creating identities and roles and labels for you to use.
Consider labels. Hold something in your hand. A rock or a pen. When you give it a name, it diminishes in potential and significance. It has entered the realm of definition, and definitions are always limiting.
Yet, if you hold it without attaching any labels to it, it seems almost magical, ephemereal. It is simply is. It is the state of being where it is connected to the universe. It is connected to you, for you are the universe.
Roles work in the same way, just that the limiting labels are applied to yourself instead of a thing.
Say you consider yourself a writer. The 'writer' part restricts you to one role, one aspect of your being, when you are so much more.
The ego tries to deny most of this realisation by using all sorts of tricks. Delusion is a normal one. Overwhelming you with emotion or information that you do not need. Information and emotions that are false and not in-line with the truth.
The only way to be aware is to shift your perspective from within, to a view where you can actually see your ego.
ANd then, rather than resisting it, you accept the ego, for the ego is part of you. Acceptance of the ego diminishes its size and importance.
What you are left with is a presence. A presence of yourself. That presence does not fit at the centre of the universe. It IS the universe.
And when you move, the universe moves with you. All of creation moves. And no power can stop that.
Whenever you feel anger, hatred, or anything that is bothering you, try and detach yourself from the one that is speaking.
Try to see yourself speaking, your self, the you who is thinking all these things.
That is not you. That is the ego.
The ego tries to convince you many things, especially that it is you. That it owns you, and that the things and people around you are under some sort of sphere of influence.
There is constant stream of thinking and feeling from the ego. Comparatively, the self, the real one, is still. It is unmovable, unreachable. It is simply very still.
I need not tell you that the ego, as explained by Eckhart Tolle from whom I stole most of this, is pathological. The ego tries to trap you in a state of drama, in pain, doubt and whatever negative state that will cause it to feel even more real. To be right. To win. To be the centre of the universe.
The ego knows you. It has been with you since the beginning. Creating identities and roles and labels for you to use.
Consider labels. Hold something in your hand. A rock or a pen. When you give it a name, it diminishes in potential and significance. It has entered the realm of definition, and definitions are always limiting.
Yet, if you hold it without attaching any labels to it, it seems almost magical, ephemereal. It is simply is. It is the state of being where it is connected to the universe. It is connected to you, for you are the universe.
Roles work in the same way, just that the limiting labels are applied to yourself instead of a thing.
Say you consider yourself a writer. The 'writer' part restricts you to one role, one aspect of your being, when you are so much more.
The ego tries to deny most of this realisation by using all sorts of tricks. Delusion is a normal one. Overwhelming you with emotion or information that you do not need. Information and emotions that are false and not in-line with the truth.
The only way to be aware is to shift your perspective from within, to a view where you can actually see your ego.
ANd then, rather than resisting it, you accept the ego, for the ego is part of you. Acceptance of the ego diminishes its size and importance.
What you are left with is a presence. A presence of yourself. That presence does not fit at the centre of the universe. It IS the universe.
And when you move, the universe moves with you. All of creation moves. And no power can stop that.
Omega Level Genius
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi walked to the table and sat down.
He lit one up.
It is so hard being an Omega-Level Genius. One has to constantly manage an endless stream of information and the mind, the capacity of which can accurately predict to the ninth decimal point of where things would be in a few years' time, constantly throw scenarios and situations for the self to grapple with.
The woman. She sauntered up and sat down.
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi went through his plans. Plans that would work, in various situations. Plans that could be the start of revolutions.
The woman challenged some points, and Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi had to tweak things here and there. Finding one's voice, especially an Omega Level Genius voice, is a great thing.
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi made use of a burgeoning intellect as big as his as a counterpart. No one else could get it. Only she could grasp the sheer enormity of the many things lined up. The only woman who can appreciate Omega Level Genius.
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi operates on a planetary scale.
And then, it was done, and Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi walked beside the woman.
And he could hear the gentle beating of mighty wings...
He lit one up.
It is so hard being an Omega-Level Genius. One has to constantly manage an endless stream of information and the mind, the capacity of which can accurately predict to the ninth decimal point of where things would be in a few years' time, constantly throw scenarios and situations for the self to grapple with.
The woman. She sauntered up and sat down.
