Timing. Immaculate timing. Something I have yet to master.
Yet, I have all the patience in the world. Or do I?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tales from the Drunk Side: Nutty
I, Thanos of the Titans, am saddened by the predicament faced by the folks at The Nut Graph.
I know some of them. Good people. Good intentions.
Let's all help them out a bit.
I am blogging from my obsolete Blackberry, so no links. Go read it at Rocky's Bru.
What I can say is that, as a chronic planner, some or even most things will not go according to plan.
I have been unfortunate not to have any of my plans turn out the way I want.
And I am such a lucky bastard that everything turns out better than I could ever plan. Ever.
So, just chill, man. Help is coming. I hope.
I know some of them. Good people. Good intentions.
Let's all help them out a bit.
I am blogging from my obsolete Blackberry, so no links. Go read it at Rocky's Bru.
What I can say is that, as a chronic planner, some or even most things will not go according to plan.
I have been unfortunate not to have any of my plans turn out the way I want.
And I am such a lucky bastard that everything turns out better than I could ever plan. Ever.
So, just chill, man. Help is coming. I hope.
Mabuk-Mabuk Kepayang: Akulah Syaitan II
Akulah syaitan
Tanduk aku ada tiga
Belakangku ditunggang bak kuda
Mataku merah menyala
Takdirnya mungkin aku ke neraka
Akulah syaitan, sebenarnya
Walaupun kau yang menjadi kaya
Berkat kerjasama
Jin, toyol dan bota
Pukimak mak bapak kaulah
Walau aku memang tak pernah
Menyebar fitnah
Ataupun menghisap darah
Namun, akulah syaitan.
Ya, aku apa yang engkau katakan
Akulah syaitan,
Tanpa sesalan
Tanduk aku ada tiga
Belakangku ditunggang bak kuda
Mataku merah menyala
Takdirnya mungkin aku ke neraka
Akulah syaitan, sebenarnya
Walaupun kau yang menjadi kaya
Berkat kerjasama
Jin, toyol dan bota
Pukimak mak bapak kaulah
Walau aku memang tak pernah
Menyebar fitnah
Ataupun menghisap darah
Namun, akulah syaitan.
Ya, aku apa yang engkau katakan
Akulah syaitan,
Tanpa sesalan
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Lucifer Morningstar: Angel Strumpets and Devil T-Bones
Pain in me gulliver!
Devotchkas are no pain in me gulliver.
And no pain in my yaaarrrrrrbles.
My yarrrrrbles are fine.
In a surprising moment of clarity, I find myself in a tavern with the all-singing, all-dancing shit of the world!
And somehow, I feel calm.
Oh. My. God.
"I mean, dogs in capes!
"And Batman's dog wears a mask, just in case the other dogs recognise him."
- Alan Moore, luciferissalam.
"My parents were gunned down before my very eyes. Now, I'm going to dress up as a bat."
- Alan Moore, may Lucifer's blessings shine upon him.
Devotchkas are no pain in me gulliver.
And no pain in my yaaarrrrrrbles.
My yarrrrrbles are fine.
In a surprising moment of clarity, I find myself in a tavern with the all-singing, all-dancing shit of the world!
And somehow, I feel calm.
Oh. My. God.
"I mean, dogs in capes!
"And Batman's dog wears a mask, just in case the other dogs recognise him."
- Alan Moore, luciferissalam.
"My parents were gunned down before my very eyes. Now, I'm going to dress up as a bat."
- Alan Moore, may Lucifer's blessings shine upon him.
Welly welly welly welly well, my droogs.
I am at the Korova milkbar, drinking milkplus. Milkplus drencromme, milkplus synthmesc.
Getting a pain in the gulliver real horrorshow. Just so I would be up for some of the old ultra-violence.
Your humble narrator is not what you, my loyal audience thinks. None of thou knowest mine self. Mine ego. No!
What thou dost knowest is an image real horrorshow. And none of thine own puny brains can fathom me, or the devotchkas' pussies.
I, myself, is an idea. And ideas are bulletproof.
I exist only as a projection of thine minds.
Ohhhh, pain in me gulliver. Need me some sleep.
I am at the Korova milkbar, drinking milkplus. Milkplus drencromme, milkplus synthmesc.
Getting a pain in the gulliver real horrorshow. Just so I would be up for some of the old ultra-violence.
Your humble narrator is not what you, my loyal audience thinks. None of thou knowest mine self. Mine ego. No!
What thou dost knowest is an image real horrorshow. And none of thine own puny brains can fathom me, or the devotchkas' pussies.
I, myself, is an idea. And ideas are bulletproof.
I exist only as a projection of thine minds.
Ohhhh, pain in me gulliver. Need me some sleep.
Tales from the Drunk Side: The Idea Horse
Once upon a time, I fell for an idea.
It was a nice idea. A good thought.
But it wasn't real.
It was an image. A mirage. A dream.
Dreams of having the idea by my side. Talking with an idea. Showing and sharing information I have collected over the years.
It wasn't real.
And damn me if I am going after an illusion. An enigma.
For I am the Truth.
Brother to dragons and companion to owls.
Bother to Dagon and a composition most foul.
I am the keeper of the reality gem. That which defines dreams.
I am Thanos of the Titans. My true lover is Death.
The Infinity Gauntlet is MINE!
And I shall kill half the universe as a gift.
Man. The fuck have I been drinking?
It was a nice idea. A good thought.
But it wasn't real.
It was an image. A mirage. A dream.
Dreams of having the idea by my side. Talking with an idea. Showing and sharing information I have collected over the years.
It wasn't real.
And damn me if I am going after an illusion. An enigma.
For I am the Truth.
Brother to dragons and companion to owls.
Bother to Dagon and a composition most foul.
I am the keeper of the reality gem. That which defines dreams.
I am Thanos of the Titans. My true lover is Death.
The Infinity Gauntlet is MINE!
And I shall kill half the universe as a gift.
Man. The fuck have I been drinking?
Happyness
Happiness doesn't come from being right.
It doesn't come from other people. They can't make you happy, as much as places do not make you happy. Or sad.
People, and places, are just as they are. It just is.
Happyness doesn't come from a glass of black drink, with the foam running down.
Happyness, comes from your own bullshit.
You create your own happyness. It's always been you. All of it you.
Our existence, deforms the universe.
We assert our Absolut Terror fields, our magnetic fields, and we are happy or sad within our own universe.
Happyness, it's a choice. If it works for you to be happy, you are happy. If it works for you to claim to be a victim of circumstance, and of circumcision, then so be it.
We have so much control over ourselves, so much power, that it scares some people.
In the end, we all have a choice. I made mine many years ago. What's yours?
