Saturday, July 3, 2010

Tales from the Drugged Up Side: Avengers Disassembled

I was having a phone conversation with someone.

I told him, "The Knights of Bukkake last rode a few years back. I am rebuilding the Avengers."


"A personal support system. These projects are going to take a lot of me."

"You don't need that. You've never needed a personal support system before. I know you."

I sat and I thought about that. Do people really need to know my shit? Do I really need to talk about the minutiae of my life?

All these months, I spent listening, maybe my ego just wanted to have an even score. Maybe it's MY time to be heard, thinks the ego. And MY, MINE, I, are pathologically dangerous.

I may SAY that I want peace, but when a whole bunch of workload suddenly drops on my lap, I get panicky and start to smoke too much, and I unload on unsuspecting passers-by. Is that fair? Is that really responsible?

All my life, I have handled things on my own. Sure, some people helped. A lot. But all of it has been my actions that brought me where I am. I saw myself through so much shit.

I amaze myself constantly. I am chuckling now.

I have been the 'needy little me'.

What an idiot. I fell for the oldest trick in the book.

Oh well. We live and learn, boy. We live and learn.