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi went through his plans. Plans that would work, in various situations. Plans that could be the start of revolutions.
The woman challenged some points, and Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi had to tweak things here and there. Finding one's voice, especially an Omega Level Genius voice, is a great thing.
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi made use of a burgeoning intellect as big as his as a counterpart. No one else could get it. Only she could grasp the sheer enormity of the many things lined up. The only woman who can appreciate Omega Level Genius.
Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi operates on a planetary scale.
And then, it was done, and Omega Level Genius Amir Hafizi walked beside the woman.
And he could hear the gentle beating of mighty wings...
Apotheosis
It is hard to explain satori - flashes of insight. It's like, I dunno, describing your first anal sex experience or something like that.
Sitting in a pub, alone, I had another satori - my fifth this year.
It's like, all around my head, stuff were flying about. As long as I couldn't make sense of things, I was weak. Wingless. I was Lucifer without my will. Michael without his demiurgic power.
But once everything fell into place, once I understood, that's it. My mind can't paint scenarios for me to ponder. It can't get me to chase my tail anymore.
Oh, it'll come back, at other moments. This is not the last time I have seen it, because it is myself.
Right now, I feel young again. Reborn again. Nothing in this world I can't do. My job, my projects.
My angst - the ego - was there because it was its time to be there. It served a function, and I am more aware than ever before in large part because of it.
Man, I am so fucking smart. And not those who pretend to be smart, but I'm just really, really, really, ridiculously intelligent and brilliant.
Who is your GOD now?
Sitting in a pub, alone, I had another satori - my fifth this year.
It's like, all around my head, stuff were flying about. As long as I couldn't make sense of things, I was weak. Wingless. I was Lucifer without my will. Michael without his demiurgic power.
But once everything fell into place, once I understood, that's it. My mind can't paint scenarios for me to ponder. It can't get me to chase my tail anymore.
Oh, it'll come back, at other moments. This is not the last time I have seen it, because it is myself.
Right now, I feel young again. Reborn again. Nothing in this world I can't do. My job, my projects.
My angst - the ego - was there because it was its time to be there. It served a function, and I am more aware than ever before in large part because of it.
Man, I am so fucking smart. And not those who pretend to be smart, but I'm just really, really, really, ridiculously intelligent and brilliant.
Who is your GOD now?
Nemesis
My greatest enemy is myself, and I am a criminal genius. While I didn't recognise it at first, I finally understood that I was being duped by my own mind.
All that uncertainty and self-doubt came from my ego's desire to constantly keep me in a loop of drama. Also, to get me to lose focus from my actual goals and the very real problems I have to face. Not imaginary ones. Not delusions.
I have a pretty damn great nemesis. Knowing my penchant for puzzles and obsessive nature, as well as other things, I threw myself scenarios which didn't fit and clouded my judgement for a while.
The fact that things didn't fit haunted me.
But now, all the pieces fit together, and I understand. I am such a fucking genius. And even when sabotaging myself, I'm still a fucking genius.
Muahahaha.
All that uncertainty and self-doubt came from my ego's desire to constantly keep me in a loop of drama. Also, to get me to lose focus from my actual goals and the very real problems I have to face. Not imaginary ones. Not delusions.
I have a pretty damn great nemesis. Knowing my penchant for puzzles and obsessive nature, as well as other things, I threw myself scenarios which didn't fit and clouded my judgement for a while.
The fact that things didn't fit haunted me.
But now, all the pieces fit together, and I understand. I am such a fucking genius. And even when sabotaging myself, I'm still a fucking genius.
Muahahaha.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Amir Hafizi, Genius
I am so fucking smart, man. So fucking smart! I am so intelligent that the only thing that can fool me is myself.
I am a force unto myself. I am the alpha and the omega. I am clairsentient. I am omnipotent.
Amir, almighty.
Thank you, God, and science, for making me the most intelligent being on the planet.
I am just so clever, and unlike other 'clever' people, I am actually happy. Which goes to show how smart I am.
Being smart and self-aware is tough, but I do it effortlessly. I do it everyday.
Look at my works, ye mighty, and despair.
For I am a force of nature that can never be stopped.
I am the greatest ever. I am a gift to all of you.I am AMIR HAFIZI - not the ego self, but the real one. The presence. More later. Drink first.
