Monday, July 5, 2010


It is hard to explain satori - flashes of insight. It's like, I dunno, describing your first anal sex experience or something like that.

Sitting in a pub, alone, I had another satori - my fifth this year.

It's like, all around my head, stuff were flying about. As long as I couldn't make sense of things, I was weak. Wingless. I was Lucifer without my will. Michael without his demiurgic power.

But once everything fell into place, once I understood, that's it. My mind can't paint scenarios for me to ponder. It can't get me to chase my tail anymore.

Oh, it'll come back, at other moments. This is not the last time I have seen it, because it is myself.

Right now, I feel young again. Reborn again. Nothing in this world I can't do. My job, my projects.

My angst - the ego - was there because it was its time to be there. It served a function, and I am more aware than ever before in large part because of it.

Man, I am so fucking smart. And not those who pretend to be smart, but I'm just really, really, really, ridiculously intelligent and brilliant.

Who is your GOD now?