Semalam, member aku yang dok luar negeri tanya aku, kenapa pengkarya kreatif tak buat itu atau ini, seperti mempopularkan diri dan hasil kerja yang ikhlas kat YouTube sebelum studio-studio besar Amerika atau Eropah bayar diorang US$200 juta untuk buat filem atau animation.
Soalan-soalan dia mengingatkan aku masa aku muda-muda dulu. Masa aku fikir, kalau aku bagi idea aku je, DC Comics akan ambik aku kerja. Pastu bila jumpa Neil Gaiman kat SDCC - San Diego Comic Con - dia akan melutut pegang kaki aku pastu lempang diri sendiri, menjerit-jerit, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" sambil berikan aku semua hakcipta untuk komik Sandman.
Berbekalkan keyakinan diri yang jitu, aku pernah hantar idea dan skrip, cerpen ke syarikat-syarikat antarabangsa, masa umur aku 19 tahun sampai aku grad pada umur 23. Ramai gak member-member aku yang cakap diorang nak buat benda yang sama.
Malangnya, diorang tak pernah buat. Aku je yang terhegeh-hegeh pergi rumah awek member aku print thesis dan beberapa cerpen yang aku hantar untuk masuk slush-pile beberapa penerbit di Amerika. Aku hantar pakai internet, bagi yang ada alamat email.
Aku rasa, kenapa aku je yang hantar dan member-member aku masa tu tak hantar, adalah pasal tujuan yang berbeza. Masa aku tanya, member-member aku semua cakap diorang nak disanjung, dihormati dan dipandang tinggi. Itu niat dan tujuan mereka menulis. Aku cuba menerbitkan karya aku, pasal aku nak karya aku dibaca.
Kalau kau mahukan sanjungan dan orang puji kehebatan kau, fokus kau bukan pada mencari tempat untuk cerpen, novel, atau komik kau. Fokus kau pada benda lain. Tapi, kalau aku cakap itu, maksudnya aku judgmental. Apapun, ini cerita pasal aku dan 'feeling-feeling' aku.
Aku kena reject. Dengan gembiranya aku baca semua email dan surat yang dihantar oleh editor-editor Amerika - mat salleh, yo! - yang membaca cerpen-cerpen aku dan beritahu aku aku tak sepatutnya hantar cerita seram kat publisher sci-fi, atau cerita fantasi kat publisher novel remaja.
Hahahaha. Masa tu aku dah buat kesilapan yang paling hebat - tak peduli orang. Usain Bolt nak berlari 100M ni. Aku cuba jual kat dia bobsled. Berlari bawak bobsled akan menyebabkan Usain Bolt tak layak ke akhir sukan Olimpik.
Balik ke soalan member aku tu, aku bagitau dia, memang ada orang Malaysia buat benda kat Youtube, pastu Volkswagen bayar diorang suruh buat video kat Youtube. Ada gak sorang mamat Mexico ke mana ntah, dia buat short video kat Youtube yang mengakibatkan idea, konsep dan kepakarannya dibeli oleh studio besar Amerika. Ada satu filem ni, start kat dalam forum, dengan beberapa orang duk wanking pasal cerita kereta kebal lawan samurai, akan dijadikan movie.
Jadi, memang tak mustahil. Soalan yang aku lempar balik, siapa nak buat?
Terus-terang aku cakap, beberapa tahun lepas, aku dah jaded. Aku jadi orang tua. Aku taknak menulis dan aku dah tak suka menulis. Aku dah takde impian. Aku jadi macam member-member aku yang sama-sama menulis dulu, yang tak pernah hantar penulisan diorang.
Masa tu, aku dah meluat. Aku dah malas.
Kalau dah nama industri, pemacu utamanya, duit. Aku dulu duduk dan mendengar syarahan, ucapan dan pidato ramai pengkarya, penerbit, pemilik stesen yang cakap betapa mereka hargai cerita-cerita yang bagus, watak-watak yang berlapis dan kerja yang halus.
Pastu bayar murah, mengakibatkan ramai penulis seangkatan berenti menulis, masuk kerja gomen, jual burger, bukak kedai makan. Beberapa projek member yang menjadi, dah macam kena rogol sampai robek jubur.
Ramailah pulak conmen dalam industri. Kaki kelentong tak tahu malu. Tapi, itu cerita lain.
Aku bertahan dengan semua ini. Aku buat kerja-kerja yang bagi aku duit untuk terus hidup. Aku memang ada dunia wartawan aku, pastu aku masuk pendidikan, jadi pensyarah, pastu aku masuk dunia korporat. Sampai last-last aku fikir, baik aku jadi tokoh korporat je.
Dunia korporat pun, bukan dunia yang mudah. Chewah! Sebagai tokoh korporat, aku harus sentiasa bersabar dan dunia penulisan kreatif banyak mengajar aku untuk bersabar.
Lari ke dunia korporat, memberikan aku masa untuk mengatur kembali pernafasan. Aku dulu stress pasal karya aku, dan pasal mana nak cari duit sampai tiga tahun kena insomnia. Muahahahaha!
Aku duduk dan aku belajar falsafah New Age oleh Eckhart Tolle, demi mencari jalan ke arah ketenangan. Aku membuat latihan pernafasan, dan aku bertafakur.
Lepas tu aku tengok balik filem Jepun Rajio no Jikan atau 'Welcome Back Mr McDonald'. Cerita tu, cerita kelakar pasal drama radio. Aku malas nak cerita panjang, nanti jadi ulasan pulak, tapi kalau kau nak tahu apa kesimpulan dan pendirian yang aku ambil dalam dunia penulisan kreatif, ko tengok filem tu. Ada satu watak yang menyimpulkan apa yang aku rasa perasaan dan isi hati ramai pengkarya serata dunia.
Hari ni, Hari Merdeka. Ada satu projek filem (bukan KRU) akan berjalan tanpa aku, dan aku bersyukur pasal aku masuk pun dah lambat. Lagipun, aku ada dua novel aku nak siapkan, skrip satu lagi filem dan ya, satu skrip drama radio yang masih perlukan perhatian aku. Semalam, filem 29 Februari yang aku tulis bersama Edry KRU mula ditayangkan di pawagam seluruh Malaysia.
Aku pandang balik apa aku dah buat dan apa karya aku yang dah keluar, aku hanya mampu tersenyum, syukur. Semua orang aku pernah kerja, tak pernah tipu aku. Banyak benda yang aku tulis, dah keluar. Sekarang, ada beberapa benda lagi yang menunggu masa untuk keluar kat TV, wayang, buku atau komik yang harus aku tunggu atau usahakan.
Beberapa minggu lepas, aku gali balik cerpen-cerpen masa aku 19 tahun. Aku polish dan aku hantar pada penerbit. MUNGKIN akan diterbitkan, tapi itu tak penting. Kalau jadi, fantastic. Kalau tak, whateverlah. Yep, tujuan aku pun dah berubah. Aku tak lagi menulis untuk memastikan penulisan aku diterbitkan. Aku menulis, untuk menulis, sebab aku suka menulis. Aku terjumpa balik minat aku untuk menulis karya-karya kreatif selepas beberapa tahun menyampah dan meluat dengan semua aspeknya.
Sebab aku 'feeling-feeling' penulis.
Oh hohohohohoho!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Merdeka, Yo!
Caption: PICTURE IS UNRELATED
Tadi aku pergi jumpa member aku yang dah lama lepak kat New Zealand. Dah lama tak jumpa. Last aku ingat, dia hantar animation 3D dia kat aku, aku kritik dan kutuk habis-habisan, sampai aku ingat dia merajuk pastu lari ke New Zealand.
Rupa-rupanya, dia tak peduli pun apa aku cakap kat dia dulu. Dia pergi New Zealand disebabkan cinta. Cinta pada bini dia, dan anak dua orang.
Member-member aku semua dah kahwin atau beranak, kecuali Cheepork dan Tapai, aku rasa. Sunder, Adijin tengah mengadu asmara di Kanada. Diorang kerja power, dalam industri yang menerima semua jenis kepelikan. Oh hohohohohoho!
Chee pun dah kahwin. Butuhlah Chee, tapi kalau bini dia takde satu malam tu, memang kepala Chee akan terus berdarah kat satu pub kat Bangsar.
Aku pergi pub tu, nak lepak dengan Chee. Lepak dengan Chee kat pub memang bahaya, pasal last time kitorang lepak kat pub, untuk menerima invitation jadi 'heng tai' (oh hohohohohoho!) wedding dia, pub tu kena raid dengan JAIS.
Dahlah ada GRO kat pub Sunway tu. Pukimak betul. Mujur aku kacak dan tidak mengambil sebarang bahan terlarang. Sebagai seorang role model, saya mengatakan 'tidak' kepada dadah.
"Hey, dadah."
"Ya?"
"Tidak."
"Okay."
Lepas tu, masa jumpa Chee kat pub kat Bangsar, dia kena pukul dengan orang halimunan dan terbaring dalam satu lopak berdarah kat atas jalan. Chee buta sekejap. Gila panik, bro!
Oh, apa pun, semua kawan aku masih sihat, walaupun dah beranak.
Aku? Aku dengan suka hatinya menikmati kebebasan aku di apartment yang bersih.
Oh hohohohohoho!
Selamat Hari Merdeka!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Pedang Setiawan
Malam ini, aku jadi saksi yang dunia perlukan ramai orang dan banyak jenis orang. Jadi, apa jenis kau ni? Apa jenis aku? Hubungan sejenis? Oh hohohohoho! Maaf, saya melakukan hubungan seks dengan wanita sahaja. Oh hohohoho!
Siang tadi, aku tengah fikir pasal anime Jepun, bila aku terserempak dengan orang Jepun isap rokok. Aku tak tau pun dia orang Jepun.
"Sorry, my name is Amir. What's yours?"
"Fumakilla." (semua nama sudah ditukar untuki melindungi yang bersalah)
Aku: Ooo... nihon-jin da, kisama?
Fumakilla: Hai, dozo yoroshiku!
A: Okasan wa, inu da ka, yaro?
F: Oh, you can speak Japanese?
A: Mochiron! Anime to dorama wa bengkyou shimasu! Ore no karada wa, utsukushiiii...
F: Nanda...
A: Urusei kusoyaro!! Kudabare na!
F: D...dare mo...
A: Otoko wa dare mo, Lonely Soldier Boy! Hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora!
F: You're not making any sense.
A: Suupa Atomic Delicious Paaaaanchi!
Siang tadi, aku tengah fikir pasal anime Jepun, bila aku terserempak dengan orang Jepun isap rokok. Aku tak tau pun dia orang Jepun.
"Sorry, my name is Amir. What's yours?"
"Fumakilla." (semua nama sudah ditukar untuki melindungi yang bersalah)
Aku: Ooo... nihon-jin da, kisama?
Fumakilla: Hai, dozo yoroshiku!
A: Okasan wa, inu da ka, yaro?
F: Oh, you can speak Japanese?
A: Mochiron! Anime to dorama wa bengkyou shimasu! Ore no karada wa, utsukushiiii...
F: Nanda...
A: Urusei kusoyaro!! Kudabare na!
F: D...dare mo...
A: Otoko wa dare mo, Lonely Soldier Boy! Hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora hora!
F: You're not making any sense.
A: Suupa Atomic Delicious Paaaaanchi!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Raja di Bawah Keranjang: Amir Hafizi dan Telur Filasuf
Aku bangun kencing, sambil tweet, pastu sengih dan gelak sorang-sorang.
Rasa macam nak cerita membesar sebagai budak paya, tapi dah berbelas kali aku ulang cerita-cerita tu.
Apa kata aku cerita pasal krisis identiti aku di KL? Best gak kan?
Aku datang ke KL pada tahun 1998, pasal nak masuk UM. Aku ingat nak jadi engineer ke apa ke.
Kat UM, aku tergolong spesis dork. Aku bukan nerd, sebab nerd semua pandai-pandai. Aku bukan geek sebab geek semua kaya-kaya. Ya la, dah beli komik tu ko ingat murah? Berbelas ringgit satu tu. Palat betul.
Jadi aku tergolong spesis dork. Dorks ni, semua pelik-pelik. Kepelikan aku aku bawak daripada sekolah menengah - paling menarik, aku suka tidur.
Aku pernah lawan tidur. Rekod aku 17 jam. Member aku tidur sampai 21 jam. Kitorang bertanding macam la tidur ni acara sukan Olimpik.
Pastu, kegiatan aku hari-hari, bajet makanan. Aku dulu belanja makan aku, RM6 sehari. SEHARI, okay? Maksudnya, aku kena makan dua kali sehari. Kalau aku makan nasi waktu tengahari, malam aku makan roti canai SAHAJA.
Kalau aku makan roti canai tengahari, malam aku makan nasi.
Kepada sesapa yang nak perjuangkan hak nak masuk UM, woi! Ko nak makan roti canai lima tahun? Ko nak mampus dapat sakit jantung? Baik pergi Australia. Main dengan omputih, makan steak.
Eh, mana identity crisis ni?
Oh, ya, dan aku membenci semua bentuk hiburan Melayu. Tak kira la filem ke, siri TV ke, lagu ke. Bahasa Melayu pun aku menyampah. Apa kelas, beb. Gua English 1119 dapat 1A tu. Aku usung slip keputusan SPM aku sampai umur 24 tahun, pasal aku terer.
Sampailah masa aku masuk jadi reporter kat The Malay Mail, aku cover scene hiburan Melayu. Aku bagitau kau, ah, kalau ko suratkhabar Malaysia, ko jangan berangan la kalau ko run berita artis mat salleh tu orang nak baca. Ko nak compete dengan sapa? TMZ? E!? Ko nak mampus?
Aku pedulittaik ko suratkhabar bahasa apa. Eksklusiviti yang menjadi nadi berita hiburan terletak pada industri hiburan Malaysia. Aku cakap Malaysia, ya pasal industri muzik Tamil Malaysia agak hebat berbanding industri muzik Bahasa Malaysia.
Aku cover dari hujung sana sampai hujung setengah belah sini. Sesetengah benda aku tak cover. Ko nak akta apa? Akta Hakcipta 1983? Amendment 1999? Pindaan 2001?