More Genius Juice!
I am a force unto myself. I am the alpha and the omega. I am clairsentient. I am omnipotent.
Amir, almighty.
Thank you, God, and science, for making me the most intelligent being on the planet.
I am just so clever, and unlike other 'clever' people, I am actually happy. Which goes to show how smart I am.
Being smart and self-aware is tough, but I do it effortlessly. I do it everyday.
Look at my works, ye mighty, and despair.
For I am a force of nature that can never be stopped.
I am the greatest ever. I am a gift to all of you.I am AMIR HAFIZI - not the ego self, but the real one. The presence. More later. Drink first.
More Genius Juice!
The Genius that is Me
I am such a fucking genius. I'm so fucking brilliant.
Man, I cannot believe how I could have missed this?
I am so smart that without any puzzles to solve, I get depressed.
People tremble in awe, they shiver as I display my giant intellect. My giganourmous intellect. My brain, the size of a small planet.
I am so fucking smart. I am the greatest mind this Creation has ever seen!
Man, I love being me. Nobody I'd rather be, than my brilliant, talented self.
Man, I cannot believe how I could have missed this?
I am so smart that without any puzzles to solve, I get depressed.
People tremble in awe, they shiver as I display my giant intellect. My giganourmous intellect. My brain, the size of a small planet.
I am so fucking smart. I am the greatest mind this Creation has ever seen!
Man, I love being me. Nobody I'd rather be, than my brilliant, talented self.
The Now
The other party has not arrived yet, so I guess I'll write more, on my Blackberry - product placement, yo!
Know how to achieve peace? It's deceptively simple, really.
Nothing exists other than the present moment. The past is history. Who cares? You can never change it, anyway.
The future, is a mystery. No one knows what will happen. I might be struck by lightning in a minute or two. Or get a US$400 million cheque. Who knows?
What does exist, is this instance, this moment, right now. No one, and no thing can ever exist. They are just scenes and characters that act out as soon as you are there.
Nothing matters but what is in front of you right now, which in my case, is my third pint.
Know how to achieve peace? It's deceptively simple, really.
Nothing exists other than the present moment. The past is history. Who cares? You can never change it, anyway.
The future, is a mystery. No one knows what will happen. I might be struck by lightning in a minute or two. Or get a US$400 million cheque. Who knows?
What does exist, is this instance, this moment, right now. No one, and no thing can ever exist. They are just scenes and characters that act out as soon as you are there.
Nothing matters but what is in front of you right now, which in my case, is my third pint.
The Mind is Maya
It's true.
The mind is maya. It is false. It constantly tries to trick you with incessant chatter. Expectations and worries.
Only thing you can do is to relax, accept it, and let it go. Nothing you can do about it anyway.
Gifted with such a brilliant mind, as well as the voice of my De-generation X, I deal with so much more shit than anyone else.
My mind crave puzzles. Always like that. I find answers. Solutions. When my puzzles are taken away from me, the ego, I get all restless.
There is a way to relax. And I am saying this for the benefit of fellow geniuses suffering from the same afflictions of the diseased mind.
Detach yourself. Your 'self' which you think is you, is not you. It is a blabbering regurgitator of stuff. Things.
What is real is simply there, in front of you. Approaching it without judgement or bias may be difficult, but acceptance and awareness of the delusional mind, the delusional ego, is one way - in my case the only way - of attaining peace.
The mind is maya. Hi, Maya.
The mind is maya. It is false. It constantly tries to trick you with incessant chatter. Expectations and worries.
Only thing you can do is to relax, accept it, and let it go. Nothing you can do about it anyway.
Gifted with such a brilliant mind, as well as the voice of my De-generation X, I deal with so much more shit than anyone else.
My mind crave puzzles. Always like that. I find answers. Solutions. When my puzzles are taken away from me, the ego, I get all restless.
There is a way to relax. And I am saying this for the benefit of fellow geniuses suffering from the same afflictions of the diseased mind.
Detach yourself. Your 'self' which you think is you, is not you. It is a blabbering regurgitator of stuff. Things.
What is real is simply there, in front of you. Approaching it without judgement or bias may be difficult, but acceptance and awareness of the delusional mind, the delusional ego, is one way - in my case the only way - of attaining peace.
