Saturday, November 21, 2009

World's End

The Mayans made a calendar that runs out in 2012.

Some people say this is because the Mayans predicted the end of the world by that time. Others say that this only means that the Mayans are predicting a Golden Age of mankind - a shift in the thought processes of humanity as a whole.

I think the Mayans were just lazy.

However, in my capacity as the world's leading psycho-historian who's about to turn 30 and experiencing some form of mid-life crisis, that this is indeed true.

Across the board, I am hearing less victim stories, stories of self-inflicted pain and suffering and tales of woe.

As in, "woe is meeee!!! Memememememe!"

Stories of how, "I could have done this or that, if this thing happened first. I could be haappy, if only this happened."

All that bullshit I was wallowing in, a few years back, are now going extinct.

Now, that's because humans and people all around me are finally growing up and entering a new realm of consciousness, or it's because everytime somebody started telling me their victim stories, I to run away, putting my hands on my ears and yelling "lalalalalalalalala!"

It was like:

Bitch: I, me, I, myself, that which is ME, saw this person, and I, me, myself that is I, FELT. SO. BAD. I, me, that which is myself, spirals into an endless spiral of depression and I, myself -


*rushes to oncoming traffic*

*gets hit by the bus*

Don't get me, I, myself which is me, wrong. Err...I mean, don't get me wrong. I listen to my friends' problems. But if anyone is wallowing in self-inflicted self-pity, spite, angst, righteous outrage or self-sabotage, I just tune out and think of titties.

It's a waste of time, man!

I mean, all this shit comes from the ego. The ego which is the 'needy little me'. I need this, I need that. 'I need to FEEL PAIN! OH!' Go to a blues lounge, motherfucker. STick a tampon in it.

Everybody's got problems. We all can respect that. Taking things personally and emotionally is just a plain waste of time. All emotions are a waste of time.

For example, I want to kill Communists. I don't hate Communists, nor am I angry at Communists. I don't know or care whether they are right or wrong. I just want to kill them off. Totally emotionless.

I want to kill me some Goddamn Commies. I don't need to. I want to.

What's also out of style is the "I'm better than you" attitude. This eternal competition humans have been having is out the door, my God!

For a while, it carried the human race. But water that floats a ship can also sink it, said some Chinese philosopher.

In reality, all our actions - ALL of it - reflect on us as a species. Communication has broken down barriers we thought could never be broken down. It's teamwork, motherfucker. And if you are not a team player, then you better hope you're good enough to live your life on your own. It's not that difficult. With RM2 million, you can have a house by the beach and live till whenever.

The world as we know it, is coming to an end. Shifts in the human consciousness are happening, and it's as old as tectonic plates moving under our feet. A new world order is upon us. This is what the Romans must have felt when Christianity busted their ass.

As the world's leading psycho-historian, I can say that the buzzwords and ctach-phrases for the next five years at least are:

Ego, fuck, big floppy donkey dick, bite my shiny metal ass, awareness, pain-body, empathy, child pornography and CAPTAIN! PLANET!

The world is dead. Long live the world.