It doesn't come from other people. They can't make you happy, as much as places do not make you happy. Or sad.
People, and places, are just as they are. It just is.
Happyness doesn't come from a glass of black drink, with the foam running down.
Happyness, comes from your own bullshit.
You create your own happyness. It's always been you. All of it you.
Our existence, deforms the universe.
We assert our Absolut Terror fields, our magnetic fields, and we are happy or sad within our own universe.
Happyness, it's a choice. If it works for you to be happy, you are happy. If it works for you to claim to be a victim of circumstance, and of circumcision, then so be it.
We have so much control over ourselves, so much power, that it scares some people.
In the end, we all have a choice. I made mine many years ago. What's yours?
Fuzzy Warbles
Wot you got to play your fuzzy warbles on?
Portable picnic players?
Come with uncle and hear angle trumpets and devil trombones!
Portable picnic players?
Come with uncle and hear angle trumpets and devil trombones!
Siri Bercakap dengan Yasmin
Sejak Yasmin meninggal, ramai gila yang tampil menyatakan bagaimana mereka dan hidup mereka disentuh oleh pengarah terkenal tersebut.
Ramai yang ikhlas, sedikit - pada pendapat aku - yang menggunakan Yasmin sebagai aksesori fesyen. Secara jujurnya, aku tak fikir Yasmin akan kisah, kalau dia masih ada.
Aku kenal ramai kawan Yasmin, pasal kami dalam industri yang sama. Ada yang melahirkan rasa sedih dengan terbuka. Ada yang, seperti aku, memilih untuk menyepi dan membiarkan sarkas lalu. Sarkas yang dilancarkan penuh gilang gemilang oleh sebuah akhbar harian yang bagi aku amat berani, tetapi tidak mempunyai budi bahasa yang cukup. Kelakar kan? Orang macam aku, cakap pasal budi bahasa.
Dan memberi laluan kepada mereka yang benar-benar terkesan dengan pemergian Yasmin masa dan ruang untuk berkabung dan bersedih. Kaum keluarganya. Anak-anak didiknya (kerana Yasmin mengajar dan membimbing serta membuka mata ramai karyawan dalam industri).
Sekarang, aku rasa dah cukup lama untuk aku menulis kenangan aku bersama Yasmin. Pasal aku kira, semua yang nak cakap, dah habis cakap dah pun.
Kalau hendak diikutkan, aku bukanlah rapat sangat dengan Yasmin Ahmad. Tidak rapat sampai aku pernah bersama dengannya pada setiap tahap kehidupannya. Tidak rapat sampai aku lepak dengan dia berhari-hari.
AKu pertama kali jumpa dia masa kitorang jadi hakim untuk MVA. Masa tu, aku fikir, apahal minah ni? Gila positif nak mampus? Suka benda-benda corny dan cheesy. Sampai aku fikir, dia ni mesti suka makan Twisties kaler merah tu. Snek jagung dengan keju. Hari pertama, kitorang makan dekat kafe Balai Seni Lukis Negara. Dia ajak.
Aku cerita pasal cita-cita aku nak buat filem. Dia tanya, filem apa aku nak buat? Aku cakap, "Sex thriller."
Dia gelak.
Selepas beberapa tahun, dia tanya aku lagi. Filem apa aku nak buat?
Aku cakap, filem pasal bapak aku. Aku nak buat sebelum dia tak ada.
Aku kasi outline. Babak Menteri Besar, bapak aku, ketua kampung, orang kampung, juruukur, kencing tepi jalan. Sebaris. Tempat diorang kencing tu, jadi pintu masuk kampung aku.
Dia gelak lagi. Pastu dia cakap, "If you don't tell your story, I will."
Sebagai seorang budak masa tu, aku dah menggelabah. "Ah sudah," aku fikir. "Kalau orang lain buat cerita ni, aku takde benda nak buat dah."
Aku pun berharap sangat nak masuk dalam bidang produksi, supaya aku boleh buat cerita bapak aku, dengan cara aku.
Tuhan tu kaya. Aku berhenti kerja dan aku berhempas-pulas menggunakan apa saja skill yang ada untuk terus hidup. Antaranya, aku masuk produksi orang. Aku perhatikan apa diorang buat. Aku penulis, jadi aku menulis. AKu ada common sense, jadi aku aplikasikan common sense aku untuk semua benda yang aku buat.
Translasi skill memang sesuatu aku belajar daripada pelbagai pihak, terutamanya Zainal Alam Kadir dan Yasmin sendiri. Dia dulu penulis skrip jugak, dan pernah jadi musician.
Aku percaya yang apa-apa estetika yang kau pelajari daripada mana-mana profession, boleh digunapakai dalam bidang lain.
Bentuknya mungkin berubah, tetapi kandungannya tetap sama.
Aku tak tau kenapa aku tulis pasal Yasmin, lepas tu asyik cerita pasal diri sendiri. Mungkin, Yasmin membuatkan orang fikir pasal diri sendiri. Mungkin juga, aku seorang yang mementingkan diri sendiri.
Gasaklah.
Aku sebenarnya ada nak buat lawak pasal filem Yasmin dalam rancangan komedi. Rancangan komedi tu tak jadi rasanya, tapi memandangkan Yasmin sendiri aku rasa akan menggalakkan gelak ketawa, aku akan kongsi dengan korang sedikit ideanya.
Pepet - filem Yasmin Ahmad yang mengisahkan penerimaan masyarakat pada manusia khunsa dan seksualiti alternatif.
Sepit - Kisah anjing tersepit.
Buta - sekuel terakhir trilogi Orked - Rabun, Sepet, Buta.
Entah kenapa aku tulis pasal Yasmin malam ni. Nak tulis benda lain, tak jalan.
Mungkin pasal aku tak pernah mengucapkan selamat jalan secara betul. Aku tak pergi pun, pengebumiannya. Ramai lagi orang lain. Aku taknak bersesak pasal aku pentingkan diri sendiri. Aku banyak kerja - masa tu, aku tengah mengambik gambar dan menulis di luar KL. Dan aku yakin yang apa aku hendak cakapkan pada dia, aku dah cakap masa dia hidup dahulu.
"Your films will never be in my top 40," kata aku, dalam bahasa omputih. "But I believe they are important."
"Why?"
"Because they show Malaysians that no matter what, there is hope."
Chewah. AKulah pulak kad Hallmark.
Oh well.
Satu hari nanti, aku akan buat jugak filem pasal bapak aku kencing tepi jalan. Kalau aku tak mati dulu la.
Ramai yang ikhlas, sedikit - pada pendapat aku - yang menggunakan Yasmin sebagai aksesori fesyen. Secara jujurnya, aku tak fikir Yasmin akan kisah, kalau dia masih ada.
