COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Anan!
I'm like Jack Hawksmoor, bitch!
And all the idiots would go, "Who's Jack Hawksmoor?"
BITCH!
Fucking hell, man. All my pop-culture references would be lost on idiots. So why? Why do I heap my valuable writing (50 cents per word, three million per script) on philistines and Israelis?
Woe is me!
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
You guys all suck. I hate all of you.
I guess, this is my way of giving back to the community. My charity. Allowing you the chance to 'geddit', geddit?
For example, the title above. What the fuck is sigla iniziale?
It means opening theme. Or something like that.
Man, I am so cool.
And jack Hawksmoor, he is a man modified to thrive in urban environments. He can 'talk' to cities.
Man, I wish Agent Graves was here and give me an attache case.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Black Sabbath
Hari ni Sabtu. Hari rehat untuk orang Yahudi. Juga hari rehat untuk aku. Tapi aku bangun jugak pukul tujuh pagi.
Banyak kerja, beb.
Yang aku kelakarnya, ada jugak la beberapa orang yang tak pernah call aku dah bertahun-tahun lamanya, atau tak pernah call langsung, tiba-tiba call aku.
Lepas tu tanya, "Ko buat apa sekarang?"
Nak je aku jawab, "Melancap."
Aku: Tak buat apa-apa.
Dia: Ye la. Ko kerja kat mana?
Aku: Tak kerja kat mana-mana.
Dia: Hahahahahahaha!
Lepas tu letak telefon.
Hahahahaha.
Ni jenis yang nak rasa lagi best dari orang lain la ni. Dia ada kerja. Ada kereta. Mulianya.
Aku takde masa la, nak berlawan dengan loser-loser ni semua. Aku sibuk melancap.
Banyak kerja, beb.
Yang aku kelakarnya, ada jugak la beberapa orang yang tak pernah call aku dah bertahun-tahun lamanya, atau tak pernah call langsung, tiba-tiba call aku.
Lepas tu tanya, "Ko buat apa sekarang?"
Nak je aku jawab, "Melancap."
Aku: Tak buat apa-apa.
Dia: Ye la. Ko kerja kat mana?
Aku: Tak kerja kat mana-mana.
Dia: Hahahahahahaha!
Lepas tu letak telefon.
Hahahahaha.
Ni jenis yang nak rasa lagi best dari orang lain la ni. Dia ada kerja. Ada kereta. Mulianya.
Aku takde masa la, nak berlawan dengan loser-loser ni semua. Aku sibuk melancap.
The Further Adventures of Boron: The Most Boring Man in the Universe!
The BEST instant noodles EVER is Myojo Mi Goreng. I love both their Mi Goreng Pedas and Mi Poh Goreng.
It's all in the texture. Soak the noodles in hot water for less than five minutes, or probably four, to ensure the right balance of springiness and softness.
The MSG-laden seasoning is also uncomplicated, unlike other instant mi gorengs which even try to push five different kinds of shit AND some fried flour that is supposed to pass off as shallots. Fuck you.
Ling, Chee's GF (Guardian Force) shares my interest in Myojo noodles. And we are lamenting the fact that it is getting harder to find nowadays.
Me: O, lament!
I found a cache of Myojo Mi Gorengs at a mall, but am not telling anyone where it is. It's MINE!
Been spending some time hanging out with Chee and his GF the past two weeks.
They're some of the few people I can have a conversation with, without trying to kill each other because of differing opinions.
Some people, when you talk to them, it's all about proving you wrong and trying to make themselves right.
Also, for some, it's all about ridiculing other people to feel better about themselves. I know people who set their own friends up so they can watch them fall and then laugh.
Even though I can do that with the best of them - in fact some of my projects have been going on for years - I don't want to do that all the time.
Look, man. Not everyone will agree with you. Not everyone will worship the same people you do. Not everyone will be impressed with your bullshit, ALL the time.
Truth is perception and therefore, there is no ONE, real, ULTIMATE truth. It changes from one instance to the next and the best we could ever hope for is to be in the moment of truth.
And yet, some people believe in their own hype so much that anything but complete agreement and submission is unacceptable.
Me? I'm not impressed.
I sell doubt. That's my product. Not because it's cool, but because I do not believe anyone has ALL the answers. I don't, and none of you has mental powers I don't. Bill Maher, yo!
You might have facts, but you do not have the answers. No one does.
So, FUCK PR!
It's all in the texture. Soak the noodles in hot water for less than five minutes, or probably four, to ensure the right balance of springiness and softness.
The MSG-laden seasoning is also uncomplicated, unlike other instant mi gorengs which even try to push five different kinds of shit AND some fried flour that is supposed to pass off as shallots. Fuck you.
Ling, Chee's GF (Guardian Force) shares my interest in Myojo noodles. And we are lamenting the fact that it is getting harder to find nowadays.
Me: O, lament!
I found a cache of Myojo Mi Gorengs at a mall, but am not telling anyone where it is. It's MINE!
Been spending some time hanging out with Chee and his GF the past two weeks.
They're some of the few people I can have a conversation with, without trying to kill each other because of differing opinions.
Some people, when you talk to them, it's all about proving you wrong and trying to make themselves right.
Also, for some, it's all about ridiculing other people to feel better about themselves. I know people who set their own friends up so they can watch them fall and then laugh.
Even though I can do that with the best of them - in fact some of my projects have been going on for years - I don't want to do that all the time.
Look, man. Not everyone will agree with you. Not everyone will worship the same people you do. Not everyone will be impressed with your bullshit, ALL the time.
Truth is perception and therefore, there is no ONE, real, ULTIMATE truth. It changes from one instance to the next and the best we could ever hope for is to be in the moment of truth.
And yet, some people believe in their own hype so much that anything but complete agreement and submission is unacceptable.
Me? I'm not impressed.
I sell doubt. That's my product. Not because it's cool, but because I do not believe anyone has ALL the answers. I don't, and none of you has mental powers I don't. Bill Maher, yo!
You might have facts, but you do not have the answers. No one does.
So, FUCK PR!
Toyota Camry The Best Car in the Universe. EVER
Kuala Limpeh - Motoring Magazines and Jeremy Clarkson unanimously declared today that Toyota Camry is the Best Car in the Universe. Ever.
The car, which was designed as a comfortable car that could fake luxury at a budget, was the center of a scandal in Perak as PR leaders refused to give it up despite losing the majority. Some even preferred to go to jail than hand them over.
In a recent development, even the former MB decided to hold on to it, despite vacating the premises. Calling the car a 'state symbol'.
"It's like crack, man," said motoring genius Khalid Juhairy. "I mean, you sit in it for a while, and your ass will be crying for a bit of Camry magic every 10 minutes."
Former Camry driver and owner, local Mo Pee Ko, regretted ever having sold his car.
"The night sweats, mood swings, it was really like heroin addiction," said Mo. "That's why after two days, I gouged my eyes and cut off my right arm. I couldn't take it anymore!"
The Ministry of Health is expected to declare Toyota Camrys as a controlled substance, and would set up rehab centres for PR politicians across the country.
The car, which was designed as a comfortable car that could fake luxury at a budget, was the center of a scandal in Perak as PR leaders refused to give it up despite losing the majority. Some even preferred to go to jail than hand them over.
In a recent development, even the former MB decided to hold on to it, despite vacating the premises. Calling the car a 'state symbol'.
"It's like crack, man," said motoring genius Khalid Juhairy. "I mean, you sit in it for a while, and your ass will be crying for a bit of Camry magic every 10 minutes."
Former Camry driver and owner, local Mo Pee Ko, regretted ever having sold his car.
"The night sweats, mood swings, it was really like heroin addiction," said Mo. "That's why after two days, I gouged my eyes and cut off my right arm. I couldn't take it anymore!"
The Ministry of Health is expected to declare Toyota Camrys as a controlled substance, and would set up rehab centres for PR politicians across the country.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Obelisk the Tormentor
Satu lagi game yang aku lupa ialah Heroes of Might and Magic III.
III sahaja.
Yang ni pun macam main chess jugak. Tapi ko manufacture unit berlainan kat castle berlainan.
Aku punya favourite castle ialah Necropolis, pasal - sama macam aku - makhluk hantu kat situ tak terpengaruh dengan moral.
Unit best ialah Dread Knight ke Death Knight. Agak laju, dan ada 50 peratus peluang untuk kasi double damage.
Kalau ada skill Luck, nanti boleh kasi 4 kali damage. Muahahaha!
Pastu, Ghost Dragon ada 15 peratus peluang untuk menyeparuhkan hit points monster. Aging, katanya.
Aku pernah lawan stack Archangel yang ganas.
Caranya ialah letak beberapa stack Ghost Dragon dalam lineup.
Pastu, serang dengan harapan dapat effect aging tu.
Lepas tu, bunuh pakai Dread Knight. Quadruple damage. Hahahaha.
Vampire Lords pun bagus, pasal boleh regenerate kalau attack monster.
Yang lain tu biasa je.
Castle units pun ok.
Ada Champions - unit naik kuda - yang akan tambah 5-7 peratus kuasa serangan untuk setiap tile dia bergerak.
Kira kalau gerak 10 tile, tambah sampai 70 peratus damage.
Archangels boleh cast Resurrection kat mana-mana monster. Mamat pemanah tu boleh attack dua kali ke? Aku lupa.
Yang si mamat Crusader tu boleh attack dua kali tak silap aku.
Royal Griffin boleh attack tanpa counter-attack.
Tapi yang paling aku biasa pakai ialah Tower.
Titans boleh tembak jauh.
Nagas sexy. Hehehe. Aku tak suka Naga Queens. Nagas sahaja. Pasal lagi seksi.
Naga Queens, cleavage dia terlindung dek rantai emas. Aku tak suka.
Lagipun, Nagas lagi kurus. Hehehe.
Aku tak suka pakai dragons, pasal tak best. Dragons biasanya tak lut magic.
Dragon paling cibai - Green tak kena spell level rendah. Masalahnya, aku biasa bagi spell level rendah untuk naikkan stat atau kasi effect.
Bagus la, kalau lawan mamat yang suka pakai spell picisan. Untuk bunuh monster besar (budak kecik).
Menatang Gorgon tu pun bagus. Pasal lepas serang, dia stare kat monster, mampus lagi. Automatic tau? Per unit. Tak kisah unit besar ke, Skeleton ke.
Tapi monster paling hebat kat Fortress bodoh sangat. Hydra. Boleh attack tiga sekali. Susah nak pakai. Kena susun betul-betul dulu.
Kalau tak, dengan unit ko sekali mati kang. Unit yang bodoh, macam Cerberus.
Oops. Teksi dah sampai. Aku kat Bangsar ni.
III sahaja.
Yang ni pun macam main chess jugak. Tapi ko manufacture unit berlainan kat castle berlainan.
Aku punya favourite castle ialah Necropolis, pasal - sama macam aku - makhluk hantu kat situ tak terpengaruh dengan moral.
Unit best ialah Dread Knight ke Death Knight. Agak laju, dan ada 50 peratus peluang untuk kasi double damage.
Kalau ada skill Luck, nanti boleh kasi 4 kali damage. Muahahaha!
Pastu, Ghost Dragon ada 15 peratus peluang untuk menyeparuhkan hit points monster. Aging, katanya.
Aku pernah lawan stack Archangel yang ganas.
Caranya ialah letak beberapa stack Ghost Dragon dalam lineup.
Pastu, serang dengan harapan dapat effect aging tu.
Lepas tu, bunuh pakai Dread Knight. Quadruple damage. Hahahaha.
Vampire Lords pun bagus, pasal boleh regenerate kalau attack monster.
Yang lain tu biasa je.
Castle units pun ok.
Ada Champions - unit naik kuda - yang akan tambah 5-7 peratus kuasa serangan untuk setiap tile dia bergerak.
Kira kalau gerak 10 tile, tambah sampai 70 peratus damage.
Archangels boleh cast Resurrection kat mana-mana monster. Mamat pemanah tu boleh attack dua kali ke? Aku lupa.
Yang si mamat Crusader tu boleh attack dua kali tak silap aku.
Royal Griffin boleh attack tanpa counter-attack.
Tapi yang paling aku biasa pakai ialah Tower.
Titans boleh tembak jauh.
Nagas sexy. Hehehe. Aku tak suka Naga Queens. Nagas sahaja. Pasal lagi seksi.
Naga Queens, cleavage dia terlindung dek rantai emas. Aku tak suka.
Lagipun, Nagas lagi kurus. Hehehe.
Aku tak suka pakai dragons, pasal tak best. Dragons biasanya tak lut magic.
Dragon paling cibai - Green tak kena spell level rendah. Masalahnya, aku biasa bagi spell level rendah untuk naikkan stat atau kasi effect.
Bagus la, kalau lawan mamat yang suka pakai spell picisan. Untuk bunuh monster besar (budak kecik).
Menatang Gorgon tu pun bagus. Pasal lepas serang, dia stare kat monster, mampus lagi. Automatic tau? Per unit. Tak kisah unit besar ke, Skeleton ke.
Tapi monster paling hebat kat Fortress bodoh sangat. Hydra. Boleh attack tiga sekali. Susah nak pakai. Kena susun betul-betul dulu.
Kalau tak, dengan unit ko sekali mati kang. Unit yang bodoh, macam Cerberus.
Oops. Teksi dah sampai. Aku kat Bangsar ni.
Winged Dragon of Ra
Aku dah dapat over 80% card dalam game Yugi Power of Chaos ni.
Kemenangan dah hampir pasti 90%. Pasal lawan komputer. Senang nak duga.
Tapi Jinzo (Android Psycho Shocker) tak dapat lagi. Ni 90% tanpa Jinzo ni. Kalau ada, mau tak 99%. Yang 1% tu pasal kalau dia dapat Exodia lepas dua turn kot.
Jadi semalam, aku dah bosan, jadi aku try cheat semua kad. Aku edit registry dan hasilnya...SEMUA kad yang aku menang hilang!
Hahahahaha.
Cheat ialah satu-satunya cara untuk menghentikan ketagihan.
Dulu, aku main CM. Adala dalam lima tahun. Dah sampai musim 2017 ke hapa ntah. Aku bawak West Brom menang Champions League. Pakai pemain Swedish dan Greek. Dan Julius Aghahowa - 4 kali Fifa World Player of the year.
Peter Madsen, Kim Kallstrom, Bo Nielsen, Per Nilsson - beli 200K je, dapat jadi Defender of the year.
Paul Dillon - lagi power dari Maldini.
Taktik? Christmas Tree. Pasal midfield power, letak 5 orang. Tapi 2 sebenarnya attacking midfielder.
Keeper? Keeper Greek yang susah nak eja.
Sampai satu tahap, aku ada cukup untuk buat 3 team yang mampu menang Champions League. Manakala Italy bawah kendalian aku dah dua kali menang World Cup, dua kali Euro.
Lepas tu, bila start last World Cup, punyalah ramai penyokong Itali. Aku panggil diorang ni 'Penyokong Itali Tiba-tiba'. Apahal? Dulu sokong Man U. Pastu alih-alih Itali? Apa kaitannya?
Lantak ko la.
Menyampah dengan game tu, aku start balik. Pakai editor. Masukkan Malaysia dalam Euro. Malaysia menang Euro dan World Cup. Menang Euro tak tahan tu. Aku keluarkan Portugal dari EU, masukkan Malaysia. Hahahaha. Mau tak mati Porto dengan Sporting Lisbon.
Pemain aku kat Blackburn Rovers semuanya orang Malaysia. Memandangkan pemain Malaysia tak cukup 14 orang, aku tukar Pablo Aimar dengan Ronaldinho jadi Malaysian.
Muahahaha!
AKu main SUper Robot Wars series. Lepas menang tiga kali dari mula sampai habis, aku cheat. Hack masuk bazaar, beli Turn X Gundam. Taktik lepas tu ialah hantar Turn X kat tengah-tengah musuh, lepas tu tengok dia belasah semua orang sampai mati. Dah bosan, beb, apa nak buat?
Pastu, yang bestnya, aku hack tukar experience. Ambik AMuro, letak dalam Turn X, buat lap keliling map, pasal dah laju sangat dan SP dia 230++. Letak Donkey Bun, sekali pusingan boleh jalan dalam 10 kali. Hahahaha.
TAK PERNAH kena serang walau sekali pun. Tak pernah hit. Mustahil. Aku letak le sebelah bos ke, apa ke. Pernah, geram, aku letak depan V2 Assault Buster Gundam, pasti kena, tembak pakai map weapon. Damage? Critical! 15 HP. Dari 30,000++.
Bodoh betul! Muahahaha.
Jagged Alliance 2? Aku dah menang dua kali, dari mula sampai habis. Jadi aku try taktik menyelinap di belakang musuh dan cuba bunuh bos - Deidranna - secara senyap-senyap. Kantoi!
Jadi aku cheat, buat watak ciptaan aku maximum stat. Dia pernah miss tembak dua kali je dalam game. Itu pun, pasal aku paksa dia pakai shotgun. Hahahaha.
Aku main game lama, Uncharted Waters 2 New Horizons, cheat supaya dapat duit banyak tak ingat. Kasi watak masuk Islam, lepas tu bawak dia travel keliling dunia. AKu punya trade route ialah dari Lisbon ke Goa, Melaka, Nagasaki, pergi ke South America dan balik ke Lisbon. Trade emas dan perak.
Lepas aku keliling dunia dalam lebih 20 kali, aku dah bosan. Cari la pulak Mystical Weapons. Pastu bosan, aku buat lima fleet.
Satu fleet Tekkosen SAHAJA (metal-plated). Satu fleet, Full-Rigged Ship SAHAJA. Satu fleet, Spanish Galleon SAHAJA. Tapi yang paling best masih lagi yang pakai Venetian Galleas, walaupun hull dia pakai Oak sahaja, tak pakai besi macam kapal Jepun (yang tak wujud sebenarnya). Venetian Galleas patutnya tak boleh bawak jauh-jauh sangat, tapi aku bawak selamba je keliling dunia. Bawak la Barge sebijik dua, pasal nak berniaga.
Game ni banyak mengajar aku pasal perkapalan zaman dulu, dan pelabuhan-pelabuhan yang wujud. Aku cross-reference pakai wikipedia, pasal maklumat dia tak tepat sangat.
Bosan, aku pergi lagi old school. Aku pergi main Gemfire. Dah freeware, babe.
Lepas aku dah menang sebulan (satu malam boleh menang satu game) atau 30 kali dari mula sampai habis, aku cheat. Duit dan makanan, kemudiannya askar tak terbatas.
Dulu, aku pakai Game Master untuk ubah nilai dalam game. Sekarang, aku pakai Gamewiz, pasal ada sesetengah game, dia simpan nilai hexadecimal. Base-16. Gamemaster susah sikit. Gamewiz boleh cari nilai base-16.
Aku cheat pasal kalau tak, aku akan main semua game ni sampai hari ni. Mana ada masa, beb. Kerja banyak ni. Walaupun takde kerja opis. Hehehe.
Kemenangan dah hampir pasti 90%. Pasal lawan komputer. Senang nak duga.
Tapi Jinzo (Android Psycho Shocker) tak dapat lagi. Ni 90% tanpa Jinzo ni. Kalau ada, mau tak 99%. Yang 1% tu pasal kalau dia dapat Exodia lepas dua turn kot.
Jadi semalam, aku dah bosan, jadi aku try cheat semua kad. Aku edit registry dan hasilnya...SEMUA kad yang aku menang hilang!
Hahahahaha.
Cheat ialah satu-satunya cara untuk menghentikan ketagihan.
Dulu, aku main CM. Adala dalam lima tahun. Dah sampai musim 2017 ke hapa ntah. Aku bawak West Brom menang Champions League. Pakai pemain Swedish dan Greek. Dan Julius Aghahowa - 4 kali Fifa World Player of the year.
Peter Madsen, Kim Kallstrom, Bo Nielsen, Per Nilsson - beli 200K je, dapat jadi Defender of the year.
Paul Dillon - lagi power dari Maldini.
Taktik? Christmas Tree. Pasal midfield power, letak 5 orang. Tapi 2 sebenarnya attacking midfielder.
Keeper? Keeper Greek yang susah nak eja.
Sampai satu tahap, aku ada cukup untuk buat 3 team yang mampu menang Champions League. Manakala Italy bawah kendalian aku dah dua kali menang World Cup, dua kali Euro.
