For the most part of my life, I have either hated or hid from people.
The reason being that they are such loud things. Even when they are silent, they are deafening. The amount of information you get from people is mindboggling. It is just insurmountable to go through them all.
It is like having a bit of a thirst, and getting submerged in a lake full of drinking water.
SOmetimes, with one or two, I can focus. But when there is a dozen or a crowd, the sheer visible dynamics is simply overwhelming.
Person A and Person B are talking to me.
So, Person A presumably wants the floor all to himself, so he can impress Person B with something. This is due to the fact that as a child, he or she could hardly impress anyone - clumsy, bumbling and not-so-smart. Prone to cause accidents and the not so occassional faux pas.
Person B wishes to be left alone, so he or she could lament in monologue, how unfair the world is. This is because he or she believes that saying how bad life is will get him or her sympathy and that other people will solve his or her problems.
Now, imagine if this is in a room with 12 people.
Persons A through G have seven different motives, while Persons H to L have five different ones as well.
Now, interconnect everyone with everyone else.
That's 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1 connections. 12 motives. 66 connections. Ever-changing. And this is by taking a simple route. A one-dimensional one. Now place this in a four-dimensional construct. A million different ticks and mannerisms and whatever else. Pour in immeasurable life experience and my brain just died.
There are people who can instinctively surf through these human interaction thingies. For a while, I was jealous of them. For I could not do it. Not very well. I hated crowds as it is impossible for me to grasp everything.
It was not until some years ago when I began to notice something. That I do not have to keep everything in mind.
The late Yasmin Ahmad often said, "We do not have to understand someone to love them."
I am not out to love everyone. I find that quite impossible as well. But taking that view, and applying the task/data management practice of First In, First Out, it all becomes manageable.
True, there is a lot of information, but most of it is crap. Humans are chest-deep in total bullshit. Flailing their arms about while talking, raising their eyebrows and curling the lips and narrowing the eyes. Most of that is bullshit. Most of speech is bullshit.
What are you talking about? Nothing.
You learn to find important, significant bits and focus only on that. It comes naturally to most people, but some, who may have had the same difficulties I did, would struggle at first.
I see lots of rude people, who are rude, spiteful and generally stupid, when there is no need to be rude, spiteful or stupid.
You do that, when you need to. Otherwise, it is just excess.
They just react without being conscious of their actions, and how some small, little thing could have an effect on their lives, in terms of other people's reactions.
Trust me. 99% of all problems in my life stemmed from my reactions to certain things. Being quick to react is not a good virtue, unless you are a highly-trained soldier, surgeon or bomb-squad member.
There is always time. And the time is now.