Aku kenal ramai kawan Yasmin, pasal kami dalam industri yang sama. Ada yang melahirkan rasa sedih dengan terbuka. Ada yang, seperti aku, memilih untuk menyepi dan membiarkan sarkas lalu. Sarkas yang dilancarkan penuh gilang gemilang oleh sebuah akhbar harian yang bagi aku amat berani, tetapi tidak mempunyai budi bahasa yang cukup. Kelakar kan? Orang macam aku, cakap pasal budi bahasa.
Dan memberi laluan kepada mereka yang benar-benar terkesan dengan pemergian Yasmin masa dan ruang untuk berkabung dan bersedih. Kaum keluarganya. Anak-anak didiknya (kerana Yasmin mengajar dan membimbing serta membuka mata ramai karyawan dalam industri).
Sekarang, aku rasa dah cukup lama untuk aku menulis kenangan aku bersama Yasmin. Pasal aku kira, semua yang nak cakap, dah habis cakap dah pun.
Kalau hendak diikutkan, aku bukanlah rapat sangat dengan Yasmin Ahmad. Tidak rapat sampai aku pernah bersama dengannya pada setiap tahap kehidupannya. Tidak rapat sampai aku lepak dengan dia berhari-hari.
AKu pertama kali jumpa dia masa kitorang jadi hakim untuk MVA. Masa tu, aku fikir, apahal minah ni? Gila positif nak mampus? Suka benda-benda corny dan cheesy. Sampai aku fikir, dia ni mesti suka makan Twisties kaler merah tu. Snek jagung dengan keju. Hari pertama, kitorang makan dekat kafe Balai Seni Lukis Negara. Dia ajak.
Aku cerita pasal cita-cita aku nak buat filem. Dia tanya, filem apa aku nak buat? Aku cakap, "Sex thriller."
Dia gelak.
Selepas beberapa tahun, dia tanya aku lagi. Filem apa aku nak buat?
Aku cakap, filem pasal bapak aku. Aku nak buat sebelum dia tak ada.
Aku kasi outline. Babak Menteri Besar, bapak aku, ketua kampung, orang kampung, juruukur, kencing tepi jalan. Sebaris. Tempat diorang kencing tu, jadi pintu masuk kampung aku.
Dia gelak lagi. Pastu dia cakap, "If you don't tell your story, I will."
Sebagai seorang budak masa tu, aku dah menggelabah. "Ah sudah," aku fikir. "Kalau orang lain buat cerita ni, aku takde benda nak buat dah."
Aku pun berharap sangat nak masuk dalam bidang produksi, supaya aku boleh buat cerita bapak aku, dengan cara aku.
Tuhan tu kaya. Aku berhenti kerja dan aku berhempas-pulas menggunakan apa saja skill yang ada untuk terus hidup. Antaranya, aku masuk produksi orang. Aku perhatikan apa diorang buat. Aku penulis, jadi aku menulis. AKu ada common sense, jadi aku aplikasikan common sense aku untuk semua benda yang aku buat.
Translasi skill memang sesuatu aku belajar daripada pelbagai pihak, terutamanya Zainal Alam Kadir dan Yasmin sendiri. Dia dulu penulis skrip jugak, dan pernah jadi musician.
Aku percaya yang apa-apa estetika yang kau pelajari daripada mana-mana profession, boleh digunapakai dalam bidang lain.
Bentuknya mungkin berubah, tetapi kandungannya tetap sama.
Aku tak tau kenapa aku tulis pasal Yasmin, lepas tu asyik cerita pasal diri sendiri. Mungkin, Yasmin membuatkan orang fikir pasal diri sendiri. Mungkin juga, aku seorang yang mementingkan diri sendiri.
Gasaklah.
Aku sebenarnya ada nak buat lawak pasal filem Yasmin dalam rancangan komedi. Rancangan komedi tu tak jadi rasanya, tapi memandangkan Yasmin sendiri aku rasa akan menggalakkan gelak ketawa, aku akan kongsi dengan korang sedikit ideanya.
Pepet - filem Yasmin Ahmad yang mengisahkan penerimaan masyarakat pada manusia khunsa dan seksualiti alternatif.
Sepit - Kisah anjing tersepit.
Buta - sekuel terakhir trilogi Orked - Rabun, Sepet, Buta.
Entah kenapa aku tulis pasal Yasmin malam ni. Nak tulis benda lain, tak jalan.
Mungkin pasal aku tak pernah mengucapkan selamat jalan secara betul. Aku tak pergi pun, pengebumiannya. Ramai lagi orang lain. Aku taknak bersesak pasal aku pentingkan diri sendiri. Aku banyak kerja - masa tu, aku tengah mengambik gambar dan menulis di luar KL. Dan aku yakin yang apa aku hendak cakapkan pada dia, aku dah cakap masa dia hidup dahulu.
"Your films will never be in my top 40," kata aku, dalam bahasa omputih. "But I believe they are important."
"Why?"
"Because they show Malaysians that no matter what, there is hope."
Chewah. AKulah pulak kad Hallmark.
Oh well.
Satu hari nanti, aku akan buat jugak filem pasal bapak aku kencing tepi jalan. Kalau aku tak mati dulu la.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Rasa Sayang
My friend Joe showed me this thing. It's been around for a while, but I guess it's cool.
Laddies and gentlesbians! Rasa Sayang in Hindi:
Laddies and gentlesbians! Rasa Sayang in Hindi:
Tales from the Drunk Side: Anarchy in the Poo-kay
I was about to write something extremely intellectual about the meaning of life and understanding the Malaysian political situation that would require several references to dictionaries, the thesaurus and wikipedia, when I farted.
Gone, with the wind, was my desire to make sublime points using comics and John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as a reference point.
I enjoyed the fart, really. It was one of those affairs when it is pure hot air. No solids or liquids. Just air.
If I had a thermal-imaging or infra-red camera, I could have captured a video of the fart leaving my ass.
It would have been something like this:
Alas, reason deserted me and I am left writing about infra-red farts.
Oh well. I would rather live a life misspent on fragile things, rather than be an intellectual and continuously jump through hoops to please an invisible audience.
There. That last one was a modification of a Neil Gaiman quote.
Gone, with the wind, was my desire to make sublime points using comics and John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as a reference point.
I enjoyed the fart, really. It was one of those affairs when it is pure hot air. No solids or liquids. Just air.
If I had a thermal-imaging or infra-red camera, I could have captured a video of the fart leaving my ass.
It would have been something like this:
Alas, reason deserted me and I am left writing about infra-red farts.