Lepas tu, bila start last World Cup, punyalah ramai penyokong Itali. Aku panggil diorang ni 'Penyokong Itali Tiba-tiba'. Apahal? Dulu sokong Man U. Pastu alih-alih Itali? Apa kaitannya?
Lantak ko la.
Menyampah dengan game tu, aku start balik. Pakai editor. Masukkan Malaysia dalam Euro. Malaysia menang Euro dan World Cup. Menang Euro tak tahan tu. Aku keluarkan Portugal dari EU, masukkan Malaysia. Hahahaha. Mau tak mati Porto dengan Sporting Lisbon.
Pemain aku kat Blackburn Rovers semuanya orang Malaysia. Memandangkan pemain Malaysia tak cukup 14 orang, aku tukar Pablo Aimar dengan Ronaldinho jadi Malaysian.
Muahahaha!
AKu main SUper Robot Wars series. Lepas menang tiga kali dari mula sampai habis, aku cheat. Hack masuk bazaar, beli Turn X Gundam. Taktik lepas tu ialah hantar Turn X kat tengah-tengah musuh, lepas tu tengok dia belasah semua orang sampai mati. Dah bosan, beb, apa nak buat?
Pastu, yang bestnya, aku hack tukar experience. Ambik AMuro, letak dalam Turn X, buat lap keliling map, pasal dah laju sangat dan SP dia 230++. Letak Donkey Bun, sekali pusingan boleh jalan dalam 10 kali. Hahahaha.
TAK PERNAH kena serang walau sekali pun. Tak pernah hit. Mustahil. Aku letak le sebelah bos ke, apa ke. Pernah, geram, aku letak depan V2 Assault Buster Gundam, pasti kena, tembak pakai map weapon. Damage? Critical! 15 HP. Dari 30,000++.
Bodoh betul! Muahahaha.
Jagged Alliance 2? Aku dah menang dua kali, dari mula sampai habis. Jadi aku try taktik menyelinap di belakang musuh dan cuba bunuh bos - Deidranna - secara senyap-senyap. Kantoi!
Jadi aku cheat, buat watak ciptaan aku maximum stat. Dia pernah miss tembak dua kali je dalam game. Itu pun, pasal aku paksa dia pakai shotgun. Hahahaha.
Aku main game lama, Uncharted Waters 2 New Horizons, cheat supaya dapat duit banyak tak ingat. Kasi watak masuk Islam, lepas tu bawak dia travel keliling dunia. AKu punya trade route ialah dari Lisbon ke Goa, Melaka, Nagasaki, pergi ke South America dan balik ke Lisbon. Trade emas dan perak.
Lepas aku keliling dunia dalam lebih 20 kali, aku dah bosan. Cari la pulak Mystical Weapons. Pastu bosan, aku buat lima fleet.
Satu fleet Tekkosen SAHAJA (metal-plated). Satu fleet, Full-Rigged Ship SAHAJA. Satu fleet, Spanish Galleon SAHAJA. Tapi yang paling best masih lagi yang pakai Venetian Galleas, walaupun hull dia pakai Oak sahaja, tak pakai besi macam kapal Jepun (yang tak wujud sebenarnya). Venetian Galleas patutnya tak boleh bawak jauh-jauh sangat, tapi aku bawak selamba je keliling dunia. Bawak la Barge sebijik dua, pasal nak berniaga.
Game ni banyak mengajar aku pasal perkapalan zaman dulu, dan pelabuhan-pelabuhan yang wujud. Aku cross-reference pakai wikipedia, pasal maklumat dia tak tepat sangat.
Bosan, aku pergi lagi old school. Aku pergi main Gemfire. Dah freeware, babe.
Lepas aku dah menang sebulan (satu malam boleh menang satu game) atau 30 kali dari mula sampai habis, aku cheat. Duit dan makanan, kemudiannya askar tak terbatas.
Dulu, aku pakai Game Master untuk ubah nilai dalam game. Sekarang, aku pakai Gamewiz, pasal ada sesetengah game, dia simpan nilai hexadecimal. Base-16. Gamemaster susah sikit. Gamewiz boleh cari nilai base-16.
Aku cheat pasal kalau tak, aku akan main semua game ni sampai hari ni. Mana ada masa, beb. Kerja banyak ni. Walaupun takde kerja opis. Hehehe.
Singha
Karpal: Yo, Fuck politics! Check out these dope-ass beats!
Gobind: Spent all night mixin' it on mah turntable, yo!
Guy at the back: Is that...a mini compo?
Oh well. Take a chill pill. Have a cold one, old man.
Layeth the Smackdown
You know what? To quote The Professor: The evil, I can tolerate. But ooooooooh the stupidity.
All you fanatical bullshit political supporters (ESPECIALLY PR SUPPORTERS) are stupid. Stupid!
To trust PR people and treat them with shit usually reserved for mythical religious figures is infinitely stupid.
We have all seen what kind of power BN HAD when the people trusted them. And now you are giving even more power to PR? Why? This is not like fighting Britney Spears by buying Christina Aguilera albums, foo!
Well, actually it is. It is equally stupid.
I mean, look at this bullshit:
Just like in pro-wrestling, foo!
While, in reality, just like in pro-wrestling:
I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAAAAAAAANNNNND. I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAAAAAANNNND!
Don't kill yourselves over stupid ass politics, man. Have an orgasm. Pass it around.
All pics from Knights Templar.
All you fanatical bullshit political supporters (ESPECIALLY PR SUPPORTERS) are stupid. Stupid!
To trust PR people and treat them with shit usually reserved for mythical religious figures is infinitely stupid.
We have all seen what kind of power BN HAD when the people trusted them. And now you are giving even more power to PR? Why? This is not like fighting Britney Spears by buying Christina Aguilera albums, foo!
Well, actually it is. It is equally stupid.
I mean, look at this bullshit:
Just like in pro-wrestling, foo!
While, in reality, just like in pro-wrestling:
I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAAAAAAAANNNNND. I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAAAAAANNNND!
Don't kill yourselves over stupid ass politics, man. Have an orgasm. Pass it around.
All pics from Knights Templar.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
For Whom the Bell Tolls
Rape Now Accepted at Toll Booths
Kuala Limpeh - Out of change? Don't worry - toll booths across the country now accept rape as payment.
Simply hike up your skirt or pull down your pants and let the attendant have a go.
"The world economy is bad. This is the first time we are trying out this new currency," said political guy.
Rape will soon be accepted as fiat money at hypermarkets and petrol stations by June. 20,000 sex-death machines will also be made available for parking payments.
"We have plans to list rape on the main board and sell rape bonds."
Politicians have resigned en masse due to this new development...and have applied for jobs as toll booth attendants.
Politicians to Continue Fighting for Amusement
Despite a full-page ad in The Star calling for peace, politicians have pledged to continue fighting, for the amusement of the people.
"Politics is like professional wrestling," said PKR man V. Vendetta. "The people want us to fight because it is amusing to them. Plus, they can get their egos represented. Racism is money."
In a rare show of solidarity, BN woman Laili Tamplung agree with her compatriot.
"You think we're stupid? Fighting and mud-slinging puts food on the table. And Lexuses and Toyota Camrys in the garage. We're not going to give up on our lifestyle. Plus, who's dying? Not us. Na-ah!"
"Yeah!" acknowledged V. Vendetta. "Fuck the people. Literally. Who the fuck cares? We just want money. And for people to die for us. Fuck this Anas Zubedy. Who the fuck is he? What political party does he head? Suck my dick, Anas Zubedy!"
A sentiment that is echoed across the board by politicians of all shapes, sizes and morality.
"The people should learn to shut the fuck up. We politicians know better. And we're morally superior, too," said DAP's Chee Cheong Fun. "Don't play-play."
"It is better for the people to know their place - vote for us so we can get their money," agreed MIC's SS Enterprise. "I got your money! Neener-neener-neener! And you're the ones wasting time worrying about the economy? Wot, me worry? Fuck you! Muahahahahaha!"
The formation of a Golden Horde - a regiment comprised entirely of politicians - will descend on Phileo Damansara to protest the full-page ad.
Kuala Limpeh - Out of change? Don't worry - toll booths across the country now accept rape as payment.
Simply hike up your skirt or pull down your pants and let the attendant have a go.
"The world economy is bad. This is the first time we are trying out this new currency," said political guy.
Rape will soon be accepted as fiat money at hypermarkets and petrol stations by June. 20,000 sex-death machines will also be made available for parking payments.
"We have plans to list rape on the main board and sell rape bonds."
Politicians have resigned en masse due to this new development...and have applied for jobs as toll booth attendants.
Politicians to Continue Fighting for Amusement
Despite a full-page ad in The Star calling for peace, politicians have pledged to continue fighting, for the amusement of the people.
"Politics is like professional wrestling," said PKR man V. Vendetta. "The people want us to fight because it is amusing to them. Plus, they can get their egos represented. Racism is money."
In a rare show of solidarity, BN woman Laili Tamplung agree with her compatriot.
"You think we're stupid? Fighting and mud-slinging puts food on the table. And Lexuses and Toyota Camrys in the garage. We're not going to give up on our lifestyle. Plus, who's dying? Not us. Na-ah!"
"Yeah!" acknowledged V. Vendetta. "Fuck the people. Literally. Who the fuck cares? We just want money. And for people to die for us. Fuck this Anas Zubedy. Who the fuck is he? What political party does he head? Suck my dick, Anas Zubedy!"
A sentiment that is echoed across the board by politicians of all shapes, sizes and morality.
"The people should learn to shut the fuck up. We politicians know better. And we're morally superior, too," said DAP's Chee Cheong Fun. "Don't play-play."
"It is better for the people to know their place - vote for us so we can get their money," agreed MIC's SS Enterprise. "I got your money! Neener-neener-neener! And you're the ones wasting time worrying about the economy? Wot, me worry? Fuck you! Muahahahahaha!"
The formation of a Golden Horde - a regiment comprised entirely of politicians - will descend on Phileo Damansara to protest the full-page ad.
Ramuh
I'm in the middle of a thunderstorm.
So I turned off my computer and is now on my Blackberry.
I've always had some sort of phobia for lightning.
A lightning is the ultimate chaos weapon. You don't know when or where it will strike.
If you do get it, it will either kill you or scramble your nervous system.
You might get amnesia or develop other kinds of nervous disorders.
And lightning is not really electricity.
I saw a documentary where they found some sort of radiation with lightning. And lightning, it doesn't come from the clouds either.
None of that 60's belief that it's clouds rubbing against the air to create static.
Nope. Lightning, comes from space.
All that pollution we dump into the atmosphere and into space? Well, it comes back as lightning.
At least, that's what scientists are theorizing. Some of them.
If you're in a plane, your vessel can take a few strikes of lightning. It will travel around the body of the craft and go to earth.
I hate lightning. I can't really prepare for it. There's no trap card or magic that can nullify lightning.
And my life's work as well as my brain can be destroyed by lightning.
I am not afraid of death, but I am worried about living life as a mental invalid.
My memories and my stories are my most precious things.
Lightning doesn't necessarily kill anyway. It just screws you up.
And since I can't work right now, I guess I just have to read a book or go to sleep.
Sleep till it stops.
So I turned off my computer and is now on my Blackberry.
I've always had some sort of phobia for lightning.
A lightning is the ultimate chaos weapon. You don't know when or where it will strike.
If you do get it, it will either kill you or scramble your nervous system.
You might get amnesia or develop other kinds of nervous disorders.
And lightning is not really electricity.
I saw a documentary where they found some sort of radiation with lightning. And lightning, it doesn't come from the clouds either.
None of that 60's belief that it's clouds rubbing against the air to create static.
Nope. Lightning, comes from space.
All that pollution we dump into the atmosphere and into space? Well, it comes back as lightning.
At least, that's what scientists are theorizing. Some of them.
If you're in a plane, your vessel can take a few strikes of lightning. It will travel around the body of the craft and go to earth.
I hate lightning. I can't really prepare for it. There's no trap card or magic that can nullify lightning.
And my life's work as well as my brain can be destroyed by lightning.
I am not afraid of death, but I am worried about living life as a mental invalid.
My memories and my stories are my most precious things.
Lightning doesn't necessarily kill anyway. It just screws you up.
And since I can't work right now, I guess I just have to read a book or go to sleep.
Sleep till it stops.
One for the Road
I'm sick and tired of the Eli Wong issue. Sick of the mess, tired of cracking jokes about it.
This is my last posting on it. UNLESS they make an issue out of it, then I will use my AWESOME BLOGGING POWERS and my SPECIAL RIGHTS to fight for truth, justice, and the pornographic waaaaayyyyy!
Because I'm worth it. And because I am important. Muahahahaha.
First of all, I don't think she should resign. I heard that she is one of the few who opposed hillside development. The rest? If that is true, she should be on the council.
The photos? Well, they were badly taken. The poor quality is a bigger crime than spreading your legs, in my book.
I can't even see the bush. What the fuck?
I was jacking off when suddenly my browser finished loading the pics and BAM! It was like getting punched by Steven Seagal. In the cock.
Seagal: I don't think you have the balls.
It's like kryptonite. For dick.
And morals? What morals? WHOSE morals? Not mine. And my morals are the only morals that count. For me.
Even if there are some things on the photo or a video, who the fuck cares? As long as she doesn't go morally-superior on anyone's ass, go holier-than-thou on anyone, then what does it matter?
I mean, if a video actually turns up, and there's anal, well thank you very much, Eli, now get back to work.
My worry is that people will start blaming each other. They already did. SOme racist fuckers already accused this as being a MALAY plot. BEFORE having all the facts.
And then, the petitions. GOD, the petitions!
I. FUCKING. HATE. PETITIONS.
And then all the politicising. On BOTH sides. Don't tell me PR is not getting any mileage from this, politicising the issue to get sympathy votes. BN taking the moral high ground. To get MORAL votes.
ANd the racism. The RACISM. Ooooooooh. I'm so fucking pissed off.
Fucking Femi-Nazis with their fucking statements.
"Oh, she was targeted because she am a wi-min. Nyeee."
Fuck that. Then Chua Soi Lek is a wi-min? That's a pretty large clitoris there, man. Anwar is a wi-min? That's a....um...nevermind.
I think that we should all jack off, let some steam off, and when Eli Wong comes back, pretend it never happened. For her sake. And for fuck's sake. Because there are better fucks out there.
Unless she brings it up again to get sympathy, at which point, I will go and take a dump.
But hey, man. What do I know? I'm a BN lapdog. And a Malay. Me so horny. Me love you long time.
This is my last posting on it. UNLESS they make an issue out of it, then I will use my AWESOME BLOGGING POWERS and my SPECIAL RIGHTS to fight for truth, justice, and the pornographic waaaaayyyyy!
Because I'm worth it. And because I am important. Muahahahaha.
First of all, I don't think she should resign. I heard that she is one of the few who opposed hillside development. The rest? If that is true, she should be on the council.
The photos? Well, they were badly taken. The poor quality is a bigger crime than spreading your legs, in my book.
I can't even see the bush. What the fuck?
I was jacking off when suddenly my browser finished loading the pics and BAM! It was like getting punched by Steven Seagal. In the cock.
Seagal: I don't think you have the balls.
It's like kryptonite. For dick.
And morals? What morals? WHOSE morals? Not mine. And my morals are the only morals that count. For me.
Even if there are some things on the photo or a video, who the fuck cares? As long as she doesn't go morally-superior on anyone's ass, go holier-than-thou on anyone, then what does it matter?
I mean, if a video actually turns up, and there's anal, well thank you very much, Eli, now get back to work.
My worry is that people will start blaming each other. They already did. SOme racist fuckers already accused this as being a MALAY plot. BEFORE having all the facts.
And then, the petitions. GOD, the petitions!
I. FUCKING. HATE. PETITIONS.
And then all the politicising. On BOTH sides. Don't tell me PR is not getting any mileage from this, politicising the issue to get sympathy votes. BN taking the moral high ground. To get MORAL votes.
ANd the racism. The RACISM. Ooooooooh. I'm so fucking pissed off.
Fucking Femi-Nazis with their fucking statements.
"Oh, she was targeted because she am a wi-min. Nyeee."
Fuck that. Then Chua Soi Lek is a wi-min? That's a pretty large clitoris there, man. Anwar is a wi-min? That's a....um...nevermind.
I think that we should all jack off, let some steam off, and when Eli Wong comes back, pretend it never happened. For her sake. And for fuck's sake. Because there are better fucks out there.
Unless she brings it up again to get sympathy, at which point, I will go and take a dump.
But hey, man. What do I know? I'm a BN lapdog. And a Malay. Me so horny. Me love you long time.
Nimble Momonga!
Aku tengah buat kerja ni. Research dan menulis skrip.
Sambil berehat, aku bukak balik game Yugi. Tak sangka ada jugak orang yang main menatang ni.
Dulu, aku cuma tengok kartun dia. Pasal nak tengok kad seksi. Masa aku mula-mula main dulu, hampir semua monster aku ialah monster betina yang seksi. Mmmm.
Pastu, aku pernah pergi COmics Corner, beli komik pasal amoi kat kaunter tu seksi. Ingat aku dah cukup hebat la beli SATU komik, harga RM70.
Tiba-tiba, datang dua orang budak, pakai shorts, ambik duit dalam kocek, letak kat atas meja.
RM400!
Beli apa? Beli kad Yugi-Oh. Booster pack.
Pukimak betul! Kaya gila bebudak zaman sekarang ni.
Aku dulu main laga biji getah je. Cari dalam kebun getah. Tu la Jinzo aku, tu la Summoned Skull aku.
Lepas tu aku cari game dia. Pasal tak sanggup habiskan beribu nak main kad.
Lama-lama aku main kad ni, aku rasa macam nak buat sendiri punya game lah. Buat Malaysian version punya. Tak payahlah mahal sangat, supaya bebudak kat kampung pun boleh main.
Pastu buat tournament online. Sejuta orang Malaysia akan hilang kerja tahun ni. Daripada main game macam orang gila, baik aku hold tournament untuk diorang, dapat la diorang buat 500 atau 1000 sebulan, kalau menang. Online, babe.
Hanya untuk orang Malaysia. Kena daftar pakai salinan IC, untuk yang serius.
Pastu, baru print kad. Lepas dah besar kat Malaysia, buat kartun. Hantar ke Asia Tenggara, buat pulak kat Indonesia, Thailand, Singapura, Brunei, Filipina.
Kira macam the poor kids' Magic the Gathering la.
Ongkosnya? Paling kurang aku rasa kena ada RM500,000. Paling kurang.
Aku dah siap nak gabungkan beberapa ciri game yang aku main. Macam kad tu, boleh assist. Ada kena roll dice pasal nak tau serangan kena atau tak. Magic dan trap yang pengaruhi accuracy. Pakai load kad simpanan kat tepi instead of tribute. A whole bunch of magic cards and traps to deal with substitute bench ni.
Anyway, selain Jinzo, kad kegemaran aku ialah Nimble Momonga tiga bersaudara. Pasal bila kau bunuh seekor Nimble Momonga, aku akan dapat 1000 life points DAN akan disummon dua ekor lagi dalam keadaan face down defence position kat atas field.
Kalau nak summon Jinzo, camni:
Letak Sangan. Sangan mati. Ambik Witch of the Black Forest. Witch mati, ambik Jinzo. Letak Nimble Momonga. Nimble Momonga mati, tarik dua lagi. Tribute seekor, dapat Jinzo.
Jinzo mati(Raigeki)? Call of the Haunted. Mati lagi(Dark Hole)? Premature Burial. Mati lagi(Change of Heart, tribute/Mystical Space Typhoon)? Monster Reborn. Mati lagi(Man-Eater Bug)? Spear Cretin. Mati Lagi (Fissure)? Shallow Grave.
Mustahil untuk bunuh Jinzo selama-lamanya. Out of play? Miracle Dig, Monster Reborn.
Nimble Momonga ialah makhluk yang penting. Giant Germ pun. Bunuh sekor, opponent kena 500 damage, sekor lagi keluar. Bunuh lagi, opponent kena 500 damage, sekor lagi keluar. Lepas tiga ekor kat dalam graveyard, keluarkan semua lepas tu summon Dark Necromancer. Attack 2200, defence 2800. Mana-mana kad monster yang musnahkan dia akan dikawal oleh Dark Necromancer.
