I have lived most of my life as a judgemental fuck.
I thought it was necessary, being a life scientist, like Tesla - Tesla! - to judge and re-judge things. Pretty Aristotlian, though I admire Plato more.
I thought it was the smart thing to do. It probably is, you know, because I am smart. And this is what smart people do.
Judging, in itself, is not harmful. It simply is. Then, it grew to becoming about being smart. Not about judging.
Therein lies the rub. The crack. The weakness. And like Karnak of Marvel Comics' the Inhumans, I see cracks. In everything, and everyone. Everyone has a weakness. Everyone cracks.
When I got over feeling sorry for myself, and started doing things rather than complaining about them, I found that it was harder to communicate to people.
I find that we, humans, have a culture of encapsulating everything in pain. We tell our stories as victim stories.
"Oh, dahling! I would have been soooo ladida if only he/she/it/God ladida."
"Do you know what he said to me? The nerve of the man/woman/ho/slut/whore-priestess/it/God."
Listening to humans, they are constantly in pain. Eternally tortured, downtrodden, poor, poor things. Souls in purgatory.
And the thing is, I find it easier communicating ideas, news and thoughts, if I follow this manner of communicating.
I can't really say to anyone, "Hey, I honestly don't give a fuck what happens." And get desired results.
I tried to maintain a neutral tone when communicating, but some people complained. A group even said that they were worried because I was not being as vulgar as before.
As a person who makes his living through the business of communication, I do care about how information travels. Information, I find, is also very much about the form as it is about content.
Conversing with idiots and victims, I would have to suit the manner and method of communication to a form, a level, that would be easily understood. That professional side of me would have to stay away from the personal side, as mixing them up would be fatal.
Notice that when I position myself as the aggrieved party in this piece of writing, that it would be easier for people to sympathize with me. To relate to me.
Pain is the lowest common denominator. And I am so in pain. So, so in pain. Though I would often very much like to suggest, to anyone who would say these things to me, "If you're so much in pain, then put yourself out of misery. Take valium. 30 tablets. And wash it down with some Kool-Aid and vodka. And some shotgun shells, through the barrel, down your throat."
Oh, dahling! I would have been soo much happier, if the world and its people weren't sooo negative.