Oh well. I would rather live a life misspent on fragile things, rather than be an intellectual and continuously jump through hoops to please an invisible audience.
There. That last one was a modification of a Neil Gaiman quote.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Rugged Ronnie Liu
I don't care what you say. I applaud, laud, and support Ronnie Liu's move to increase massage parlours in Selangor.
See, massage parlours will decrease stress and will undoubtedly boost tourism and commerce. Just look at Thailand. The fact that there is basically a massage parlour in Bangkok at every 400 metres is fantastic!
The fuck are you guys complaining about? And now, instead of being bohsias and mat rempits and GROs at some seedy pubs somewhere, the young people can now be massesuses, err...masseese, massage people.
Furthermore, his statement that beer is not 'minuman keras', that's true! Beer is not liquor. I am sure Ronnie Liu and his peers at DAP has carefully considered this and consulted their colleagues at PIS-M.
Maybe you will hear it from Nik Aziz soon enough.
"Biya ni buke minume kerah!" ghoyak Tok Guru. "Kala Jaidi, meme minume kerah hok tu. Saing waing, Gleng fidih, Belih, Civah Ghega, vodka, tequila deh. Biya saje takdok gapo. Hembuh tok naik mita."
Who knows? There could be a fatwa soon.
Beer, stout, tapai, tuak all halal.
One can dream. One can only dream...
So, Ronnie Liu definitely has my vote in the next elections. Pity I'm a Kuantanese.
See, massage parlours will decrease stress and will undoubtedly boost tourism and commerce. Just look at Thailand. The fact that there is basically a massage parlour in Bangkok at every 400 metres is fantastic!
The fuck are you guys complaining about? And now, instead of being bohsias and mat rempits and GROs at some seedy pubs somewhere, the young people can now be massesuses, err...masseese, massage people.
Furthermore, his statement that beer is not 'minuman keras', that's true! Beer is not liquor. I am sure Ronnie Liu and his peers at DAP has carefully considered this and consulted their colleagues at PIS-M.
Maybe you will hear it from Nik Aziz soon enough.
"Biya ni buke minume kerah!" ghoyak Tok Guru. "Kala Jaidi, meme minume kerah hok tu. Saing waing, Gleng fidih, Belih, Civah Ghega, vodka, tequila deh. Biya saje takdok gapo. Hembuh tok naik mita."
Who knows? There could be a fatwa soon.
Beer, stout, tapai, tuak all halal.
One can dream. One can only dream...
So, Ronnie Liu definitely has my vote in the next elections. Pity I'm a Kuantanese.
Five Things You Should Never Say to Me...
...if you value your time. And since time is money, if you value your money as well.
Some people have made the mistake of mentioning a few odd sentences that got me started on tangential, crazy, one-sided discussions that would last hours, if it went unchecked.
1. "I say, old chap, comics are NOT a literary medium."
2. "That Watchmen movie was good. And so was From Hell, Constantine, League of Extraordinary Gentleman and especially V for Vendetta."
3. "Islam as is practised by Malaysians today, is not the TRUE Islam."
4. "I have a bad leg. Do you think I have H1N1?"
5. "We have never had good local songs, singers and good local movies since P Ramlee."
Your job is not to mention any of these things to me, and my duty is to put both hands on my ears and say, "Lalalalalalala," just to ensure I don't get caught up explaining these subjects at length.
Some people have made the mistake of mentioning a few odd sentences that got me started on tangential, crazy, one-sided discussions that would last hours, if it went unchecked.
1. "I say, old chap, comics are NOT a literary medium."
2. "That Watchmen movie was good. And so was From Hell, Constantine, League of Extraordinary Gentleman and especially V for Vendetta."
3. "Islam as is practised by Malaysians today, is not the TRUE Islam."
4. "I have a bad leg. Do you think I have H1N1?"
5. "We have never had good local songs, singers and good local movies since P Ramlee."
Your job is not to mention any of these things to me, and my duty is to put both hands on my ears and say, "Lalalalalalala," just to ensure I don't get caught up explaining these subjects at length.
Money from Anarchy
I'm telling you, man.
The only solution to all these demonstrations is to turn it all into a promotional parade shit thing.
Imagine 10,000 marchers with 'Hapuskan ISA' headbands, walking in rows of four, waving mini Malaysian flags.
Followed closely by FRU water cannon trucks decorated as floats.
There need not be voilence. Violence doesn't solve anything. A LOT of violence solves everything.
Pity the traders and shopkeepers at Jalan Masjid India and other places affected by the demonstrations. I do not know if it's RM100 million, but even RM100 is a lot of money to some.
OR
Simply move away the demonstrations to say, Putrajaya or something. That way, the march would not cause jams.
The sanctity of freedom of speech must not be bedded on a mattress of traffic jams. That's so fucking lame.
So, what do we need?
ALL demonstrations must be planned in advance.
You would need:
1. A permit from the local authorities.
2. Participation from the police force and reserve units
- Get them to spray coloured water or just ordinary water for a demonstration that coincides with the Thai festival of Songkhla.
- Some roads need to be blocked and the procession needs to be escorted.
3. Celebrities performing on mobile stages, behind trucks.
4. Food vendors to supply the hungry marchers and demonstrators as well as police and FRU officers with lunch and maybe tea.
5. Balloons, balloons, balloons.
6. A child deposit center. DO NOT take your children on these things as human shields.
This way, instead of losing RM100 million, we get to make RM100 million, every time there is a demonstration.
And don't get me wrong. I am an anarchist. In fact, the last one left in Malaysia.
To show how much of an anarchist I am, here's a large, red, anarchy symbol:
Wait till I put on my RM350 anarchist shoes, with my RM200 rebel jeans. And my RM100 rebel shirt.
The only solution to all these demonstrations is to turn it all into a promotional parade shit thing.
Imagine 10,000 marchers with 'Hapuskan ISA' headbands, walking in rows of four, waving mini Malaysian flags.
Followed closely by FRU water cannon trucks decorated as floats.
There need not be voilence. Violence doesn't solve anything. A LOT of violence solves everything.
Pity the traders and shopkeepers at Jalan Masjid India and other places affected by the demonstrations. I do not know if it's RM100 million, but even RM100 is a lot of money to some.
OR
Simply move away the demonstrations to say, Putrajaya or something. That way, the march would not cause jams.
The sanctity of freedom of speech must not be bedded on a mattress of traffic jams. That's so fucking lame.
So, what do we need?
ALL demonstrations must be planned in advance.
You would need:
1. A permit from the local authorities.
2. Participation from the police force and reserve units
- Get them to spray coloured water or just ordinary water for a demonstration that coincides with the Thai festival of Songkhla.