Dek paling aku menyampah ialah dek card attrition. Needle Worm flip effect membuang lima kad masuk longkang dari atas dek. Kalu tiga ekor, dah 15 kad.
Card Destruction, pastu kad magik yang kalau serang, kena buang kad dari atas deck. Morphing Jar #1 and #2.
Menyampah betul. Tapi dengan adanya Marie The Fallen (kalau dalam graveyard, akan beri 200 life points setiap pusingan) dan Sinister Serpent (kalau dalam graveyard, naik balik atas tangan), bolehla tahan.
Sekarang, kalau lawan komputer, tanpa Jinzo, peluang untuk menang ialah 70%. Dek yang betul-betul beri masalah ialah traditional beat-down. Pasal strategy cuma monster-monster yang at least 1900.
Slate Warrior pun best. Attack biasa 1900. Kalau lepas flip, tambah 500, jadi 2400. Sesapa yang bunuh dia akan turun attack 500 points. Wall of Illusion - defence 1850, effect ialah membalikkan kad lawan ke tangan atau deck (kalau fusion) apabila diserang.
Summoner of Illusions - lepas flip, boleh ambik satu kad Fusion monster dari deck ke field. Tapi hanya kekal satu pusingan. Lepas tu, reborn la.
Copycat - monster level 1 yang boleh copy attack and defence stat lawan. Pakai la Obelisk the Tormentor pun, Osiris ke hapa ke. Sama je attack and defence dia.
Penguin Soldier satu kemestian. Return 2 monsters ke tangan. Lawan fusion monster, susah-susah fusion, hantar balik ke dek (bukan ke tangan).
Big Shield Gardna ialah kad yang bodoh. Immune pada magik yang target single card, defence 2600, attack 100, tapi lepas kena serang sekali, ambik attack position.
DAN...Gardna ialah Warrior class. Jadi, Slate warrior attack 1900 - 2600 = aku kena damage 700. Dia tukar attack position. AKu serang pakai Kinetic Soldier, bila lawan Warrior-type, jadi attack 3350. Damage ialah 3250 (3350-100). TANPA equip.
Kalau ada United We Stand? Tak ke kalah lepas dua-tiga turn?
Kemenangan paling berjaya ialah membunuh menggunakan SInister Serpent. Attack 300, defence 250.
Letak United We Stand, Mage Power, bla-bla bla, dapat Attack 2600. Hehehe. Dibunuh oleh Sinister Serpent. Memang hina.
Aku cuba nak bunuh pakai token (attack 0, defence 0), tapi tak boleh. Hehehe.
Sambil berehat, aku bukak balik game Yugi. Tak sangka ada jugak orang yang main menatang ni.
Dulu, aku cuma tengok kartun dia. Pasal nak tengok kad seksi. Masa aku mula-mula main dulu, hampir semua monster aku ialah monster betina yang seksi. Mmmm.
Pastu, aku pernah pergi COmics Corner, beli komik pasal amoi kat kaunter tu seksi. Ingat aku dah cukup hebat la beli SATU komik, harga RM70.
Tiba-tiba, datang dua orang budak, pakai shorts, ambik duit dalam kocek, letak kat atas meja.
RM400!
Beli apa? Beli kad Yugi-Oh. Booster pack.
Pukimak betul! Kaya gila bebudak zaman sekarang ni.
Aku dulu main laga biji getah je. Cari dalam kebun getah. Tu la Jinzo aku, tu la Summoned Skull aku.
Lepas tu aku cari game dia. Pasal tak sanggup habiskan beribu nak main kad.
Lama-lama aku main kad ni, aku rasa macam nak buat sendiri punya game lah. Buat Malaysian version punya. Tak payahlah mahal sangat, supaya bebudak kat kampung pun boleh main.
Pastu buat tournament online. Sejuta orang Malaysia akan hilang kerja tahun ni. Daripada main game macam orang gila, baik aku hold tournament untuk diorang, dapat la diorang buat 500 atau 1000 sebulan, kalau menang. Online, babe.
Hanya untuk orang Malaysia. Kena daftar pakai salinan IC, untuk yang serius.
Pastu, baru print kad. Lepas dah besar kat Malaysia, buat kartun. Hantar ke Asia Tenggara, buat pulak kat Indonesia, Thailand, Singapura, Brunei, Filipina.
Kira macam the poor kids' Magic the Gathering la.
Ongkosnya? Paling kurang aku rasa kena ada RM500,000. Paling kurang.
Aku dah siap nak gabungkan beberapa ciri game yang aku main. Macam kad tu, boleh assist. Ada kena roll dice pasal nak tau serangan kena atau tak. Magic dan trap yang pengaruhi accuracy. Pakai load kad simpanan kat tepi instead of tribute. A whole bunch of magic cards and traps to deal with substitute bench ni.
Anyway, selain Jinzo, kad kegemaran aku ialah Nimble Momonga tiga bersaudara. Pasal bila kau bunuh seekor Nimble Momonga, aku akan dapat 1000 life points DAN akan disummon dua ekor lagi dalam keadaan face down defence position kat atas field.
Kalau nak summon Jinzo, camni:
Letak Sangan. Sangan mati. Ambik Witch of the Black Forest. Witch mati, ambik Jinzo. Letak Nimble Momonga. Nimble Momonga mati, tarik dua lagi. Tribute seekor, dapat Jinzo.
Jinzo mati(Raigeki)? Call of the Haunted. Mati lagi(Dark Hole)? Premature Burial. Mati lagi(Change of Heart, tribute/Mystical Space Typhoon)? Monster Reborn. Mati lagi(Man-Eater Bug)? Spear Cretin. Mati Lagi (Fissure)? Shallow Grave.
Mustahil untuk bunuh Jinzo selama-lamanya. Out of play? Miracle Dig, Monster Reborn.
Nimble Momonga ialah makhluk yang penting. Giant Germ pun. Bunuh sekor, opponent kena 500 damage, sekor lagi keluar. Bunuh lagi, opponent kena 500 damage, sekor lagi keluar. Lepas tiga ekor kat dalam graveyard, keluarkan semua lepas tu summon Dark Necromancer. Attack 2200, defence 2800. Mana-mana kad monster yang musnahkan dia akan dikawal oleh Dark Necromancer.
Dek paling aku menyampah ialah dek card attrition. Needle Worm flip effect membuang lima kad masuk longkang dari atas dek. Kalu tiga ekor, dah 15 kad.
Card Destruction, pastu kad magik yang kalau serang, kena buang kad dari atas deck. Morphing Jar #1 and #2.
Menyampah betul. Tapi dengan adanya Marie The Fallen (kalau dalam graveyard, akan beri 200 life points setiap pusingan) dan Sinister Serpent (kalau dalam graveyard, naik balik atas tangan), bolehla tahan.
Sekarang, kalau lawan komputer, tanpa Jinzo, peluang untuk menang ialah 70%. Dek yang betul-betul beri masalah ialah traditional beat-down. Pasal strategy cuma monster-monster yang at least 1900.
Slate Warrior pun best. Attack biasa 1900. Kalau lepas flip, tambah 500, jadi 2400. Sesapa yang bunuh dia akan turun attack 500 points. Wall of Illusion - defence 1850, effect ialah membalikkan kad lawan ke tangan atau deck (kalau fusion) apabila diserang.
Summoner of Illusions - lepas flip, boleh ambik satu kad Fusion monster dari deck ke field. Tapi hanya kekal satu pusingan. Lepas tu, reborn la.
Copycat - monster level 1 yang boleh copy attack and defence stat lawan. Pakai la Obelisk the Tormentor pun, Osiris ke hapa ke. Sama je attack and defence dia.
Penguin Soldier satu kemestian. Return 2 monsters ke tangan. Lawan fusion monster, susah-susah fusion, hantar balik ke dek (bukan ke tangan).
Big Shield Gardna ialah kad yang bodoh. Immune pada magik yang target single card, defence 2600, attack 100, tapi lepas kena serang sekali, ambik attack position.
DAN...Gardna ialah Warrior class. Jadi, Slate warrior attack 1900 - 2600 = aku kena damage 700. Dia tukar attack position. AKu serang pakai Kinetic Soldier, bila lawan Warrior-type, jadi attack 3350. Damage ialah 3250 (3350-100). TANPA equip.
Kalau ada United We Stand? Tak ke kalah lepas dua-tiga turn?
Kemenangan paling berjaya ialah membunuh menggunakan SInister Serpent. Attack 300, defence 250.
Letak United We Stand, Mage Power, bla-bla bla, dapat Attack 2600. Hehehe. Dibunuh oleh Sinister Serpent. Memang hina.
Aku cuba nak bunuh pakai token (attack 0, defence 0), tapi tak boleh. Hehehe.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Jinzo!
Semasa aku menulis, aku perlukan sesuatu untuk merehatkan otak.
Permainan pilihan aku ialah Yugi-Oh! Power of Chaos.
Sebab satu perlawanan paling lama pun, 10 minit.
Aku pernah kalahkan Joey pakai 2 pusingan aje.
Bagi yang tak tau, Yugi-Oh ialah permainan kad macam Magic the Gathering, tapi lagi best.
Magic ni elitis sikit. Yugi lebih proletariat. Lebih marhaen.
Kau main kad dengan satu dek, 40-52 kad. Battlefield ada 5 slot untuk kad raksasa dan lima untuk perangkap atau magic.
Dulu, aku letak 52 kad dalam dek aku. Pastu semua monster kuat-kuat.
Susah nak menang.
Sekarang tak lagi.
Aku pakai 43 kad. Itupun pasal aku takde Jinzo.
Kalau aku ada Jinzo, aku boleh buang semua kad perangkap aku. Kecuali Call of the Haunted.
Sekarang ni, aku terpaksa pakai strategi lain pasal takde Jinzo.
Aku letak tiga bijik Kinetic Soldier dalam dek. Pastu kad perangkap DNA Surgery dan Gravity Bind.
Kinetic Soldier, bila berlawan dengan kad raksasa jenis 'Warrior' akan meningkatkan kuasa serangan dan pertahanan sebanyak 2000 mata. Menjadikan serangannya 3350 dan pertahanannya 3800.
DNA Surgery menukarkan semua kad raksasa dalam permainan menjadi 'Warrior' manakala kad Gravity Bind menghalang semua kad tahap 4 bintang dan ke atas dari menyerang.
Menjadikan Kinetic Soldier tiga beradik kad raksasa paling berkuasa di dalam permainan.
Blue-Eyed White Dragon pun kalah. Black Skull Dragon pun mati.
Ditambah pula dengan kad perangkap Fairy Box yang ada 50 peratus peluang untuk menurunkan kuasa serangan pihak lawan kepada 0.
Dan kad penambah kuasa United We Stand yang menambah 800 kepada serangan dan pertahanan raksasa yang dipilih untuk setiap kad raksasa yang terbuka, di sebelah pemain.
Dan Mage Power yang menambah 500 kepada raksasa terpilih untuk setiap kad dalam slot perangkap/magic.
Penambahan kuasa maksimum ialah 800X5 + 500X5 = 6500.
Tambah pulak dengan kuasa serangan Kinetic Soldier apabila berlawan kad jenis 'Warrior' ialah 3350 + 6500 = 9850.
Nyawa asal pemain cumalah 8000. Hehehe.
Kalau ada Jinzo, aku tak perlu risaukan kad Perangkap langsung.
Dan kalau aku pakai Jinzo dan menggunakan taktik kad penambahan kuasa magik, aku rasa aku boleh naikkan kuasa serangannya sampai melebihi 10000.
Kad 7 Completed boleh menambah 700. Kad gambar kapak tu, tambah 1000. Kad United We Stand, tambah maksimum 4000. Kad Mage Power tambah maksimum 2500. Kad pedang kristal hitam tu tambah 500.
Pastu, kad Overlimiter yang menggandakan kuasa serangan raksasa berjenis mesin untuk satu pusingan (lepas tu, kad mesin semua musnah). Jinzo raksasa jenis mesin. Hehehe.
Aku rasa, secara teori, aku mungkin boleh tingkatkan kuasa serangan Jinzo yang meneutralkan semua kad perangkap, kepada 18000. Mungkin lebih. Untuk sekali serangan.
Kalau aku pakai Fairy Meteor Crush, yang mengenakan perbezaan antara kuasa serangan dan pertahanan sebagai life damage, walaupun dalam keadaan bertahan. Takde kad raksasa dalam permainan ni yang mampu menghalang aku dari menang dengan satu serangan. Mahupun bertahan macam orang gila.
Kecuali...kad Exploding Orb ke hapa ntah nama dia.
Kau serang kad gambar bola mata mesin ni, dia akan batalkan serangan kau lepas tu equipkan diri sendiri pada raksasa tu.
Lepas satu pusingan, dia letupkan raksasa kau dan kenakan kuasa serangan raksasa tu pada kau.
Ini salah satu kelemahan taktik ni. Lagi satu, memandangkan taktik yang aku suka pakai menggunakan banyak kad magik, aku tak banyak kad yang boleh meneutralkan magik.
Jinzo masih terdedah kepada Raigeki, Dark Hole, Change of Heart dan kad-kad magic yang lain.
Satu-satunya pertahanan melawan kad magik yang berkesan ialah Imperial Order, namun ini adalah satu kad perangkap yang dineutralkan oleh Jinzo sendiri.
Kad Magic Disruptor ke hapa entah juga sebuah kad perangkap. Anti Raigeki, juga kad perangkap.
Satu-satunya pertahanan sementara yang ada pada aku ialah Cold Wave, sekeping kad magic yang menghalang kad magik dan perangkap selama dua pusingan.
Dengan kad tukaran sebanyak 15 keping, aku nak buat dua jenis kombinasi dek.
Satu dengan Jinzo sebagai watak utama. Satu lagi, dek yang menggunakan Kinetic Soldier tiga beradik sebagai penyerang pilihan.
Aku teringin nak melawan dek fusion. Pasal aku nak serang Black Skull Dragon pakai Kinetic Soldier.
Aku nak jugak lawan kombo Last Warrior from a Distant Planet (Zombyra the Dark+ Maryukotai) pasal aku pernah kalah sekali dulu.
Kalau setakat dek exodia, Card Destruction, Spirit Release dan Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer dah mencukupi.
Juga, Dimensional Warrior untuk meneutralkan kombinasi ultimate defence Spear Cretin dua beradik.
Geek! Hehehe.
Permainan pilihan aku ialah Yugi-Oh! Power of Chaos.
Sebab satu perlawanan paling lama pun, 10 minit.
Aku pernah kalahkan Joey pakai 2 pusingan aje.
Bagi yang tak tau, Yugi-Oh ialah permainan kad macam Magic the Gathering, tapi lagi best.
Magic ni elitis sikit. Yugi lebih proletariat. Lebih marhaen.
Kau main kad dengan satu dek, 40-52 kad. Battlefield ada 5 slot untuk kad raksasa dan lima untuk perangkap atau magic.
Dulu, aku letak 52 kad dalam dek aku. Pastu semua monster kuat-kuat.
Susah nak menang.
Sekarang tak lagi.
Aku pakai 43 kad. Itupun pasal aku takde Jinzo.
Kalau aku ada Jinzo, aku boleh buang semua kad perangkap aku. Kecuali Call of the Haunted.
Sekarang ni, aku terpaksa pakai strategi lain pasal takde Jinzo.
Aku letak tiga bijik Kinetic Soldier dalam dek. Pastu kad perangkap DNA Surgery dan Gravity Bind.
Kinetic Soldier, bila berlawan dengan kad raksasa jenis 'Warrior' akan meningkatkan kuasa serangan dan pertahanan sebanyak 2000 mata. Menjadikan serangannya 3350 dan pertahanannya 3800.
DNA Surgery menukarkan semua kad raksasa dalam permainan menjadi 'Warrior' manakala kad Gravity Bind menghalang semua kad tahap 4 bintang dan ke atas dari menyerang.
Menjadikan Kinetic Soldier tiga beradik kad raksasa paling berkuasa di dalam permainan.
Blue-Eyed White Dragon pun kalah. Black Skull Dragon pun mati.
Ditambah pula dengan kad perangkap Fairy Box yang ada 50 peratus peluang untuk menurunkan kuasa serangan pihak lawan kepada 0.
Dan kad penambah kuasa United We Stand yang menambah 800 kepada serangan dan pertahanan raksasa yang dipilih untuk setiap kad raksasa yang terbuka, di sebelah pemain.
Dan Mage Power yang menambah 500 kepada raksasa terpilih untuk setiap kad dalam slot perangkap/magic.
Penambahan kuasa maksimum ialah 800X5 + 500X5 = 6500.
Tambah pulak dengan kuasa serangan Kinetic Soldier apabila berlawan kad jenis 'Warrior' ialah 3350 + 6500 = 9850.
Nyawa asal pemain cumalah 8000. Hehehe.
Kalau ada Jinzo, aku tak perlu risaukan kad Perangkap langsung.
Dan kalau aku pakai Jinzo dan menggunakan taktik kad penambahan kuasa magik, aku rasa aku boleh naikkan kuasa serangannya sampai melebihi 10000.
Kad 7 Completed boleh menambah 700. Kad gambar kapak tu, tambah 1000. Kad United We Stand, tambah maksimum 4000. Kad Mage Power tambah maksimum 2500. Kad pedang kristal hitam tu tambah 500.
Pastu, kad Overlimiter yang menggandakan kuasa serangan raksasa berjenis mesin untuk satu pusingan (lepas tu, kad mesin semua musnah). Jinzo raksasa jenis mesin. Hehehe.
Aku rasa, secara teori, aku mungkin boleh tingkatkan kuasa serangan Jinzo yang meneutralkan semua kad perangkap, kepada 18000. Mungkin lebih. Untuk sekali serangan.
Kalau aku pakai Fairy Meteor Crush, yang mengenakan perbezaan antara kuasa serangan dan pertahanan sebagai life damage, walaupun dalam keadaan bertahan. Takde kad raksasa dalam permainan ni yang mampu menghalang aku dari menang dengan satu serangan. Mahupun bertahan macam orang gila.
Kecuali...kad Exploding Orb ke hapa ntah nama dia.
Kau serang kad gambar bola mata mesin ni, dia akan batalkan serangan kau lepas tu equipkan diri sendiri pada raksasa tu.
Lepas satu pusingan, dia letupkan raksasa kau dan kenakan kuasa serangan raksasa tu pada kau.
Ini salah satu kelemahan taktik ni. Lagi satu, memandangkan taktik yang aku suka pakai menggunakan banyak kad magik, aku tak banyak kad yang boleh meneutralkan magik.
Jinzo masih terdedah kepada Raigeki, Dark Hole, Change of Heart dan kad-kad magic yang lain.
Satu-satunya pertahanan melawan kad magik yang berkesan ialah Imperial Order, namun ini adalah satu kad perangkap yang dineutralkan oleh Jinzo sendiri.
Kad Magic Disruptor ke hapa entah juga sebuah kad perangkap. Anti Raigeki, juga kad perangkap.
Satu-satunya pertahanan sementara yang ada pada aku ialah Cold Wave, sekeping kad magic yang menghalang kad magik dan perangkap selama dua pusingan.
Dengan kad tukaran sebanyak 15 keping, aku nak buat dua jenis kombinasi dek.
Satu dengan Jinzo sebagai watak utama. Satu lagi, dek yang menggunakan Kinetic Soldier tiga beradik sebagai penyerang pilihan.
Aku teringin nak melawan dek fusion. Pasal aku nak serang Black Skull Dragon pakai Kinetic Soldier.
Aku nak jugak lawan kombo Last Warrior from a Distant Planet (Zombyra the Dark+ Maryukotai) pasal aku pernah kalah sekali dulu.
Kalau setakat dek exodia, Card Destruction, Spirit Release dan Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer dah mencukupi.
Juga, Dimensional Warrior untuk meneutralkan kombinasi ultimate defence Spear Cretin dua beradik.
Geek! Hehehe.
Tom, Pemandu Kereta Lily
Masa aku kat sekolah menengah dulu, bebudak banyak yang gilakan komik Pendekar Laut. Takpun, Raja Rimba.
Ada sesetengahnya yang cuba nak samakan diorang dengan watak-watak dalam komik-komik tu.
Ada yang nak jadi Rimau Kumbang. Ada yang menggelarkan diri sendiri Waja Timur.