The mind is maya. Hi, Maya.
Stream of Consciousness
I've got a condition. I get confused sometimes. Maybe I've turned into what they've always said I would turn into - a maniac, a psycho-killer.
- Marv, Sin City
So, so many things.
If A happens, then categorise things into A, B or C scenarios.
Variations A1, A2, A3. So on and so forth.
This is the storm, the tornado, that happens incessantly in my head. Every day. Every time.
Studying spirituality is the only thing that works in keeping things under control.
Applying it to a viable means of making money is relatively easy.
I can turn on and off attention to detail. I can paint multiple scenarios and pick perhaps the best one. I can do real good analysis of things. Would have made a very good system analyst. But that is a lifetime ago.
Information feeds my mind, my ego. If I had not discovered a means of calming down years ago, I would have been in a straightjacket.
It is tough being smart. Really, it is. And it's even tougher when you're a fucking genius.
I am so fucking cool. And a tortured artist. Without an 'e'.
- Marv, Sin City
So, so many things.
If A happens, then categorise things into A, B or C scenarios.
Variations A1, A2, A3. So on and so forth.
This is the storm, the tornado, that happens incessantly in my head. Every day. Every time.
Studying spirituality is the only thing that works in keeping things under control.
Applying it to a viable means of making money is relatively easy.
I can turn on and off attention to detail. I can paint multiple scenarios and pick perhaps the best one. I can do real good analysis of things. Would have made a very good system analyst. But that is a lifetime ago.
Information feeds my mind, my ego. If I had not discovered a means of calming down years ago, I would have been in a straightjacket.
It is tough being smart. Really, it is. And it's even tougher when you're a fucking genius.
I am so fucking cool. And a tortured artist. Without an 'e'.
Les Enfant du Sang
Tortured, sensitive artist Amir Hafizi (flips hair) walks the streets of PJ, which though not gritty enough, is quite dirty anyway.
As an enfant du sang, he was told he has privileges. To make millions. But so far, there has been no way in hell that can happen.
No fucking way.
Whatever money that tortured, sensitive artist Amir Hafizi can make, he will have to make based on his own wits and his will.
Oh, I am so fucking tortured, so sensitive, and so fucking artist. Without an 'e'. That's right. An artist without an 'e'.
Man, I am so fucking cool.
As an enfant du sang, he was told he has privileges. To make millions. But so far, there has been no way in hell that can happen.
No fucking way.
Whatever money that tortured, sensitive artist Amir Hafizi can make, he will have to make based on his own wits and his will.
Oh, I am so fucking tortured, so sensitive, and so fucking artist. Without an 'e'. That's right. An artist without an 'e'.
Man, I am so fucking cool.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Tales from the Drugged Up Side: Avengers Disassembled
I was having a phone conversation with someone.
I told him, "The Knights of Bukkake last rode a few years back. I am rebuilding the Avengers."
"What?"
"A personal support system. These projects are going to take a lot of me."
"You don't need that. You've never needed a personal support system before. I know you."
I sat and I thought about that. Do people really need to know my shit? Do I really need to talk about the minutiae of my life?
All these months, I spent listening, maybe my ego just wanted to have an even score. Maybe it's MY time to be heard, thinks the ego. And MY, MINE, I, are pathologically dangerous.
I may SAY that I want peace, but when a whole bunch of workload suddenly drops on my lap, I get panicky and start to smoke too much, and I unload on unsuspecting passers-by. Is that fair? Is that really responsible?
All my life, I have handled things on my own. Sure, some people helped. A lot. But all of it has been my actions that brought me where I am. I saw myself through so much shit.
I amaze myself constantly. I am chuckling now.
I have been the 'needy little me'.
What an idiot. I fell for the oldest trick in the book.
Oh well. We live and learn, boy. We live and learn.
I told him, "The Knights of Bukkake last rode a few years back. I am rebuilding the Avengers."
"What?"
"A personal support system. These projects are going to take a lot of me."
"You don't need that. You've never needed a personal support system before. I know you."
I sat and I thought about that. Do people really need to know my shit? Do I really need to talk about the minutiae of my life?