- Some roads need to be blocked and the procession needs to be escorted.
3. Celebrities performing on mobile stages, behind trucks.
4. Food vendors to supply the hungry marchers and demonstrators as well as police and FRU officers with lunch and maybe tea.
5. Balloons, balloons, balloons.
6. A child deposit center. DO NOT take your children on these things as human shields.
This way, instead of losing RM100 million, we get to make RM100 million, every time there is a demonstration.
And don't get me wrong. I am an anarchist. In fact, the last one left in Malaysia.
To show how much of an anarchist I am, here's a large, red, anarchy symbol:
Wait till I put on my RM350 anarchist shoes, with my RM200 rebel jeans. And my RM100 rebel shirt.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Demo Tape Parade
So I was going on and on today, telling people that the recent demonstrations have gotten quite old. Particularly, the ISA thing yesterday.
I mean:
1. Najib already said he was reviewing it and if he were to review ISA now, it would not be worth politically for him, I believe. Regardless if it is the right thing to do or not. People are going to simply assume that he caved in to pressure groups who would claim that as their scalp.
In order for you to get some people to do something, you need to make it worth it to them. Like, duh?
2. The demonstrations just killed business.
Transportation was dead. The roads were closed, jammed or abandoned altogether. Commerce stalled or stopped. Shops had to close.
This also decreased sympathy for the movement. Which is stupid.
---
I have a few suggestions instead to take advantage of these demonstrations. Somebody else came up with it, and I am merely regurgitating what I heard.
1. Tie any demonstration up with a parade.
Brilliant! Simply brilliant!
Every time there is a demonstration, have a fucking parade!
Lend the marchers some flags to wave with, and decorate the water cannon trucks as floats.
Get the tourists to come and see freedom of expression in process. It's not just in America. It's also here. As well as idiots (and I'm not saying from which side). We have those too.
Instead of crippling commerce, this would stimulate it. Have a few burger stalls and people selling nasi lemak and mineral water. And small towels.
Hell, why not a roller-coaster and ferris wheel? The Eye of Malaysia is just sitting there. Might as well use it, right?
Imagine all the marchers are followed by colourful tanks and rows and rows of police officers, decked in their best.
Let's make it a truly Malaysian shit thing.
Also, have a demo day-care. All children must be left elsewhere. I fucking hate it when these breeders know there are going to be water cannons and tear gas, and they STILL want to bring their kids along.
The only explanation I can come up with is human shield. Those little tykes are there to protect their parents from 'police brutality' and arrests.
Just one question - did it work? Leave children out of your politics, please.
And throw in a few free concerts here and there. It'd be fantastic. Trust me.
I mean:
1. Najib already said he was reviewing it and if he were to review ISA now, it would not be worth politically for him, I believe. Regardless if it is the right thing to do or not. People are going to simply assume that he caved in to pressure groups who would claim that as their scalp.
In order for you to get some people to do something, you need to make it worth it to them. Like, duh?
2. The demonstrations just killed business.
Transportation was dead. The roads were closed, jammed or abandoned altogether. Commerce stalled or stopped. Shops had to close.
This also decreased sympathy for the movement. Which is stupid.
---
I have a few suggestions instead to take advantage of these demonstrations. Somebody else came up with it, and I am merely regurgitating what I heard.
1. Tie any demonstration up with a parade.
Brilliant! Simply brilliant!
Every time there is a demonstration, have a fucking parade!
Lend the marchers some flags to wave with, and decorate the water cannon trucks as floats.
Get the tourists to come and see freedom of expression in process. It's not just in America. It's also here. As well as idiots (and I'm not saying from which side). We have those too.
Instead of crippling commerce, this would stimulate it. Have a few burger stalls and people selling nasi lemak and mineral water. And small towels.
Hell, why not a roller-coaster and ferris wheel? The Eye of Malaysia is just sitting there. Might as well use it, right?
Imagine all the marchers are followed by colourful tanks and rows and rows of police officers, decked in their best.
Let's make it a truly Malaysian shit thing.
Also, have a demo day-care. All children must be left elsewhere. I fucking hate it when these breeders know there are going to be water cannons and tear gas, and they STILL want to bring their kids along.
The only explanation I can come up with is human shield. Those little tykes are there to protect their parents from 'police brutality' and arrests.
Just one question - did it work? Leave children out of your politics, please.
And throw in a few free concerts here and there. It'd be fantastic. Trust me.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Gerakan Bebaskan Mas Selamat: Pasal Aku Fashionable
Hapuskan ISA!
Semasa aku menaip masukan ini, sepuluh billion rakyat Malaysia telah turun ke Dataran Merdeka untuk membantah Akta Keselamatan Dalam Negeri, atau nama timang-timangannya, ISA.
Sebagai Presiden dan Setiausaha Alat Sulit Gerakan Bebaskan Mas Selamat, aku bertepuk tampar dengan diri sendiri, kerana sukar untuk percaya yang rakyat Malaysia memang amat mencintai Mas Selamat. Ingatkan aku sorang saja. Yang fashionable (pasal aku liberal palsu).
Marilah kita bebaskan Mas Selamat yang bak Ruben 'Hurricane' Carter, merengkok dalam tahanan kejam ISA.
Faraj telah menyinsing, bangunlah wahai bangsaku! Mari kita sama-sama bebaskan Mas Selamat yang dituduh pengganas dan juga ancaman kepada semua!
Lepaskan dia, kemudian kasi dia tiket satu perjalanan ke Singapura.
Mas Selamat pun berhak diselamatkan dari keganasan ISA!
Bebaskan Mas Selamat!
Bebaskan Mas Selamat!
Bebaskan Mas Selamat!
TAKBIRRRRR-ratul ihram!!! (dah sembahyang Isyak ke?).
Semasa aku menaip masukan ini, sepuluh billion rakyat Malaysia telah turun ke Dataran Merdeka untuk membantah Akta Keselamatan Dalam Negeri, atau nama timang-timangannya, ISA.
Sebagai Presiden dan Setiausaha Alat Sulit Gerakan Bebaskan Mas Selamat, aku bertepuk tampar dengan diri sendiri, kerana sukar untuk percaya yang rakyat Malaysia memang amat mencintai Mas Selamat. Ingatkan aku sorang saja. Yang fashionable (pasal aku liberal palsu).
Marilah kita bebaskan Mas Selamat yang bak Ruben 'Hurricane' Carter, merengkok dalam tahanan kejam ISA.
Faraj telah menyinsing, bangunlah wahai bangsaku! Mari kita sama-sama bebaskan Mas Selamat yang dituduh pengganas dan juga ancaman kepada semua!
