I spent the first part of the night consoling a friend who did not want the ISA to be abolished.
Najib's historic announcement tonight, Sept 15, 2011, caused histrionics amongst some people.
I was like, plans to abolish ISA? About time! I mean, there goes my meal ticket of being ISA-ed and the giving RM5,000 speeches across the country as an ex-ISA reformed guy, but cool.
Reform or abolish the printing Presses act? Hell yeah!
Declare the end of the Emergency? Whoop dee doo.
And then, after listening to Najib and my friend wail almost inconsolably, I took a dump.
When I came out of the toilet, you know what I saw? Nothing. There were no fireworks, invisible pink unicorns didn't prance around, the hand of God did not come down to smite anyone. Idiots still run loose, and I'm still just me, baby. I'm just me.
Hey motherfuckers, did (potentially) saying goodbye to the ISA improve your life? Did you start farting rainbows and ponies?
I believe in one thing - if you want to improve your life or existence, you need to do it yourself.
Nizar Jamaluddin is not gonna come down on a white and green horse and lick your ass after you got screwed by the world. Anwar Ibrahim is not going to rape you in the face if you do anything bad. Well...
Najib will NOT give you free money. I should know. I'm his nephew (twice removed) and you know what I got? Nothing.
Lim Guan Eng will not help your son in UPSR. What's he gonna do, flash the answers outside the exam hall? Is Karpal Singh gonna wheel you to the hospital, or dispense advice like Prof X?
Karpal: Come to me, my X-Men!
If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself. You want to improve your financial situation? Work harder. Work smarter. Be aware. Save money. Invest in stuff. Don't waste it on bullshit like weddings and kids.
You want world peace? Stop being mean to people. Stop killing people. Be at peace yourself.
You know what I hate? Here's a semi-long story:
I grew up in a poverty-stricken part of Kuantan, Pahang. How poor? Well, my neighbour, in 2009, made RM400 a month. He has six kids. And he's NOT the poorest person there.
There are drug addicts, people with large families (14 kids) and dead end jobs abound.
My father's starting salary was RM222 way back in the '60s. He was considered well-off.
Nothing special, man. Big fucking deal. I know many people in KL who came from such places.
And then, there was a campaign a few years back. You know what the campaign was? It's name was 'Eradicate Poverty'.
So what do they do? They ask people to put up stickers on their blogs saying, 'Eradicate Poverty.'
Way to go, privileged assholes! You just eradicated poverty by putting a sticker on your fucking blog.
There was another campaign to stop rape. Okay, that's good, cause other than hentai, rape has no place in a human world.
So what was the campaign funds aimed at?
They bought big-ass billboards that say "Stop Rape" in Pantai Dalam.
I was like, what the fuck?
Rapist: I was about to rape someone, when I saw this big-ass billboard that said "Stop Rape" and I said to myself, "You know, Jimbo? Stop rape. Stop raping people. Yeah! I bow down to the power of the giant billboard!"
This will not fucking happen, dumbass!
Awareness is important, but awareness alone is NOT enough. What's the use of branding, if your product is total crap?
If you want to eradicate poverty, start a food bank, create funds for businesses targeted at creating jobs for the poor, ask Proton and Perodua to conduct training sessions for the poor and uneducated and then take the best, give them jobs at Proton and Perodua centres. When they get good enough, start a franchise system or some shit.
Buy land. A lot of the poor folk can do manual labour. Get land, plant rubber, get the poor to take care of it, and then tap the motherfucking rubber trees.
All I hear are bullshit.
"Education! We must give them education! Nyeeee!"
Fuck you, unrealistic bitch!
You can't learn on an empty stomach.
Food, clothing, shelter FIRST.
Then, instead of education, give them training. Vocational whatever. Give them skills, not As.
I mean, a degree in liberal arts means jack shit in the swamp. What you gonna do, read Bharati Mukherjee to lizards and snakes?
"Says here, Mukherjee is influenced by VS Naipul on immigrant literature. STop sticking your tongue out, snake! I'm giving you education here!"
Na-ah, man. NOT going to fucking happen.
Look, leave politics to the politicians. As far as I'm concerned, politicians only want one thing - our money. Ignore them. Let them fuck all. You'll only have heartbreak if you even listen to them.
This country is ours. All of it. Every single inch of the swamp, the cities, the jungles, whatever. This is our land. It is up to us to do shit on it. If the caue is eradicating poverty, then fucking eradicate poverty. Think. Execute.
My aim is to have enough money to buy 20 acres of land by 2020. Then, I'm going to plant stuff on it. I'll make money, and so will the poor. What's your contribution to the fucking country?
You assemble, and then you play songs, smoke some weed, and then rape some underaged, passed-out girls. Or boys. Way to go, hero.
You can all suck my dick, you pretentious assholes.