Entah. Semua tahun tadi tipu je. Aku sebenarnya dah lupa tahun berapa akta-akta tu semua. Aku cuma ingat satu tahun 80an, satu in the 90s dan satu 21st Century. Tak silapnya la. Aku dah tua.
Ko nak tau aku start menulis Bahasa Malaysia masa bila? Masa aku blah The Malay Mail. RTM call aku, suruh tulis 2 puisi. Bayar on the spot. Tapi kena hantar dalam masa dua jam. Aku demam, tapi berbekalkan Hikmat Sharingan, aku tulis puisi Bahasa Melayu nih:
Rasa macam nak cerita membesar sebagai budak paya, tapi dah berbelas kali aku ulang cerita-cerita tu.
Apa kata aku cerita pasal krisis identiti aku di KL? Best gak kan?
Aku datang ke KL pada tahun 1998, pasal nak masuk UM. Aku ingat nak jadi engineer ke apa ke.
Kat UM, aku tergolong spesis dork. Aku bukan nerd, sebab nerd semua pandai-pandai. Aku bukan geek sebab geek semua kaya-kaya. Ya la, dah beli komik tu ko ingat murah? Berbelas ringgit satu tu. Palat betul.
Jadi aku tergolong spesis dork. Dorks ni, semua pelik-pelik. Kepelikan aku aku bawak daripada sekolah menengah - paling menarik, aku suka tidur.
Aku pernah lawan tidur. Rekod aku 17 jam. Member aku tidur sampai 21 jam. Kitorang bertanding macam la tidur ni acara sukan Olimpik.
Pastu, kegiatan aku hari-hari, bajet makanan. Aku dulu belanja makan aku, RM6 sehari. SEHARI, okay? Maksudnya, aku kena makan dua kali sehari. Kalau aku makan nasi waktu tengahari, malam aku makan roti canai SAHAJA.
Kalau aku makan roti canai tengahari, malam aku makan nasi.
Kepada sesapa yang nak perjuangkan hak nak masuk UM, woi! Ko nak makan roti canai lima tahun? Ko nak mampus dapat sakit jantung? Baik pergi Australia. Main dengan omputih, makan steak.
Eh, mana identity crisis ni?
Oh, ya, dan aku membenci semua bentuk hiburan Melayu. Tak kira la filem ke, siri TV ke, lagu ke. Bahasa Melayu pun aku menyampah. Apa kelas, beb. Gua English 1119 dapat 1A tu. Aku usung slip keputusan SPM aku sampai umur 24 tahun, pasal aku terer.
Sampailah masa aku masuk jadi reporter kat The Malay Mail, aku cover scene hiburan Melayu. Aku bagitau kau, ah, kalau ko suratkhabar Malaysia, ko jangan berangan la kalau ko run berita artis mat salleh tu orang nak baca. Ko nak compete dengan sapa? TMZ? E!? Ko nak mampus?
Aku pedulittaik ko suratkhabar bahasa apa. Eksklusiviti yang menjadi nadi berita hiburan terletak pada industri hiburan Malaysia. Aku cakap Malaysia, ya pasal industri muzik Tamil Malaysia agak hebat berbanding industri muzik Bahasa Malaysia.
Aku cover dari hujung sana sampai hujung setengah belah sini. Sesetengah benda aku tak cover. Ko nak akta apa? Akta Hakcipta 1983? Amendment 1999? Pindaan 2001?
Entah. Semua tahun tadi tipu je. Aku sebenarnya dah lupa tahun berapa akta-akta tu semua. Aku cuma ingat satu tahun 80an, satu in the 90s dan satu 21st Century. Tak silapnya la. Aku dah tua.
Ko nak tau aku start menulis Bahasa Malaysia masa bila? Masa aku blah The Malay Mail. RTM call aku, suruh tulis 2 puisi. Bayar on the spot. Tapi kena hantar dalam masa dua jam. Aku demam, tapi berbekalkan Hikmat Sharingan, aku tulis puisi Bahasa Melayu nih:
Action Hero
Sometimes I wish you could be more like
Jack Bauer
Battling terrorists and jumping off a
helicopter
Instead, it is terribly unkind
For you to hold on to your mind
As it is chipped away bit by bit by
Alzheimer’s
I wish you would stop riding the bloody red
tractor
To the mosque, weddings, to family
get-togethers
What about your bike or your car
For God’s sake, you have a CAR!
Tractor it is, though, chugging along on
the mighty one-litre
I really do think mom is embarrassed by it
Every time she sees it, she would throw a
fit
“As
a mode of transportation,” she’d say
“Not to a wedding, no way.”
Not caring, you ride it like a village half-wit
But you are not stupid, you were never a
fool
If you were in a shed, you’d be the
sharpest tool
The best teacher ever
And a fantastic father
It’s just sometimes I wished that you would
be cool
And nowadays, you tend to forget things a
lot
You can’t remember when your chest had that
clot
And You can’t remember
What happened last December
When you had to sleep in a hospital’s cot
Of course, you can still recall Combat’s
Vic Morrow
Gay Errol Flynn with his green tights, bow
and arrow
The disease still left you memories of TV
And you still remember me
But I don’t know what you will forget
tomorrow
Oops. Tu bahasa omputih. Dan itu bukan sajak yang aku bagi. Mana kebenda ni? Barang lama, beb. Susah nak cari.
Apa pun, ko tau sapa baca sajak aku kat TV?
Datuk Rahim Razali, yo! And Lisa Surihani. Aku hantar dua sajak. Satu pasal Bosnia, satu pasal orang tua bawak kereta.
Apahal lu mat? Aku ni memang seni habis.
Lisa Surihani, aku interview masa dia tengah nak buat decision - nak jadi lawyer ke, nak berlakon. Dia buat Mail Motor Celebrity Drive masa tu. Tetiap minggu, aku interview satu selebrity sambil diorang bawak kereta. Masa tu dia Kids @ ntv7 kot? Ke mende tah.
Aku segan dengan orang tua. Aku ni Melayu sesat, tapi aku segan dengan orang tua.
Lama-lama, aku buat kerja translation, pastu aku start menulis BM pasal AKAB tulis BM. Mamat tu tulis BM, cerita pasal Sartre la, Dey Kaht la. Cerita pasal ahli-ahli filasuf. Gila pseudo-intellectual, bro! Apa barang?
Kepentingan penulisan AKAB dan Semusim di Neraka adalah menjadikan BM cool again. Aku dah lama menyampah bahasa tu. Semua pasal Nik Safiah Karim, masa aku kat sekolah dulu. Blablabla.
Pastu aku menulis BM ke? Ha? Ye kot. Pastu aku menulis apa ye? Aku buat translation, pastu aku buat apa ah?
Lupa la.
Aku nak tulis apa ni? Identity crisis? Oh, aku mana pernah ada identity crisis. Aku sedar aku budak paya. Ko stare-stare apahal? Ko nak konek? Mak kau dah hisap. Pergilah mampus. Aku nak tido. Esok jadi tokoh korporat la pulak.
Oh hohohohohoho!
29 Februari On August 30
I just came back from watching the premiere of 29 Februari at Sunway Pyramid. Wrote the script with Edry KRU who is also the director and screenwriter. Watching it was a jog back in time.
Fresh off Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, around the week when the last showings were done for that epic adventure, I was called to have a drink with a KRU emissary, a herald if you will. It was at Mahbub, Lucky Garden.
I was thinking at the time that there will be a cheque for me or something, but the herald, Johan, told me something so crazy, so ambitious, I thought I needed to give it a whack.
They were going to do a stereoscopic 3D movie, using the latest technology, to tell the love story of an immortal, with Malaysian history as a backdrop.
I was like, 'what the fuck? They're really gonna do this?' I mean, action is great for 3D. Adventure, thriller, horror, even comedy. But melodrama? Melodrama 3D? How is that gonna work? It was a puzzle so difficult, so complex, I thought at the time no one in Malaysia had the balls to do it.
It was a challenge - a creative challenge - I could not ignore. Because I knew there was a way, and I was curious as to how they were going to do it.
So, I signed up. Got my first payment and all, and we started writing. Writing movies, actually doing anything in movies, is a collaborative process. There are few auteurs in Malaysia who has complete control, but the reality is that a lot of movies are done based on consensus.
So we wrote. Draft after draft. After Merong, I no longer keep count. Hack here, slash there, add here, etc etc.
I even found myself in a cold Genting hotel room, with a few other people, typing on a MacBook Pro which kept giving me small electric shocks - cause I hate Macs and they hate me back - just wishing the writing process was over.
And then it was in the can, fast forward a year plus later, after I found myself a new job at Media Prima, and just before Raya, Norman replied to my Selamat Hari Raya SMS. He invited me to the premiere of 29 Februari.
So I asked, as usual, "Can my sister come along?" I always watch premieres of movies I've done with my sister. She has been the only consistent person who have been supportive in my writing career.
Tonight, we went and watched it, and I was happy that the kind woman two seats from me was crying. It was a melodrama after all, and I fashioned 29 Februari in earlier drafts on Mere Naam Joker - a legendary Bollywood movie.
In all honesty, 29 Februari is better than I expected. It's mostly good, and much of the themes of time, unconditional love that transcends physical beauty, a sense of responsibility, belonging and mortality are preserved.
I am always happy and thankful to see my written work translated to other forms, and I am always grateful to the teams who put all four of the movies I have written together. I can't thank them enough for allowing me to be part of something bigger.
So far, there have been MySpy, Magika, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa and 29 Februari. I'm currently working on two or three more, with a few special projects along the way. One animated movie with KRU will probably come out when it's done.
It's been a wonderful, wonderful ride - a journey into a world I thought I could only dream of after I'm 55 and retired, trying to sell the movie rights to my books.
To everyone involved - the cast, the crew, the audience - I thank you again.
Oh hohohoho!
* 29 Februari will be screened in cinemas all over Malaysia on August 30
Fresh off Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, around the week when the last showings were done for that epic adventure, I was called to have a drink with a KRU emissary, a herald if you will. It was at Mahbub, Lucky Garden.
I was thinking at the time that there will be a cheque for me or something, but the herald, Johan, told me something so crazy, so ambitious, I thought I needed to give it a whack.
They were going to do a stereoscopic 3D movie, using the latest technology, to tell the love story of an immortal, with Malaysian history as a backdrop.
I was like, 'what the fuck? They're really gonna do this?' I mean, action is great for 3D. Adventure, thriller, horror, even comedy. But melodrama? Melodrama 3D? How is that gonna work? It was a puzzle so difficult, so complex, I thought at the time no one in Malaysia had the balls to do it.
It was a challenge - a creative challenge - I could not ignore. Because I knew there was a way, and I was curious as to how they were going to do it.
So, I signed up. Got my first payment and all, and we started writing. Writing movies, actually doing anything in movies, is a collaborative process. There are few auteurs in Malaysia who has complete control, but the reality is that a lot of movies are done based on consensus.
So we wrote. Draft after draft. After Merong, I no longer keep count. Hack here, slash there, add here, etc etc.
I even found myself in a cold Genting hotel room, with a few other people, typing on a MacBook Pro which kept giving me small electric shocks - cause I hate Macs and they hate me back - just wishing the writing process was over.
And then it was in the can, fast forward a year plus later, after I found myself a new job at Media Prima, and just before Raya, Norman replied to my Selamat Hari Raya SMS. He invited me to the premiere of 29 Februari.
So I asked, as usual, "Can my sister come along?" I always watch premieres of movies I've done with my sister. She has been the only consistent person who have been supportive in my writing career.
Tonight, we went and watched it, and I was happy that the kind woman two seats from me was crying. It was a melodrama after all, and I fashioned 29 Februari in earlier drafts on Mere Naam Joker - a legendary Bollywood movie.
In all honesty, 29 Februari is better than I expected. It's mostly good, and much of the themes of time, unconditional love that transcends physical beauty, a sense of responsibility, belonging and mortality are preserved.
I am always happy and thankful to see my written work translated to other forms, and I am always grateful to the teams who put all four of the movies I have written together. I can't thank them enough for allowing me to be part of something bigger.
So far, there have been MySpy, Magika, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa and 29 Februari. I'm currently working on two or three more, with a few special projects along the way. One animated movie with KRU will probably come out when it's done.
It's been a wonderful, wonderful ride - a journey into a world I thought I could only dream of after I'm 55 and retired, trying to sell the movie rights to my books.
To everyone involved - the cast, the crew, the audience - I thank you again.
Oh hohohoho!
* 29 Februari will be screened in cinemas all over Malaysia on August 30
Monday, August 27, 2012
Days of Blunder: The Next Level
I woke up this morning unwell. I was coughing up green phlegm, which is a sign of infection. I believe drinking water from different sources may be the culprit.
So I called in sick, and concentrated on getting better. By the end of the day, the green phlegm is gone and I feel fine again.
Met a doctor anyway. Asked him for tips on taking my weight-loss to the next level. I asked about Xenical and L-Carnitine, but I forgot about calcium regulation, which I am practicing.
As a rule, I do not talk or recommend anything I have never tried and regard anything new with suspicion, so I am not recommending any of these advanced-level weight-loss practices.
1. Xenical
- a resin that is proven to cause major weight-loss. Xenical is merely the name used by Roche. GSK markets it as Alli. Its real name is Orlistat. It works by inhibiting lipase enzymes. Lipase breaks down fat and oil, so if there is no lipase, then absorption of fat and oil is minimal.
And thus, you lose weight.
However, I am concerned because the vitamins A, D, E and K are fat soluble and there is a danger of not absorbing these vitamins if I take Xenical. Furthermore, Xenical is expensive, and I am having great results from oats to lower my cholesterol, so fuck Xenical.
Even if you can get a prescription, you would have to time the taking of Xenical with the time you take A, D, E and K supplements to ensure you still get the nutrients.
Lack of Vitamin A will fuck up your eyes. D and E efficiency will screw up your skin and weird things happen without Vitamin K. I believe that use of this drug without proper monitoring from your doctor is extremely dangerous.
2. L-Carnitine
I first heard of this a few years ago at a gym where I used to workout. Wiggle wiggle wiggle. It was all the rage, and then it died down. I wonder why?
Two of my friends took it and one of them lost 30kg in 4 months.