All these months, I spent listening, maybe my ego just wanted to have an even score. Maybe it's MY time to be heard, thinks the ego. And MY, MINE, I, are pathologically dangerous.
I may SAY that I want peace, but when a whole bunch of workload suddenly drops on my lap, I get panicky and start to smoke too much, and I unload on unsuspecting passers-by. Is that fair? Is that really responsible?
All my life, I have handled things on my own. Sure, some people helped. A lot. But all of it has been my actions that brought me where I am. I saw myself through so much shit.
I amaze myself constantly. I am chuckling now.
I have been the 'needy little me'.
What an idiot. I fell for the oldest trick in the book.
Oh well. We live and learn, boy. We live and learn.
Operating on a Planetary Scale
It's like 8 Mile. I got one shot at this. Well, a few shots, actually. But I'm gonna treat it as one shot.
The scale I am doing this shit, is crazy, a few years back. Now, it's just elementary, my dear Watson.
I am so fucking cool.
I would be lying if I said the sheer scale of it doesn't excite or scare me at the same time. A few sleepless nights that have passed is nothing compared to what I will put myself through in the next few months.
So, I got one shot. Have to get it right. For all mankind.
Everything that has ever happened has led to these few months. Or not. If I get it right, then I would have bought my freedom. I can say fuck off, and goodbye. To everything.
I'd finally be what I said I would eventually be. Free.
Aaaaannnnd if it doesn't work out, well, I guess I'll just have to try again.
But I only got one shot. ONE shot!
Ah, my ride's here. No time for napping. It's work all the way, motherfucker.
The scale I am doing this shit, is crazy, a few years back. Now, it's just elementary, my dear Watson.
I am so fucking cool.
I would be lying if I said the sheer scale of it doesn't excite or scare me at the same time. A few sleepless nights that have passed is nothing compared to what I will put myself through in the next few months.
So, I got one shot. Have to get it right. For all mankind.
Everything that has ever happened has led to these few months. Or not. If I get it right, then I would have bought my freedom. I can say fuck off, and goodbye. To everything.
I'd finally be what I said I would eventually be. Free.
Aaaaannnnd if it doesn't work out, well, I guess I'll just have to try again.
But I only got one shot. ONE shot!
Ah, my ride's here. No time for napping. It's work all the way, motherfucker.
Intermission: Missionary
Today is a good day. Through trials and tribulations, I believe I have assembled a team for something.
Building something is harder and easier than it looks.
In the past few weeks, I have also found my voice. I'm taking even more responsibility than before, on all fronts. It will be a huge burden, but I think I can handle it. I have no choice, really.
I love my jobs. All of them. I get to be creative and gritty and noir and professional all at the same time.
If you told me a few years back that I would be doing all of this, I would have laughed at your face.
But like I said, I am moving forward. And when I move, the universe moves with me.
It didn't come cheap. I had to endure a lot of crap in past years, and these past few weeks have been absolute hell to navigate through. I had to be the glue that sticks everyone together. In many formations. Had to appease many parties.
At some point, I put up the signal. I needed help. I am not wise, or mature, but I know what my limits are and the exact time to ask for help. I spent some years banging my mind and my body on walls, just to see what my limits were. Broke my bones. My nose. Bled like hell. But I know.
So, before yet another giant push, I'm gonna get some rest. Let's see later, if this - yet another hare-brained scheme - will work or not.
Building something is harder and easier than it looks.
In the past few weeks, I have also found my voice. I'm taking even more responsibility than before, on all fronts. It will be a huge burden, but I think I can handle it. I have no choice, really.
I love my jobs. All of them. I get to be creative and gritty and noir and professional all at the same time.
If you told me a few years back that I would be doing all of this, I would have laughed at your face.
But like I said, I am moving forward. And when I move, the universe moves with me.
It didn't come cheap. I had to endure a lot of crap in past years, and these past few weeks have been absolute hell to navigate through. I had to be the glue that sticks everyone together. In many formations. Had to appease many parties.
At some point, I put up the signal. I needed help. I am not wise, or mature, but I know what my limits are and the exact time to ask for help. I spent some years banging my mind and my body on walls, just to see what my limits were. Broke my bones. My nose. Bled like hell. But I know.
