Friday, June 7, 2013

Crimson Jihad

There are rumours that the Barisan Nasional Government is planning to impose even stricter laws online, requiring registration of social media - just like the Mutant Registration Act and the Blogger Registration Act suggested before 2008. If this goes through, I will launch a Crimson Jihad against the Government and help ensure their destruction by 2018. Or November 2013.

One of the first things I learned when I disclosed my secret past as a computer science student was the fact that people - dead end users and noobs - would forever ask me to fix their machines or blogs.

I remember spending hours one drunken night, at a pub, helping out a 50++ year old guy place the Malaysian flag in the middle of his blog header.

I told the guy beforehand that it would look ridiculous, but he was not having any of it.

Now, the code for the header in Blogger is a bit different from the code for the body, which was simple body for html - a child can do that. The header, though, is a called function from a list of stuff and placing anything in the header is a headache, especially for someone with rudimentary coding skills like me.

Nevertheless, I persevered and managed to put the image of the Malaysian flag in the middle of the header.

So, after the big reveal, "Ta-daa!" the guy had a look and then said, "It looks ridiculous. Take it out."

The main problem for technopriests and tech-savvy people is educating the rest of the non-natives what can and can't be done, or whether we should do it.

Most of the non-natives are completely oblivious and have a warped understanding to technology or media, even communications or psychology. This is why some of them believe the Internet as either a) the underworld or b) magic. This is also why I have met so many people in Governments and large organisations who overheard one thing their child or nephew/niece said and held on to that sliver of info as gospel.

"Dancing beavers are so hot right now," said the man/woman's 5 year old. And so, the man/woman then goes to meetings that change the country, parroting the line.

"We need an online website (what website is NOT online, dumbass?) that will get the youth excited!" said Fearless Leader.

"Dancing beavers are so hot right now!" pipped the mother of the 5-year-old.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but you sound hip and young! Release the contractors!"

And so, a website of vaginas doing pirouettes is born!

I have seen campaigns killed not by anything else but by sheer hardheadedness of some stakeholders who choked the damned thing to death.

All this stems from insecurities. These non-natives want to matter or be seen as significant, but they are not and they know that, and they are very, very angry. Emotion leads to irrational behaviour, and this is why, despite all the information and data, resources and manpower available to BN, they have failed and continue to fail at new media.

The Malays have a saying - tak reti menari, salahkan lantai tak rata. So, if you suck at something, don't blame the rules or the world. You suck. Accept it and move on. Leave it to the best in the world.