Lepaskan dia, kemudian kasi dia tiket satu perjalanan ke Singapura.
Mas Selamat pun berhak diselamatkan dari keganasan ISA!
Bebaskan Mas Selamat!
Bebaskan Mas Selamat!
Bebaskan Mas Selamat!
TAKBIRRRRR-ratul ihram!!! (dah sembahyang Isyak ke?).
IeSus el sAviooooouuuuurrrrrr
I sit in my apartment, watching the updates go up on the ISA rallies. One pro, one con.
I sit in my apartment, with my machete close by. Anyone wants to riot in Bangsar, will have to answer to me.
Rioter: RIOOOOTTT!!!
Me: Okay, answer me this: how many inches in a foot?
Rioter: Erh? My foot or your foot?
Me: Everyone's foot la.
But I doubt there will be a riot. Not a proper one. The anti-ISA rioters are mostly confused PIS-M people. Confused, cause they're alone in this rally, I heard.
Lim Guan Eng, Lim Kit Siang, Professor X (Karpal Singh), Gobind Singh Deo - where are they?
Me: Where are you, Scooby Doo?
Well, I guess they are merely utilising the foot soldiers on this. No need for any big heads to roll. Just the little ones.
However, it's not too late to join! Karpal, Lims and Koks and Deos ex Machina can all get into their Toyota Camrys and 4WDs and join in the fun! Call them up! They might not know it's today. Don't tell me they're resting in MACC's office right now?
On the other side, we have Pertubuhan Pribumi Perkasa Malaysia (PERKASA ) - painted by many as a Malay-supremacist group, supporting the ISA.
I don't know how many would turn up for that one. I mean, it's not fashionable to be pro-ISA. Liberal is fashionable, so all the Twilight and Jonas Brothers and K-Fed fans would support anti-ISA.
Only Rammstein and Trenchcoat Mafia fans would support pro-ISA nowadays.
As for myself?
Well, I heard that Uncle Najib is reviewing the ISA anyway. It has been an unpopular act. Fuck the act being unfair and open for misuse. It's unpopular. The only person I would trust in using them would be Dr Manhattan himself - Dr M.
I suggest that we do away with the ISA and start killing people instead. Regardless if the US - the last bastion of human rights and liberalist-machismo swaggering - still has the Patriot Act, even with Chocolate Jesus as the Prezodent.
Why? Because aside from the people who are still imprisoned under ISA, whom I think should be released immediately to their families and their lives, there are also convicted - or at the very least heavily-suspected - terrorists like Mas Selamat.
Because you can't open the gates and release everyone whom you deem to be innocent and keep those whom you think are bad. And who would be the judge, jury and gaoler for these people?
You abolish ISA, and you release them all. And then perhaps try to detain any 'real' criminals. With what? I'm sure there is a way and that these people have thought of it.
I mean, they went for a rally, man. They must have thought all the details through.
That's why we need the guidance and leadership of DAP's top Koks and Lims and Singhs and Deos ex Machinas.
Where is Nik Aziz when we need him?
Hey, Tok Guru! It's the PIS-M signal (the moon in the sky)! Let's go!
Islamic batteries to power! Turbans full speed!
Nananananananananana-PIS-M!
ABOLISH ISA!
FREE MAS SELAMAT!
I sit in my apartment, with my machete close by. Anyone wants to riot in Bangsar, will have to answer to me.
Rioter: RIOOOOTTT!!!
Me: Okay, answer me this: how many inches in a foot?
Rioter: Erh? My foot or your foot?
Me: Everyone's foot la.
But I doubt there will be a riot. Not a proper one. The anti-ISA rioters are mostly confused PIS-M people. Confused, cause they're alone in this rally, I heard.
Lim Guan Eng, Lim Kit Siang, Professor X (Karpal Singh), Gobind Singh Deo - where are they?
Me: Where are you, Scooby Doo?
Well, I guess they are merely utilising the foot soldiers on this. No need for any big heads to roll. Just the little ones.
However, it's not too late to join! Karpal, Lims and Koks and Deos ex Machina can all get into their Toyota Camrys and 4WDs and join in the fun! Call them up! They might not know it's today. Don't tell me they're resting in MACC's office right now?
On the other side, we have Pertubuhan Pribumi Perkasa Malaysia (PERKASA ) - painted by many as a Malay-supremacist group, supporting the ISA.
I don't know how many would turn up for that one. I mean, it's not fashionable to be pro-ISA. Liberal is fashionable, so all the Twilight and Jonas Brothers and K-Fed fans would support anti-ISA.
Only Rammstein and Trenchcoat Mafia fans would support pro-ISA nowadays.
As for myself?
Well, I heard that Uncle Najib is reviewing the ISA anyway. It has been an unpopular act. Fuck the act being unfair and open for misuse. It's unpopular. The only person I would trust in using them would be Dr Manhattan himself - Dr M.
I suggest that we do away with the ISA and start killing people instead. Regardless if the US - the last bastion of human rights and liberalist-machismo swaggering - still has the Patriot Act, even with Chocolate Jesus as the Prezodent.
Why? Because aside from the people who are still imprisoned under ISA, whom I think should be released immediately to their families and their lives, there are also convicted - or at the very least heavily-suspected - terrorists like Mas Selamat.
Because you can't open the gates and release everyone whom you deem to be innocent and keep those whom you think are bad. And who would be the judge, jury and gaoler for these people?
You abolish ISA, and you release them all. And then perhaps try to detain any 'real' criminals. With what? I'm sure there is a way and that these people have thought of it.
I mean, they went for a rally, man. They must have thought all the details through.
That's why we need the guidance and leadership of DAP's top Koks and Lims and Singhs and Deos ex Machinas.
Where is Nik Aziz when we need him?
Hey, Tok Guru! It's the PIS-M signal (the moon in the sky)! Let's go!
Islamic batteries to power! Turbans full speed!
Nananananananananana-PIS-M!
ABOLISH ISA!
FREE MAS SELAMAT!
Panduan Mengawan Sawan
Ramai yang bertanya, bagaimana ramai perempuan boleh menghisap konek aku?
Aku pun menjawab, bak Latiff Borgiba, "Uang dan perempuan...bak aur dengan tebing."
Namun, itu bukan segala-galanya.
Perempuan, secara kebiasaannya, akan tertarik pada tiga benda dan tiga benda sahaja:
1. Wang ringgit.
2. Konek besar, panjang dan tebal
3. Tiket ke syurga
Mari kita kupas satu-persatu.