What does it do? I don't really understand, and couldn't be bothered to read up on it but supposedly the thing sends your exercise into overdrive and you burn more fat and energy with this.
Unfortunately, L-Carnitine can potentially damage your liver or kidney, as with paracetamol. I am not willing to take that risk so I'll continue with iron will.
3. Capsaicin
Capsaicin is what makes chillis and peppers hot. The doctor recommends this to me, but I am unclear how it works. I am taking lots of chilli anyway, so I guess it would not hurt.
I aim to buy some empty capsules from the pharmacy and stuff it with chilli flakes and swallow a few capsules a day, ensuring no burns to my mouth but an asshole that would feel like a jet engine. Capsaicin - for the man on the move.
4. Super Ultimate Mystery Diabetes Drug Vapor Action Deluxe Kai!
The diabetes patients have access to sugar-regulating drugs as well as weight-loss drugs.
I have heard of some of them and am curious to find out more.
5. Brown seaweed
I have failed so far to find brown seaweed, Dr Oz's number one recommended dieting tool. It's supposed to do something, but I don't know what.
6. Chitosan and other homeopathic stuff
As soon as I hear or read the word homeopathy, my mind draws a giant X. Fuck homeopathy.
7. My movie is coming out
Oh, I forgot to tell you - KRU's next movie, 29 Februari is coming out end of this month. As in, this week. I wrote the script with the director, and will be watching the premiere tomorrow night.
Some of my other work MIGHT be reaching Hong Kong, Disney Channel and Europe next year. MIGHT be. I have no expectations, but as soon as I get any confirmation or updates, I will spread the news.
Well, that's it. Off to bed soon to ensure I have enough beauty sleep.
So I called in sick, and concentrated on getting better. By the end of the day, the green phlegm is gone and I feel fine again.
Met a doctor anyway. Asked him for tips on taking my weight-loss to the next level. I asked about Xenical and L-Carnitine, but I forgot about calcium regulation, which I am practicing.
As a rule, I do not talk or recommend anything I have never tried and regard anything new with suspicion, so I am not recommending any of these advanced-level weight-loss practices.
1. Xenical
- a resin that is proven to cause major weight-loss. Xenical is merely the name used by Roche. GSK markets it as Alli. Its real name is Orlistat. It works by inhibiting lipase enzymes. Lipase breaks down fat and oil, so if there is no lipase, then absorption of fat and oil is minimal.
And thus, you lose weight.
However, I am concerned because the vitamins A, D, E and K are fat soluble and there is a danger of not absorbing these vitamins if I take Xenical. Furthermore, Xenical is expensive, and I am having great results from oats to lower my cholesterol, so fuck Xenical.
Even if you can get a prescription, you would have to time the taking of Xenical with the time you take A, D, E and K supplements to ensure you still get the nutrients.
Lack of Vitamin A will fuck up your eyes. D and E efficiency will screw up your skin and weird things happen without Vitamin K. I believe that use of this drug without proper monitoring from your doctor is extremely dangerous.
2. L-Carnitine
I first heard of this a few years ago at a gym where I used to workout. Wiggle wiggle wiggle. It was all the rage, and then it died down. I wonder why?
Two of my friends took it and one of them lost 30kg in 4 months.
What does it do? I don't really understand, and couldn't be bothered to read up on it but supposedly the thing sends your exercise into overdrive and you burn more fat and energy with this.
Unfortunately, L-Carnitine can potentially damage your liver or kidney, as with paracetamol. I am not willing to take that risk so I'll continue with iron will.
3. Capsaicin
Capsaicin is what makes chillis and peppers hot. The doctor recommends this to me, but I am unclear how it works. I am taking lots of chilli anyway, so I guess it would not hurt.
I aim to buy some empty capsules from the pharmacy and stuff it with chilli flakes and swallow a few capsules a day, ensuring no burns to my mouth but an asshole that would feel like a jet engine. Capsaicin - for the man on the move.
4. Super Ultimate Mystery Diabetes Drug Vapor Action Deluxe Kai!
The diabetes patients have access to sugar-regulating drugs as well as weight-loss drugs.
I have heard of some of them and am curious to find out more.
5. Brown seaweed
I have failed so far to find brown seaweed, Dr Oz's number one recommended dieting tool. It's supposed to do something, but I don't know what.
6. Chitosan and other homeopathic stuff
As soon as I hear or read the word homeopathy, my mind draws a giant X. Fuck homeopathy.
7. My movie is coming out
Oh, I forgot to tell you - KRU's next movie, 29 Februari is coming out end of this month. As in, this week. I wrote the script with the director, and will be watching the premiere tomorrow night.
Some of my other work MIGHT be reaching Hong Kong, Disney Channel and Europe next year. MIGHT be. I have no expectations, but as soon as I get any confirmation or updates, I will spread the news.
Well, that's it. Off to bed soon to ensure I have enough beauty sleep.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Wiggle: Wrong Numbers
I have approached my weight loss programme as a scientist, looking at numbers to get the desired results. However, I am fully aware of the errors these numbers pose.
For example, BMI- Body Mass Index or in Japanese, Bodiii Massu Indexu, refers to your weight divided by the square of your height in meter. The BMI proposes a means to measure ideal body weight and to determine whether someone is underweight, overweight or obese.
The problem is, according to BMI, I believe the entire All Blacks rugby team is either overweight or obese. Their huge mass and weight is actually muscle, not fat, though, and you wouldn't want to call Jonah Lomu fat or he'd get you in a Kimora arm lock.
Of course, if you look like this:
You are fat, obese, whatever. No excuses.
In my years of watching Oprah, Dr Oz does not recommend BMI. His gauge is waistline, because he believes that a person's health is connected to the omentum. The omentum is a layer of fat which extends from the chest to the groin area. A thin omentum means someone is less likely to have heart disease, liver failure, kidney problems, etc. A thick one means you'd be dead after you finish reading this article.
Then there's the all-important component to effective exercise - heart rate. I find the conventional scale to reach aerobic heart rate works for me. I'm between 30-40, so my aerobic heart rate is between 150-165 beats per minute. If you are between 20-30, it is one level higher.
I find that the more I exercise, the lower my base heart rate is at the start of the exercise. When I started my exercise regime, as soon as I hit the cardio machine, my heart rate was at 140. Now, it starts at 120.
Taking oats has helped in this.
However, when you look at extremes like professional footballers in EPL, their base heart rate can be as low as 70 or 80. This means their hearts are stronger and can pump blood to the entire body with fewer beats. Some yogis can slow down their heart rates even lower and enter a hibernation state or to combat low temperatures.
When exercising, some people advocate calorie burn or distance. My strategy is to focus on heart rate and time. The idea is to stay for as long as I can at a certain heart rate. As long as I am at that heart rate means am burning calores, fat, etc.
One thing to remember is that body weight is just meat, fat, bone and water. Mostly water. If I weigh myself before and after workout sessions, there is usually a 2-4 kg difference. This means I lose at least 2kg of water every time I exercise. Yes. 2 fucking kilograms. This is another reason why weight is not the best gauge to being healthy, but it is the easiest to measure. Others, such as breathing quality, agility, blood pressure and general well-being are more difficult to gauge.
Talking about oats to lower cholesterol and heart rate healthily, found out that in order for oats to work properly, you need to take at least 80gm of the stuff daily. 80gm is roughly 10 scoops. I usually double this number, just to be safe. Bear in mind that oats also have some carbs, though most is dietary fibre.
I am sticking with my methods, because it works for me. Find one that works for your own body.
For example, BMI- Body Mass Index or in Japanese, Bodiii Massu Indexu, refers to your weight divided by the square of your height in meter. The BMI proposes a means to measure ideal body weight and to determine whether someone is underweight, overweight or obese.
The problem is, according to BMI, I believe the entire All Blacks rugby team is either overweight or obese. Their huge mass and weight is actually muscle, not fat, though, and you wouldn't want to call Jonah Lomu fat or he'd get you in a Kimora arm lock.
Of course, if you look like this:
You are fat, obese, whatever. No excuses.
In my years of watching Oprah, Dr Oz does not recommend BMI. His gauge is waistline, because he believes that a person's health is connected to the omentum. The omentum is a layer of fat which extends from the chest to the groin area. A thin omentum means someone is less likely to have heart disease, liver failure, kidney problems, etc. A thick one means you'd be dead after you finish reading this article.
Then there's the all-important component to effective exercise - heart rate. I find the conventional scale to reach aerobic heart rate works for me. I'm between 30-40, so my aerobic heart rate is between 150-165 beats per minute. If you are between 20-30, it is one level higher.
I find that the more I exercise, the lower my base heart rate is at the start of the exercise. When I started my exercise regime, as soon as I hit the cardio machine, my heart rate was at 140. Now, it starts at 120.
Taking oats has helped in this.
However, when you look at extremes like professional footballers in EPL, their base heart rate can be as low as 70 or 80. This means their hearts are stronger and can pump blood to the entire body with fewer beats. Some yogis can slow down their heart rates even lower and enter a hibernation state or to combat low temperatures.
When exercising, some people advocate calorie burn or distance. My strategy is to focus on heart rate and time. The idea is to stay for as long as I can at a certain heart rate. As long as I am at that heart rate means am burning calores, fat, etc.
One thing to remember is that body weight is just meat, fat, bone and water. Mostly water. If I weigh myself before and after workout sessions, there is usually a 2-4 kg difference. This means I lose at least 2kg of water every time I exercise. Yes. 2 fucking kilograms. This is another reason why weight is not the best gauge to being healthy, but it is the easiest to measure. Others, such as breathing quality, agility, blood pressure and general well-being are more difficult to gauge.
Talking about oats to lower cholesterol and heart rate healthily, found out that in order for oats to work properly, you need to take at least 80gm of the stuff daily. 80gm is roughly 10 scoops. I usually double this number, just to be safe. Bear in mind that oats also have some carbs, though most is dietary fibre.
I am sticking with my methods, because it works for me. Find one that works for your own body.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Wiggle: Updates
Since I can't say that "the Malaysian judiciary system seems to look more like a political tool for some people, with the introduction of Section 114A" or "Nazri Aziz is a troglodyte" without being clamped down by what is perhaps the Internet equivalent of the online ISA (not really, as S.114A simply assumes guilt before innocence and not incarceration without trial), I guess I'll update you about my weight loss programme.
After almost 100 days, I have lost between 12-15kg. The difference is usually seen when I go and weigh myself at the gym before and after workout sessions. I guess I'll take the 15kg number because it is bigger and also last week's figure.
STRATEGY
I started on this journey to win the Kilos for Cash programme at Media Prima Berhad - the company where I work. It all started with research as I believe in the GI Joe motto - 'knowing is half the battle'.
Lots of people gave advice - some legit, some stupid. Even cab drivers were giving me advice. I can tell you that I steered clear from fad diets and stayed true to a conventional high-fibre, low-carb diet which worked for me a few years ago. Different diets work differently for different people, and having found something that works for me, I'm not about to switch.
Some diets also have the potential of making you sick. The Dukan Diet, for example, is a high-protein diet that - if done improperly - can allegedly cause liver or kidney failure by the build-up of ketones in the body.
The popular Atkins diet, to me, is not sustainable. Missing out on carbs altogether can have averse effects on your body and mental health.
I believe that any diet system must be sustainable. Ask yourself - can I stay on this diet for the rest of my life? Can I eat oats forever?
The statistics are grim. Only 2% of fat people who lost weight will maintain their weight-loss, as the rest will go back to their stupid high-cholesterol eating habits, porking on bullshit until they get fat again.
This is why it is imperative to find a diet that works for you, and it has to work for you, forever. Once you start, you can NEVER, EVER, go back to stuffing your face with rice, bread, cakes, sweets and whatever else. Yo-yo-ing can kill you.
MEALS
I start with a high-fibre breakfast, usually rolled oats in soy milk. I discovered that rolled oats are better than normal oats, though the more expensive steel-milled oats are the best. Rolled oats require soaking overnight, to get it into a pre-digested state. Its taste depends on what you eat it with. I find soy milk, fruits and almonds to be quite good, as long as the fruit is not durian.
Lunch is a normal affair, with half-portions of rice and double vegetables, with a meat side dish. Sometimes, I take Subway sandwiches. The effective Subway sandwich is one with lots of lettuce and no dressing. I'd prefer the balsamic vinegar, but most or all of Subway chains do not have any vinegar, so I go without.
Dinner is very important and I have settled on oatmeal with the traditional 'sambal hitam' - one of my mother's specialty. Sambal hitam is a Pahang dish that can be stored for three months without spoiling. It is made from anchovies, pickled starfruit and a bunch of spices. I got my mother to do a low-oil, low-cholesterol version on the second day of Raya and the supply is now safely in my freezer back in KL. The wonderful salty, spicy and sour taste though, ensures that I will probably run out of the thing very soon.
The idea is to eat oatmeal with any dish I want, treating it as a replacement for rice. I do have brown rice and brown rice vermicelli, but only on weekends, for a treat, because they don't work as well as oats. I have eaten oats with powdered milk and sugar; oats with chili chicken, chili beef, curried beef, beef with salt and tumeric; oats with stir-fried vegetables; oats with rendang; oats with anchovies and many, many Malaysian delicacies.
I drink between 5-6 litres of water every day, and I sweat it out at the gym four times a week. That's FOUR times, a week, motherfucker!
EXERCISE
My exercise regiment is simple. 60 minutes cardio workout on a low-impact machine and then, currently, 70 crunches followed by 70 reps at any other machine I feel like doing. If I have done my legs on Monday, I will do my chest and shoulders on Tuesday, allowing my legs to recover.
Cardio is the most important part of weight-loss. Modern machines allow you to monitor heart rate, which is a great help. I'm 32 years old, which means my effective aerobic heart rate is between 150-165 beats per minute. The first 10-20 minutes is simply to get the heart to this level. Then I burn for 40 minutes and cool down.
At first, I only managed 23 minutes on the damn thing. Now, I do 60 minutes non-stop. The key is breathing. I am conscious of my breathing at all times, and I practice a modified diaphragmic or diaphragmatic breathing for physical action. That's when you use deep-breathing with your belly or abdomen.
I got this from Wikipedia:
Having a breathing technique also forces a rhythm to your actions, and all exercise is, is just repetitive, sustained, rhythmic simple actions done over a period of time.