Ada yang perasan kongsi gelap, panggil diri sendiri dan orang sekeliling 'Along' (Raja Ubur-Ubur), 'Angah' (Orga), 'Alang' (Blue Dream, kalau tak silap aku) dan lain-lain.
Habis Hung Hing la. Tung Sing to the max!
Biasalah, bebudak. Apa yang ko harapkan?
Aku? Aku ada bagitau diorang, aku nak jugak ada title.
Aku nak jadi Tom, Pemandu Kereta Lily.
Watak ni muncul satu issue je. Raja Rimba. Kerja dia bawak kereta Lily - Dara Rimau Kumbang.
Dia mati bila kereta tu diletupkan bom oleh Musang Something yang menggunakan kitab Art of War karya Sun Tzu sebagai panduan berlawan.
Taktik 'Tanah Terpencil' yang digunakan hampir membunuh Rimau Kumbang, kalau dia tak pakai Teknik Pernafasan Kura-kura.
Kenapa aku nak jadi Tom, Pemandu Kereta Lily? Pasal dia tak kacau orang. Dan antara semua watak Raja Rimba, dia seorang aje yang ada kereta.
Ada sesetengahnya yang cuba nak samakan diorang dengan watak-watak dalam komik-komik tu.
Ada yang nak jadi Rimau Kumbang. Ada yang menggelarkan diri sendiri Waja Timur.
Ada yang perasan kongsi gelap, panggil diri sendiri dan orang sekeliling 'Along' (Raja Ubur-Ubur), 'Angah' (Orga), 'Alang' (Blue Dream, kalau tak silap aku) dan lain-lain.
Habis Hung Hing la. Tung Sing to the max!
Biasalah, bebudak. Apa yang ko harapkan?
Aku? Aku ada bagitau diorang, aku nak jugak ada title.
Aku nak jadi Tom, Pemandu Kereta Lily.
Watak ni muncul satu issue je. Raja Rimba. Kerja dia bawak kereta Lily - Dara Rimau Kumbang.
Dia mati bila kereta tu diletupkan bom oleh Musang Something yang menggunakan kitab Art of War karya Sun Tzu sebagai panduan berlawan.
Taktik 'Tanah Terpencil' yang digunakan hampir membunuh Rimau Kumbang, kalau dia tak pakai Teknik Pernafasan Kura-kura.
Kenapa aku nak jadi Tom, Pemandu Kereta Lily? Pasal dia tak kacau orang. Dan antara semua watak Raja Rimba, dia seorang aje yang ada kereta.
Malaysian Briefs and Boxers
Karpal Singh Makes Children Cry
Kuala Lumpur - Children from surrounding kindergartens today have signed a petition in tears over comments made by DAP dude Karpal Singh.
"He said, 'don't play with me!'" said 6-year-old Yesodhra, "But we want to play with him! I'm telling my daddy! Boo hoo hoo."
Singh's remark, 'don't play with me' or 'jangan main-main dengan saya' was not well received by kindergarteners who see it as infringing on their rights to play with the seasoned, respected politician and other politicians.
"Today, Karpal. Tomorrow, we won't be able to play with Anwar? No fair!" said leader of the group, 5-year-old Habib Marwan.
Around 7,192 signatures, finger paintings and crappy water-colour drawings have been collected so far.
Online Petition To Cure Cancer
Meanwhile, another online petition has been launched - this time, against cancer.
Malaysian activists yesterday announced a plan to petition against cancer cells in the hopes that it would destroy the disease altogether.
"Petitions have worked wonders before," said activist V. Vendetta. "It has stopped global warming, poverty, famine, pestilence, the resignation of Eli Wong, war and death. So why not cancer?
"Cancer will have to answer to the people. All 200 of us! No mere disease can face the dissenting voices of democracy!"
The petition is expected to face tough resistance as cancer kills most activists. Slowly.
PKR Man to Ask Sultan About Kitchen Colour
Not wanting to believe in the 'dissenting voices of democracy', PKR man Hilmi Hailmi has decided to seek royal guidance to paint his kitchen.
"I am merely emulating the Selangor MB, who sought royal guidance in the Eli Wong case," said the 48-year-old.
"I am sure that the Sultan would have much to offer in terms of what kind of colour suits my Mediterranean-style kitchen."
Even though the Sultans have been facing stiff criticism from certain opposition quarters recently, PKR has tried to show their respect by going to them for advice.
Further, according to Hilmi, he is torn between kumquat and loquat. Though his wife prefers plain simple white.
"As a woman, I thought her pallette would be more varied," said Hilmi. "Hmmm...maybe I need a feature wall in the kitchen. But which wall? The one with the stove? Or the one with the counter? This will take all month, I tell you!"
Rocky Makes Friends with Cybercops
Meanwhile, in an unrelated development, Rocky of the popular site Rocky's Bru was called in by Cybercops yesterday regarding certain 'anti-royals' comments left on his blog.
He was interviewed at Bukit Aman for a few hours before the Cybercops released him, deciding that he would not fit into their battle-suits.
CAPTION: CYBERCOPS POSING BEFORE A FIGHT
Kuala Lumpur - Children from surrounding kindergartens today have signed a petition in tears over comments made by DAP dude Karpal Singh.
"He said, 'don't play with me!'" said 6-year-old Yesodhra, "But we want to play with him! I'm telling my daddy! Boo hoo hoo."
Singh's remark, 'don't play with me' or 'jangan main-main dengan saya' was not well received by kindergarteners who see it as infringing on their rights to play with the seasoned, respected politician and other politicians.
"Today, Karpal. Tomorrow, we won't be able to play with Anwar? No fair!" said leader of the group, 5-year-old Habib Marwan.
Around 7,192 signatures, finger paintings and crappy water-colour drawings have been collected so far.
Online Petition To Cure Cancer
Meanwhile, another online petition has been launched - this time, against cancer.
Malaysian activists yesterday announced a plan to petition against cancer cells in the hopes that it would destroy the disease altogether.
"Petitions have worked wonders before," said activist V. Vendetta. "It has stopped global warming, poverty, famine, pestilence, the resignation of Eli Wong, war and death. So why not cancer?
"Cancer will have to answer to the people. All 200 of us! No mere disease can face the dissenting voices of democracy!"
The petition is expected to face tough resistance as cancer kills most activists. Slowly.
PKR Man to Ask Sultan About Kitchen Colour
Not wanting to believe in the 'dissenting voices of democracy', PKR man Hilmi Hailmi has decided to seek royal guidance to paint his kitchen.
"I am merely emulating the Selangor MB, who sought royal guidance in the Eli Wong case," said the 48-year-old.
"I am sure that the Sultan would have much to offer in terms of what kind of colour suits my Mediterranean-style kitchen."
Even though the Sultans have been facing stiff criticism from certain opposition quarters recently, PKR has tried to show their respect by going to them for advice.
Further, according to Hilmi, he is torn between kumquat and loquat. Though his wife prefers plain simple white.
"As a woman, I thought her pallette would be more varied," said Hilmi. "Hmmm...maybe I need a feature wall in the kitchen. But which wall? The one with the stove? Or the one with the counter? This will take all month, I tell you!"
Rocky Makes Friends with Cybercops
Meanwhile, in an unrelated development, Rocky of the popular site Rocky's Bru was called in by Cybercops yesterday regarding certain 'anti-royals' comments left on his blog.
He was interviewed at Bukit Aman for a few hours before the Cybercops released him, deciding that he would not fit into their battle-suits.
CAPTION: CYBERCOPS POSING BEFORE A FIGHT
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Intermission: The Killing Joke
I woke up at 5am today and went out for breakfast. Not having a regular job compels me to enjoy breakfast. And waking up early.
I bought an issue of NST.
AR Rahman said, upon winning two Oscars recently, "All my life, I had a choice between hate and love. I chose love, and I am here."
Well, fuck you, AR Rahman. I mean, congratulations and all, and fuck you. Fuck me too.
I choose neither love nor hate. I choose doubt. Doubt is my product. It's what I'm selling. Like Bill Maher.
I had some half-baked plans earlier this year to go to London, to Hyde Park, and hold up a placard saying, "Don't believe anyone, including me." and then stand on a soapbox - a real wooden soapbox - and expound on the virtues of not believing anyone.
It's just so stupid, I have to do it before I die.
Cause you see, some people got it WRONG. They believe that not believing makes them smart. They believe that knowing or being suspicious of other people's motives and agenda as the smart thing to do.
Na-ah. They're just as stupid as everyone else. Moreso, because it's all about their egos. They're wasting time on other people.
Nope. Real doubt is acceptance that we don't know jack shit about nothing. And neither does anyone else.
They might want you to believe they know shit, cause there is arrogance there - and I am an expert on arrogance - that they know MORE than you. And because they have MOAR, they are MOAR. MOAR!
In the end, they will also die. And no one gives a shit.
Everybody lies. Maybe not all the time, but they lie. ANd if you believe them, then somehow, you are inferior. They got the better of you. They are bigger than you. They are better than you.
Pathetic, isn't it? Well, that's what they do.
I met my fair share of conmen. And friends who pretended to be shit but are actually shit. Everyone has them. Betrayers of trust. Selfish motherfuckers. Bla bla bla. Especially if you're a big blubbering vagina.
I met people who expound on ideal shit and then when the shit hits the fan, they are the same grubby, dirty motherfuckers as everyone else.
Everyone has a right to screw-ups. It's the ultimate democracy. Ho-hum. Pass me the petroleum jelly, cause I'm just wanking.
The secret is not letting any of this have any effect on you. People suck. So what? Life goes on, bitch.
Nothing you've ever done will be as cool or as stupid or as crappy as the things you WILL do. Eventually.
And then you die. And what does it matter then? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You are worth practically nothing.
In the 50s, according to a short story in the Magazine of Science Fiction and Fantasy (or was it the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction), all the chemicals in your body is worth USD1.99. With commodity prices down, I wonder how much we are worth now.
To be trapped in the black hole of despair is ridiculous. To lose yourself in the delirium of intoxicants and whatever the fuck is cowardice. To retreat into dreams is more proof you have no balls. Destiny sucks. I hate predestination.
Everything is a joke. Can't you see that? The whole world. Politics, artsy-fartsy shit, celebrities, money. It's one big thigh-slapper. It'll leave you in stitches. Everyone is a clown. Ha ha. I get it. I do. Ha. Ha. Ha.
And no, I am not unhappy. In fact, I am content. I can work with this. This is my turf. I know comedy and the whole world's a fucking sitcom.
But.
Don't believe anyone. Not even me.
I bought an issue of NST.
AR Rahman said, upon winning two Oscars recently, "All my life, I had a choice between hate and love. I chose love, and I am here."
Well, fuck you, AR Rahman. I mean, congratulations and all, and fuck you. Fuck me too.
I choose neither love nor hate. I choose doubt. Doubt is my product. It's what I'm selling. Like Bill Maher.
I had some half-baked plans earlier this year to go to London, to Hyde Park, and hold up a placard saying, "Don't believe anyone, including me." and then stand on a soapbox - a real wooden soapbox - and expound on the virtues of not believing anyone.
It's just so stupid, I have to do it before I die.
Cause you see, some people got it WRONG. They believe that not believing makes them smart. They believe that knowing or being suspicious of other people's motives and agenda as the smart thing to do.
Na-ah. They're just as stupid as everyone else. Moreso, because it's all about their egos. They're wasting time on other people.
Nope. Real doubt is acceptance that we don't know jack shit about nothing. And neither does anyone else.
They might want you to believe they know shit, cause there is arrogance there - and I am an expert on arrogance - that they know MORE than you. And because they have MOAR, they are MOAR. MOAR!
In the end, they will also die. And no one gives a shit.
Everybody lies. Maybe not all the time, but they lie. ANd if you believe them, then somehow, you are inferior. They got the better of you. They are bigger than you. They are better than you.
Pathetic, isn't it? Well, that's what they do.
I met my fair share of conmen. And friends who pretended to be shit but are actually shit. Everyone has them. Betrayers of trust. Selfish motherfuckers. Bla bla bla. Especially if you're a big blubbering vagina.
I met people who expound on ideal shit and then when the shit hits the fan, they are the same grubby, dirty motherfuckers as everyone else.
Everyone has a right to screw-ups. It's the ultimate democracy. Ho-hum. Pass me the petroleum jelly, cause I'm just wanking.
The secret is not letting any of this have any effect on you. People suck. So what? Life goes on, bitch.
Nothing you've ever done will be as cool or as stupid or as crappy as the things you WILL do. Eventually.
And then you die. And what does it matter then? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You are worth practically nothing.
In the 50s, according to a short story in the Magazine of Science Fiction and Fantasy (or was it the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction), all the chemicals in your body is worth USD1.99. With commodity prices down, I wonder how much we are worth now.
To be trapped in the black hole of despair is ridiculous. To lose yourself in the delirium of intoxicants and whatever the fuck is cowardice. To retreat into dreams is more proof you have no balls. Destiny sucks. I hate predestination.
Everything is a joke. Can't you see that? The whole world. Politics, artsy-fartsy shit, celebrities, money. It's one big thigh-slapper. It'll leave you in stitches. Everyone is a clown. Ha ha. I get it. I do. Ha. Ha. Ha.
And no, I am not unhappy. In fact, I am content. I can work with this. This is my turf. I know comedy and the whole world's a fucking sitcom.
But.
Don't believe anyone. Not even me.
Blogger Robs Bank...With Blackberry
Kuala Lumpur - A blogger was apprehended today while making a getaway. The 80-year-old man had earlier robbed Maybank Bangsar at Blackberry-point, threatening to blog about the poor service of the bank employees LIVE.
"I was really scared," said bank employee Junaidah. "He could simply topple the Malaysian and global economy if he had exposed how bad our services were."
The man initially made off with RM50.00 in the now-unused 1 cent coins. The weight of said coins caused the obese man to fall down and break his back, allowing the police to capture him alive.
"We would have rather shot him instead, if he weren't impervious to bullets," said police officer Achmed Achmed. "He was yelling and waving around his Blackberry, threatening to use profanity upon unsuspecting, helpless politicians. That man is dangerous."
This incident is the latest in a wave of blogger-related crimes. 10,000 robberies, 1.8 million murders and 3,000 snatch thefts have all been attributed to bloggers.
The Prime Minister is expected to table a motion to regulate Blackberry and other portable internet devices.
"Blackberrys and laptops with portable modems and wifi-enabled notebooks are weapons of mass destruction," said the Prime Minister. "And some bloggers have also demonstrated super-powers such as teleportation (Mukhriz), kage bunshin no jutsu or body multiplication (Rocky and Teresa Kok), incredible strength and endurance (Tian Chua), verbal tai chi (Che Det) and morals (Anwar Ibrahim, Haris Ibrahim, Elizabeth Wong, Jeff Ooi).
"There should be some way to control these people. Otherwise, society as we know it will crumble and human aspiration and achievement will be gone - just like in the Kingdom Come comic books."
Former Heroes writer and comic book scribe Jeph Loeb has been contacted to be a consultant on dealing with bloggers. However Fomema - the only medical organisation that can approve of any foreigners working in this country - has been sold to Singaporeans and has declined to give out a medical certificate to allow Loeb into Malaysia.
An interview with an anonymous blogger has revealed that Loeb would have had little impact, if any.
"We bloggers are powerful, important figures!" said the unnamed blogger. "What we write is law - LAW - and we speak for the PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE, I tell you!
"Just look at the comments we received. Why, just today, I received THREE! Three comments from people saying I am right. See? The PEOPLE agrees with us!
"I mean, sure, some of us failed in life and that's why we are trying oh-so-desperately to matter on the Internet, but with these superpowers derived from exposure to bandwith, we shall be Malaysia's new Gods! Muahahahahaha!"
The interview was cut short as the unnamed blogger choked on his saliva, keeled over and died.
"I was really scared," said bank employee Junaidah. "He could simply topple the Malaysian and global economy if he had exposed how bad our services were."
The man initially made off with RM50.00 in the now-unused 1 cent coins. The weight of said coins caused the obese man to fall down and break his back, allowing the police to capture him alive.
"We would have rather shot him instead, if he weren't impervious to bullets," said police officer Achmed Achmed. "He was yelling and waving around his Blackberry, threatening to use profanity upon unsuspecting, helpless politicians. That man is dangerous."
This incident is the latest in a wave of blogger-related crimes. 10,000 robberies, 1.8 million murders and 3,000 snatch thefts have all been attributed to bloggers.
The Prime Minister is expected to table a motion to regulate Blackberry and other portable internet devices.
"Blackberrys and laptops with portable modems and wifi-enabled notebooks are weapons of mass destruction," said the Prime Minister. "And some bloggers have also demonstrated super-powers such as teleportation (Mukhriz), kage bunshin no jutsu or body multiplication (Rocky and Teresa Kok), incredible strength and endurance (Tian Chua), verbal tai chi (Che Det) and morals (Anwar Ibrahim, Haris Ibrahim, Elizabeth Wong, Jeff Ooi).
"There should be some way to control these people. Otherwise, society as we know it will crumble and human aspiration and achievement will be gone - just like in the Kingdom Come comic books."
Former Heroes writer and comic book scribe Jeph Loeb has been contacted to be a consultant on dealing with bloggers. However Fomema - the only medical organisation that can approve of any foreigners working in this country - has been sold to Singaporeans and has declined to give out a medical certificate to allow Loeb into Malaysia.
An interview with an anonymous blogger has revealed that Loeb would have had little impact, if any.
"We bloggers are powerful, important figures!" said the unnamed blogger. "What we write is law - LAW - and we speak for the PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE, I tell you!
"Just look at the comments we received. Why, just today, I received THREE! Three comments from people saying I am right. See? The PEOPLE agrees with us!
"I mean, sure, some of us failed in life and that's why we are trying oh-so-desperately to matter on the Internet, but with these superpowers derived from exposure to bandwith, we shall be Malaysia's new Gods! Muahahahahaha!"
The interview was cut short as the unnamed blogger choked on his saliva, keeled over and died.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Amir Hafizi, Journalist Paranoid, Dies
This is my obituary. Am writing it so you fuckers won't screw it up when I finally kick the bucket.
Amir Hafizi died this morning, sandwiched by two thousand good-looking prostitutes. Cause of death was a massive orgasm that transcended nirvana and registered at 9.8 million on the Jeremy-scale.
The 28-year-old claimed to have been to school, but most doubt it as he has the mental age of a 10-year-old.
Most pretentious people would point to Hunter S Thompson as a person he would like to emulate. However, Amir Hafizi has been on record saying that he loathes Hunter S Thompson and the drug-addicted pretentious motherfuckers he inspired.
Here he is on the subject:
"I loathe Hunter S Thompson and the drug-addicted pretentious motherfuckers he inspired."
- Amir Hafizi
In reality, Amir Hafizi was inspired by two people, one of them not real.
Neil Gaiman and Spider Jerusalem.
Failing to publish his stories in his early 20s, Gaiman became a journalist for eight years.
Jerusalem, as we all know, lives in the future, and was also inspired by Hunter S Thompson.
While others lapped up the lies of Perasan Rakyat as morally-superior beings who will save the country and everyone from the cancerous corruption of BN, Amir Hafizi has stayed a non-believer of political hypocrisy (normal hypocrisy applies). And of blogging.
"Bloggers think they matter. They don't. They're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. And Perasan Rakyat politicians don't fart rainbows and ponies."
We should all pray to Anwar for the redemption of this misguided soul.
His political views are somewhat apolitical, in the sense that he has gone on record as saying that he 'hates everyone and everything, especially politicians and politicians' bullshit'.
The disturbed and sometimes paranoid writer tried to convince the Government in forming a House Un-Malaysian Comittee, similar to the HUAC of Senator McCarthy days so he would be able to hunt down and destroy idiots.
After failing to convince the Government to adopt his proposals for alternative fuels and open source software, he started killing people with a sniper shotgun from atop high places.
Towards the end of his life, Amir Hafizi tried unsuccessfully to cash in on his Malayness and become a millionaire.
"Where's my FUCKING NEP MONEY????!!!"
- Amir Hafizi
He leaves behind nothing. Absolutely nothing. And is grieved by no one. As it should be.
Amir Hafizi died this morning, sandwiched by two thousand good-looking prostitutes. Cause of death was a massive orgasm that transcended nirvana and registered at 9.8 million on the Jeremy-scale.
The 28-year-old claimed to have been to school, but most doubt it as he has the mental age of a 10-year-old.
