I fought a flu around a week back. First came the fever, which was defeated in two hours. Then the cold, which was gone in a day or two. What remains, is the coughing.
A few years back, I was diagnosed with acute bronchitis and the doctors told me that for as long as I smoked, I will infect my lungs periodically.
This last week, I have stopped smoking, as I find myself waking up in the middle of the night in heaving fits of coughing, just to expel chunks of yellow-green phlegm.
Coughing fits often start at nightfall, and I fare worse in air-conditined areas and spaces.
Coffee and tea are no-no as they irritate the throat. I am relying on soup as well as 'brothy' noodles to ensure that I get enough liquid. With my nose-blowing actions in an attempt to clear my lungs, I often find myself dehydrated.
I cannot take fast-food anymore and is relying on a more healthful diet as it makes me feel healthy and thus helps in the fight against bronchitis.
I still have work to do, though. Tonight, I need to complete a script which underwent a complete overhaul once the core interview was redone.
I am feeling better and I hope that tonight, I can commit myself to finishing this one script. The flow is there, maybe just a bit more detailing and making the thing 100% accurate to a T.
For this, I need some Nando's.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Jejak Kelana: Hukuman Tuhan
Sama ada kau percaya Tuhan, Sains, Karma, Eywa, mahupun Atheismo (Tuhan orang ateis), satu perkara tetap kekal - jangan buat jahat.
Jahat juga merangkumi menipu, mencuri, tamak haloba, serta banyak perkara lain. Tahukah ko, mengumpat tu juga satu dosa besar dalam Islam? Tak percaya cakap aku, ko pergi baca mural atau ko tanya mufti-mufti, imam-imam yang pandai. Yang bodoh nak buat apa?
Jadi, janganlah buat jahat. Hentikanlah melakukan kerosakan di muka bumi ni. Berbuat baiklah sesama manusia, binatang dan tumbuhan. Sesungguhnya neraka itu amatlah berat, kecuali untuk 'orang-orang' yang sememangnya patung jerami, maka amatlah ringan adanya.
Pergilah mampus. AKu nak demam ni, dan ngantuk.
Yang penting, aku akan terus berjalan atas Jalan Pedang! Sebab jalan ini saja yang aku percaya buat masa ini.
Jahat juga merangkumi menipu, mencuri, tamak haloba, serta banyak perkara lain. Tahukah ko, mengumpat tu juga satu dosa besar dalam Islam? Tak percaya cakap aku, ko pergi baca mural atau ko tanya mufti-mufti, imam-imam yang pandai. Yang bodoh nak buat apa?
Jadi, janganlah buat jahat. Hentikanlah melakukan kerosakan di muka bumi ni. Berbuat baiklah sesama manusia, binatang dan tumbuhan. Sesungguhnya neraka itu amatlah berat, kecuali untuk 'orang-orang' yang sememangnya patung jerami, maka amatlah ringan adanya.
Pergilah mampus. AKu nak demam ni, dan ngantuk.
Yang penting, aku akan terus berjalan atas Jalan Pedang! Sebab jalan ini saja yang aku percaya buat masa ini.
Violet Carsons
I give this rose to those who made these past few weeks one of the most enjoyable periods in my life so far.
And hoping for more Violet Carsons in the months and years to come.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Tai Chi
Tiada kudrat dalam tanganku ini.
Hatiku penuh dengan kekosongan dan ketenangan.
Menyerah kepada kesengsaraan, melihat kaya dari hampa.
Yang ganas berhenti bergolak, pasti ada takdir penentu.
Bergerak atau tidak, dibahagi atau diganda.
Mengikut aliran takdir alam, tanpa belas, dengan kasihan.
Mengikut rasa, tetapi tidak binasa, tanpa belas, dengan kasihan.
Hatiku penuh dengan kekosongan dan ketenangan.
Menyerah kepada kesengsaraan, melihat kaya dari hampa.
Yang ganas berhenti bergolak, pasti ada takdir penentu.
Bergerak atau tidak, dibahagi atau diganda.
Mengikut aliran takdir alam, tanpa belas, dengan kasihan.
Mengikut rasa, tetapi tidak binasa, tanpa belas, dengan kasihan.
Intermission: Crossroads
Today was a crazy day. Started with class. I am beginning to like teaching. This is strange, because I never thought I'd pick up my father's profession or even dabble in it, as I am doing now.
I am teaching writing courses at a private university college. The staff are nice, kind and very efficient. The students are eager and spirited.
I hate talking all the time, so it was a nice surprise that some of these kids interrupt and interject at some points of my lecture. These first two weeks, I tried afew different things and the way I see it, these kids learn best when they are actually doing something.