MENTAL MILITIA
The hardest part of any weight-loss regime is the mental aspect of it. If you're a spoiled whiner, or a cheater, then fuck you.
Using my Buddha powers, I have constructed a one-with-everything acceptance philosophy which I pepper with Anime-inspired determination, resulting in a 'flowing iron will'.
If you fight anything, it becomes stronger, so the best approach is to become space. Nobody and nothing can fight space. If you become space, there is nothing you cannot do, because you don't even exist and nothing really matters. You just don't give a fuck!
People are poison. Fuck them. Literally and figuratively. Idiots exist to waste your time and you are an even bigger idiot if you entertain them or validate their existence.
So, that's it for now. 15kg is roughly 37.5% of my targeted weight loss. I don't even give a shit about the Kilos for Cash anymore. This obsession goes beyond winning an iPad. I'm going all the way
The good news is, I aim to achieve a 40kg weight loss over a period of 2 years and it has only been 3 months. I have 21 months to go, in order to become an underwear model.
I am contemplating learning how to swim or improve my coordination through ballroom dancing. Most probably, I'll just stick to the gym, but you never know. Cause I don't give a fuck!
After almost 100 days, I have lost between 12-15kg. The difference is usually seen when I go and weigh myself at the gym before and after workout sessions. I guess I'll take the 15kg number because it is bigger and also last week's figure.
STRATEGY
I started on this journey to win the Kilos for Cash programme at Media Prima Berhad - the company where I work. It all started with research as I believe in the GI Joe motto - 'knowing is half the battle'.
Lots of people gave advice - some legit, some stupid. Even cab drivers were giving me advice. I can tell you that I steered clear from fad diets and stayed true to a conventional high-fibre, low-carb diet which worked for me a few years ago. Different diets work differently for different people, and having found something that works for me, I'm not about to switch.
Some diets also have the potential of making you sick. The Dukan Diet, for example, is a high-protein diet that - if done improperly - can allegedly cause liver or kidney failure by the build-up of ketones in the body.
The popular Atkins diet, to me, is not sustainable. Missing out on carbs altogether can have averse effects on your body and mental health.
I believe that any diet system must be sustainable. Ask yourself - can I stay on this diet for the rest of my life? Can I eat oats forever?
The statistics are grim. Only 2% of fat people who lost weight will maintain their weight-loss, as the rest will go back to their stupid high-cholesterol eating habits, porking on bullshit until they get fat again.
This is why it is imperative to find a diet that works for you, and it has to work for you, forever. Once you start, you can NEVER, EVER, go back to stuffing your face with rice, bread, cakes, sweets and whatever else. Yo-yo-ing can kill you.
MEALS
I start with a high-fibre breakfast, usually rolled oats in soy milk. I discovered that rolled oats are better than normal oats, though the more expensive steel-milled oats are the best. Rolled oats require soaking overnight, to get it into a pre-digested state. Its taste depends on what you eat it with. I find soy milk, fruits and almonds to be quite good, as long as the fruit is not durian.
Lunch is a normal affair, with half-portions of rice and double vegetables, with a meat side dish. Sometimes, I take Subway sandwiches. The effective Subway sandwich is one with lots of lettuce and no dressing. I'd prefer the balsamic vinegar, but most or all of Subway chains do not have any vinegar, so I go without.
Dinner is very important and I have settled on oatmeal with the traditional 'sambal hitam' - one of my mother's specialty. Sambal hitam is a Pahang dish that can be stored for three months without spoiling. It is made from anchovies, pickled starfruit and a bunch of spices. I got my mother to do a low-oil, low-cholesterol version on the second day of Raya and the supply is now safely in my freezer back in KL. The wonderful salty, spicy and sour taste though, ensures that I will probably run out of the thing very soon.
The idea is to eat oatmeal with any dish I want, treating it as a replacement for rice. I do have brown rice and brown rice vermicelli, but only on weekends, for a treat, because they don't work as well as oats. I have eaten oats with powdered milk and sugar; oats with chili chicken, chili beef, curried beef, beef with salt and tumeric; oats with stir-fried vegetables; oats with rendang; oats with anchovies and many, many Malaysian delicacies.
I drink between 5-6 litres of water every day, and I sweat it out at the gym four times a week. That's FOUR times, a week, motherfucker!
EXERCISE
My exercise regiment is simple. 60 minutes cardio workout on a low-impact machine and then, currently, 70 crunches followed by 70 reps at any other machine I feel like doing. If I have done my legs on Monday, I will do my chest and shoulders on Tuesday, allowing my legs to recover.
Cardio is the most important part of weight-loss. Modern machines allow you to monitor heart rate, which is a great help. I'm 32 years old, which means my effective aerobic heart rate is between 150-165 beats per minute. The first 10-20 minutes is simply to get the heart to this level. Then I burn for 40 minutes and cool down.
At first, I only managed 23 minutes on the damn thing. Now, I do 60 minutes non-stop. The key is breathing. I am conscious of my breathing at all times, and I practice a modified diaphragmic or diaphragmatic breathing for physical action. That's when you use deep-breathing with your belly or abdomen.
I got this from Wikipedia:
This deep breathing is marked by expansion of the abdomen rather than the chest when breathing. It is considered by some to be a healthier and fuller way to ingest oxygen[1], and is sometimes used as a therapy for hyperventilation, anxiety disorders and stuttering.I discovered this old technique years ago, when I was depressed and had insomnia for three years. It also works for exercising as it impedes the build-up of lactic acid - the reason we are tired.
Having a breathing technique also forces a rhythm to your actions, and all exercise is, is just repetitive, sustained, rhythmic simple actions done over a period of time.
MENTAL MILITIA
The hardest part of any weight-loss regime is the mental aspect of it. If you're a spoiled whiner, or a cheater, then fuck you.
Using my Buddha powers, I have constructed a one-with-everything acceptance philosophy which I pepper with Anime-inspired determination, resulting in a 'flowing iron will'.
If you fight anything, it becomes stronger, so the best approach is to become space. Nobody and nothing can fight space. If you become space, there is nothing you cannot do, because you don't even exist and nothing really matters. You just don't give a fuck!
People are poison. Fuck them. Literally and figuratively. Idiots exist to waste your time and you are an even bigger idiot if you entertain them or validate their existence.
So, that's it for now. 15kg is roughly 37.5% of my targeted weight loss. I don't even give a shit about the Kilos for Cash anymore. This obsession goes beyond winning an iPad. I'm going all the way
The good news is, I aim to achieve a 40kg weight loss over a period of 2 years and it has only been 3 months. I have 21 months to go, in order to become an underwear model.
I am contemplating learning how to swim or improve my coordination through ballroom dancing. Most probably, I'll just stick to the gym, but you never know. Cause I don't give a fuck!
The End
Went out with a friend just now and we spoke about dreams, among other things.
I told him that I have discarded any and all ambitions. I have no desire to rule the country, or to be someone 'important'; I don't even want to save anyone anymore - which is a hard thing because I have a superhero complex.
I don't even care about telling or showing people they are wrong. My vengeance to any and all wrongs - imagined or real - I have put behind me.
The only thing I have left, the only thing I want in life, is freedom.
I want RM2 million, so I could finally say goodbye to everything else which I believe are in the way of my real, true passion - writing.
With RM2 million, I would use RM600,000 to pay taxes and all my debts, which is not much. That leaves me RM1.4 million. I'll invest the one million in whatever. With the best performing unit trusts achieving 20-60 % returns, I am confident that a varied portfolio with a good spread can net me at least 10%.
The RM400,000, I would use to fund my simple lifestyle back in Kuantan, near the Lynas plant, in the swamp or by the beach. Maybe get a horse, for exercise purposes.
RM400,000 would be enough for me for around 4-5 years, living a simple, carefree life. By the time the money is used up, I will get another refill from the RM1 million, amounting to around the same sum. And we start the process again.
With my free time, I will sit down and write like a motherfucker. I'll write short stories, novels, movies and TV scripts and I'll finally write comics. I'll buy books and read them.
I have no desire to show off, to make more money than the RM2 million, no need to boast or do the dumb shit people with money often demonstrate. I don't fancy big cars - in fact, I don't fancy cars at all.
I just want to be left alone, with my books, my computers and a steady, reliable, fast Internet connection. My Pensonic stove, my tenderloin beef, my cooking experiments, my old games and my comic books.
I want to be alone, so I can think and meditate and exercise. If I can, I'll help out some people. If it's beyond me, then I won't.
That's all I ever wanted.
Some people, when I tell them this dream - the only one I have left - would look at me as if I'm stupid. Because they already have RM2 million, that it's achievable and too low a target. I appreciate the fact that my friend listened without judgment.
I have no grand aspirations and since I don't really give a fuck what people think, I have no desire to impress anyone. I also know what is enough, and my greed extends no further than this paltry sum.
Getting it, is a puzzle. This is the what. The hows are a bit more vague.
However, rest assured that as soon as I hit RM2 million - cash - I will finally disappear from the rat race and focus entirely on writing till the day I die.
And that, would be my ending. With lots of sex thrown in for good measure.
I told him that I have discarded any and all ambitions. I have no desire to rule the country, or to be someone 'important'; I don't even want to save anyone anymore - which is a hard thing because I have a superhero complex.
I don't even care about telling or showing people they are wrong. My vengeance to any and all wrongs - imagined or real - I have put behind me.
The only thing I have left, the only thing I want in life, is freedom.
I want RM2 million, so I could finally say goodbye to everything else which I believe are in the way of my real, true passion - writing.
With RM2 million, I would use RM600,000 to pay taxes and all my debts, which is not much. That leaves me RM1.4 million. I'll invest the one million in whatever. With the best performing unit trusts achieving 20-60 % returns, I am confident that a varied portfolio with a good spread can net me at least 10%.
The RM400,000, I would use to fund my simple lifestyle back in Kuantan, near the Lynas plant, in the swamp or by the beach. Maybe get a horse, for exercise purposes.
RM400,000 would be enough for me for around 4-5 years, living a simple, carefree life. By the time the money is used up, I will get another refill from the RM1 million, amounting to around the same sum. And we start the process again.
With my free time, I will sit down and write like a motherfucker. I'll write short stories, novels, movies and TV scripts and I'll finally write comics. I'll buy books and read them.
I have no desire to show off, to make more money than the RM2 million, no need to boast or do the dumb shit people with money often demonstrate. I don't fancy big cars - in fact, I don't fancy cars at all.
I just want to be left alone, with my books, my computers and a steady, reliable, fast Internet connection. My Pensonic stove, my tenderloin beef, my cooking experiments, my old games and my comic books.
I want to be alone, so I can think and meditate and exercise. If I can, I'll help out some people. If it's beyond me, then I won't.
That's all I ever wanted.
Some people, when I tell them this dream - the only one I have left - would look at me as if I'm stupid. Because they already have RM2 million, that it's achievable and too low a target. I appreciate the fact that my friend listened without judgment.
I have no grand aspirations and since I don't really give a fuck what people think, I have no desire to impress anyone. I also know what is enough, and my greed extends no further than this paltry sum.
Getting it, is a puzzle. This is the what. The hows are a bit more vague.
However, rest assured that as soon as I hit RM2 million - cash - I will finally disappear from the rat race and focus entirely on writing till the day I die.
And that, would be my ending. With lots of sex thrown in for good measure.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Selamat Hari Raya!
Okay, that's it for now. I'm going to Kuantan in just a few minutes. Internet coverage at my swamp is wonky, so I'll probably update the blog next week.
This is a short video we did on the fly for Gua and Tonton, featuring celebrities such as Datuk Siti Nurhaliza, Hazama and Zizan, plus many more.
Have a safe Eid. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Maaf Zahir Batin!
Interracial Fucking to Safeguard Malaysia's Future
Caption: PICTURE IS UNRELATED
As a Founding Father of the United States of America (I believe they call me John Quincy Adams or Quincy Jones over there), I often wonder about Malaysia. Some people believe that the future would be religion, that there is no other way for political parties to go other than converge on the same point, or facilitate a warring period so that a single, dominant culture emerges.
The problem is that Malaysia is unique. 60% are bumiputras - a small majority, if you could believe that term, which is further divided into smaller sections, groups and sub-groups. Bumiputras are basically Han Chinese on a smaller scale. The whole nation does not speak a single language properly - not like the Indonesians - we learn different things in different school systems, we eat, talk differently. And we're not as all-embracing as Canadians.
We are too far divided as a people and a nation to be a single, cohesive unit. Something has got to give and one of the things that could be a solution is violence. Lots of it. To avert this violence, I would like to advocate interracial fucking, a theory I revisit in order to save all of humanity.
The late Yasmin Ahmad said that we cannot hate anyone whose race we had sex with. Or any race of which a member of we had sex with. The wording is a bit difficult, so I will simplify - if you fuck someone, you will not be able to hate his or her race. Because at some point, you loved that race by banging his or her privates.
I believe this solution - love, instead of violence - is the way forward. By promoting interracial fucking, we will create the next step in human evolution - ME. I am the product of interracial fucking and look how I turned out - handsome, extremely intelligent and am in fact the greatest mind of the 21st Century.
Having mixed genes means I am more resilient to disease, a fact proven by science. I think.
Interracial fucking also has socio-economic benefits. If we start interracially fucking each other from today, every day, by 2023, we would have created a society of 98% Bumiputeras and 2% racists. All of us will speak the same language, follow the same religion and practice the same culture - as defined by the Constitution.
Everyone will enjoy the same rights as Bumiputeras and there will be no more disputes over anything. It will be a utopian society unprecedented by human history.
Since all Bumiputeras are millionaires because of special bumi rights, everyone in Malaysia will be millionaires by 2023.
Peace. Money. And lots of sex. These are three things promised by interracial fucking. I believe it is a sustainable solution that could pave way for Malaysia to overtake China in a long-term race to the finish line - Armageddon.
114A - An Inconvenient Issue
In short, I am still split. But I believe good things have come out of this.
It has been an eventful year for me, full of ups and downs and the lesson for this year, which is THE lesson every year, is to relax. Especially to the Government. No matter what they decide on this thing, the Government should have one voice and the channels reporting that voice should also be clear.