Most pretentious people would point to Hunter S Thompson as a person he would like to emulate. However, Amir Hafizi has been on record saying that he loathes Hunter S Thompson and the drug-addicted pretentious motherfuckers he inspired.
Here he is on the subject:
"I loathe Hunter S Thompson and the drug-addicted pretentious motherfuckers he inspired."
- Amir Hafizi
In reality, Amir Hafizi was inspired by two people, one of them not real.
Neil Gaiman and Spider Jerusalem.
Failing to publish his stories in his early 20s, Gaiman became a journalist for eight years.
Jerusalem, as we all know, lives in the future, and was also inspired by Hunter S Thompson.
While others lapped up the lies of Perasan Rakyat as morally-superior beings who will save the country and everyone from the cancerous corruption of BN, Amir Hafizi has stayed a non-believer of political hypocrisy (normal hypocrisy applies). And of blogging.
"Bloggers think they matter. They don't. They're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. And Perasan Rakyat politicians don't fart rainbows and ponies."
We should all pray to Anwar for the redemption of this misguided soul.
His political views are somewhat apolitical, in the sense that he has gone on record as saying that he 'hates everyone and everything, especially politicians and politicians' bullshit'.
The disturbed and sometimes paranoid writer tried to convince the Government in forming a House Un-Malaysian Comittee, similar to the HUAC of Senator McCarthy days so he would be able to hunt down and destroy idiots.
After failing to convince the Government to adopt his proposals for alternative fuels and open source software, he started killing people with a sniper shotgun from atop high places.
Towards the end of his life, Amir Hafizi tried unsuccessfully to cash in on his Malayness and become a millionaire.
"Where's my FUCKING NEP MONEY????!!!"
- Amir Hafizi
He leaves behind nothing. Absolutely nothing. And is grieved by no one. As it should be.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Gamera! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMERA!
Inspired by my own writing, I went out with my old camera and took a few shots. The battery was left in the pocket of an old bag, which was left out in the rain at one point.
So now, sometimes the camera would turn itself off at a random moment. Nevertheless, the Kodak 7590 still works as I remembered.
I don't think I'll be getting the second-hand D40 anymore, though I did get a good deal at RM1,200 from a guy in Terengganu. And yes, I know that the D40 has been discontinued and a real replacement will be in this year. D700X? Was just looking for a second-hand unit. Not anymore.
I think I'll be using my Kodak for quite some time. Maybe just need a replacement battery.
At the very least, it'll get me out of the house and take photos of some shit. I'll be sharing some pics after I re-install Photoshop.
So now, sometimes the camera would turn itself off at a random moment. Nevertheless, the Kodak 7590 still works as I remembered.
I don't think I'll be getting the second-hand D40 anymore, though I did get a good deal at RM1,200 from a guy in Terengganu. And yes, I know that the D40 has been discontinued and a real replacement will be in this year. D700X? Was just looking for a second-hand unit. Not anymore.
I think I'll be using my Kodak for quite some time. Maybe just need a replacement battery.
At the very least, it'll get me out of the house and take photos of some shit. I'll be sharing some pics after I re-install Photoshop.
This Week's Political Roundup
Americans Surprised to Discover They Actually Care About Malaysian Politics
Baltimore - Several Americans were surprised to discover recently that they actually care about Malaysian politics.
"I was online to get some tits and ass shots of celebrities, when I found that some Malaysians left moving comments on GutterUncensored about their political beliefs and I was reading the thousands of comments with rapt attention," said 21-year-old Joe Chief.
The comments came in the wake of GutterUncensored publishing photos of Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) woman Elizabeth Wong. The photos are currently the focus of a scandal.
"I was so moved by their plight and their unending fight against the forces of Barizun Nacional," said Rain Strife, 17, "I mean, I have a Che Guevara t-shirt, so I know all about political struggle. I might not know what the fuck Che was fighting for, but I know, you know?"
"People think Americans are ignorant and self-centered, but I disagree," said Rhonda McGuffin. "We care for the independece of the world, and I think Malaysians, especially those from the resistance should fight for Independence from the tyrannical monarchy of Bareesun Nazionale. I mean, who digs monarchy anyway? Democracy has been around longer than monarchy ever was - since America was created 5,000 years ago - and it is a much more reliable system. We so care about Malaysian politics. Fuck nude pictures. Go PRK!"
PKR Member Lodged Report Against Quality of Photos
Meanwhile, in a related development, several PKR members lodged a report against the photographer of Elizabeth Wong's alleged 'nude' photos.
"This is an OUTRAGE!" said V. Vendetta. "We expected better photographers to handle this job, but they had to call in somebody with a fucking camera phone!
"The composition was all shot to shit, props were not used and the poses were disgustingly non-eventful at all! Where is the lighting? Where is the creativitity?"
V. Vendetta blames all this on BN and UMNO.
"Even though it has not been made clear who the real perpetrators were in this issue, we will continue to insinuate and blame UMNO and BN as the ones responsible for taking such bad photos. It can't be an inside job, as PKR people are all perfect. Like Gandhi, like that. And Gandhi would have taken better pictures."
In response, Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak has denied these allegations and insinuations.
"In UMNO, we know and have worked with many professional photographers. If we had done it, the quality would have been much, much higher."
Baltimore - Several Americans were surprised to discover recently that they actually care about Malaysian politics.
"I was online to get some tits and ass shots of celebrities, when I found that some Malaysians left moving comments on GutterUncensored about their political beliefs and I was reading the thousands of comments with rapt attention," said 21-year-old Joe Chief.
The comments came in the wake of GutterUncensored publishing photos of Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) woman Elizabeth Wong. The photos are currently the focus of a scandal.
"I was so moved by their plight and their unending fight against the forces of Barizun Nacional," said Rain Strife, 17, "I mean, I have a Che Guevara t-shirt, so I know all about political struggle. I might not know what the fuck Che was fighting for, but I know, you know?"
"People think Americans are ignorant and self-centered, but I disagree," said Rhonda McGuffin. "We care for the independece of the world, and I think Malaysians, especially those from the resistance should fight for Independence from the tyrannical monarchy of Bareesun Nazionale. I mean, who digs monarchy anyway? Democracy has been around longer than monarchy ever was - since America was created 5,000 years ago - and it is a much more reliable system. We so care about Malaysian politics. Fuck nude pictures. Go PRK!"
PKR Member Lodged Report Against Quality of Photos
Meanwhile, in a related development, several PKR members lodged a report against the photographer of Elizabeth Wong's alleged 'nude' photos.
"This is an OUTRAGE!" said V. Vendetta. "We expected better photographers to handle this job, but they had to call in somebody with a fucking camera phone!
"The composition was all shot to shit, props were not used and the poses were disgustingly non-eventful at all! Where is the lighting? Where is the creativitity?"
V. Vendetta blames all this on BN and UMNO.
"Even though it has not been made clear who the real perpetrators were in this issue, we will continue to insinuate and blame UMNO and BN as the ones responsible for taking such bad photos. It can't be an inside job, as PKR people are all perfect. Like Gandhi, like that. And Gandhi would have taken better pictures."
In response, Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak has denied these allegations and insinuations.
"In UMNO, we know and have worked with many professional photographers. If we had done it, the quality would have been much, much higher."
The Incredible Tian Chua
Kuala Limpeh - Don't make him angry. You won't like him when he's angry.
Local politician Tian Chua, Information Dude for PKR, has reportedly threatened to turn into an angry green radioactive goliath if he is ever again asked about his alleged and rumoured relationship with fellow PKR member Elizabeth Wong.
"Ask me that again and I'm going to SMASH YOUR HEAD!" said the usually mild-mannered politician to an Agenda Daily reporter.
He then proceeded to grow to 8 feet tall and started smashing buildings.
"Tian Chua SMASH!"
Locals were seen fleeing the scene in terror.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"
"Ever since he was caught in that gamma-radiation explosion or whatever it was, he changed." said local idiot Husin, 43. "I can barely recognize him anymore. He looks...Italian. And green."
Though possessing incredible strength and endurance, with a tendency to smash anything and everything in sight with his hulking big green arms, Toys r Us officials are not worried.
"We are expecting a rise in sales of Tian Chua gloves soon," said marketing executive Cindy Wong.
Tian Chua was last seen hitchhiking his way to the next American mid-west town, while a piano tune of Lonely Man plays in the background.
Local politician Tian Chua, Information Dude for PKR, has reportedly threatened to turn into an angry green radioactive goliath if he is ever again asked about his alleged and rumoured relationship with fellow PKR member Elizabeth Wong.
"Ask me that again and I'm going to SMASH YOUR HEAD!" said the usually mild-mannered politician to an Agenda Daily reporter.
He then proceeded to grow to 8 feet tall and started smashing buildings.
"Tian Chua SMASH!"
Locals were seen fleeing the scene in terror.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"
"Ever since he was caught in that gamma-radiation explosion or whatever it was, he changed." said local idiot Husin, 43. "I can barely recognize him anymore. He looks...Italian. And green."
Though possessing incredible strength and endurance, with a tendency to smash anything and everything in sight with his hulking big green arms, Toys r Us officials are not worried.
"We are expecting a rise in sales of Tian Chua gloves soon," said marketing executive Cindy Wong.
Tian Chua was last seen hitchhiking his way to the next American mid-west town, while a piano tune of Lonely Man plays in the background.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tales from the Drunk Side: Stereotype
I will be 29 soon, but I believe that my retirement fund is in a sorry state.
I am not broke, and have enough savings till May. But not enough to go on till I'm 55 at which point I will keel over and die.
However, as a Malay, I believe money comes down from the sky (Kingdom).
Also, as a BN lapdog, why should I worry?
In times of trouble, an LCCT wil come to me.
Saying words of wisdom, 'Jom buat satu lagi. Mungkin boleh lepas kali ni.'
The only saving grace is that I have no kids(that I know of), and plan not to.
Then again, as a Malay, this is a failure.
I will miss out on the magical, mystical 'rezeki anak' which is like winning 4D (not jackpot) and another form of the Holy NEP. Organised by God. Or Zodd, whatever your faith may be.
Still, I have faith in myself. And if there's one thing I've learned in my short life so far is that, I never know what's going to happen tomorrow.
I always have a plan, because my favourite superhero is Batman. And Batman always has a plan.
The thing is, though, I have always been lucky enough so far in life that what I plan never turn out the way I envisioned.
It always turns out to be better than I expected.
I am blessed in that way. I am indeed amadeus - loved by God.
But that is no reason to rest on my laurels. I share my family's work ethics in the sense that we work till we die.
To his last days, my grandfather woke up at 6am without fail to tend to his garden, his bonsai plants and his 40 dogs and 10,000 chickens.
On the other hand, I'm a Malay so therefore I am lazy.
I know nothing about money. I do not know, for example, that commodity prices have gone down and that prices of ALL goods except for gold should also go down.
Any product that doesn't use gold that increase their prices should be ignored forever.
Being a Malay and so stupid in finances, I also do not know that it is a good time to buy unit trust as the market probably hit bottom already.
It might go down some more, but not before an initial jump.
Oh, but what do I know? I'm a Malay, so I am neither intellectually nor morally superior than any other race.
I am not broke, and have enough savings till May. But not enough to go on till I'm 55 at which point I will keel over and die.
However, as a Malay, I believe money comes down from the sky (Kingdom).
Also, as a BN lapdog, why should I worry?
In times of trouble, an LCCT wil come to me.
Saying words of wisdom, 'Jom buat satu lagi. Mungkin boleh lepas kali ni.'
The only saving grace is that I have no kids(that I know of), and plan not to.
Then again, as a Malay, this is a failure.
I will miss out on the magical, mystical 'rezeki anak' which is like winning 4D (not jackpot) and another form of the Holy NEP. Organised by God. Or Zodd, whatever your faith may be.
Still, I have faith in myself. And if there's one thing I've learned in my short life so far is that, I never know what's going to happen tomorrow.
I always have a plan, because my favourite superhero is Batman. And Batman always has a plan.
The thing is, though, I have always been lucky enough so far in life that what I plan never turn out the way I envisioned.
It always turns out to be better than I expected.
I am blessed in that way. I am indeed amadeus - loved by God.
But that is no reason to rest on my laurels. I share my family's work ethics in the sense that we work till we die.
To his last days, my grandfather woke up at 6am without fail to tend to his garden, his bonsai plants and his 40 dogs and 10,000 chickens.
On the other hand, I'm a Malay so therefore I am lazy.
I know nothing about money. I do not know, for example, that commodity prices have gone down and that prices of ALL goods except for gold should also go down.
Any product that doesn't use gold that increase their prices should be ignored forever.
Being a Malay and so stupid in finances, I also do not know that it is a good time to buy unit trust as the market probably hit bottom already.
It might go down some more, but not before an initial jump.
Oh, but what do I know? I'm a Malay, so I am neither intellectually nor morally superior than any other race.
Permintaan Syaitan
Aku nak Nikon D40, dengan lens sama ada 18-55mm atau 18-70mm. Ala. Kasi la dua-dua. Pastu, tambah la 55-200mm.
Pastu nak beg, tripod, CF card 2GB dua bijik (CF lagi laju dari SD atau xD), battery grip, charger, battery extra, USB chord. Pastu nak filter. Nak flash unit sama ada SB400 atau SB800.
Nak dry cabinet. Beserta dengan Thirsty Hippo sekali - free.
Pastu nak model telanjang. Yang sebelum ambik gambar mesti nak isap konek dulu.
Tapi aku nak bayar RM10 je. Boleh tak?
Pastu nak beg, tripod, CF card 2GB dua bijik (CF lagi laju dari SD atau xD), battery grip, charger, battery extra, USB chord. Pastu nak filter. Nak flash unit sama ada SB400 atau SB800.
Nak dry cabinet. Beserta dengan Thirsty Hippo sekali - free.
Pastu nak model telanjang. Yang sebelum ambik gambar mesti nak isap konek dulu.
Tapi aku nak bayar RM10 je. Boleh tak?
OH, SNAP!: Photography Myths and GearHead Lore
I am trying to stay awake, so here is the second article in a series about photography. From a n00b like me. Fuck you, elitist motherfuckers!
First of all, repeat after me: pixels don't count. You do.
Now, for a blow by blow hammering of the megapixel myth, read this.
That was a link to Ken Rockwell owning all the marketers who try to sell you numbers instead of a camera.
Basically, how many megapixels doesn't REALLY matter, for cameras. It's the idiot behind the camera.
If how much money you spend actually count, then buy all the stuff in Nikon and Canon's catalogue and I'm sure you'll be replacing Ansel Adams next week.
According to Rockwell, you need 25MP to simulate 35mm. That's crazy. And you only need it if you're printing a menu for a 50-foot woman. You need 100 MPs to simulate medium format. And 500MPs for large format!
All those large billboards and shit? You watch them from afar, not from up close. If you go really, REALLY close, you'll see dots. So you don't need more - MOAR - megapixels simply for that.
Unless you're submitting to magazines that print very large pictures, having it hung in a gallery, or photography magazines.
Some make it a requirement that digital submissions have at least 20MP.
For the Internet, personal albums and general scandal-making as well as numerous size small prints, you don't need that many pixels. ESPECIALLY on the Internet.
If you do care about blowing up your pictures for a 50-foot woman, or if you have a small penis and want to blow it up, get a medium or large format. There are some magazines that STILL require medium or large format photos.
Though I suspect that with medium and large format photographers, it's more about proof of skill than anything. If you can handle medium and large format film, you're more likely to be a professional than the next idiot with cash to burn.
I used a 5MP Kodak 7950 for years, with no complaints about resolution. If it's grainy, then it's because of me. I did it.
When I got my hands on a Canon 350D a couple of years back, I thought it would make for great pictures.
Nope. I was still snapping the same quality pix. This shows that a new penis or a spiky strap-on do not automatically make you a better fucker. It just means that you have a spiky strap-on...on.
Sure, there were differences. In handling. In quality? Well, the Kodak automatically sharpens lines around objects, so in some conditions, it is VERY good. In others? Bleargh.
The Canon? Less annoying 'auto' functions. But really, small difference, when it comes to non-pros like me. And 90% of you out there are not pros or pro-level.
My pet peeve when asking for advice is that the first thing gearheads tell you is, "A KODAK? Get a new, more expensive camera, fool!"
The reason gearheads want you to buy new cameras is either because they are actually camera marketers/shop-owners/Jeff Ooi or they spent tens of thousands on gear themselves and want to justify their purchase. If they're professionals, then the purchase is already justified. But if they're professional amateurs, with some knowledge and a whole truckload of arrogance - like ME - they will instantly pooh-pooh the idea that a tiny little camera can do anything.
In medical terms, this is called penis-size compensation.
Was it Alexander Pope who said, "a little knowledge is fucking dangerous, tool!"
Like me. I have a little knowledge, and I'm fucking dangerous.
Despite the fact that a guy who took photos in Africa during a war using fucking Olympus prosumers won the Pulitzer or Photo of the Year or some shit.
And what's with the Nikonian and Canonian (wouldn't it be better to call yourselves Canoneers?) shit?
I'm buying a camera, not embracing a religion.
Praise God!...and pass the ammunition - Ben Franklin.
And yes, there were instances when I wished I had a proper DSLR.
I took photos of people bungee-jumping in Bali and my Kodak 7590 can only go up to 10X optical zoom.
If I had a telephoto lens, then I can go closer and see the expressions on the faces of the jumpers. Alas, the camera does not have interchangeable lens.
And whenever I take photos, in theatre spaces where flash is not allowed, my pictures all suck. Mostly because of me.
Still, there are many things that simple cameras can do.
Don't listen to gearheads. Listen to actual photographers. I'm not one of them. Don't listen to me. Go and buy something you don't need. And then sell it to me. Hehehe.
First of all, repeat after me: pixels don't count. You do.
Now, for a blow by blow hammering of the megapixel myth, read this.
That was a link to Ken Rockwell owning all the marketers who try to sell you numbers instead of a camera.
Basically, how many megapixels doesn't REALLY matter, for cameras. It's the idiot behind the camera.
If how much money you spend actually count, then buy all the stuff in Nikon and Canon's catalogue and I'm sure you'll be replacing Ansel Adams next week.
According to Rockwell, you need 25MP to simulate 35mm. That's crazy. And you only need it if you're printing a menu for a 50-foot woman. You need 100 MPs to simulate medium format. And 500MPs for large format!
All those large billboards and shit? You watch them from afar, not from up close. If you go really, REALLY close, you'll see dots. So you don't need more - MOAR - megapixels simply for that.
Unless you're submitting to magazines that print very large pictures, having it hung in a gallery, or photography magazines.
Some make it a requirement that digital submissions have at least 20MP.
For the Internet, personal albums and general scandal-making as well as numerous size small prints, you don't need that many pixels. ESPECIALLY on the Internet.
If you do care about blowing up your pictures for a 50-foot woman, or if you have a small penis and want to blow it up, get a medium or large format. There are some magazines that STILL require medium or large format photos.
Though I suspect that with medium and large format photographers, it's more about proof of skill than anything. If you can handle medium and large format film, you're more likely to be a professional than the next idiot with cash to burn.
I used a 5MP Kodak 7950 for years, with no complaints about resolution. If it's grainy, then it's because of me. I did it.
When I got my hands on a Canon 350D a couple of years back, I thought it would make for great pictures.
Nope. I was still snapping the same quality pix. This shows that a new penis or a spiky strap-on do not automatically make you a better fucker. It just means that you have a spiky strap-on...on.
Sure, there were differences. In handling. In quality? Well, the Kodak automatically sharpens lines around objects, so in some conditions, it is VERY good. In others? Bleargh.
The Canon? Less annoying 'auto' functions. But really, small difference, when it comes to non-pros like me. And 90% of you out there are not pros or pro-level.
My pet peeve when asking for advice is that the first thing gearheads tell you is, "A KODAK? Get a new, more expensive camera, fool!"
The reason gearheads want you to buy new cameras is either because they are actually camera marketers/shop-owners/Jeff Ooi or they spent tens of thousands on gear themselves and want to justify their purchase. If they're professionals, then the purchase is already justified. But if they're professional amateurs, with some knowledge and a whole truckload of arrogance - like ME - they will instantly pooh-pooh the idea that a tiny little camera can do anything.
In medical terms, this is called penis-size compensation.
Was it Alexander Pope who said, "a little knowledge is fucking dangerous, tool!"