Oh ya, wanita yang mengaku tidak teruja dengan ketiga-tiga benda yang diperbincangkan di sini - itupun kalau ada - tidak perlu terpekik terlolong menyatakan bagaimana mereka tidak akan bereaksi dengan benda di atas. Terpekik dan terlolong menandakan bahawa mereka juga teruja dengan konek tebal, dan berasa marah kerana nafsu syahwat mereka didedahkan.
Ada beberapa wanita yang aku kenal, tak peduli langsung fahaman aku ini. Sebab mereka pentingkan benda lain. Mereka lesbian. Bada bing!
1. Wang ringgit
Ramai wanita yang mencemuh pelacur Siam, namun kalau diikutkan, mereka juga melacurkan diri kepada orang kaya-kaya. Mereka menghisap kontol konek selepas dibelikan tas tangan berjenama Gucci yang mahal. Selepas dijamu makanan mewah. Selepas dibelikan kereta.
Apalah bezanya seorang pelacur yang memperdagangkan tubuhnya demi sesuap nasi dengan seorang wanita yang juga memperdagangkan tubuhnya untuk spaghetti yang mahal?
Denial. Ketidakjujuran. Penipuan diri sendiri dan juga masyarakat.
Dengan ada pasangan yang kaya di sisi, seseorang perempuan itu boleh menunjukkan kepada perempuan yang lain bahawa dirinya sudah berjaya. Bahawa dia disayangi.
Amat malang sekali, kerana perasaan kasih sayang itu hanya boleh ditonjolkan dengan berapa mahal baju dan aksesorinya, namun itulah hakikat dunia.
2. Konek panjang, lebar, tebal dan tegar
Wanita juga punyai nafsu seks yang tinggi. Seteruk mana lelaki dahagakan pantat tidak berbau, maka seteruk itu jugalah perempuan mendambakan lubang buritnya dijolok oleh Rocco Sifreddie bersama konek 11 incinya.
Tak perlu aku perjelaskan dengan panjang lebar, kerana konek Rocco Sifreddie itu sudah sedia panjang dan lebar.
3. Tiket ke syurga
Nah, ini rahsia elemen misteri dan mistikal.
Antara orang yang paling kuat beragama. Bukan kuat agama, ya, kuat 'beragama' adalah kaum Hawa.
Aku boleh nyatakan beberapa hipotesis di sini, tetapi itu mungkin akan menyinggung orang agama pula. Jadi, pergi mampus.
Cuma ketahuilah bahawa walaupun tidak punya wang ringgit mahupun konek yang panjang dan lebar, tebal dan tegar, masih ada cara untuk lelaki mendapatkan puki.
Janjikan syurga. Pelaburan masa hadapan yang sukar dinilai.
---
Menyedari hakikat ini, aku telah mengasingkan diri dari dunia kepahlawanan pengawanan.
Walaupun bukan menjadi seperti peminat Jonas Brothers yang memakai cincin kesucian, aku tetap tidak berminat dengan menyediakan tiga perkara di atas.
1. Wang Ringgit?
Aku sudah mula sedar yang aku mungkin takkan kaya sampai mati. Jangan kau cari duit dengan aku, pasal aku punya duit hanya untuk diri aku sendiri.
2. Konek panjang, lebar, tebal dan tegar?
Konek aku hanya saiz biasa. Aku cuma mempelajari skill set yang lain untuk menangani ancaman konek Rocco Sifreddie yang panjangnya saja boleh digunakan untuk mengorek telinga gergasi.
3. Tiket ke syurga
Syurga? Hahahaha.
Manalah aku boleh menjanjikan syurga? Aku bukannya Malaikat, bukannya Tuhan. Silap-silap, akulah teman Syaitan.
Pergilah kau kepada mereka yang berserban. Mereka yang berzanji dan bermarhaban. Walaupun aku banyak tahu pasal agama, tidak pernah aku gunakan untuk mendapat pantat mahupun biji kelentit.
Aku tidak marah mahupun ingin berniat menegur. Aku saja bosan sambil nak siapkan kerja aku ni. Kejap lagi nak berak. Jadi aku menulis terlebih dahulu.
Semoga kamu semua akan berbahagia dalam dunia kamu sendiri. Aku sentiasa kekal, dalam dunia aku sendiri.
Aku pun menjawab, bak Latiff Borgiba, "Uang dan perempuan...bak aur dengan tebing."
Namun, itu bukan segala-galanya.
Perempuan, secara kebiasaannya, akan tertarik pada tiga benda dan tiga benda sahaja:
1. Wang ringgit.
2. Konek besar, panjang dan tebal
3. Tiket ke syurga
Mari kita kupas satu-persatu.
Oh ya, wanita yang mengaku tidak teruja dengan ketiga-tiga benda yang diperbincangkan di sini - itupun kalau ada - tidak perlu terpekik terlolong menyatakan bagaimana mereka tidak akan bereaksi dengan benda di atas. Terpekik dan terlolong menandakan bahawa mereka juga teruja dengan konek tebal, dan berasa marah kerana nafsu syahwat mereka didedahkan.
Ada beberapa wanita yang aku kenal, tak peduli langsung fahaman aku ini. Sebab mereka pentingkan benda lain. Mereka lesbian. Bada bing!
1. Wang ringgit
Ramai wanita yang mencemuh pelacur Siam, namun kalau diikutkan, mereka juga melacurkan diri kepada orang kaya-kaya. Mereka menghisap kontol konek selepas dibelikan tas tangan berjenama Gucci yang mahal. Selepas dijamu makanan mewah. Selepas dibelikan kereta.
Apalah bezanya seorang pelacur yang memperdagangkan tubuhnya demi sesuap nasi dengan seorang wanita yang juga memperdagangkan tubuhnya untuk spaghetti yang mahal?
Denial. Ketidakjujuran. Penipuan diri sendiri dan juga masyarakat.
Dengan ada pasangan yang kaya di sisi, seseorang perempuan itu boleh menunjukkan kepada perempuan yang lain bahawa dirinya sudah berjaya. Bahawa dia disayangi.
Amat malang sekali, kerana perasaan kasih sayang itu hanya boleh ditonjolkan dengan berapa mahal baju dan aksesorinya, namun itulah hakikat dunia.
2. Konek panjang, lebar, tebal dan tegar
Wanita juga punyai nafsu seks yang tinggi. Seteruk mana lelaki dahagakan pantat tidak berbau, maka seteruk itu jugalah perempuan mendambakan lubang buritnya dijolok oleh Rocco Sifreddie bersama konek 11 incinya.
Tak perlu aku perjelaskan dengan panjang lebar, kerana konek Rocco Sifreddie itu sudah sedia panjang dan lebar.
3. Tiket ke syurga
Nah, ini rahsia elemen misteri dan mistikal.