Remember Lynas? I believe the radioactive bullshit spin by PR worked to a small degree because there was very little info coming out in a digestible, easy-to-understand communique. Screaming and yelling at people, calling them retards would not work as successfully as proper engagement and explanation. The condescending tactics work for only a small section of the people.
The 114A issue, like my year, and sometimes my dick, was also full of ups and downs. Mostly up, actually - also like my dick. For the first time ever, I saw a bunch of people taking interest in something as uncool as the legislature, and how our system works.
Drowning in porn, I didn't give a shit, and so did many of you online right now. But you're listening, right? Some of you are. Not to me - but to the issue.
Granted, most of my observations are made based on social media - and regardless of how many fake followers you have, it is still not an accurate representation of the entire Malaysian population.
That being said, there are real people behind all those names and they have a reach and a network which cannot be ignored. And some of them are quite hot. There are days when I stalk some hot chicks and see the online footprint they left over the years, hoping that some naked pix or porn videos show up, submitted to certain online services by disgruntled boyfriends or husbands.
"Melayu bogel" is a crude search term and totally inappropriate for decent company.
I much prefer the idea of an interactive Government that engages people, crowd sources information and feedback rather than the old version which gambles on getting the right man for the right focus group. Dr M has been a success, in my book, but some others not so.
Back to 114A, everything boils down to a few things:
1. The section is, in my opinion and a few others, a bit too vague and a blanket thing which does encroach on civil liberties. Hearing things from many sources, I concur with some so-far silent parties such as Sore Throat's group who believe there should be a bylaw properly defining liabilities.
2. The accountability of the evidence is not the same as accountability of the crime. So, the equally blanket term used by some opponents, that this section creates "presumed guilt before innocence" is, in my opinion, an over-simplification or Hollywoodisation. That being said, a statement that is closer to the truth is perhaps "presumed accountability of evidence before innocence" which, if we have evil, cunning people in this country, could perhaps be manipulated for injustice or at the very least cause inconvenience to people. Of course, everyone in Malaysia plays nice.
3. Lack of communication. It was not specified what this thing is for. Rumour has it that there could be some cases that would require this law in order to even be investigated. I believe the law people should make clear what this thing will be used for, and how it will be used, thus limiting the cause for speculation - some wild and some not so wild.
4. The unique nature of the Internet. I do not believe that the new media works the same way as traditional media. Therefore, placing the same or similar laws on the Internet as they would on mainstream, may or may not work.
For example, much has been made of tracking IP addresses and server logs and things with molecular structure and this is my boomstick. However, there are ways to go around these things and tampering of evidence is a serious concern. I can think of several ways to try and take advantage of this thing, on how to abuse it and cause lots of mischief. Not convictions, just mischief and mayhem. Granted, I am a novice and proper tech people should be consulted.
5. Faith and trust. Another core matter is our faith in the system as well as our trust in people. This new section will not be abused if nobody tries to do so. Or if any section of our legal system do their jobs properly. I do not believe the AG loses sleep at night, thinking of ways to screw me over. While being handsome, I am insignificant compared to other suspected terrorists such as Mas Selamat, who in my opinion is less handsome. Did I say other, suspected terrorists? I meant, other public figures such as Mas Selamat.
That being said, I have a natural distrust of people. I am unsure that having 114A will not result in it being misused, towards any capacity. Even a small one would be enough of an inconvenience.
In the end, I believe this question sums up my thoughts on the issue: Would you trade your civil liberties - even if a tiny fraction - for the fight against real crimes such as libel and sedition?
It is a debate that is carried by the series 24. We want Jack Bauer to fuck this or that terrorist up, but it's against civil liberties and in some cases human decency. In real life, no, but in fiction, yes? So, where do we stand?
This is a personal, subjective thing. An example is our ICs, which is an encroachment of our civil liberties, freedom, etc, and has caused inconveniences to some people, but has been very good in getting petrol subsidies or for laughing at photos of our friends when they were younger and had stupid hair.
For me, I stand by my original shit, which is for protecting our liberties and our freedom. As a founding father of the United States of America, I am unwilling to trade it for anything else. Not even porn. Well, maybe for US$400 million, but nobody but me values it that high.
I believe there should at least be further discussion on the issue, by learned people, policy makers, law dudes and techno thought leaders, with less politicking and observation of party lines, but more for the interest of citizens of the country, protecting our freedom, liberties and safety.
It is not an easy issue, and I believe racing to support one side or the other is not in the best interest of anyone. Especially the Government.
When I heard rumours of the Cabinet not willing to discuss 114A after the PM said they will, I thought, "Holy shit, we have a real democracy?" Of course people jumped on the news - hysterically, both humorous and that other definition.
Then it was clarified by another news source that the Cabinet is discussing it very seriously, and I thought, "Man, I am so cool because I did not react."
Whatever it is they do with this, I hope they get it right.
One last thing is, party line. I have seen that the tendency for people is to react one way or another to toe party, panty or populist lines. Fine. But I hope one day we can make our decisions not based on our labels or brands that we carry or promote, but more on reason and discourse.
I have been quite serious in this issue, and I do not apologise. Internet freedom is something very dear to me and the very idea of a Government that listens to voices usually unheard or even engages with the people at the bottom of the food chain shows me a glint of possibility that we can do away with traditional politics. Maybe one day, we won't even need an Opposition. The Government can speak directly to the people, and we can forward our queries and concerns to our representatives, over new media, sans dick jokes.
It is already happening, on many different levels, and perhaps the most important thing is to keep channels open, safe and secure for now.
It has been an eventful year for me, full of ups and downs and the lesson for this year, which is THE lesson every year, is to relax. Especially to the Government. No matter what they decide on this thing, the Government should have one voice and the channels reporting that voice should also be clear.
Remember Lynas? I believe the radioactive bullshit spin by PR worked to a small degree because there was very little info coming out in a digestible, easy-to-understand communique. Screaming and yelling at people, calling them retards would not work as successfully as proper engagement and explanation. The condescending tactics work for only a small section of the people.
The 114A issue, like my year, and sometimes my dick, was also full of ups and downs. Mostly up, actually - also like my dick. For the first time ever, I saw a bunch of people taking interest in something as uncool as the legislature, and how our system works.
Drowning in porn, I didn't give a shit, and so did many of you online right now. But you're listening, right? Some of you are. Not to me - but to the issue.
Granted, most of my observations are made based on social media - and regardless of how many fake followers you have, it is still not an accurate representation of the entire Malaysian population.
That being said, there are real people behind all those names and they have a reach and a network which cannot be ignored. And some of them are quite hot. There are days when I stalk some hot chicks and see the online footprint they left over the years, hoping that some naked pix or porn videos show up, submitted to certain online services by disgruntled boyfriends or husbands.
"Melayu bogel" is a crude search term and totally inappropriate for decent company.
I much prefer the idea of an interactive Government that engages people, crowd sources information and feedback rather than the old version which gambles on getting the right man for the right focus group. Dr M has been a success, in my book, but some others not so.
Back to 114A, everything boils down to a few things:
1. The section is, in my opinion and a few others, a bit too vague and a blanket thing which does encroach on civil liberties. Hearing things from many sources, I concur with some so-far silent parties such as Sore Throat's group who believe there should be a bylaw properly defining liabilities.
2. The accountability of the evidence is not the same as accountability of the crime. So, the equally blanket term used by some opponents, that this section creates "presumed guilt before innocence" is, in my opinion, an over-simplification or Hollywoodisation. That being said, a statement that is closer to the truth is perhaps "presumed accountability of evidence before innocence" which, if we have evil, cunning people in this country, could perhaps be manipulated for injustice or at the very least cause inconvenience to people. Of course, everyone in Malaysia plays nice.
3. Lack of communication. It was not specified what this thing is for. Rumour has it that there could be some cases that would require this law in order to even be investigated. I believe the law people should make clear what this thing will be used for, and how it will be used, thus limiting the cause for speculation - some wild and some not so wild.
4. The unique nature of the Internet. I do not believe that the new media works the same way as traditional media. Therefore, placing the same or similar laws on the Internet as they would on mainstream, may or may not work.
For example, much has been made of tracking IP addresses and server logs and things with molecular structure and this is my boomstick. However, there are ways to go around these things and tampering of evidence is a serious concern. I can think of several ways to try and take advantage of this thing, on how to abuse it and cause lots of mischief. Not convictions, just mischief and mayhem. Granted, I am a novice and proper tech people should be consulted.
5. Faith and trust. Another core matter is our faith in the system as well as our trust in people. This new section will not be abused if nobody tries to do so. Or if any section of our legal system do their jobs properly. I do not believe the AG loses sleep at night, thinking of ways to screw me over. While being handsome, I am insignificant compared to other suspected terrorists such as Mas Selamat, who in my opinion is less handsome. Did I say other, suspected terrorists? I meant, other public figures such as Mas Selamat.
That being said, I have a natural distrust of people. I am unsure that having 114A will not result in it being misused, towards any capacity. Even a small one would be enough of an inconvenience.
In the end, I believe this question sums up my thoughts on the issue: Would you trade your civil liberties - even if a tiny fraction - for the fight against real crimes such as libel and sedition?
It is a debate that is carried by the series 24. We want Jack Bauer to fuck this or that terrorist up, but it's against civil liberties and in some cases human decency. In real life, no, but in fiction, yes? So, where do we stand?
This is a personal, subjective thing. An example is our ICs, which is an encroachment of our civil liberties, freedom, etc, and has caused inconveniences to some people, but has been very good in getting petrol subsidies or for laughing at photos of our friends when they were younger and had stupid hair.
For me, I stand by my original shit, which is for protecting our liberties and our freedom. As a founding father of the United States of America, I am unwilling to trade it for anything else. Not even porn. Well, maybe for US$400 million, but nobody but me values it that high.
I believe there should at least be further discussion on the issue, by learned people, policy makers, law dudes and techno thought leaders, with less politicking and observation of party lines, but more for the interest of citizens of the country, protecting our freedom, liberties and safety.
It is not an easy issue, and I believe racing to support one side or the other is not in the best interest of anyone. Especially the Government.
When I heard rumours of the Cabinet not willing to discuss 114A after the PM said they will, I thought, "Holy shit, we have a real democracy?" Of course people jumped on the news - hysterically, both humorous and that other definition.
Then it was clarified by another news source that the Cabinet is discussing it very seriously, and I thought, "Man, I am so cool because I did not react."
Whatever it is they do with this, I hope they get it right.
One last thing is, party line. I have seen that the tendency for people is to react one way or another to toe party, panty or populist lines. Fine. But I hope one day we can make our decisions not based on our labels or brands that we carry or promote, but more on reason and discourse.
I have been quite serious in this issue, and I do not apologise. Internet freedom is something very dear to me and the very idea of a Government that listens to voices usually unheard or even engages with the people at the bottom of the food chain shows me a glint of possibility that we can do away with traditional politics. Maybe one day, we won't even need an Opposition. The Government can speak directly to the people, and we can forward our queries and concerns to our representatives, over new media, sans dick jokes.
It is already happening, on many different levels, and perhaps the most important thing is to keep channels open, safe and secure for now.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
114A Issue is a Lady-Boy
This issue, the 114A Evidence Act amendment or the Act 1432 Evidence (Amendment)(No.2) Act 2012 debate brewing online is a kathoey or lady-boy.
For those unfamiliar with Thai culture or the Thai sex industry, a kathoey or a lady-boy is also known as either a hermaphrodite, a pre-op drag queen or even a 'chick with a dick'. In fact, in Thailand, there are three recognised genders - male, female and everything else that are not these two, is kathoey.
For those unfamiliar with Thai culture or the Thai sex industry, a kathoey or a lady-boy is also known as either a hermaphrodite, a pre-op drag queen or even a 'chick with a dick'. In fact, in Thailand, there are three recognised genders - male, female and everything else that are not these two, is kathoey.
Nong Thoom: She can kick your ass and lick it at the same time
The reason is this issue is fairly divisive even from the most logical standpoint, and being the most logical person in the world today, I am equally split between the two.
Before we go any further, a disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, but have watched Boston Legal, LA Law, The Practice as well as Law and Order on TV. Anything I say may be wrong in parts or completely off the mark. My sources are people I know on Twitter as well as a mysterious source who called me up just now whom I shall only name as Sore Throat. More on him later.
Let's look at the bloody thing first.
For those confused with the names still, 114A is a new section under Act 1432. Let's look at Act 1432 first.
According to a source on Twitter, the Evidence Act is widely used in all legal shit. It is something that affects any and all cases that has any evidence.
It is not a law that would - as some people put it - allow the Government (be it BN or Pakatan) to hunt us down and shoot us with mutant-gene-neutralising tranquilizer.
The new section, 114A, however, is sneakily amending this evidence law so that they can at first pin responsibility and accountability of media content on the 'supposed' owner or publisher of a publication or website.
This means that if there is a blog called 'DatukSeriUtamaRaisYatimLovesDinosaurs.wordpress.com', it would be assumed - according to this new section 114A - that indeed, Datuk Seri Utama Rais Yatim has a Wordpress blog and it seems like he likes dinosaurs. I wonder why?
NOTE: I don't think Datuk Seri Utama Rais Yatim has anything to do with this, but I find the fact that Datuk Seri Utama Rais Yatim having a liking for giant lizards to be quite funny and cute and in no way disrespectful for such a learned man.
Anyway, say one day, a person using the moniker ILoveAnal were to post an incendiary, seditious comment condemning the Agong (which could amount to treason, according to Malaysian law) on DatukSeriUtamaRaisYatimLovesDinosaurs.wordpress.com, and if a report was lodged, yadda yadda yadda, and after an investigation, the person who would be assumed to have posted the offending remark - again, according to 114A - is indeed Datuk Seri Utama Rais Yatim.
But... how can this be? Say Rais goes to court and proves that:
1. He is not ILoveAnal and in fact, he doesn't like anal at all. He does this by proving that while the comment was posted, he was elsewhere watching the movie Ice Age 4.
2. He does not have a blog and DatukSeriUtamaRaisYatimLovesDinosaurs.wordpress.com is not his, by virtue of recorded IP addresses, all of which are not his.