Like me. I have a little knowledge, and I'm fucking dangerous.
Despite the fact that a guy who took photos in Africa during a war using fucking Olympus prosumers won the Pulitzer or Photo of the Year or some shit.
And what's with the Nikonian and Canonian (wouldn't it be better to call yourselves Canoneers?) shit?
I'm buying a camera, not embracing a religion.
Praise God!...and pass the ammunition - Ben Franklin.
And yes, there were instances when I wished I had a proper DSLR.
I took photos of people bungee-jumping in Bali and my Kodak 7590 can only go up to 10X optical zoom.
If I had a telephoto lens, then I can go closer and see the expressions on the faces of the jumpers. Alas, the camera does not have interchangeable lens.
And whenever I take photos, in theatre spaces where flash is not allowed, my pictures all suck. Mostly because of me.
Still, there are many things that simple cameras can do.
Don't listen to gearheads. Listen to actual photographers. I'm not one of them. Don't listen to me. Go and buy something you don't need. And then sell it to me. Hehehe.
Lightbringer
To anyone who took those REALLY crappy shots of Elizabeth Wong in FULL dress, here's how you take a goddamn picture, asshole.
These shots are five years old, when I first got my Kodak 7950.
Man, I am so artistic, I can go to artsy-fartsy places and fucking WANK!
These shots are five years old, when I first got my Kodak 7950.
Man, I am so artistic, I can go to artsy-fartsy places and fucking WANK!
Gamera!
Just out of curiosity, I googled for Nikon D40. Apparently, the price for second-hand D40 kits (camera, lens, plus a whole bunch of freebies) is basically between RM1300-1500.
Holy Shit!
If I can get the ultimate deal at RM1000 for the whole kit, I'm getting one today. TODAY!
Of course, brand new shit is expensive, and I am not sure if they still have it in stock. The megapixel myth compels gearheads to buy the latest. I don't share that philosophy.
I just want to buy second-hand sets. Nikon D40, D60, D70, D70s, whatever. As long as it comes with the standard lenses, memory card, bag, tripod, and is in good condition, it should be worth a deal.
Holy Shit!
If I can get the ultimate deal at RM1000 for the whole kit, I'm getting one today. TODAY!
Of course, brand new shit is expensive, and I am not sure if they still have it in stock. The megapixel myth compels gearheads to buy the latest. I don't share that philosophy.
I just want to buy second-hand sets. Nikon D40, D60, D70, D70s, whatever. As long as it comes with the standard lenses, memory card, bag, tripod, and is in good condition, it should be worth a deal.
Friday, February 20, 2009
OH, SNAP!: From a n00b to a n00b
If you're a professional photographer, or a professional amateur, even if you're a photography student, go and jack-off for a while.
I'm going to share some basics with n00bs, since I'm an eternal n00b myself.
Cameras have two things that you can control that make a large difference. Shutter speed and aperture.
Shutter speed is the amount of time in which your film, or the digital chip, is exposed to light. Aperture is the size of the opening in your lens to allow light through.
Usually, shutter speed of 1/XXX is 1/XXXth of a second. Often written as 1/200s or 1/200f or suchlike.
Aperture is like 2.8, 3.5, 4.5 or whatever the fuck. The smaller the number, the BIGGER the opening is.
This knowledge answers the quintessential n00b query of: How do I make the backgrounds blur?
Well, easiest is Photoshop. But you can get the same effect by keeping aperture numbers low (meaning bigger opening) and adjusting the shutter speeds accordingly.
On to white balance.
I have no fucking idea what white balance is, but it has a huge impact on your photos if you tweak that value.
Basically, I THINK white balance determines how white is white, and all other colours are affected. Use it wisely, or don't use it at all.
Now, flash sync. This is not something you can control. Your camera has its own flash-sync capabilities.
Meaning, if you take a picture at 1/800s, and the flash is on, make sure your camera can sync with its own flash unit at 1/800s. Otherwise, the camera can be too fast or too slow. And the flash may screw up the picture or not be there at all.
This is why I like the Nikon D70 which was popular a few years back. Because it has a high flash sync and is wonderful with an SB800 i-TTL flash unit. I tried it a few times, and it was good.
It even has a better flash sync than the D2X which is more expensive. Plus, the D70 uses CCD chips instead of CMOS, which makes processing faster, in theory. I don't really know, because I don't own any of these.
Now, on to ISO. ISO used to be called ASA. It is basically the size of the grain on the film. Higher numbers means bigger grains, or something like that. And the light absorption is higher. But it also makes your pictures grainy.
Ever notice that films have a number? 200? 400? Those are ISO numbers. Nowadays, with digital SLRs and digital cameras, you can simply change the numbers on your camera and have the chip simulate different ISOs.
With lower values, such as 50 or 100, you can get transluscent effect for stuff such as moving water. Because the 'grains' are smaller, with the right exposure, you can make flowing water look like satin sheets. Of course, it takes a lot of trial and error.
Composition - THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. THING. It doesn't matter what camera you have. Composition is everything. And composition can't really be taught. You can have all the theory in the world, but I have seen professional-amateurs screw up their pictures because of composition.
Having a D2X or whatever big camera they sell nowadays, and not being able to take a good picture because your composition sucks is like having a big dick, but with premature ejaculation. It's always better to get the ladies where they want to go, everytime.
As with all of these things, you need to go out and take some pics. And don't take any stick from anyone, including me. Only take advice from people whose pictures you like, CONSISTENTLY. There are a lot of people out there who want to be seen as knowledgable so you would respect them, because their lives are quite pathetic. I am not one of them, because I score on a regular basis. And I do not care what you think.
There are also people who are really good and kind-hearted and will help you out. I am also not one of them.
I am writing this for my sake, because I am afraid that I will forget. And some righteous motherfuckers out there will try to correct my mistakes in the hopes that by proving me wrong, they can feel better about their sorry pathetic lives. They won't, and still have their sorry, pathetic lives to live, but I'll get information.
And information, knowledge, is power.
I'm going to share some basics with n00bs, since I'm an eternal n00b myself.
Cameras have two things that you can control that make a large difference. Shutter speed and aperture.
Shutter speed is the amount of time in which your film, or the digital chip, is exposed to light. Aperture is the size of the opening in your lens to allow light through.
Usually, shutter speed of 1/XXX is 1/XXXth of a second. Often written as 1/200s or 1/200f or suchlike.
Aperture is like 2.8, 3.5, 4.5 or whatever the fuck. The smaller the number, the BIGGER the opening is.
This knowledge answers the quintessential n00b query of: How do I make the backgrounds blur?
Well, easiest is Photoshop. But you can get the same effect by keeping aperture numbers low (meaning bigger opening) and adjusting the shutter speeds accordingly.
On to white balance.
I have no fucking idea what white balance is, but it has a huge impact on your photos if you tweak that value.
Basically, I THINK white balance determines how white is white, and all other colours are affected. Use it wisely, or don't use it at all.
Now, flash sync. This is not something you can control. Your camera has its own flash-sync capabilities.
Meaning, if you take a picture at 1/800s, and the flash is on, make sure your camera can sync with its own flash unit at 1/800s. Otherwise, the camera can be too fast or too slow. And the flash may screw up the picture or not be there at all.
This is why I like the Nikon D70 which was popular a few years back. Because it has a high flash sync and is wonderful with an SB800 i-TTL flash unit. I tried it a few times, and it was good.
It even has a better flash sync than the D2X which is more expensive. Plus, the D70 uses CCD chips instead of CMOS, which makes processing faster, in theory. I don't really know, because I don't own any of these.
Now, on to ISO. ISO used to be called ASA. It is basically the size of the grain on the film. Higher numbers means bigger grains, or something like that. And the light absorption is higher. But it also makes your pictures grainy.
Ever notice that films have a number? 200? 400? Those are ISO numbers. Nowadays, with digital SLRs and digital cameras, you can simply change the numbers on your camera and have the chip simulate different ISOs.
With lower values, such as 50 or 100, you can get transluscent effect for stuff such as moving water. Because the 'grains' are smaller, with the right exposure, you can make flowing water look like satin sheets. Of course, it takes a lot of trial and error.
Composition - THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. THING. It doesn't matter what camera you have. Composition is everything. And composition can't really be taught. You can have all the theory in the world, but I have seen professional-amateurs screw up their pictures because of composition.
Having a D2X or whatever big camera they sell nowadays, and not being able to take a good picture because your composition sucks is like having a big dick, but with premature ejaculation. It's always better to get the ladies where they want to go, everytime.
As with all of these things, you need to go out and take some pics. And don't take any stick from anyone, including me. Only take advice from people whose pictures you like, CONSISTENTLY. There are a lot of people out there who want to be seen as knowledgable so you would respect them, because their lives are quite pathetic. I am not one of them, because I score on a regular basis. And I do not care what you think.
There are also people who are really good and kind-hearted and will help you out. I am also not one of them.
I am writing this for my sake, because I am afraid that I will forget. And some righteous motherfuckers out there will try to correct my mistakes in the hopes that by proving me wrong, they can feel better about their sorry pathetic lives. They won't, and still have their sorry, pathetic lives to live, but I'll get information.
And information, knowledge, is power.
Needful Things
I've moved around a lot in KL since I first came here in 1998. UM, Pantai Dalam, Bukit Angkasa, Pantai Hillpark, Cheras and now Bukit Jalil.
I've accumulated some things which I will always carry around with me, no matter where I stay.
One is an ashtray I bought in Phuket. I was the first customer, so they gave me a good price for it. RM30, if I'm not mistaken. I could have bargained further, but that would be in bad taste. It is huge, able to eceive ash from three to four packs of cigarettes, and has a carving of two people fucking.
Another is a saucer. I wrote a review for an exhibit, without being asked, and the 70++ year-old artist was so grateful that he sent me a book of his paintings and a saucer that he handcracfted himself. I still have both. The book is on my bookshelf, and the saucer currently holds change on my dresser.
I have the complete Sandman trade paperback collection. It was the first thing I bought with my very first real paycheck. Over the course of a year, I completed the collection. Whenever I feel bad, angry or in any state of heightened emotions, I re-read Sandman.
I have a bowl I bought from Ikea. It can hold two packs of instant noodles and is quite tough.
And in my computer, I have songs and clips and stuff I have saved from the Internet since 1996. Each computer I upgrade to, I made sure I bring over a lot of stuff from the old ones.
At one time, I did not have money to buy the Sandman comics. My parents were never rich. And the reprints in Sun's Mega-Zine was often quite bad. So I went online and downloaded papers and an English Master's thesis on the Sandman comics. It was about signifying in literature, since Sandman is like thousands of years of literature condensed into a few hundred pages of comics. The ultimate meta-work.
I have that thesis somewhere in my computer.
Also, my own thesis. It was titled An Intelligent Tutoring System for Modern Anime Literature. Basically a fully customizable teaching aide with its own AI. Though most of the AI is hard-coded and none of the dynamics of PERL or whatever.
I used ASP and Oracle to do it, and it worked just fine when I presented the damn thing. Took me a year, man. A fucking year.
ASP used to be the SHIT. Now, I don't even know what the kids are using.
The system is fully functional, but I am afraid that the codes are all in a UM library somewhere, included in the back of my thesis, in an all-black CD-ROM.
I still have a copy of the source code somewhere in my hard drive, but I can't be fucked to know where it is. Though the thesis is still there. Had loads of fun doing it.
Also, I have my camera. A Kodak DX7950. A prosumer camera, not an SLR. Some of the pics I took with that thing went on the cover of Mail Motor.
If the price is right, and if I make some extra cash, I might be getting a proper DSLR later this year.
I learned the basics of photography by trial and error and reading websites.
If you are a complete beginner and want to learn, my advice would be not to go to Malaysian websites.
Malaysian forums generally have an uppity attitude, I discovered. A lot of people are scared you will be doing what they are doing, I suppose, and 'spoil the market' with your n00b rates.
I mean, they charge RM20,000 for company profiles - maybe more. Around RM6,000 for weddings.
Then along comes a n00b who is a friend of a friend and charges RM600 for the same shit. Of course some will get defensive, though the REALLY GOOD ONES won't give a fuck. Because REALLY GOOD photographers are one in a million.
And there's also the Malaysian disease of trying to laugh you out of existence. If you can't stand being wrong, don't go.
My advice - go to the international forums. They have more tolerance for n00bs. And they share A LOT of information. Just ask.
Then, when you have enough arrogance, but not enough knowledge, go to local forums and compete at who's the bigger idiot. If you want to.
However, if you're a gearhead, simply go to local forums to know where the best prices are (Singapore, Pertama Complex, etc). And also to network for second-hand gear.
What I've discovered is that, the FIRST thing you need to know about photography are the capabilities and limitations of your camera. This goes with a bit of know-how on the basics of technique and shit.
Then, train for composition. The Fibbonacci sequence and cowrie shell and all that shit. Composition is the most important part of it. Not how expensive your gear is.
For example, having a Kodak 7950 is like having a small penis, compared to the gearheads with their large and bulky Nikon D2X or whatever the fuck. But I got my pics on the cover - like scoring with Jessica Alba, with a small penis. YOU with the small penis. Not Jessica Alba.
My Kodak works wonderfully in well-lit places. It's really bad indoors and during night-time, especially without flash. Why? Because it can only go up to ISO(ASA)800 - and badly at that. For low light, you need to go 1600 or higher - the simulated grain are bigger and absorb more light. Or have a tripod or monopod(?) to minimize the shake.
A better example is Ken Rockwell. To prove a point, he bought a USD5 or was it USD25 second hand fixed-focus, fixed-zoom camera. He took pictures of Death Valley and those pictures are hanging in the Smithsonian.
It's not the camera. It's the man behind the camera.
I also keep in my PC scores of pictures of models and cars. I got requests from people to share them, and one even asked me to send him a particular shot because he liked the armpit of one of the models.
Sorry, dudes. I can't share pictures of people unless they themselves allow it. Especially if it's about their armpits.
I worked with part-time models and full-time models. The best ones can read the timing of my camera. It's a bit slower than most DSLRs (except Sony's. Sony's DSLRs suck ass.) So the best models can pose-click, pose-click, pose-click and turn a scheduled two-hour photoshoot into 15 minutes.
I am no expert. Not a pro. But I intend to pick up photography again after I save enough money to get a DSLR. I have reached the limits of my Kodak 7950. There are no more pictures I want to take with it, unless when I'm on vacation because it's easier to handle than the SLRs and their big lenses.
I want a Nikon DSLR. Why? Because unlike Canon, Nikon ONLY MANUFACTURES cameras and top-of-the-range optics. If you want to buy a printer, buy Canon. Well, at least that's what my brother says and he's been taking photos since I was five.
And an 18-200 2.8 lens - do they have such a thing? Nah. I'll go for the basics. Am no longer taking pictures in unlit theatre spaces anymore.
I've accumulated some things which I will always carry around with me, no matter where I stay.
One is an ashtray I bought in Phuket. I was the first customer, so they gave me a good price for it. RM30, if I'm not mistaken. I could have bargained further, but that would be in bad taste. It is huge, able to eceive ash from three to four packs of cigarettes, and has a carving of two people fucking.
Another is a saucer. I wrote a review for an exhibit, without being asked, and the 70++ year-old artist was so grateful that he sent me a book of his paintings and a saucer that he handcracfted himself. I still have both. The book is on my bookshelf, and the saucer currently holds change on my dresser.
I have the complete Sandman trade paperback collection. It was the first thing I bought with my very first real paycheck. Over the course of a year, I completed the collection. Whenever I feel bad, angry or in any state of heightened emotions, I re-read Sandman.
I have a bowl I bought from Ikea. It can hold two packs of instant noodles and is quite tough.
And in my computer, I have songs and clips and stuff I have saved from the Internet since 1996. Each computer I upgrade to, I made sure I bring over a lot of stuff from the old ones.
At one time, I did not have money to buy the Sandman comics. My parents were never rich. And the reprints in Sun's Mega-Zine was often quite bad. So I went online and downloaded papers and an English Master's thesis on the Sandman comics. It was about signifying in literature, since Sandman is like thousands of years of literature condensed into a few hundred pages of comics. The ultimate meta-work.
I have that thesis somewhere in my computer.
Also, my own thesis. It was titled An Intelligent Tutoring System for Modern Anime Literature. Basically a fully customizable teaching aide with its own AI. Though most of the AI is hard-coded and none of the dynamics of PERL or whatever.
I used ASP and Oracle to do it, and it worked just fine when I presented the damn thing. Took me a year, man. A fucking year.
ASP used to be the SHIT. Now, I don't even know what the kids are using.
The system is fully functional, but I am afraid that the codes are all in a UM library somewhere, included in the back of my thesis, in an all-black CD-ROM.
I still have a copy of the source code somewhere in my hard drive, but I can't be fucked to know where it is. Though the thesis is still there. Had loads of fun doing it.
Also, I have my camera. A Kodak DX7950. A prosumer camera, not an SLR. Some of the pics I took with that thing went on the cover of Mail Motor.
If the price is right, and if I make some extra cash, I might be getting a proper DSLR later this year.
I learned the basics of photography by trial and error and reading websites.
If you are a complete beginner and want to learn, my advice would be not to go to Malaysian websites.
Malaysian forums generally have an uppity attitude, I discovered. A lot of people are scared you will be doing what they are doing, I suppose, and 'spoil the market' with your n00b rates.
I mean, they charge RM20,000 for company profiles - maybe more. Around RM6,000 for weddings.
Then along comes a n00b who is a friend of a friend and charges RM600 for the same shit. Of course some will get defensive, though the REALLY GOOD ONES won't give a fuck. Because REALLY GOOD photographers are one in a million.
And there's also the Malaysian disease of trying to laugh you out of existence. If you can't stand being wrong, don't go.
My advice - go to the international forums. They have more tolerance for n00bs. And they share A LOT of information. Just ask.
Then, when you have enough arrogance, but not enough knowledge, go to local forums and compete at who's the bigger idiot. If you want to.
However, if you're a gearhead, simply go to local forums to know where the best prices are (Singapore, Pertama Complex, etc). And also to network for second-hand gear.
What I've discovered is that, the FIRST thing you need to know about photography are the capabilities and limitations of your camera. This goes with a bit of know-how on the basics of technique and shit.
Then, train for composition. The Fibbonacci sequence and cowrie shell and all that shit. Composition is the most important part of it. Not how expensive your gear is.
For example, having a Kodak 7950 is like having a small penis, compared to the gearheads with their large and bulky Nikon D2X or whatever the fuck. But I got my pics on the cover - like scoring with Jessica Alba, with a small penis. YOU with the small penis. Not Jessica Alba.
My Kodak works wonderfully in well-lit places. It's really bad indoors and during night-time, especially without flash. Why? Because it can only go up to ISO(ASA)800 - and badly at that. For low light, you need to go 1600 or higher - the simulated grain are bigger and absorb more light. Or have a tripod or monopod(?) to minimize the shake.
A better example is Ken Rockwell. To prove a point, he bought a USD5 or was it USD25 second hand fixed-focus, fixed-zoom camera. He took pictures of Death Valley and those pictures are hanging in the Smithsonian.
It's not the camera. It's the man behind the camera.
I also keep in my PC scores of pictures of models and cars. I got requests from people to share them, and one even asked me to send him a particular shot because he liked the armpit of one of the models.
Sorry, dudes. I can't share pictures of people unless they themselves allow it. Especially if it's about their armpits.
I worked with part-time models and full-time models. The best ones can read the timing of my camera. It's a bit slower than most DSLRs (except Sony's. Sony's DSLRs suck ass.) So the best models can pose-click, pose-click, pose-click and turn a scheduled two-hour photoshoot into 15 minutes.
I am no expert. Not a pro. But I intend to pick up photography again after I save enough money to get a DSLR. I have reached the limits of my Kodak 7950. There are no more pictures I want to take with it, unless when I'm on vacation because it's easier to handle than the SLRs and their big lenses.
I want a Nikon DSLR. Why? Because unlike Canon, Nikon ONLY MANUFACTURES cameras and top-of-the-range optics. If you want to buy a printer, buy Canon. Well, at least that's what my brother says and he's been taking photos since I was five.
And an 18-200 2.8 lens - do they have such a thing? Nah. I'll go for the basics. Am no longer taking pictures in unlit theatre spaces anymore.
The Mark of Boron - The Most Boring Man in the Universe!
