Almost every inch of my mind is telling me to go away and not do work for a spell.
The last time I took a holiday - when was that? I can't remember. I remember having so much fun at these hours, on the streets of Bangkok. Eating RM4 prawn-fried rice at a roach-infested stall.
I have been separated from Thailand - the source of all energy - for three long years.
This holiday, for Raya, is all I have to charge my depleted reservoir. I can no longer go 400% capacity, and tomorrow's day of work seems to be all I could muster before being completely depleted.
My mind needs the rest. You wouldn't believe how much I have done in the past few months, after leaving my job at The Malay Mail.
Physically, I broke down with illnesses several weeks ago, but now my body is fine. I just have to take care of my brain.
Since I was 23, when I started working, I have been sprinting when it is a marathon.
I am happy to report, though, that I am spiritually sound. My spirits are up, and all that hard work cultivating peace has turned out well for me.
I am still a high-level functioning sociopath, so that's all good.
Thank God I have all these people who stick with me through thick and thin. A few are angels, but mostly, I have demons for friends. Which is just the way I like it.
A good night's sleep, and I'll be okay for tomorrow. Everything looks bright, but for now, I am turning to the dark.