Then THEORETICALLY, he has proven that he has nothing to do with the case. End of story, right? Fuck the legal costs, the time spent, the opportunities lost by our dear good ol' Rais, etc, etc.
Well, have a look at this:
The full infographic is here. It seems that it goes even beyond that, as suggested by the infographics. Is this true?
Well, after talking to quite a number of lawyers (1, non-practising) and judges (0, actually), I have made my own conclusion that it depends on how it is used - or abused - by any party.
There are lots of laws and legal shit that can be misused by almost anyone in this country - inherited legacy laws from days of old which has nothing to do with modern times such as the wife imprisonment/abduction something-something law which was featured quite recently in a high-profile case involving a celebrity who is also a dear friend of mine. (See? I hang out with celebrities! I'm so fucking cool!).
The thing is, we all have to trust ourselves in not misusing or abusing this law - AND ANY OTHER LAW - by lodging lawsuits against journalists, bloggers, the mamak shop and against Mark Zuckerberg. Poor Zuckerberg has less money now than he did earlier this year - ON PAPER. In reality, he actually has more money than before, so fuck him.
Another thing is the assuming shit. This is what people are pissed off about. How can a law assume shit? Can I go to your house and assume your wife wants to suck my dick? How about your 19 year-old daughter? Can I assume that she wants to be gang-banged in the ass by well-oiled Turks?
Some people say that the law assumes guilt before innocence. Two problems here:
1. In order for anyone to be guilty, there should be a crime to associate that guilt with. If there is no crime, indeed, no one will need to worry. If your blog is about dinosaurs, who gives a shit? This narrows down those potentially affected by this law to people some other, more powerful people want to fuck. Should we allow them? I don't know - are they hot?
2. If indeed true, that the section assumes guilt before innocence, then we're fucked! RUNNNN! RUNNN! But... does any other Malaysian law assume guilt before innocence? I dunno. I'm not a lawyer, hence I have a better chance of not going to hell.
Those who believe the section would do more good than bad are saying:
1. Most of us will not be affected. Maybe because Malaysians - even evil ones - are lazy.
2. If you do get assumed to be an offender, it is easy to prove that you are not so-and-so because IPs are recorded, the Facebook accounts are not yours, etc.
3. If you didn't do any crime, there's nothing to worry about.
4. This will force responsibility and accountability online. If you own any account anywhere or any website, you have to be more responsible and take ownership for anything that comes out, as if you own a gun, you would have to be responsible for the gun. It will result in a more mature online community, blablabla, etc, etc.
While considering all these facts, I received communication in digital format from someone I will only call Sore Throat.
Sore Throat said that this law is already in the States, that in fact 114A mimics that law, but the difference is that there is a bylaw that defines and differentiates between publisher of comments and publisher of websites, with different liabilities each definition carries.
I told him that we have a precedent, when some people left offensive comments on the Sultan of Perak's online guestbook. Remember that? Here's the link to that story.
With 114A coming into effect, if something similar happened, would the Sultan of Perak be assumed as the one who posted those comments?
And that case was a landmark one because according to The Star report, the dude was "the first person to be convicted in the summons case under the Multimedia and Communications Act 1998."
So, does 114A, under Act 1432 supersede Multimedia and Communications Act 1998?
Sore Throat believes that there should be either a bylaw to differentiate roles and accountability or the Multimedia and Communications Act 1998 be imposed instead.
I believe that doing either one will make 114A useless.
And that is why I believe 114A under Act 1432 to be a kathoey - there are some benefits from it, but there are huge negatives as well. This is not a popular stand because I now can't join either side of the argument for moreh.
We shall see how this new thing is used - or abused - before knowing its full impact. I just hope that no one pays the price for that, unjustly.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Missing the Point (and Medals)
Though I have never cared for all three sports - badminton, cycling and diving - I watched Datuk Lee Chong Wei, Azizul Awang and Pandalela do their absolute best to try and make us proud last week at the Olympics.
As I watched them, tears ran down my face. Yes, I was crying like a bitch. And I don't give a flying fuck.
While watching Pandelela Rinong go above and beyond to win the bronze medal in diving at the London Olympics last week, I realised how great the production of the Olympics was. How good their reporters were, how evolved their societies and civilisations are compared to some monkeys we have here. That bit later.
The commentators did not focus much on the champion, that Chinese lass - because her story was boring. She's the best in the world, and she was going to win. Instead, they focused on the fight for second and third place, on all these other athletes who were fighting for their lives, with around just 2 points separating second and 10th.
This, shows what the Olympics is about. It's about stories.
It's not about medals, not about who won or lost - that's for Microsoft Excel. The thing about the Olympics is not the medal tally. Do you remember how many medals China or the US got last Olympics? Do you even care?
I bet most Malaysians can't even remember how many medals we've won (six) or who won them. For posterity's sake, and for those who are too lazy to go to Wikipedia, they are:
Razif & Jailani Sidek(bronze, Barcelona 1992, Cheah Soon Kit & Yap Kim Hock (silver, Atlanta 1996), Rashid Sidek (bronze, Atlanta 1996), Lee Chong Wei (Silver, Beijing 2008, Silver, London 2012), Pandelela Rinong (Bronze, London 2012).
But who cares? The Olympics is not really about all that. The world is not that shallow. It's about stories.
For example, I will never forget this guy:
That's Oscar Pistorius. He doesn't have legs - motherfucker doesn't have legs! - and he competes at the highest level. At the fucking highest level of human aspiration. ONE OF the fastest men in the world.
I mean, fuck Usain Bolt, he's got two legs! This guy has none, man! And he can run faster than any of you (unless you're Usain Bolt and you're reading this and in which case, IN YOUR FACE!)!
Again, the Olympics is not about aspirations for gold, or silver. It is about the human spirit. It's about doing and achieving your best, pushing barriers beyond what humans believed possible.
How many world records have been broken at the Olympics? A lot, right? Why? Because when you compete with the best in the world, you bring up your own game. If breaking records was just an individual thing, Usain Bolt might as well just run outside his house in Jamaica with an official holding the stopwatch.
So, it saddens me when people - Malaysians - like Susan Loone, Manoharan (who has since apologised for being a twit), 'Cut-Off-My-Dick-If-Pandelela-Wins-Guy' and Utusan's Ku Seman Ku Husin miss the point entirely.
Ku Seman wrote, saying there's no point Malaysia keeps sending athletes if we keep losing. Susan Loone said on Facebook we only produce athletes who are mediocre.
Hello? Winning silver at the Olympics is NOT mediocre. Lee Chong Wei is not the best in the world at the Olympics, Lin Dan is, cause that one won gold. He's number two. NUMBER TWO! Number two is not mediocre. Of over seven billion people, Lee is number two. Number two is fucking awesome.
You know what's mediocre, by this standard? People who can't even compete at the Olympics. People who can't even qualify for the nationals. People like Susan Loone. If Lee Chong Wei is number two, what number is Susan Loone? Number 7 billion and a half? What kind of medal would that get you? Dried shit on a string of semen?
Who is mediocre? People like me and you - regular joes who probably suck at badminton - I know I suck at it. We are most of us mediocre at badminton.
Manoharan has apologised, so fuck him. The guy who said he would cut off his dick still has his dick. I hope every time he pees or fucks, he would thank the LAWD! Thank the Almighty God that he still has his wiener and that Pandelela didn't dive from his roof and do a triple spinning backflip somersault or something and rip his dick off.
Ku Seman focused on politics in sports in his article. Admittedly, he has a point. Politics ruin everything. Everything that politics touches, gets ruined. There are ways for sports to be developed with minimal intrusion from politics, but that is for more learned people to talk about. I know porn, but I don't know jack shit about sports administration.
But to say that we might as well give up cause we didn't win gold and may never win it? Dude, I just watched on YouTube a man with no legs make it to the semi-finals the goddamn Olympics. Not the Paralympics, the real goddamn best in the world Olympics. Fuck you.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
A Brief History of Porn: The Age of the Laser Disc
Pagers, telext machines, fax machines are all intermediary devices, clunky, awkward amphibians in the evolution of things, barely straddling any era or period of time.
I include fax machines because I FUCKING HATE fax machines. Fax machines are the most evil things every invented.
Anyway, another intermediary thing, was the laser disc. Laser discs are these huge, fucking HUGE discs that store as much information as a HUGE compact disc. People swear by its superior quality, but fuck that. It was too fucking huge.
When I was a high school kid, there were these places where you could rent rooms that had laser disc machines and we'd watch movies. Actually, we'd watch porn.
The only reason for us kids to go to stupid laser disc shops was to watch porn. Mostly tame three star ones, there were some hardcore shit. My preference, though, was with softcore porn.
I wasn't really into LD, but there were times when a few of us would rent a room for 12 people and after 5 minutes, we'd turn around and see over 40 kids have joined us.
The quality of softcore porn from the '80s and '90s have dropped in the States. The reason is that since porn moved from cinemas to the home videos, using VHS, there was no reason for any production value, acting or even a cohesive storyline.
People just wanted to masturbate in the privacy of their own homes. Porn drove the adoption and flourishing of VHS as well as VCR technology, hence forcing ALL other media to adopt the standard. Therefore, we can safely surmise that wanking pushed the envelope of technology forward.
When you put your smartphone to the side of your face, remember that a throbbing dick had a hand in putting it there.
The softcore porn of the '80s and '90s sucked really bad that even local productions (which were mostly NOT porn) seemed Kubrickian or Spielbergese in comparison.
I remember watching a scene where a guy was riding a motorcycle. It was obviously in a studio, which could be in a warehouse in Nebraska or some shit, and to simulate an accident, he simply got off the bike.
He didn't fall off it, he didn't jiggle it around, they just had him get off the bike, which was still a stationary Harley and did not fall down or anything despite sound effects suggesting a huge crash.
Then there was this softcore fare where they had some budget thrown at a car exploding. Cool, right? NO. Bam! Rhetorical question, dipshit!
They showed a stationary car, obviously a discarded shell they found at a garbage site somewhere, and it just exploded into an unimpressive ball of flames. Unimpressive because the budget perhaps covered only half a tank of gasoline.
And then, they showed these people - obviously dressed in cheap rented tux and wedding dresses, on a square picnic mat by the roadside, nursing their non-explosive related injuries.
With no explanation as to the cause of the accident, the motivations of the characters, their secret superhero origins or whatever conflict we were supposed to follow, they started making out. Bloodied and all, on a square picnic mat, by the roadside, with a half-burning car behind them.
I was like, what the fuck, man, let's play Caligula again.
Anyway, talking of stupid porn intros, this must be the worst:
Hollywood and their sex industry often take liberties with physics and logic, but to smash a tennis ball so it would be embedded on someone's face would also require the face to be smashed into lasagna.
And last time I checked, even porn stars knew that the lungs are not connected to the vagina, and that a trauma to the head does not necessarily require CPR. On the vagina.
The reaction of the actors were also extremely bad and is only slightly better than Keanu Reeves.
Yeah, I am glad to see Laser Discs going the way of telext machines and pagers. And I hope all copies of those stupid porn only existed as LD.
Finding some familiar stuff on YouTube, though, makes me kind of suspicious. Somewhere, someone is transferring these horrifying films into a more modern format and despite LD's age and stupidity, it was and still is a digital medium. Meaning converting it into watchable video would be easier than a Betamax or VHS.
I fear that one day we shall see these porn again. I just wish that I'll be dead before that happens.
I include fax machines because I FUCKING HATE fax machines. Fax machines are the most evil things every invented.
Anyway, another intermediary thing, was the laser disc. Laser discs are these huge, fucking HUGE discs that store as much information as a HUGE compact disc. People swear by its superior quality, but fuck that. It was too fucking huge.
When I was a high school kid, there were these places where you could rent rooms that had laser disc machines and we'd watch movies. Actually, we'd watch porn.
The only reason for us kids to go to stupid laser disc shops was to watch porn. Mostly tame three star ones, there were some hardcore shit. My preference, though, was with softcore porn.
I wasn't really into LD, but there were times when a few of us would rent a room for 12 people and after 5 minutes, we'd turn around and see over 40 kids have joined us.
The quality of softcore porn from the '80s and '90s have dropped in the States. The reason is that since porn moved from cinemas to the home videos, using VHS, there was no reason for any production value, acting or even a cohesive storyline.
People just wanted to masturbate in the privacy of their own homes. Porn drove the adoption and flourishing of VHS as well as VCR technology, hence forcing ALL other media to adopt the standard. Therefore, we can safely surmise that wanking pushed the envelope of technology forward.
When you put your smartphone to the side of your face, remember that a throbbing dick had a hand in putting it there.
The softcore porn of the '80s and '90s sucked really bad that even local productions (which were mostly NOT porn) seemed Kubrickian or Spielbergese in comparison.
I remember watching a scene where a guy was riding a motorcycle. It was obviously in a studio, which could be in a warehouse in Nebraska or some shit, and to simulate an accident, he simply got off the bike.
He didn't fall off it, he didn't jiggle it around, they just had him get off the bike, which was still a stationary Harley and did not fall down or anything despite sound effects suggesting a huge crash.
Then there was this softcore fare where they had some budget thrown at a car exploding. Cool, right? NO. Bam! Rhetorical question, dipshit!
They showed a stationary car, obviously a discarded shell they found at a garbage site somewhere, and it just exploded into an unimpressive ball of flames. Unimpressive because the budget perhaps covered only half a tank of gasoline.
And then, they showed these people - obviously dressed in cheap rented tux and wedding dresses, on a square picnic mat by the roadside, nursing their non-explosive related injuries.
With no explanation as to the cause of the accident, the motivations of the characters, their secret superhero origins or whatever conflict we were supposed to follow, they started making out. Bloodied and all, on a square picnic mat, by the roadside, with a half-burning car behind them.
I was like, what the fuck, man, let's play Caligula again.
Anyway, talking of stupid porn intros, this must be the worst:
Hollywood and their sex industry often take liberties with physics and logic, but to smash a tennis ball so it would be embedded on someone's face would also require the face to be smashed into lasagna.
And last time I checked, even porn stars knew that the lungs are not connected to the vagina, and that a trauma to the head does not necessarily require CPR. On the vagina.
The reaction of the actors were also extremely bad and is only slightly better than Keanu Reeves.