I woke up at 5am today, in an attempt to recalibrate my sleeping schedule.
At 12 midnight last night, I finished off the last of my cough medication and painkillers. Just to knock me out.
I think I am developing a resistance to benadryl as I only slept, lightly, for 5 hours.
I tinkered with some scripts.
Then I got a phone call. Some good news. Yay! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!
Shinji wa itsumo hitotsu!
Muahahahahahahahahahaha!
I was so happy, I took a shower. After five days of living in filth. Then, I went to the mall and got some cheap fried chikins and a huge bottle of Pokka tea.
Waiting for a cab on the way back, I was struck by how much freedom I have these days.
I live alone, in an apartment I'm paying for all on my own. I don't have any dependants. My debts are manageable, and I hope to clear off my study loans in five years - God willing. I recently cleared one of my credit cards. Am thinking of cancelling it altogether. I don't need credit cards.
I have no desire to control people. And have seen the folly of wanting anything anyone else have. I do not covet my neighbours' shit.
As long as you WANT something from anyone, then you are under their control. That means you are not free. Not having any desires is complete freedom. But that is nearly impossible.
The thing that worked for me is making sure there is nothing that I want from people, and everything I want from myself. That means only I can control myself. It has not been easy, but it works.
And so, I am fine.
My parents are okay. My siblings all have lives of their own, and are experts in their respective fields.
Funny. Half of the family is in education. I come from a family of teachers. I think that somewhere along the line, I might want to be some sort of educator. Or be in the education system or industry.
Maybe set something up, or just impart my bottomless wisdom. Or assless chaps.
Before that, though, I need to absorb as many skills and knowledge as I can.
I don't want to go in and con the next generation.
And I need to get A LOT of money. A LOT!
Ah, but for today, I shall revel and bask in the freedom that few could allow themselves to enjoy.
At 12 midnight last night, I finished off the last of my cough medication and painkillers. Just to knock me out.
I think I am developing a resistance to benadryl as I only slept, lightly, for 5 hours.
I tinkered with some scripts.
Then I got a phone call. Some good news. Yay! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!
Shinji wa itsumo hitotsu!
Muahahahahahahahahahaha!
I was so happy, I took a shower. After five days of living in filth. Then, I went to the mall and got some cheap fried chikins and a huge bottle of Pokka tea.
Waiting for a cab on the way back, I was struck by how much freedom I have these days.
I live alone, in an apartment I'm paying for all on my own. I don't have any dependants. My debts are manageable, and I hope to clear off my study loans in five years - God willing. I recently cleared one of my credit cards. Am thinking of cancelling it altogether. I don't need credit cards.
I have no desire to control people. And have seen the folly of wanting anything anyone else have. I do not covet my neighbours' shit.
As long as you WANT something from anyone, then you are under their control. That means you are not free. Not having any desires is complete freedom. But that is nearly impossible.
The thing that worked for me is making sure there is nothing that I want from people, and everything I want from myself. That means only I can control myself. It has not been easy, but it works.
And so, I am fine.
My parents are okay. My siblings all have lives of their own, and are experts in their respective fields.
Funny. Half of the family is in education. I come from a family of teachers. I think that somewhere along the line, I might want to be some sort of educator. Or be in the education system or industry.
Maybe set something up, or just impart my bottomless wisdom. Or assless chaps.
Before that, though, I need to absorb as many skills and knowledge as I can.
I don't want to go in and con the next generation.
And I need to get A LOT of money. A LOT!
Ah, but for today, I shall revel and bask in the freedom that few could allow themselves to enjoy.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Adventures of Boron*! The World's Most Boring Man!
I am still trying to rearrange my sleeping time.
Been going to sleep at 8am/10am and waking up at 6pm almost every day now.
Yesterday, I stayed awake till 2pm. Went to a mall and bought pliers, wires, fried chikin, five litres of orange juice, a hand bidet set, Scotch-Brite sponges, Ambi-Pur instamatic spray refill canisters, a pair of shorts and Myojo noodles.
Myojo noodles have the best texture, after less than five minutes soaking in hot water.
I also bought five more Detective Conan movies. I currently have all of them.
Anyway, back at home, I decided to fix the toilets. I live alone in a 3+1 bedroom plus 2+1 bathroom apartment. Unfortunately, both the toilets are fucked. I don't use the maid's toilet. And I don't have a maid.
One has a faulty flushing mechanism. The makeshift connection between the lever and the pump is broken. The other one works fine, but the bidet set is severed.
So using my ingenuity and Conan-like deductive skills, I fixed the faulty flushing mechanism. I am good with pliers. Hehehe.
The toilet now flushes like a dream.
The other one, well, it seems like I need a pipe wrench. Oh well.
Anyway, am enjoying this free lifestyle. Freedom and independence are two very important space shuttles and all that.
But I am looking at moving closer to Bangsar in the near future. My gym is there.
* The title, if you haven't deduced it by now, comes from Dilbert.
Been going to sleep at 8am/10am and waking up at 6pm almost every day now.
Yesterday, I stayed awake till 2pm. Went to a mall and bought pliers, wires, fried chikin, five litres of orange juice, a hand bidet set, Scotch-Brite sponges, Ambi-Pur instamatic spray refill canisters, a pair of shorts and Myojo noodles.
Myojo noodles have the best texture, after less than five minutes soaking in hot water.
I also bought five more Detective Conan movies. I currently have all of them.
Anyway, back at home, I decided to fix the toilets. I live alone in a 3+1 bedroom plus 2+1 bathroom apartment. Unfortunately, both the toilets are fucked. I don't use the maid's toilet. And I don't have a maid.
One has a faulty flushing mechanism. The makeshift connection between the lever and the pump is broken. The other one works fine, but the bidet set is severed.
So using my ingenuity and Conan-like deductive skills, I fixed the faulty flushing mechanism. I am good with pliers. Hehehe.
The toilet now flushes like a dream.
The other one, well, it seems like I need a pipe wrench. Oh well.
Anyway, am enjoying this free lifestyle. Freedom and independence are two very important space shuttles and all that.
But I am looking at moving closer to Bangsar in the near future. My gym is there.
* The title, if you haven't deduced it by now, comes from Dilbert.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wong Place, Wong Time
Yesterday, my sympathies were with Miss Eli Wong.
Today, while I am still sympathetic, I want my money back from everyone who sensationalised the issue.
I saw the photos being put up by blogs and websites around the world, and a question BEGS to be asked - WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NUDITY?
Hell, man. I ordered a full plate of tits and ass, with bush on the side. I can go to Saudi ARabia and find more nudity than those pics.
And why did she have to resign again? What the fuck? That looks like either:
a. An admission of guilt. If so, of what?
or
b. Blackmail. From who? Ex-lover Hilmi? BN? If so, then they are quite stupid blackmailers. In their place, I would have blackmailed her to sabotage PR instead of resigning.
She has nothing to be ashamed of, with these pics. Pictures of her sleeping? Wearing black underwear (or has an unrealitically VERY thick foliage)? Come on! Doraemon comics has more tit and ass shots of Shizuka.
I got no problems with Eli Wong, and believe she should stay on. None of this resigning crap, but who knows what kind of mental trauma can be induced by having yourself photographed fully-clothed.
Oh, the huge manatee!
What could be the worst-case scenario for her would be BOTH sides of the political divide making this as some sort of focal point in the next General Election.
I mean, screw alternative fuels, the economy, one million Malaysians losing their jobs, education and whatever the fuck.
BN monkeys are jumping up and down about morality. What morality, assholes? Stop emulating PR and their holier-than-thou bullshit.
PR's non-appointed apologists (read: busybodies and pretentious dickwad 'activists'. Yep, they started apologising for it already, as they should), when asked, are saying that there is a sex video and more nude pics.
My intial response, for my sake, was "There better be. All this hoo-haa for nothing. Nothing! I could get more porn watching rolfing tit massages on YouTube."
For Elizabeth Wong's sake, though, I hope not. And that assholes on both sides would stop making it a political issue. Nyeh. They're going to do it anyway.
Expect a (full-blown) circus later.
Today, while I am still sympathetic, I want my money back from everyone who sensationalised the issue.
I saw the photos being put up by blogs and websites around the world, and a question BEGS to be asked - WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NUDITY?
Hell, man. I ordered a full plate of tits and ass, with bush on the side. I can go to Saudi ARabia and find more nudity than those pics.
And why did she have to resign again? What the fuck? That looks like either:
a. An admission of guilt. If so, of what?
or
b. Blackmail. From who? Ex-lover Hilmi? BN? If so, then they are quite stupid blackmailers. In their place, I would have blackmailed her to sabotage PR instead of resigning.
She has nothing to be ashamed of, with these pics. Pictures of her sleeping? Wearing black underwear (or has an unrealitically VERY thick foliage)? Come on! Doraemon comics has more tit and ass shots of Shizuka.
I got no problems with Eli Wong, and believe she should stay on. None of this resigning crap, but who knows what kind of mental trauma can be induced by having yourself photographed fully-clothed.
Oh, the huge manatee!
What could be the worst-case scenario for her would be BOTH sides of the political divide making this as some sort of focal point in the next General Election.
I mean, screw alternative fuels, the economy, one million Malaysians losing their jobs, education and whatever the fuck.
BN monkeys are jumping up and down about morality. What morality, assholes? Stop emulating PR and their holier-than-thou bullshit.
PR's non-appointed apologists (read: busybodies and pretentious dickwad 'activists'. Yep, they started apologising for it already, as they should), when asked, are saying that there is a sex video and more nude pics.
My intial response, for my sake, was "There better be. All this hoo-haa for nothing. Nothing! I could get more porn watching rolfing tit massages on YouTube."
For Elizabeth Wong's sake, though, I hope not. And that assholes on both sides would stop making it a political issue. Nyeh. They're going to do it anyway.
Expect a (full-blown) circus later.
Take It Easy, Pussy
The recent Wong things (no porn intended), the Perak Peranda issue, and more, are making this cunt-ry lamer than before.
I'd just like to go with this message: take it easy, pussy:
And Suck on My Log:
I'd just like to go with this message: take it easy, pussy:
And Suck on My Log:
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Life as a BN Snoop Dogg
I almost went to sleep at around 11am today, when the mysterious figure known only as 'Khairudin' - part of Rocky's Fleemasons - called me up.
Khairudin: We are going to hack into university databases and lower PR politicians' CGPAs by 0.4 points! Muahahahahaha!
Me: Muahahahahaha! And then give them certificates with the NEW CGPAs! Muahahahaha! FRamed and all! Muahahahahaha!
Me: And then. And then. And then. We're going to go to their homes, and put a Lilian Too statue of a lion in the south east! This will ruin their Feng Shui! Muahahahahahaha!
K: Oh, we are evil. EEEEEEEVIIIIILL!
Me: We are ancient spirits of evil!
Me: Ok, gotta go!
I hung up. I haven't taken a shower in three days. But I do not smell.
However, I wasn't heading to the bathroom. I went to an ancient black pyramid inside my house and started chanting.
ME: ANCIENT SPIRITS OF EEEEEEEVIIIIILLLL!
DRE: YES?
TUPAC: YES?
DEEPAK: A-HA?
ME: TRANSFORM THIS DECAYING FORM TO ... SNOOP DEE-OH-DOUBLE-GEE! THE EVER LIVIIIIINGGGGGGIAARRRRRRRR!!!!
DRE, TUPAC AND DEEPAK: EVIL! EVIL! EEEEEEVIIIILLL!
Then I went and ate some ponies. Drank the blood of rabbits. And sacrificed a Care Bear.
TenderHeart: No! Please no! Not the Iron Maiden!
Me: Muahahahahaha. EEVIL!
And then, it was Jem's turn...
JEM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Me: How do you like that, Jem? A McGregor's seed in your sister's belly?
JEM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo! Evil! Evil!
Me: West Siiiiiiide...
Khairudin: We are going to hack into university databases and lower PR politicians' CGPAs by 0.4 points! Muahahahahaha!
Me: Muahahahahaha! And then give them certificates with the NEW CGPAs! Muahahahaha! FRamed and all! Muahahahahaha!
Me: And then. And then. And then. We're going to go to their homes, and put a Lilian Too statue of a lion in the south east! This will ruin their Feng Shui! Muahahahahahaha!
K: Oh, we are evil. EEEEEEEVIIIIILL!
Me: We are ancient spirits of evil!
Me: Ok, gotta go!
I hung up. I haven't taken a shower in three days. But I do not smell.
However, I wasn't heading to the bathroom. I went to an ancient black pyramid inside my house and started chanting.
ME: ANCIENT SPIRITS OF EEEEEEEVIIIIILLLL!
DRE: YES?
TUPAC: YES?
DEEPAK: A-HA?
ME: TRANSFORM THIS DECAYING FORM TO ... SNOOP DEE-OH-DOUBLE-GEE! THE EVER LIVIIIIINGGGGGGIAARRRRRRRR!!!!
DRE, TUPAC AND DEEPAK: EVIL! EVIL! EEEEEEVIIIILLL!
Then I went and ate some ponies. Drank the blood of rabbits. And sacrificed a Care Bear.
TenderHeart: No! Please no! Not the Iron Maiden!
Me: Muahahahahaha. EEVIL!
And then, it was Jem's turn...
JEM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Me: How do you like that, Jem? A McGregor's seed in your sister's belly?
JEM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo! Evil! Evil!
Me: West Siiiiiiide...
Monday, February 16, 2009
Modesty Blaise
I woke up at 6pm today (yes, PM) and was immediately bombarded by demands from BN people that I surrender Elizabeth Wong's nude pictures.
I was like, "Wha?"
Apparently, somebody circulated a doctored Press Release from Elizabeth Wong claiming The Malay Male has threatened to publish her nude photos.
Actually, that last one was entirely untrue.
They apparently assumed that since I have seen A LOT of porn, that I would also have Eli Wong's naked pix.
Truth be told, I have no interest in Elizabeth Wong's nacked pictures. I thank her for it, but am not interested.
I am worried that like Chua Soi Lek's porn video, it would set a precedent amongst politicians. Especially the ones with flagging careers.
I have no wish to see Karpal Singh in the nude. Or Khir Toyo. Or Lim Kit Siang. Or Pak Lah.
And as with the Chua Soi Lek incident, I do not believe it is something to get excited about. People who get excited about nude pics of politicians - unless that politician is Jessica Alba - are stupid.
Already, the monkeys are jumping up and down.
I saw my first porn when I was nine years old. A friend passed it to me. Even at that young age, I knew instinctively to act unaffected, lest I be deemed uncool or labeled 'politician'.
Look, nude pics and porn are their own personal business. Making a hoo-haa out of it will create a Paris Hilton, who built an empire out of one porn video.
It's just tits and ass, man. And I've seen better.
I was like, "Wha?"
Apparently, somebody circulated a doctored Press Release from Elizabeth Wong claiming The Malay Male has threatened to publish her nude photos.
Actually, that last one was entirely untrue.
They apparently assumed that since I have seen A LOT of porn, that I would also have Eli Wong's naked pix.
Truth be told, I have no interest in Elizabeth Wong's nacked pictures. I thank her for it, but am not interested.
I am worried that like Chua Soi Lek's porn video, it would set a precedent amongst politicians. Especially the ones with flagging careers.
I have no wish to see Karpal Singh in the nude. Or Khir Toyo. Or Lim Kit Siang. Or Pak Lah.
And as with the Chua Soi Lek incident, I do not believe it is something to get excited about. People who get excited about nude pics of politicians - unless that politician is Jessica Alba - are stupid.
Already, the monkeys are jumping up and down.
I saw my first porn when I was nine years old. A friend passed it to me. Even at that young age, I knew instinctively to act unaffected, lest I be deemed uncool or labeled 'politician'.
Look, nude pics and porn are their own personal business. Making a hoo-haa out of it will create a Paris Hilton, who built an empire out of one porn video.
It's just tits and ass, man. And I've seen better.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Animalism
Call me Benjamin. I am a donkey.
In the beginning,
1. Whoever is on a one-legged justice system is the enemy. The justice system has always been one-legged. And it is WRONG.
2. Whoever jumps is a friend.
3. No politician shall wear clothes.
4. No politician shall sleep in a bed.
5. No politician shall drink alcohol.
6. No politician shall betray any politician.
7. All politicians are equal.
Add an ounce of power. Not too much, now. And it becomes:
1. Whoever is on a one-legged justice system is a friend. Hail the justice system!
2. Whoever jumps is an enemy.
3. No politician shall wear clothes.
4. No politician shall sleep in a bed without a ho.
5. No politician shall drink beer.
6. No politician shall betray any politician without just cause.
7. All politicians are equal but some politicians are MOAR equal than others. MOAR!
I wonder. When would Boxer be sent to the 'vet'?
Fuck the commandments. I'm worried about Boxer. And the 'vet'.
Keep on bleating, you fucking sheep! Fucking fucktard sheep!
And oh, Happy Valentine's Day! Yay!
In the beginning,
1. Whoever is on a one-legged justice system is the enemy. The justice system has always been one-legged. And it is WRONG.
2. Whoever jumps is a friend.
3. No politician shall wear clothes.
4. No politician shall sleep in a bed.
5. No politician shall drink alcohol.
6. No politician shall betray any politician.
7. All politicians are equal.
Add an ounce of power. Not too much, now. And it becomes:
1. Whoever is on a one-legged justice system is a friend. Hail the justice system!
2. Whoever jumps is an enemy.
3. No politician shall wear clothes.
4. No politician shall sleep in a bed without a ho.
5. No politician shall drink beer.
6. No politician shall betray any politician without just cause.
7. All politicians are equal but some politicians are MOAR equal than others. MOAR!
I wonder. When would Boxer be sent to the 'vet'?
Fuck the commandments. I'm worried about Boxer. And the 'vet'.
Keep on bleating, you fucking sheep! Fucking fucktard sheep!
And oh, Happy Valentine's Day! Yay!
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Madness of Crowds
Early on in my career as a BN lapdog, I was thrilled and a little dumbfounded when what I wrote could cause such heightened emotions.
So I asked the most emotionless people I know about it.
"People are scared things," she said. "You practically went in and showed them things they are afraid of. So of course they react."
"It's because you struck at the center of their belief systems," said another. "For people who put breeding and marriage as the epicenter of the universe, you practically came in and hammered the core of their tiny belief systems. And so they react."
Really?
I thought that people hate themselves. I was being a mirror to what they are and what they say. And they freak out at their own image, like a cat in front of a mirror.
One person was complaining about how much a victim he is. So I followed suit and basically shared the same experiences and similar stories.
The reaction was that I was being a fool. And, honestly, I concur.
Human behavior, as a collective, is so easy to interpret. The larger the sample, the lower the collective IQ.
As a Malthusian, I believe there should be a nuclear war soon, so that humans can become smarter.
And then they can breed all they like.
So I asked the most emotionless people I know about it.
"People are scared things," she said. "You practically went in and showed them things they are afraid of. So of course they react."
"It's because you struck at the center of their belief systems," said another. "For people who put breeding and marriage as the epicenter of the universe, you practically came in and hammered the core of their tiny belief systems. And so they react."
Really?
I thought that people hate themselves. I was being a mirror to what they are and what they say. And they freak out at their own image, like a cat in front of a mirror.
One person was complaining about how much a victim he is. So I followed suit and basically shared the same experiences and similar stories.
The reaction was that I was being a fool. And, honestly, I concur.
Human behavior, as a collective, is so easy to interpret. The larger the sample, the lower the collective IQ.
As a Malthusian, I believe there should be a nuclear war soon, so that humans can become smarter.
And then they can breed all they like.
Life of a BN Lapdog
Oh, I am so enjoying the life of a BN lapdog.
I'm wearing Asadi flip-flops, a free Singha t-shirt and seven-year-old cargo shorts.
Najib's money is rolling in, man!
I just had a clandestine, behind-closed-doors meeting with the mysterious 'Khairudin' who was, as you remember, part of Rocky's cabal which met some time ago at La Bodega.
Incidentally, my meeting is also held at the same place.
He had just teleported from the Cayman Islands, where he is laundering our dirty money.
Unfortunately, 'Khairudin' was called away to meet his 'doctor' whom I suspect is the most famous doctor in Malaysia - dr Sam.
I also got a call from Q. My Aston Martin is NOT ready yet. But my G5 is!
Man. I need to take a vacation.
I'm wearing Asadi flip-flops, a free Singha t-shirt and seven-year-old cargo shorts.