Antara orang yang paling kuat beragama. Bukan kuat agama, ya, kuat 'beragama' adalah kaum Hawa.
Aku boleh nyatakan beberapa hipotesis di sini, tetapi itu mungkin akan menyinggung orang agama pula. Jadi, pergi mampus.
Cuma ketahuilah bahawa walaupun tidak punya wang ringgit mahupun konek yang panjang dan lebar, tebal dan tegar, masih ada cara untuk lelaki mendapatkan puki.
Janjikan syurga. Pelaburan masa hadapan yang sukar dinilai.
---
Menyedari hakikat ini, aku telah mengasingkan diri dari dunia kepahlawanan pengawanan.
Walaupun bukan menjadi seperti peminat Jonas Brothers yang memakai cincin kesucian, aku tetap tidak berminat dengan menyediakan tiga perkara di atas.
1. Wang Ringgit?
Aku sudah mula sedar yang aku mungkin takkan kaya sampai mati. Jangan kau cari duit dengan aku, pasal aku punya duit hanya untuk diri aku sendiri.
2. Konek panjang, lebar, tebal dan tegar?
Konek aku hanya saiz biasa. Aku cuma mempelajari skill set yang lain untuk menangani ancaman konek Rocco Sifreddie yang panjangnya saja boleh digunakan untuk mengorek telinga gergasi.
3. Tiket ke syurga
Syurga? Hahahaha.
Manalah aku boleh menjanjikan syurga? Aku bukannya Malaikat, bukannya Tuhan. Silap-silap, akulah teman Syaitan.
Pergilah kau kepada mereka yang berserban. Mereka yang berzanji dan bermarhaban. Walaupun aku banyak tahu pasal agama, tidak pernah aku gunakan untuk mendapat pantat mahupun biji kelentit.
Aku tidak marah mahupun ingin berniat menegur. Aku saja bosan sambil nak siapkan kerja aku ni. Kejap lagi nak berak. Jadi aku menulis terlebih dahulu.
Semoga kamu semua akan berbahagia dalam dunia kamu sendiri. Aku sentiasa kekal, dalam dunia aku sendiri.
Elizabeth Wong, Selangor Tourism and Robocop
Recently, I had the opportunity to go on a trip sponsored by Tourism Selangor to promote, well, Selangor Tourism.
I never knew that Selangor - the so-called 'most-developed state' by a previous top dude - held so much culture and heritage and natural wonders. Blablabla. Go read a fucking brochure.
What I want to comment is the fact that Tourism Selangor never stepped up its efforts in promoting their shit - at least not to me - until Elizabeth Wong was made Tourism exco and appointed some really good and enthusiastic tourism people to take care of the tourism industry in Selangor - some of whom I met.
I must say, this is good. The other state Tourism authorities should emulate this. In fact, all the agencies - be them under the umbrella of BN, PR, God or Satan or Azazel or Lucifer Morningstar - should try and step up their game.
I'm sure Elizabeth Wong and her Willy Wonkas are not the only people kicking ass and taking names in this country.
If you still believe that making this country better for all is a two-sided affair, and that you are on the other side, you better take note that the 'other side' has fired a damn good salvo. The ball's in YOUR court. The fuck you gonna do about it?
What I hate about this country has always been people trying to outsmear each other. Why can't we outdo each other instead?
I mean, I don't hear Tourism Pahang giving me a call. I don't hear JPJ having open days for the public. I don't see any MoH people on the ground, doing some public service announcements.
I'm sure they DO. But you don't know about it.
For example, it took me three trips of being warded in hospitals, and several friends and family members getting sick and admitted to find out that Malaysian medical care is almost free, if you can stand the pain and the wait. Still, it's a lot better than say, oh, I don't know, the United States of America?
I am guessing, and assuming, but I think that agencies all over Malaysia believe that publicity and the limelight is bad for them and for their skin. Cause they would have to actually do real work. Is this the case?
If you have done your work, then fuck all, man. Be proud that you have. Nobody's perfect, but at least there is effort. In Islam, chewah!, there is a thing called 'amanah' or trust. You are given the trust to do something, and you do it.
Serve the public trust.
Uphold the law.
Protect the innocent.
Never attack an OCD executive.
Those were Robocop's four prime directives.
I have always believed that countries should be run in full cooperation and full participation of the people. The first step in that is to have information readily available to the public. And then have information and ideas travelling the other way as well.
Cause what's better than one good idea? 26 million good ideas.
Oh well. One can always dream. One can always dream.
I never knew that Selangor - the so-called 'most-developed state' by a previous top dude - held so much culture and heritage and natural wonders. Blablabla. Go read a fucking brochure.
What I want to comment is the fact that Tourism Selangor never stepped up its efforts in promoting their shit - at least not to me - until Elizabeth Wong was made Tourism exco and appointed some really good and enthusiastic tourism people to take care of the tourism industry in Selangor - some of whom I met.
I must say, this is good. The other state Tourism authorities should emulate this. In fact, all the agencies - be them under the umbrella of BN, PR, God or Satan or Azazel or Lucifer Morningstar - should try and step up their game.
I'm sure Elizabeth Wong and her Willy Wonkas are not the only people kicking ass and taking names in this country.
If you still believe that making this country better for all is a two-sided affair, and that you are on the other side, you better take note that the 'other side' has fired a damn good salvo. The ball's in YOUR court. The fuck you gonna do about it?
What I hate about this country has always been people trying to outsmear each other. Why can't we outdo each other instead?
I mean, I don't hear Tourism Pahang giving me a call. I don't hear JPJ having open days for the public. I don't see any MoH people on the ground, doing some public service announcements.
I'm sure they DO. But you don't know about it.
For example, it took me three trips of being warded in hospitals, and several friends and family members getting sick and admitted to find out that Malaysian medical care is almost free, if you can stand the pain and the wait. Still, it's a lot better than say, oh, I don't know, the United States of America?
I am guessing, and assuming, but I think that agencies all over Malaysia believe that publicity and the limelight is bad for them and for their skin. Cause they would have to actually do real work. Is this the case?
If you have done your work, then fuck all, man. Be proud that you have. Nobody's perfect, but at least there is effort. In Islam, chewah!, there is a thing called 'amanah' or trust. You are given the trust to do something, and you do it.
Serve the public trust.
Uphold the law.
Protect the innocent.
Never attack an OCD executive.
Those were Robocop's four prime directives.
I have always believed that countries should be run in full cooperation and full participation of the people. The first step in that is to have information readily available to the public. And then have information and ideas travelling the other way as well.
Cause what's better than one good idea? 26 million good ideas.
Oh well. One can always dream. One can always dream.
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