Yeah, I am glad to see Laser Discs going the way of telext machines and pagers. And I hope all copies of those stupid porn only existed as LD.
Finding some familiar stuff on YouTube, though, makes me kind of suspicious. Somewhere, someone is transferring these horrifying films into a more modern format and despite LD's age and stupidity, it was and still is a digital medium. Meaning converting it into watchable video would be easier than a Betamax or VHS.
I fear that one day we shall see these porn again. I just wish that I'll be dead before that happens.
Masturbation Overdrive
I am doing a very special project that marries some things I like talking about. However, I won't talk about that because it is still very hush-hush.
I had fun doing some bits, but am worried it's a bit discordant and random. The last time I saw something like this was with The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai.
The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai is a porn movie steeped with philosophy. A pseudo-intellectual porn, if you will. Filled with high-level, pretentious discussions on the human condition, symbolic imagery and lots of verbal wanking infused with boobs and dicks.
I find that is the true representation of philosophy - in the end, it's just a lot of wanking. Actually, most of the world is just wanking. Fiction is wanking. Non-fiction is wanking. Business is wanking. Every single thing in the world is just wanking.
The world is just one big joke, and instead of going against the flow of cock-jerkers, we should masturbate alongside it. We are all the all-wanking, all-masturbating hairless apes of the world.
And best to do it before first light.
I had fun doing some bits, but am worried it's a bit discordant and random. The last time I saw something like this was with The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai.
The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai is a porn movie steeped with philosophy. A pseudo-intellectual porn, if you will. Filled with high-level, pretentious discussions on the human condition, symbolic imagery and lots of verbal wanking infused with boobs and dicks.
I find that is the true representation of philosophy - in the end, it's just a lot of wanking. Actually, most of the world is just wanking. Fiction is wanking. Non-fiction is wanking. Business is wanking. Every single thing in the world is just wanking.
The world is just one big joke, and instead of going against the flow of cock-jerkers, we should masturbate alongside it. We are all the all-wanking, all-masturbating hairless apes of the world.
And best to do it before first light.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Saja Nak Kerek
Tadi, Sasterawan Negara A Samad Said menulis di Twitter:
Di tiang di tembok mega wajahnya, seorang saja kononnya pembela.
Aku pun jawab:
Ditendang ditumbuk, bengkak mukanya, badan ditahan, sebenarnya rela.
Gila hebat aku nih. Akulah makhluk paling sempurna ciptaan Tuhan dan evolusi.
Di tiang di tembok mega wajahnya, seorang saja kononnya pembela.
Aku pun jawab:
Ditendang ditumbuk, bengkak mukanya, badan ditahan, sebenarnya rela.
Gila hebat aku nih. Akulah makhluk paling sempurna ciptaan Tuhan dan evolusi.
The Dreaming
Instead of telling you what I want to do, I will do it. In full. And take you on that journey.
However, a plan must be laid out, of course. So here's my normal drivel.
I was 23 years old, in my last semester at college, when I decided, with the conviction that a 23-year-old usually has (not as stubborn as the conviction of an 8-year-old, but stronger than a 32-year-old's) to become a fiction writer.
Back when I was 14, I was very sure I would be a horror writer. However, the things I could think of and write were very scary for me, so that soon gave way to science fiction, which I thought was a higher discipline than fantasy, for some reason. Probably because it involved science or something.
Anyway, horror writer, sci-fi author, fantasy, dark fantasy, urban dark fantasy, alternative history, comic book writer - all those dreams gave way to becoming a businessman by the time I was 16. By 17 years of age, I wanted to become a currency speculator because George Soros was the only guy who could slug it out with the Almighty Dr M at the time - or so I thought.
I wanted to become a Super-Soros and use my currency speculating powers for good. And THEN, by the time I'm 55, retire and start writing books. That was the plan.
In college, I failed two subjects during matriculation and instead of taking the extra special semester to retake them, I spent several weeks at my friends' university - MMU - and watched anime all day, every day.
This stunt meant I would have to be a semester late before choosing my major. I couldn't take languages or writing because those things were dead ends in a future Dr M believed would be full of engineers, contractors, scientists and programmers. A utopia without orators, writers and politicians. A country - nay, a world - governed by scientists and technopeople.
The arts were frowned upon, and fiction is inferior to non-fiction, though we all know now how the two to be inseparable, really, or hardly distinguishable.
SO blablabla, I took computer science because it had no drawings in it, and we are back to the time I am finishing the degree at 23.
I realised then that there is only one thing I ever want to do - to write fiction. I had a dream. A real one.
So I sought out the recipe and path I should take. The greatest writer who ever lived (and he's still living) is Neil Gaiman. After failing to publish his short stories at 22, he became a journalist for eight years and then quit to become the most successful comics writer in human history and the best all-rounder when it comes to books, movies, short stories, in any genre or form.
So I followed his path. Shadowed it, in fact. I sent my stories in order to fail to get published. I sent them to Bantam, Del Rey, Random, all, manuscripts and ideas, half-finished short stories with little apologetic notes to the poor sods who had to read them.
I sent to international as well as local publishers, fully intending to fail to get published.
Then, horror of horrors - I got published. One of my short stories was chosen for Silverfish III.
I didn't know what to do. I mean, I was supposed to follow the recipe, the plan. Fuck.
So I decided to become a journalist anyway, since having even 50% of Gaiman's life would be fantastic than having none at all.
I passed the eight year mark last year, pleasantly surprised that I was no longer a journalist, that I had published a book, written three movies that actually made it to the big screen and hundreds of assorted articles in newspapers.
The plan, though, the journey, was fucked. I have never written a single published comic book, I didn't get to co-author a book with Neil Gaiman - a prospect which if given at any time in my life, I would have dropped everything and went for - and I was still in the media industry.
A few weeks ago, I dusted off a couple of unfinished short stories I wrote when I was 19 and 25, and sat down, and finished them. I found that thing again that place, that source where stories come from, where the energy originated. I tapped into it and for some moments, I felt truly alive. I felt immortal.
I felt like I could fuck anyone I wanted and I really want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.
I don't know where life will take me - having a plan or not, it happens as it happens any way it wants to happen at the moment - but I am sure of one thing. That I would eventually, no matter how many years or effort I have to put in, be writing fiction again. Lots of it.
Right now, they are neatly compartmentalised into manageable weekend hunkerings and mad dashes on Saturdays and Sundays. I would love to take a week off and just write stuff.
This is happening right now. I am finishing a movie script for a small project and have just found avenues for the first love of my life - comic books.
In the end, I want to look back on this year and see a respectable body of work.
Lolita (1997)
The 1997 film Lolita directed by Adrian Lyne is indeed a superior product to Stanley Fucking Kubrick's 1962 Lolita. Though Kubrick is a more celebrated director, but I do believe the 1997 version to be far superior.
The subject matter is hebephilia (a subset of pedophilia which focuses on girls aged between 10-12), which to me is horrifying. Through my interaction with Thai sex workers, we agree on some things, one of them the fact that no child below the age of 18 should ever have sex, for any reason. These are my values, my principles, and I stand by them.
The movie, though, stayed true to the novel of the same name by Vladimir Nabokov and painted the two characters as being very sympathetic lovers. I sometimes found, horrifyingly, that I felt sad for the guy as well as the girl - such is the power of this film that makes even what in the real world is to me a heinous, despicable human, something I can feel sad about (I dare not say sympathise because as a role model, I don't want people to believe me a pedophile).
The horror also came from the performance of the actress - Dominique Swain - who mastered the gangly gait and wild abandon of children while portraying someone much younger (she was 16 or 17 when they filmed it).
Tonight, I was reminded of the 1997 Lolita as I sat down with a lawyer who spoke about a very incendiary, possibly divisive topic - the case of an 18-year-old having reportedly consensual sex with a 13 year old.
I cracked jokes about it online, because the ruling supposedly said that the guy was let off because he had 'a bright future'. I found that to be funny because what the fuck? And it is yet another example of Malaysia's 'corrupt legal system'.
However, my lawyer friend did pose some interesting arguments. I shall not go into detail for reasons I will state later.
His main point, though, is something I take to heart. The ruling, done by the judges, was not written. It was simply a simplified whatever ruling (pardon my lack of handle on legal terms or legalese), whereas the detailed, written ruling will come much later.
The thing is, my friend questioned the fact that journalists such as myself was focusing only on one part of the ruling - the bright future part - without addressing the extenuating circumstances of the case. Was it really a malicious manipulation of a minor by a man far senior? Or was it the case of young love gone wrong?
What of the families? Why are there no loud protests from the girl's family? What were their backgrounds? What the hell was going on?
And more importantly, people talk about the girl's future as well, but was what we were doing - what I was doing online - contributing to the girl's future in a positive manner or otherwise?
My concerns, I must admit, are selfish. I figured out in the past year-plus, that I am still old school, no matter how much new media shit I slap on to myself. I still believe the old practices and principles of journalism are fundamental to writing great content.
If they are good enough for Neil Gaiman - the God of Writing himself - they are good enough for me.
I believe that along with members of my profession especially, we should have given the case a much clearer berth and allow for the full details to set in before making snap judgments on the boy, the girl, the case, the judge and the Malaysian judicial system. Stare not into the abyss, for it also stares back at you. Or some shit like that. Juggle ye not, lest ye be juggled.
It could very well have been an open-and-shut whatever, with a clear villain and victim - real life, unfortunately, is not like movies. Or it could have been something more. Whatever it is, it is perhaps different than whatever we had in our minds. Because the point of all this is - we do not know.
And as with all things we do not know, we should not rush into judgment too quickly. There are people trained and paid to do so - judges. We should put our trust on them, and the system because if we don't we have no system. That is a far more terrifying thing than anything else.
I believe that this case, and how we reacted, should act as a reminder on our own conduct online and in public.
I still very much believe that sex for anyone below 18 years of age is wrong and should be admonished, but I also believe that we have acted too hastily, for our own amusement, without considering the welfare of all those involved. I know I did, and for that, I am sorry.
I am not sorry for watching Lolita, though, because I think it is a fine movie. Just, quite, horrifying.
Friday, August 10, 2012
The First Olympics: Athens 1896
I have watched a lot of porn. A big fan of porn, I am. I also watch other stuff. In fact, when I was a wee small boy in Kuantan, after having 24-hours electricity in 1986 (also the same year we had a whole extra TV channel - TV3), I watched EVERYTHING.
I watched everything from the daily Negaraku broadcast, all the way to Smartshop where Kudsia Kahar was selling Didi 7 and Didi Glow. One of my favourite slots was TV2's Dunhill Double. Dunhill Double was like HBO, if HBO was on TV2 and only had four hours a week (two on Thursday, two on Friday).
Since we are nearing the end of this Olympics - at least for Malaysians, as perhaps our last chance at a gold medal lies on the shoulders of Pandalela around 2am later - I would like to talk about The First Olympics: Athens 1896.
I saw this 1984 TV mini-series, The First Olympics: Athens 1896, on the Dunhill Double slot.
The mini series focused on the Americans mostly, showing how they, through training and help from a black female slave, came up with such techniques as the 'crouch start' which won them the 100m race via Thomas Burke.
The crouch start was started by their coach who said they could go as fast as bullets if they started like the anvil on a pistol. I thought that was very clever, but I was like, 8 years old.
They also invented the modern way of running the hurdles, as demonstrated by a black woman.
The games itself had loads of drama. The Greeks, who all looked like poor farmers set for an economic crisis over a hundred years later, wanted their athletes to win either one or all three of these traditional 'Greek sports' - the discus, the shot putt and/or the Marathon.
The Americans won in the discus and shot putt because they invented the modern technique of spinning. The Americans also won the pole vault because they thought of angling the poles upwards and riding it to the top as they push it down on the ground.
Apparently, idiots back then would angle the pole from a higher to a lower point, because they're dumb.
And get this - at the marathon, the runners were given refreshments in the form of wine, so a lot of them drunkenly stumble off course because they were drunk or singing while being drunk.
Eventually, that Greek dude won the marathon and Greece's honour is saved.
There were some subplots and whatever, but fuck that.
The last few scenes showed the Americans sending a fucking telegram back home, where people didn't give a fuck about the Olympics.
That, to me, was the beginning of the Olympics. Furnished by that wonderful TV special, The First Olympics: Athens 1896.
My other Olympic memories were of my entire family cheering on a gymnast called Nadia something-something. We never had a real Olympic hero until the badminton doubles won silver I think, much, much later.
I watched everything from the daily Negaraku broadcast, all the way to Smartshop where Kudsia Kahar was selling Didi 7 and Didi Glow. One of my favourite slots was TV2's Dunhill Double. Dunhill Double was like HBO, if HBO was on TV2 and only had four hours a week (two on Thursday, two on Friday).
Since we are nearing the end of this Olympics - at least for Malaysians, as perhaps our last chance at a gold medal lies on the shoulders of Pandalela around 2am later - I would like to talk about The First Olympics: Athens 1896.
I saw this 1984 TV mini-series, The First Olympics: Athens 1896, on the Dunhill Double slot.
The mini series focused on the Americans mostly, showing how they, through training and help from a black female slave, came up with such techniques as the 'crouch start' which won them the 100m race via Thomas Burke.
The crouch start was started by their coach who said they could go as fast as bullets if they started like the anvil on a pistol. I thought that was very clever, but I was like, 8 years old.
They also invented the modern way of running the hurdles, as demonstrated by a black woman.
The games itself had loads of drama. The Greeks, who all looked like poor farmers set for an economic crisis over a hundred years later, wanted their athletes to win either one or all three of these traditional 'Greek sports' - the discus, the shot putt and/or the Marathon.
The Americans won in the discus and shot putt because they invented the modern technique of spinning. The Americans also won the pole vault because they thought of angling the poles upwards and riding it to the top as they push it down on the ground.
Apparently, idiots back then would angle the pole from a higher to a lower point, because they're dumb.
And get this - at the marathon, the runners were given refreshments in the form of wine, so a lot of them drunkenly stumble off course because they were drunk or singing while being drunk.
Eventually, that Greek dude won the marathon and Greece's honour is saved.
There were some subplots and whatever, but fuck that.
The last few scenes showed the Americans sending a fucking telegram back home, where people didn't give a fuck about the Olympics.
