Saturday, July 28, 2012


Lots of people come up to me to either tell me they want to write movies or that my movies suck and they or their friend-of-a-friend could do better. None of them ever did. No one who told me they wanted to write movies are doing movies, yet, and no one whose friends-of-a-friend has never written a movie, much less one 'better' than any I've written.

I mean, it's not that difficult. My movies suck, right, so go ahead and do a decent one. No, not even a decent one. Just a slightly less-sucky movie. Something with a plot and characters mouthing off at each other. Here's one:

Character A: Mumble mumble.

Character B: Mumbles back.


CANNES! (pronounced Kahn, not Canes, not Kenes, it's fucking KAHN!)

People sometimes come to me for advice. Not much I can give, but what little I know, I pass on.

Bewilderingly, I find that they do not want to listen, and they do not expect or appreciate any help. They just want excuses to not write any movies.

I suspect they expect me to try and discourage them, perhaps? To tell them that being a scriptwriter makes less money than writing ads for tampons (sadly, this is true) or that the ayam golek people make more during one Ramadan than ALL Malaysian scriptwriters combined (some ayam golek people do.) or whatever.

Some ayam golek people sell hundreds of roasted chickens a day during Ramadan. At roughly RM15-20 per bird, KL price, that's a lot of money. AND they don't declare taxes.

I believe it is fear. They know perhaps, good movies from bad ones, and they're afraid to do any movie for the risk of people thinking they suck. Dudes and dudettes, if I thought of that, I would have had insomnia for three years (which I totally did) or would have killed myself years ago, never venturing out of the house.

I suspect that these people might be afraid that the precious image they have of themselves inside their heads would crumble at the first reading of a bad review.

I had bad reviews. Scathing shit. I'm still alive. Still trying to convince some people that my original stories are gold.

I had great reviews as well. Even for some things I did which I myself thought were dumb.

Truth is, everything's subjective and not a single viewpoint is shared by everyone. Take extreme cases, for example. Take fucking little boys. Everybody thinks that's wrong, right? EXCEPT for the priests who molested or are molesting children.

No matter what you do, some people will love it, and some people will hate it. And no, you can't be immune. You can, however, accept it, accept feedback - be it positive or negative - and move on. That is life.

And the jealous ones? I consider the amount of spite I got for making some stuff or doing anything I have ever done, as a clear indication that I have touched stupid people's ego. And touching stupid people's egos is a sign of success. I have done things that perhaps threatened people so much, they shat their pants.

I'm not talking about bad reviews. I'm talking about people who say, "You know, if I had like, a bajillion dollars, and your good looks, I could do wayyy better. Cause I'm special. Boo fucking hoo, me and my dumb life. I cry tears."

Fuck you.

I mean, seriously. Life is no big deal. I'm no big deal. You're no big deal. In fact, we're all BIG FUCKING DEALS. We're not that important. Until we realise that, we are stupid.

Okay. I'm done. Going to sleep now. Tomorrow morning, I need to justify a budget, go to the dentist - AGAIN - buy some batteries and write a porn movie I owe someone. Finally.