Monday, April 7, 2008

Malaysia's Next Top Model

I have found my dream vocation. I am going to be an underwear model.

Not just ANY underwear model, I'm gonna do only ONE ad a year - for Victoria's Secret's Victor's Secret Lingerie for Men. The straight ones. No homo ads for me.

Yeah. Cause I'm worth it.

Me: Check out these pecs, baby, uh-uh.

Bitch: Oh My God! It's that guy from Conan the Librarian Victoria's Secret's Victor's Secret Lingerie for Men ad campaign. Conan the Librarian - the perfect melding of brains and brawn! *Faints*.

Slut: He's beautiful! And he's not gay! *Dies*.

Cunt: Me love you long time! For free! No! I PAY YOU! *Explodes*.

I'd be like Marky Mark, but sexier. Tyson Beckford can (figuratively) kiss my ass.

Then they'd invite me to become a judge on America's Next Top Model All Stars.

Tyra Banks: Next, we have noted nude photographer Mr Amir Hafizi. He is also the greatest that was, the greatest that is, and the greatest that ever will be.

Twiggy: And now, ten hours of worship for this modelling God. Followed by a pious orgy.

Me: You're not invited, Diva Runway Coach Miss J Alexander. Go fuck Jay Manuel. And that Nigel Barker closet homer-sexual dude. And Jade. I fucking hate Jade.

Miss J Alexander: Awwww.

Jay Manuel: THIS time, I be the woman.