That, to me, was the beginning of the Olympics. Furnished by that wonderful TV special, The First Olympics: Athens 1896.
My other Olympic memories were of my entire family cheering on a gymnast called Nadia something-something. We never had a real Olympic hero until the badminton doubles won silver I think, much, much later.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
Fucking Leave The Fucking Country
Datuk Lee Chong Wei did the impossible tonight. By being his humble, normal self in defeat after a hard-fought battle, he united many Malaysians - at least on Twitter - for around half an hour.
His tweets on the narrow defeat was a simple, "I'm sorry". He made no excuses and his sincerity touched many Malaysians, especially on Twitter.
Thus proving that humans and apes can live together in peace for 30 minutes.
What pissed me off was a group who tried, initially, to rain on everyone's parade by making this about their stupid monkey ass or about their politics.
This is not about race, religion or political alignment, but if you think living in this country is so lame, fucking leave the fucking country. I'm serious.
I'm tired of lame-ass motherfucking baboons who whine about everything and has done nothing - NOT A DAMN MOTHERFUCKING THING - to rectify anything. They exist simply to complain.
I'll do something about it. Next time I hear any of you whining pieces of shit complain without finding a solution, I will personally rape your dead mother's corpse with a dog.
True, Malaysia is facing a brain drain, but if we manage to get rid of these people, the net gain is positive! See, when you get rid of idiots or negative brains, the country can be smarter, and these asshole idiots can whine and complain about the US, Europe, SIngapore or Australia's unemployment or race problems.
What, you think white people love your yellow ass? In hentai, yes, but try to take their jobs from them. Try to fuck their daughters or their sons. Maybe nine out of 10 would be okay, but that 10th guy would shove a shotgun in your vagina - or tear you a vagina if you don't have one - and pull the fucking trigger.
I also see convicted or proven liars tweet about honour and integrity. Fucking hypocritical if you ask me. And those poseurs who instantly like something when it's in season and conveniently forget about it when it's not? Fuck you.
This is why I don't like people. Or apes.
His tweets on the narrow defeat was a simple, "I'm sorry". He made no excuses and his sincerity touched many Malaysians, especially on Twitter.
Thus proving that humans and apes can live together in peace for 30 minutes.
What pissed me off was a group who tried, initially, to rain on everyone's parade by making this about their stupid monkey ass or about their politics.
This is not about race, religion or political alignment, but if you think living in this country is so lame, fucking leave the fucking country. I'm serious.
I'm tired of lame-ass motherfucking baboons who whine about everything and has done nothing - NOT A DAMN MOTHERFUCKING THING - to rectify anything. They exist simply to complain.
I'll do something about it. Next time I hear any of you whining pieces of shit complain without finding a solution, I will personally rape your dead mother's corpse with a dog.
True, Malaysia is facing a brain drain, but if we manage to get rid of these people, the net gain is positive! See, when you get rid of idiots or negative brains, the country can be smarter, and these asshole idiots can whine and complain about the US, Europe, SIngapore or Australia's unemployment or race problems.
What, you think white people love your yellow ass? In hentai, yes, but try to take their jobs from them. Try to fuck their daughters or their sons. Maybe nine out of 10 would be okay, but that 10th guy would shove a shotgun in your vagina - or tear you a vagina if you don't have one - and pull the fucking trigger.
I also see convicted or proven liars tweet about honour and integrity. Fucking hypocritical if you ask me. And those poseurs who instantly like something when it's in season and conveniently forget about it when it's not? Fuck you.
This is why I don't like people. Or apes.
Fragments of the Moon Disc
I spent most of the weekend writing fiction. Short stories, and also one script. Script is not finished yet.
These things remind me of what I miss, really. I've been exploring so much of the other side of writing - the numbers and platform and planning - that I have forgotten the simple joys of writing a story.
I didn't realise that the desire I felt recently to talk to people simply stemmed from an unfulfilled thirst to tell stories. Maybe I should stop and focus completely on writing, because the results are always bad whenever I talk to people and I don't really like people to begin with.
I like individuals, but as soon as a community sets in, whenever there is a circle or a club or a pack, things break down. Social dynamics, politics, everything changes. Fuck all that. I'm burying myself with my self for the next few months. I don't even enjoy family life. so I'll be a recluse for a while and do some work.
Both short stories were stuff I had done when I was younger, edited and rehashed for current times. One of the stories was something set in the world of HP Lovecraft. I tried copying the style and was pleasantly surprised that after finishing it, I found out via Wikipedia that Lovecraft went for similar themes in his stories.
The other was supposed to be a Nanowrimo entry, copying the styles of Dashiell Hammet, Chuck Palahniuk and Warren Ellis. It was supposed to be a novel, and fitting it into a short story was difficult and almost impossible. I think I'll finally finish it come November, as writing it didn't feel so sluggish anymore.
My main concern is that both short stories were intended to be full-length novels and there are lots of things left unexplained and unelaborated. Yet, perhaps that is a good way to leave things - unexplained - as whenever I try to explain anything in real life or in fiction, people almost always get the wrong idea.
I guess I have not learned the lessons when I was 19 and felt so misunderstood. Humans judge others based on themselves and crappy people make crappy judgments.
Oh well. I am glad I have re-ignited my passion for writing and I can't wait for the next weekend to come so I could churn out more stuff. There is that Bahasa Malaysia novel I owe a publisher and other things.
These things remind me of what I miss, really. I've been exploring so much of the other side of writing - the numbers and platform and planning - that I have forgotten the simple joys of writing a story.
I didn't realise that the desire I felt recently to talk to people simply stemmed from an unfulfilled thirst to tell stories. Maybe I should stop and focus completely on writing, because the results are always bad whenever I talk to people and I don't really like people to begin with.
I like individuals, but as soon as a community sets in, whenever there is a circle or a club or a pack, things break down. Social dynamics, politics, everything changes. Fuck all that. I'm burying myself with my self for the next few months. I don't even enjoy family life. so I'll be a recluse for a while and do some work.
Both short stories were stuff I had done when I was younger, edited and rehashed for current times. One of the stories was something set in the world of HP Lovecraft. I tried copying the style and was pleasantly surprised that after finishing it, I found out via Wikipedia that Lovecraft went for similar themes in his stories.
The other was supposed to be a Nanowrimo entry, copying the styles of Dashiell Hammet, Chuck Palahniuk and Warren Ellis. It was supposed to be a novel, and fitting it into a short story was difficult and almost impossible. I think I'll finally finish it come November, as writing it didn't feel so sluggish anymore.
My main concern is that both short stories were intended to be full-length novels and there are lots of things left unexplained and unelaborated. Yet, perhaps that is a good way to leave things - unexplained - as whenever I try to explain anything in real life or in fiction, people almost always get the wrong idea.
I guess I have not learned the lessons when I was 19 and felt so misunderstood. Humans judge others based on themselves and crappy people make crappy judgments.
Oh well. I am glad I have re-ignited my passion for writing and I can't wait for the next weekend to come so I could churn out more stuff. There is that Bahasa Malaysia novel I owe a publisher and other things.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Step Up Revolution Review
I was watching Step Up Revolution last night and almost killed a few people.
Went in, sat down, and first thing that happened was a fat old bitch plonked herself to my left and started moving as if she had a midget under her skirt who was giving her the best rimjob of her life.
The problem was, the seats were connected in rows so every single movement she made in response to the midget licking her asshole could be felt. And she had this nasty habit of moving her entire body whenever she ate a peanut, perhaps demonstrating that her esophagus could not move the bloody thing down to her stomach and she needed to massage her entire body to get it down.
And then, AND THEN, there were these people behind me who would kick at my seat. I turned around, eyeballed one dude with the hateful intensity of a thousand suns, ready to drink his blood and eat his throat, and the guy practically shrunk further into his seat and started pointing to his left.
To his left was this weird couple. Weird as in ugly. Both of them were ugly. I don't understand why ugly people need to breed. They stain the gene pool with their ugliness and they constantly push their ugly existence on other people by kicking the back of their seats in cinemas.
I shot hot lava from my head to them, through my eyes. I was about to stand up and shout, "WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU ASSHOLE? QUIT KICKING MY SEAT. WHAT ARE YOU, HAVING AN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE, YOU UGLY FAT GENETIC FREAK?" but they just remained motionless and grinned.
So I did what any self-respecting serial killer would do. I grinned back and showed them my fist. Both seemed adequately worried so I turned around and watched Step Up till it's finished.
After the movie, I followed the couple for a while down the stairs, fully considering following them back to their house that night and killing their entire family, crippling the couple, and feeding them the faces of their dead kin which I would turn into a stew.
For some reason, they managed to escape and run - they fucking ran - to the car park.
When I become a serial killer, I will go to a movie I have seen and fucking kill anyone who can't fucking watch a movie like a human, preferring instead to flail about like a fucking monkey.
Went in, sat down, and first thing that happened was a fat old bitch plonked herself to my left and started moving as if she had a midget under her skirt who was giving her the best rimjob of her life.
The problem was, the seats were connected in rows so every single movement she made in response to the midget licking her asshole could be felt. And she had this nasty habit of moving her entire body whenever she ate a peanut, perhaps demonstrating that her esophagus could not move the bloody thing down to her stomach and she needed to massage her entire body to get it down.
And then, AND THEN, there were these people behind me who would kick at my seat. I turned around, eyeballed one dude with the hateful intensity of a thousand suns, ready to drink his blood and eat his throat, and the guy practically shrunk further into his seat and started pointing to his left.
To his left was this weird couple. Weird as in ugly. Both of them were ugly. I don't understand why ugly people need to breed. They stain the gene pool with their ugliness and they constantly push their ugly existence on other people by kicking the back of their seats in cinemas.
I shot hot lava from my head to them, through my eyes. I was about to stand up and shout, "WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU ASSHOLE? QUIT KICKING MY SEAT. WHAT ARE YOU, HAVING AN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE, YOU UGLY FAT GENETIC FREAK?" but they just remained motionless and grinned.
So I did what any self-respecting serial killer would do. I grinned back and showed them my fist. Both seemed adequately worried so I turned around and watched Step Up till it's finished.
After the movie, I followed the couple for a while down the stairs, fully considering following them back to their house that night and killing their entire family, crippling the couple, and feeding them the faces of their dead kin which I would turn into a stew.
For some reason, they managed to escape and run - they fucking ran - to the car park.
When I become a serial killer, I will go to a movie I have seen and fucking kill anyone who can't fucking watch a movie like a human, preferring instead to flail about like a fucking monkey.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Intermission: House of M's Bleeding Edge
Thanks to the Technopriests, Unifi is back up again at my place. For the past two years, I have gone through almost every single defect and problem this thing has. The problem this time? My wireless thingy on my PC needs to be set and reset periodically to match the Unifi router.
Strangely enough, my Unifi predicaments reflects my own position and circumstances in my journey through the media industry.
I have spent the past year plus exploring various aspects of the media industry which I have never bothered before. This is what I wanted, really, as I have gone through every one of the sectors and disciplines I was ever interested in. The only thing I never touched was radio because I was never much interested in the platform. Nothing wrong with it, but since I don't drive, I don't listen to it.
I often make fun of the dinosaurs of the industry - the big, slow, lumbering beasts of the media world waiting for extinction. Their skills and knowhow made obsolete, their styles becoming irrelevant in a brave new world of chaos and fart jokes. But if they are dinosaurs, I am just one of the early mammals.
Fairfax Media's firing of 1,900 people over the next 3 years, their shutting down of an entire printing plant seemed to me like an extremely clear indication that things are changing faster than I thought it would.
I believe that the old values will still remain true and relevant. Good writing, good content, a clear direction, will always win the day. Because everything is still communication. However the packaging, the platforms, the business models will all have to change.
I do not believe that journalism is under fire, but the support structure around it is. Marketing, advertising, the means to get information and messages to consumers.
I hope it is, because my shit is all tied to old school stuff. I was trained by those people anyway, and I am merely a native on the Internet.
I never wanted to be on the bleeding edge of technology or the media, but the companies I work for are somewhat on the forefront of things. They are trying new things and exploring uncharted waters. Me? I'd just be happy to do two stories and fuck off.
However, I always end up too deep in things. Which is cool, because learning new things means my own private meteor of irrelevance will be slowed down a bit.
I recently re-ignited my passion for writing, though, and my own hunger for seeing projects completed. I still haven't changed from that kid in 2003 who was always worried about stories.
We shall see where everything goes in my House of M series.
For now, though, there is porn, and in porn we trust.
Strangely enough, my Unifi predicaments reflects my own position and circumstances in my journey through the media industry.
I have spent the past year plus exploring various aspects of the media industry which I have never bothered before. This is what I wanted, really, as I have gone through every one of the sectors and disciplines I was ever interested in. The only thing I never touched was radio because I was never much interested in the platform. Nothing wrong with it, but since I don't drive, I don't listen to it.
I often make fun of the dinosaurs of the industry - the big, slow, lumbering beasts of the media world waiting for extinction. Their skills and knowhow made obsolete, their styles becoming irrelevant in a brave new world of chaos and fart jokes. But if they are dinosaurs, I am just one of the early mammals.
Fairfax Media's firing of 1,900 people over the next 3 years, their shutting down of an entire printing plant seemed to me like an extremely clear indication that things are changing faster than I thought it would.
I believe that the old values will still remain true and relevant. Good writing, good content, a clear direction, will always win the day. Because everything is still communication. However the packaging, the platforms, the business models will all have to change.
I do not believe that journalism is under fire, but the support structure around it is. Marketing, advertising, the means to get information and messages to consumers.
I hope it is, because my shit is all tied to old school stuff. I was trained by those people anyway, and I am merely a native on the Internet.
I never wanted to be on the bleeding edge of technology or the media, but the companies I work for are somewhat on the forefront of things. They are trying new things and exploring uncharted waters. Me? I'd just be happy to do two stories and fuck off.
However, I always end up too deep in things. Which is cool, because learning new things means my own private meteor of irrelevance will be slowed down a bit.
I recently re-ignited my passion for writing, though, and my own hunger for seeing projects completed. I still haven't changed from that kid in 2003 who was always worried about stories.
We shall see where everything goes in my House of M series.
For now, though, there is porn, and in porn we trust.
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