So, before yet another giant push, I'm gonna get some rest. Let's see later, if this - yet another hare-brained scheme - will work or not.
A Life Furnished by Sin City
Ever since I did some research to do a Sin City pastiche, elements from that comic book and film stayed with me. Haunting me. Like the smell of pizza on the breath of the taxi man who took 20 goddamn minutes to get me back to my apartment.
I went to get my laundry, and as I walked, the Sin City theme was playing in my head.
Ne-ne-ne neowww ne-ne-neowww!
Nenenenenenenenenene!
I was in a world where all the men are strong, and all the women are beautiful and need either help, love or killing.
Sin City is a noir pastiche, almost a parody. Filled with men who are destined to die a bloody death, living in the underbelly of a city almost alive with sex, saxophone, sirens and dirt. You can't find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
I am Marv, going all out to avenge Goldie's death. I am Dwight, who would die to protect whatever friends he has left. I am Hartigan, who gets punished for all the good he has done. I am the Salesman - a class act. I am Kevin the psycho-cannibal.
Ne-ne-ne neowww ne-ne-neowww!
Nenenenenenenenenene!
I plut my laundry on the floor of my apartment. I draw the curtains. And I take a nap.
I went to get my laundry, and as I walked, the Sin City theme was playing in my head.
Ne-ne-ne neowww ne-ne-neowww!
Nenenenenenenenenene!
I was in a world where all the men are strong, and all the women are beautiful and need either help, love or killing.
Sin City is a noir pastiche, almost a parody. Filled with men who are destined to die a bloody death, living in the underbelly of a city almost alive with sex, saxophone, sirens and dirt. You can't find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
I am Marv, going all out to avenge Goldie's death. I am Dwight, who would die to protect whatever friends he has left. I am Hartigan, who gets punished for all the good he has done. I am the Salesman - a class act. I am Kevin the psycho-cannibal.
Ne-ne-ne neowww ne-ne-neowww!
Nenenenenenenenenene!
I plut my laundry on the floor of my apartment. I draw the curtains. And I take a nap.
Under the Hood
So last night, as we got talking, some crying dames suddenly stopped crying and said, "You're... Amir Hafizi? THE Amir Hafizi?"
I smiled, and nodded.
God, I hate this.
"I love your article on this and that and whateverthefuck!"
Oh no. They're only naming my blog posts. They'll expect a performance, not of the sexual kind. I'm a walking circus. But I can't blame anyone.
"So what do you do?"
"I write for a newspaper."
"The Star?"
FUCK! I. DO. NOT. WRITE. FOR. THE. STAR! I've never written for The Star. Not that I have anything against them. I just go with underdogs. Going with The Star is like supporting Brazil. And Brazil lost.
"No," I grinned. Flashing clean white teeth. "I write for The Malay Mail. Read it. It's free."
"Oh, I read it, when I was looking for my first job."
When was that? 1896?
"You also do movies, right? I read on your blog..."
I whip out Lucille from my trenchcoat and started shooting up the place. BAM! Straight between the eyes. BLAM! Somebody lost a nut or two. KA-BLAM! No open casket for that dame.
"And then, and then, you wrote..."
She laughed. And her friend started sniffing. Turning up her nose. I know what's coming.
"Hmph! I don't read blogs."
"Neither do I," I said.
And then she starts playing games. Not Super Mario Bros or Tetris. The hot and cold game. The "come and fuck me, but only if I let you" game.
I ain't got time for games. The cold night wind was calling me. I didn't even have the mood to play my character for the enthusiastic broad. I got up, and went out into the night.
I hope I left the two broads with the realisation that life is no game, not like in blogs or forums or Facebook. I hope they realise that not all stories have an ending, wrapped neatly with a bow.
And that sometimes, you better make me pay the bills or part of the tab before I go. Cause I sometimes forget.
I smiled, and nodded.
God, I hate this.
"I love your article on this and that and whateverthefuck!"
Oh no. They're only naming my blog posts. They'll expect a performance, not of the sexual kind. I'm a walking circus. But I can't blame anyone.
"So what do you do?"
"I write for a newspaper."
"The Star?"
FUCK! I. DO. NOT. WRITE. FOR. THE. STAR! I've never written for The Star. Not that I have anything against them. I just go with underdogs. Going with The Star is like supporting Brazil. And Brazil lost.
