Thursday, March 25, 2010

Soapbox: I, Swamp Thing

I was born and raised near a swamp. And proud of it.

When we were kids, we used to kill snakes out of boredom. Take that, WWF!

My father was a primary school teacher and my mother is still a housewife. My ambitions, growing up were to be a scientist, a detective, a sniper and finally a financial speculator.

Coming from very humble beginnings, I do not feel insecure at all. In fact, anything I do will be better than growing up near a swamp.

Honestly, with that, comes unbounded, sometimes irrational confidence.

It is funny to me, when someone says anything about 'coming from a good family'. That description usually comes with a UK education, white parents and summer homes at Janda Baik. Oh, and equestrian.

I don't hate rich people. Nor do I feel superior to them. It's just that sometimes, I find them detached from reality.

For one, take a look around you. THIS. IS. MALAYSIA.

It's not Notting Hill. Not East End. Not Paddington Station, or Angel Islington. Or Black Friars.

The people might speak English, and we have enough white people (and Indians) to justify at least three magazines for them, but this is not London.


So when people come up with shit questions like, "Where was the best hot chocolate you ever had? Paddington Station?"


"You should sell this in London."

I grin, and then I tear them apart.

I don't 'put them in their place' as they say they are TRYING to do to me. I just tell them that they have no place here.

Get the fuck out of my face. I don't go to your office to slap your dick out of your mother's mouth, do I? (credit goes to Brian Michael Bendis for this turn of phrasing) So get off my fucking back.

Using my Buddha powers, I have no remorse. I can kill you, and I don't even have to rationalise or justify it to myself. You will just die. I don't care.

So anyway, This. Is. Malaysia. So we do things the Malaysian way.

The phrase, "I don't watch/listen to/buy local stuff" is said as a badge of honour of sorts by some fucktards.

Let me tell you something. If you are a Malaysian, then you ARE a Malaysian product. If you don't buy Malaysian stuff, and finds it contemptuous to do so, then you are telling everyone that they shouldn't buy YOUR bullshit.

I am not saying we should buy Malaysian first or buy British last. That's not my point. That's your choice, and no one should tell you otherwise.

I am just saying that have some fucking pride in yourself. In your product, and in your country. Because we're all in the same boat.

If you're doing marketing, you would understand that you need to first understand what you're selling. Same shit with all of us. Understand what we put forth. It may be good or bad, but simply realise what you're doing. Realise what you are.

Najib is not the face of Malaysia. And, thank God, neither is Anwar. Each one of us, has a face, and when people see or come to Malaysia, they see your face.

Even if you are one of those fucktards who put so much importance in face, then this is it. You are the FACE of your country. Your country, represents YOU.

The Government is not a building or a political party. You are part of it.

So when you do shit, please remember that this is not New York. This is not Barcelona. This is not Cannes - which is pronounced Cahn, by the way, not Canes, not Kennes. And this is surely not London.

Fuck you.

Now suck my dick.