Not Marina, not Mukhriz, not Najib, not even KJ or Anwar or Ummi Hafilda or Sukma Darmawan Sasmitaat Madja. Not Pretty Soldier Sammy V, not Ku Li, not Muhyiddin, not Lim Kit Siang, Lim Guan Eng, Karpal or Gobindh Singh Deo.
Since no one has the balls to do it, I guess it's another job for me.
I now throw my name as a Presidential candidate for Malaysia.
If I am made President, this whole country will be saved (selamat).
First order of business, as President, I will demolish all houses of worship. No churches, no mosques, no temples, not even a Tua Pek Kong.
Instead, I'll construct worship centres which incorporates ALL major religions, with a Starbucks at the side.
Then, I'm going on a killing spree.
Anyone who ever did anything bad to me will be captured, tortured, released, captured again, tortured some more and then watch helplessly as their family members are tortured, maimed and killed.
I will ban drumsticks. And fax machines. Drumsticks and fax machines are the stupidest things in the world and should be destroyed.
Then I will find out who took the RM1.1 billion from Terengganu and shove 1.1 billion needles up his/her/their/its ass(es).
I will take an LG Chocolate and smash it in front of Jeff Ooi. Take that product placement and shove it where the sun don't shine.
I will legally change Teresa Kok's name, because I really can't take her seriously with a...nevermind. And she should be taken seriously.
Phuket will be the 15th state.
Prostitution will be legalized and controlled by the Ministry of Hos. The Minister in charge? Ermmm...Ho Kay Tat?
No more combustion engine vehicles. Everyone must use hydrogen fuel-cell cars. Anyone who fails to do so will be thrown in jail until his/her beard is long enough to be held in one's hand.
Polygamy will be allowed for everyone, with the added stipulation that women can marry 5 men. This comes from the reasoning that women can have sex with 5 men at the same time. Vaginal, anal, oral and two handjobs.
Liberal lesbians will be shot and killed, drawn and quartered. This will be the end of their plot to emasculate real men.
The punishment for rapists would also be rape. With a dog. Or a pig.
Parliament will be a reality show on TV, 24 hours a day. Citizens get to vote out, via registered SMS, which idiot they want.
The MP who gets eliminated will have the trapdoor under him open and he will be transported directly to hell, where my ol' buddy Azazel will take care of him.
People who lose elections will be sterilized.
Mat Rempits and Minah Rempits will also be sterilized.
In fact, if I am made President, everyone in Malaysia will either be neutered or spayed.
I am the future of this country. So take a good look. Take a good long look.