Najib's money is rolling in, man!
I just had a clandestine, behind-closed-doors meeting with the mysterious 'Khairudin' who was, as you remember, part of Rocky's cabal which met some time ago at La Bodega.
Incidentally, my meeting is also held at the same place.
He had just teleported from the Cayman Islands, where he is laundering our dirty money.
Unfortunately, 'Khairudin' was called away to meet his 'doctor' whom I suspect is the most famous doctor in Malaysia - dr Sam.
I also got a call from Q. My Aston Martin is NOT ready yet. But my G5 is!
Man. I need to take a vacation.
Fakespeare
Man, I feel like a cheap hooker with too much lead-poisoned cheap make-up on.
For my work, I have engorged myself with a hearty dose of fakespeare. Been spending some time with the Victorian Sex-Cry Generator as much as old books.
The thing is, I do not understand why there are so many passive sentences in ye olde books.
Everything is happening to ME! ME! The people of the past are a bunch of crybaby wankers.
And the spelling! Nite Owle mayhap bests Ozymandias in matters of the heartE, forsooth Adrian Veidt is his superior in more physical matters.
What the fuck?
Oh well. First, sleep. Then, my onslaught against popular opinion. There must be balance in the Farce!
For my work, I have engorged myself with a hearty dose of fakespeare. Been spending some time with the Victorian Sex-Cry Generator as much as old books.
The thing is, I do not understand why there are so many passive sentences in ye olde books.
Everything is happening to ME! ME! The people of the past are a bunch of crybaby wankers.
And the spelling! Nite Owle mayhap bests Ozymandias in matters of the heartE, forsooth Adrian Veidt is his superior in more physical matters.
What the fuck?
Oh well. First, sleep. Then, my onslaught against popular opinion. There must be balance in the Farce!
Touch My Vitals Now! Lest I Die!
Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth; turn melancholy forth to funerals. The pale companion is not for our pomp.
Hours upon hours have spent I, with books of olde. Learning the manner in which they speak.
There are those who believe that only the English may speak and write in English. Though I must say I am a pale (more like, brown) substitute for a red-faced Briton, given enough time and space, well-fashioned can the work be.
For an audience, my scribblings were. And o lamentable fate! A dull peanut gallery my words were sung to. Hast now I found a Royal box to play my merrie-making diversions?
Would they even know the difference?
It matters not. I would know, and that is more than reason enough. My audience is myself. The box and the Gods am I.
Hours upon hours have spent I, with books of olde. Learning the manner in which they speak.
There are those who believe that only the English may speak and write in English. Though I must say I am a pale (more like, brown) substitute for a red-faced Briton, given enough time and space, well-fashioned can the work be.
For an audience, my scribblings were. And o lamentable fate! A dull peanut gallery my words were sung to. Hast now I found a Royal box to play my merrie-making diversions?
Would they even know the difference?
It matters not. I would know, and that is more than reason enough. My audience is myself. The box and the Gods am I.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Pseudo-Intellectualism: Letting Go
I used to think, in my youth, that I have a responsibility to maintain balance in the universe.
My megalomania, and a heightened sense of self-importance led me to believe that it was up to me to ensure that the world doesn't tip. Keel over and die. It was my responsibility to ensure that people don't get hurt.
This, friends, Romani, cunt-rymen, is the result of reading too much comic books.
I found that I was not alone in this.
One woman told me that she needs to constantly be right, or people die. Well, not really. People may lose money. Cause she's a business journalist.
DOCTORS need to be right, or people die. Police officers, the military, bla bla bla.
And even then, I discovered, that they can only do their best effort, up to what they can mortally do. And then hope for the best.
I spent some time with some doctors and found out that modern medicine is also very much about guesswork as it is a science. Most of the medication they prescribe to you are harmful.
I was misdiagnosed once. The doctor told me I had otitis media - infection of the middle ear.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Oh, you might go deaf." Came the flippant reply.
And then he went out to have his tea, leaving me worried that I would never be assaulted with ABBA ever again. NOTE: One more of you fuckers play one more ABBA song, and I'm gonna fucking kill you!
So I went to the 'Net and did some research on the eardrops he gave me. Apparently, the thing can potentially cause seizures. Funny, eardrops causing seizures.
More worried than ever, I went to a specialist at Pantai and had my ears checked again. The result? No, I did not have otitis media. And my hearing has the normal range except for some low sounds. Meaning if somebody has a very low tone in their voice, I need to start reading lips. Which I did. Through practice, I can now read lips. Not as well as a deaf person, but enough to get by, if I meet a bass or even a very low baritone.
So anyway, best effort. There's a Latin term for it. Or whatever.
As I am mentally 8 years old, it took a while for me to realise that I actually do not matter. With that, comes freedom. If I DO matter, I have to watch what I do. If I am insignificant, inconsequential, I can do or say whatever the bloody hell I want.
It wouldn't matter if I'm wrong. I used to care. About being right and not being wrong. Then I realised the stupidity of it all.
See, there is no truth. Truth is basically perception. Viewpoints. Opinions. Mere fact cannot stand in the way of belief. Of faith.
Makcik Senah ate a Big Mac. FACT.
Makcik Senah is cool. Viewpoint. Truth?
Makcik Senah is a fat-assed pig. Opinion. Truth?
Makcik Senah is killing Palestinians for buying from McDonalds'. Perception. Truth?
Makcik Senah is an apostate because Big Mac has arcane letterings that denounce religion. Faith. Truth?
That is why I am very suspicious when people take the moral high ground. Because there are no morals.
Some 2000 years ago, marrying an 8-year-old was acceptable and in some cases, commendable. Try do that now.
Having slaves was okay at one point, and the genteel rode on the backs of servants and peons and peasants. A samurai can fuck your daughter, if you're a farmer. Today, these things still exist, but done quietly. Oooh. They get PAID. Like, RM300 per month. Or per fuck. Money can get us a boost in class and status. And sometimes buy our way out of unwanted situations.
The world was and is created by opinions and viewpoints and perceptions and hope. Value, as Neil Gaiman puts it, is in the mind of the buyer. And thus the value of all things, and values, are ephemereal. Subject to the whims and fancies of human opinion.
There is a stock market for morality as much as there is a commodities index for oil, wheat, rice, coffee, pork and beef.
Ah, I fear that I have managed to sidetrack myself from the topic.
Anyway, yes, I am not the crux at which the world balances itself. I cannot, and should not, stop some people from pursuing acting careers. I must let some people discover for themselves the ugliness beneath sweet words and gestures of infinitely evil and manipulative people. Unless it affects my own world. If that happens, then to arms! To arms!
Some people around me are dying. Yes, yes. Sylvia Plath - everyone's dying. Bla bla bla. But really, physically dying. And I cannot stop it. So I must learn to accept it. And let go.
Because the alternative, is war. War and madness.
My megalomania, and a heightened sense of self-importance led me to believe that it was up to me to ensure that the world doesn't tip. Keel over and die. It was my responsibility to ensure that people don't get hurt.
This, friends, Romani, cunt-rymen, is the result of reading too much comic books.
I found that I was not alone in this.
One woman told me that she needs to constantly be right, or people die. Well, not really. People may lose money. Cause she's a business journalist.
DOCTORS need to be right, or people die. Police officers, the military, bla bla bla.
And even then, I discovered, that they can only do their best effort, up to what they can mortally do. And then hope for the best.
I spent some time with some doctors and found out that modern medicine is also very much about guesswork as it is a science. Most of the medication they prescribe to you are harmful.
I was misdiagnosed once. The doctor told me I had otitis media - infection of the middle ear.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Oh, you might go deaf." Came the flippant reply.
And then he went out to have his tea, leaving me worried that I would never be assaulted with ABBA ever again. NOTE: One more of you fuckers play one more ABBA song, and I'm gonna fucking kill you!
So I went to the 'Net and did some research on the eardrops he gave me. Apparently, the thing can potentially cause seizures. Funny, eardrops causing seizures.
More worried than ever, I went to a specialist at Pantai and had my ears checked again. The result? No, I did not have otitis media. And my hearing has the normal range except for some low sounds. Meaning if somebody has a very low tone in their voice, I need to start reading lips. Which I did. Through practice, I can now read lips. Not as well as a deaf person, but enough to get by, if I meet a bass or even a very low baritone.
So anyway, best effort. There's a Latin term for it. Or whatever.
As I am mentally 8 years old, it took a while for me to realise that I actually do not matter. With that, comes freedom. If I DO matter, I have to watch what I do. If I am insignificant, inconsequential, I can do or say whatever the bloody hell I want.
It wouldn't matter if I'm wrong. I used to care. About being right and not being wrong. Then I realised the stupidity of it all.
See, there is no truth. Truth is basically perception. Viewpoints. Opinions. Mere fact cannot stand in the way of belief. Of faith.
Makcik Senah ate a Big Mac. FACT.
Makcik Senah is cool. Viewpoint. Truth?
Makcik Senah is a fat-assed pig. Opinion. Truth?
Makcik Senah is killing Palestinians for buying from McDonalds'. Perception. Truth?
Makcik Senah is an apostate because Big Mac has arcane letterings that denounce religion. Faith. Truth?
That is why I am very suspicious when people take the moral high ground. Because there are no morals.
Some 2000 years ago, marrying an 8-year-old was acceptable and in some cases, commendable. Try do that now.
Having slaves was okay at one point, and the genteel rode on the backs of servants and peons and peasants. A samurai can fuck your daughter, if you're a farmer. Today, these things still exist, but done quietly. Oooh. They get PAID. Like, RM300 per month. Or per fuck. Money can get us a boost in class and status. And sometimes buy our way out of unwanted situations.
The world was and is created by opinions and viewpoints and perceptions and hope. Value, as Neil Gaiman puts it, is in the mind of the buyer. And thus the value of all things, and values, are ephemereal. Subject to the whims and fancies of human opinion.
There is a stock market for morality as much as there is a commodities index for oil, wheat, rice, coffee, pork and beef.
Ah, I fear that I have managed to sidetrack myself from the topic.
Anyway, yes, I am not the crux at which the world balances itself. I cannot, and should not, stop some people from pursuing acting careers. I must let some people discover for themselves the ugliness beneath sweet words and gestures of infinitely evil and manipulative people. Unless it affects my own world. If that happens, then to arms! To arms!
Some people around me are dying. Yes, yes. Sylvia Plath - everyone's dying. Bla bla bla. But really, physically dying. And I cannot stop it. So I must learn to accept it. And let go.
Because the alternative, is war. War and madness.
Robots and Empire
Some people asked me, what game I was playing.
So I told them, "Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden and Power of Chaos Yugi the Destiny, Kaiba the Revenge and Joey the Passion."
"What?"
Well, Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden is one of the greatest games ever done by mankind.
Here's my Top 5:
1. Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden
2. Super Robot Wars Alpha
3. Final Fantasy 7
4. Jagged Alliance 2
5. Yugi-Oh's series of card games
-----------
6. CM 01/02
That's all.
While awake or asleep, strategies keep on rolling in my head.
For Yugi's card games, I need Jinzo, a monster card that will neutralize any and all traps. I also need Mage Power. Already have United We Stand - the most powerful equip card in the game.
If I have Jinzo, I can decrease the size of the deck by 4 cards, discarding many traps.
Here's my deck wishlist:
1. Jinzo
2. Nimble Momonga X 3
3. Giant Germ X 3
4. United We Stand
5. Mage Power
6. Harpie's Feather Duster
7. Raigeki
8. Change of Heart
9. Swords of Revealing Light
10. Dark Hole
11. Penguin Warrior
12. Wall of Illusion
13. Summoned Skull
14. Mystical Space Typhoon X 3
15. Barrel Dragon
16. Giant Soldier of Rock X 2
17. Sinister Serpent
18. Magic Cylinder
19. Witch of the Black Forest
20. Magician of Faith
21. Monster Reborn
22. Tribute to the Doomed
23. Copycat
24. Sangan
25. 4-Starred Ladybug of Doom
26. Rock Spirit
27. Dark Necromancer
28. Slate Warrior X 3
29. Scapegoat
30. Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer
31. Mystical Elf
32. Jar of Greed
That's 41 cards.
This deck is good for general ass-kicking. Can also kill exodia decks (Kycoo, plus Card Destruction and Soul Release), card attrition (plus one more magic card that can count the difference between attack and defence as damage, and Cold Wave)
With 15 more reserve cards, I can change it to kill a fusion deck, defence against powerful monsters(Man-Eater Bug X 3, field spell cards, one more Copycat), etc.
I want to convince some people to allow me to design a similar card game based on their creative copyrights. Just give me access to the rights, and I can create card games similar to Yugi's.
We can even get people to play online, since the file will be small, and hold tournaments across the country.
As for Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden, this is the sixth or seventh time I am playing it from beginning to end.
1. Raideen - best assist in the game. Raideen plus Mega Generator plus HPHGCP = Orgasm.
2. Combattler V - great assist.
3. Shin Getta 1 - Arguably has the most powerful attack available - Stoner Sunshine with *basic* damage of 6200. Range 1-3. Gets to assist at level 53. Hehehe.
4. Majinkaizer - Not affected by ki-ryoku to launch powerful attacks. My most beloved unit, and THE FIRST MECHA ANIME EVER.
5. Turn A Gundam - One of the best Gundam units. Equip it with a Holy Power Device, a Mega Generator and let it rip. Map weapon is a bit energy draining, though.
6. Voltes V - Same as Combattler. But shorter range.
7. V2 Assault Buster Gundam - has the most array of useful weapons. And almost impossible to hit.
8. Z (Zeta) Gundam - Starts off with a 1-8 range, 4400 damage Hyperwhatever thefuck. Will eventually learn the Wave Rider Attack at Scene 39. Equip with Mega Generator and HPHGCP for the best 'unhitable' striker in the game. No unit has ever hit this guy.
9. Boss Bolt - my favourite energy resupply robot. It used to be the slowest, but after upgrades, and a Hovercraft and Mega Boosters, this is my fastest unit. Delivering energy right at your cockpit.
10. Braiga - aside from the cool songs, this is the coolest robot ever. EVER. The final attack is 1-8 (BraiGun), has a damage of 5800 and it can assist!
Preferred support robots include Methus (Fa has the Motivate SP, which saves me hundreds of SP points at the beginning of the game.), Aphrodite A (ditto!), Mari in the Brega(recharge your SP! Resupply!), that other guy in the Brega whose name I can't read (because it's in Kanji) with the Move Again SP, and the bridge of Freeden - best mothership (three co-pilots - 18 types of SPs!).
So I explained this to them in great detail. And then, they made this blank face.
"No, we meant, what game are you playing, going after Pakatan Rakyat?"
D'oh!
Goddamn it, man! What a waste of my time. I could have killed robots! Robots!
I'm not playing any games with that, man. Just advising caution. Cause everyone's in a fucking lovefest with anything that is not BN, they might fail to see the folly of those wankers. Out of the frying pan, into the fire?
Which would have been fine, but some people are laying their lives, and their bodies, on the line for those politicians. As a superhero, it is my duty to stop them from sacrificing themselves for shady ideals.
Ore wa, namida o naga sena i! Taratta!
Robotto dakara, mashin dakara! Taratta.
Tobase, tekken
Rocket Panchi!
Ima da, da sun da
Breasto Fayyaaaaaaa!
Majin Go
Majin Go
Majinga Zeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
-------------------------
Bui! Bui! Bui!
Biktoryyyyy!
Commmmbine, 1, 2, 3.
So I told them, "Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden and Power of Chaos Yugi the Destiny, Kaiba the Revenge and Joey the Passion."
"What?"
Well, Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden is one of the greatest games ever done by mankind.
Here's my Top 5:
1. Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden
2. Super Robot Wars Alpha
3. Final Fantasy 7
4. Jagged Alliance 2
5. Yugi-Oh's series of card games
-----------
6. CM 01/02
That's all.
While awake or asleep, strategies keep on rolling in my head.
For Yugi's card games, I need Jinzo, a monster card that will neutralize any and all traps. I also need Mage Power. Already have United We Stand - the most powerful equip card in the game.
If I have Jinzo, I can decrease the size of the deck by 4 cards, discarding many traps.
Here's my deck wishlist:
1. Jinzo
2. Nimble Momonga X 3
3. Giant Germ X 3
4. United We Stand
5. Mage Power
6. Harpie's Feather Duster
7. Raigeki
8. Change of Heart
9. Swords of Revealing Light
10. Dark Hole
11. Penguin Warrior
12. Wall of Illusion
13. Summoned Skull
14. Mystical Space Typhoon X 3
15. Barrel Dragon
16. Giant Soldier of Rock X 2
17. Sinister Serpent
18. Magic Cylinder
19. Witch of the Black Forest
20. Magician of Faith
21. Monster Reborn
22. Tribute to the Doomed
23. Copycat
24. Sangan
25. 4-Starred Ladybug of Doom
26. Rock Spirit
27. Dark Necromancer
28. Slate Warrior X 3
29. Scapegoat
30. Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer
31. Mystical Elf
32. Jar of Greed
That's 41 cards.
This deck is good for general ass-kicking. Can also kill exodia decks (Kycoo, plus Card Destruction and Soul Release), card attrition (plus one more magic card that can count the difference between attack and defence as damage, and Cold Wave)
With 15 more reserve cards, I can change it to kill a fusion deck, defence against powerful monsters(Man-Eater Bug X 3, field spell cards, one more Copycat), etc.
I want to convince some people to allow me to design a similar card game based on their creative copyrights. Just give me access to the rights, and I can create card games similar to Yugi's.
We can even get people to play online, since the file will be small, and hold tournaments across the country.
As for Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden, this is the sixth or seventh time I am playing it from beginning to end.
1. Raideen - best assist in the game. Raideen plus Mega Generator plus HPHGCP = Orgasm.
2. Combattler V - great assist.
3. Shin Getta 1 - Arguably has the most powerful attack available - Stoner Sunshine with *basic* damage of 6200. Range 1-3. Gets to assist at level 53. Hehehe.
4. Majinkaizer - Not affected by ki-ryoku to launch powerful attacks. My most beloved unit, and THE FIRST MECHA ANIME EVER.
5. Turn A Gundam - One of the best Gundam units. Equip it with a Holy Power Device, a Mega Generator and let it rip. Map weapon is a bit energy draining, though.
6. Voltes V - Same as Combattler. But shorter range.
7. V2 Assault Buster Gundam - has the most array of useful weapons. And almost impossible to hit.
8. Z (Zeta) Gundam - Starts off with a 1-8 range, 4400 damage Hyperwhatever thefuck. Will eventually learn the Wave Rider Attack at Scene 39. Equip with Mega Generator and HPHGCP for the best 'unhitable' striker in the game. No unit has ever hit this guy.
9. Boss Bolt - my favourite energy resupply robot. It used to be the slowest, but after upgrades, and a Hovercraft and Mega Boosters, this is my fastest unit. Delivering energy right at your cockpit.
10. Braiga - aside from the cool songs, this is the coolest robot ever. EVER. The final attack is 1-8 (BraiGun), has a damage of 5800 and it can assist!
Preferred support robots include Methus (Fa has the Motivate SP, which saves me hundreds of SP points at the beginning of the game.), Aphrodite A (ditto!), Mari in the Brega(recharge your SP! Resupply!), that other guy in the Brega whose name I can't read (because it's in Kanji) with the Move Again SP, and the bridge of Freeden - best mothership (three co-pilots - 18 types of SPs!).
So I explained this to them in great detail. And then, they made this blank face.
"No, we meant, what game are you playing, going after Pakatan Rakyat?"
D'oh!
Goddamn it, man! What a waste of my time. I could have killed robots! Robots!
I'm not playing any games with that, man. Just advising caution. Cause everyone's in a fucking lovefest with anything that is not BN, they might fail to see the folly of those wankers. Out of the frying pan, into the fire?
Which would have been fine, but some people are laying their lives, and their bodies, on the line for those politicians. As a superhero, it is my duty to stop them from sacrificing themselves for shady ideals.
Ore wa, namida o naga sena i! Taratta!
Robotto dakara, mashin dakara! Taratta.
Tobase, tekken
Rocket Panchi!
Ima da, da sun da
Breasto Fayyaaaaaaa!
Majin Go
Majin Go
Majinga Zeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
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Bui! Bui! Bui!
Biktoryyyyy!
Commmmbine, 1, 2, 3.
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