"No," I grinned. Flashing clean white teeth. "I write for The Malay Mail. Read it. It's free."
"Oh, I read it, when I was looking for my first job."
When was that? 1896?
"You also do movies, right? I read on your blog..."
I whip out Lucille from my trenchcoat and started shooting up the place. BAM! Straight between the eyes. BLAM! Somebody lost a nut or two. KA-BLAM! No open casket for that dame.
"And then, and then, you wrote..."
She laughed. And her friend started sniffing. Turning up her nose. I know what's coming.
"Hmph! I don't read blogs."
"Neither do I," I said.
And then she starts playing games. Not Super Mario Bros or Tetris. The hot and cold game. The "come and fuck me, but only if I let you" game.
I ain't got time for games. The cold night wind was calling me. I didn't even have the mood to play my character for the enthusiastic broad. I got up, and went out into the night.
I hope I left the two broads with the realisation that life is no game, not like in blogs or forums or Facebook. I hope they realise that not all stories have an ending, wrapped neatly with a bow.
And that sometimes, you better make me pay the bills or part of the tab before I go. Cause I sometimes forget.
Superhero Complex: Booze, Broads and Brazil
I woke up, not feeling too good. I spent last night with two broads and a dick, talking about their problems. But then I remember that Brazil got knocked out of the World Cup.
Suddenly, the world doesn't seem so alien and unforgiving anymore.
For some reason, I attract people who want to talk about their problems, especially about relationship issues. So much so, that I got addicted. Five of my friends are going through terrible divorces, some with kids in tow.
Those are never pretty, and I have seen enough to know what to do. How to win. But most of the time, they do not consult me on how to win. They just want to listen, and I have to suppress my dick instincts and be a woman and just sit there and listen. I shut my mouth, as they go through their emotions and shit.
Some are really bad, man. Gambling addictions, drug abuse, alcoholism all thrown into abusive relationships. The amount of lying involved could fuel Government propaganda for years.
Sometimes, I just stand by and watch as lives are destroyed. I go home, and I just hate the fact that there's nothing I could do. Always a sucker for crying women.
And sometimes, sometimes I get thank you messages from those idiots whose lives are fucked up. Thanking me. For what? I could give no valid advice. I couldn't beat up people (without contacting specific people I do not want to contact. Let the bodies lie where they are). I couldn't save anyone.
Listening, I was just strapping myself to an iron maiden and turning on the heat.
But over the years, I have managed to suppress my superhero complex enough to focus only on what each case needs. It's not about me and my inability to do things which are not my responsibility to begin with.
I'm not a superhero. I can't cross the line. There are rules I play by. And if I am patient enough, things generally sort themselves out, without the involvement of my engorged ego.
And Brazil lost! Muahahaha!
Suddenly, the world doesn't seem so alien and unforgiving anymore.
For some reason, I attract people who want to talk about their problems, especially about relationship issues. So much so, that I got addicted. Five of my friends are going through terrible divorces, some with kids in tow.
Those are never pretty, and I have seen enough to know what to do. How to win. But most of the time, they do not consult me on how to win. They just want to listen, and I have to suppress my dick instincts and be a woman and just sit there and listen. I shut my mouth, as they go through their emotions and shit.
Some are really bad, man. Gambling addictions, drug abuse, alcoholism all thrown into abusive relationships. The amount of lying involved could fuel Government propaganda for years.
Sometimes, I just stand by and watch as lives are destroyed. I go home, and I just hate the fact that there's nothing I could do. Always a sucker for crying women.
And sometimes, sometimes I get thank you messages from those idiots whose lives are fucked up. Thanking me. For what? I could give no valid advice. I couldn't beat up people (without contacting specific people I do not want to contact. Let the bodies lie where they are). I couldn't save anyone.
Listening, I was just strapping myself to an iron maiden and turning on the heat.
But over the years, I have managed to suppress my superhero complex enough to focus only on what each case needs. It's not about me and my inability to do things which are not my responsibility to begin with.
I'm not a superhero. I can't cross the line. There are rules I play by. And if I am patient enough, things generally sort themselves out, without the involvement of my engorged ego.
And Brazil lost! Muahahaha!
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