Having me read the slides is not enough. Next week, I'll be preparing a lot more writing activities and tutorials, as well as critique on their work.
I turned down a major TV show because I have already signed onto teach and these kids - though not of the inner-city ghetto kind - need a constant.
I can't give my 100% to both as the projects take too much time and concentration as well as high levels of commitment. It would be unfair to everyone involved - the kids, the projects and even myself if I were to spread myself too thin.
Last night, I battled with a flu, which reminded me that I am not immortal. Tonight, the flu resurfaced but I beat it with sheer force of will. That, and Clarinase. Pseudoepinephrine.
Tomorrow, I will also see a contract I have been ding-donging with a studio. If the terms are as I requested, I will be on it as well. Next week will also reveal the fate of another project that has steadily made progress over recent weeks after a few months of zero news.
I have done all this before. I quit my job in 2006 without savings or an offer to any other job. The only difference is that now, I am doing it while cultivating patience and timing.
I know exactly what I can and cannot do, and I have learned that listening is a skill that is more valuable than talking. Writing trumps all, of course, and a lot of that is actually listening FIRST.
I have said no to some projects simply because I know that I cannot do things halfway. That NEVER works. Not for me, not for anything.
However, I am really, really thankful and grateful for all the support thrown my way - some from surprising sources and people who simply walk into my life with a little bit of sunshine or great big chunks of the dark crystal.
Honestly, I am now sitting in front of my PC, drenched with perspiration and typing on a patched up computer, feeling very calm and collected to face the days ahead.
I am a man with just a little bit of talent in writing. I have read and met and worked with others who were blessed with copious amounts of the right stuff.
The only thing I know I have to watch out for, in order to keep pace with the best, is simply to be aware of how much I am writing versus how much I am talking.
I'm a writer. I write. Talking is for talkers.
I am teaching writing courses at a private university college. The staff are nice, kind and very efficient. The students are eager and spirited.
I hate talking all the time, so it was a nice surprise that some of these kids interrupt and interject at some points of my lecture. These first two weeks, I tried afew different things and the way I see it, these kids learn best when they are actually doing something.
Having me read the slides is not enough. Next week, I'll be preparing a lot more writing activities and tutorials, as well as critique on their work.
I turned down a major TV show because I have already signed onto teach and these kids - though not of the inner-city ghetto kind - need a constant.
I can't give my 100% to both as the projects take too much time and concentration as well as high levels of commitment. It would be unfair to everyone involved - the kids, the projects and even myself if I were to spread myself too thin.
Last night, I battled with a flu, which reminded me that I am not immortal. Tonight, the flu resurfaced but I beat it with sheer force of will. That, and Clarinase. Pseudoepinephrine.
Tomorrow, I will also see a contract I have been ding-donging with a studio. If the terms are as I requested, I will be on it as well. Next week will also reveal the fate of another project that has steadily made progress over recent weeks after a few months of zero news.
I have done all this before. I quit my job in 2006 without savings or an offer to any other job. The only difference is that now, I am doing it while cultivating patience and timing.
I know exactly what I can and cannot do, and I have learned that listening is a skill that is more valuable than talking. Writing trumps all, of course, and a lot of that is actually listening FIRST.
I have said no to some projects simply because I know that I cannot do things halfway. That NEVER works. Not for me, not for anything.
However, I am really, really thankful and grateful for all the support thrown my way - some from surprising sources and people who simply walk into my life with a little bit of sunshine or great big chunks of the dark crystal.
Honestly, I am now sitting in front of my PC, drenched with perspiration and typing on a patched up computer, feeling very calm and collected to face the days ahead.
I am a man with just a little bit of talent in writing. I have read and met and worked with others who were blessed with copious amounts of the right stuff.
The only thing I know I have to watch out for, in order to keep pace with the best, is simply to be aware of how much I am writing versus how much I am talking.
I'm a writer. I write. Talking is for talkers.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Kuiz Kerakyatan
Ko cakap ko orang Malaysia. Apa ko tau pasal Malaysia? Tidur? UMNO? PKR? DAP? Dr M? Anwar? Pergilah mampus.
Nah, aku bagi ko kuiz:
1. Di manakah pengisytiharan kemerdekaan dibuat?
A. Stadium Merdeka
B. Dataran Merdeka
C. Padang Kelab Selangor
D. Padang Merbok
E. Sushi King
2. Apakah nama bendera British yang dipakai sebelum kemerdekaan?
A. British Union
B. St Peter's Cross
C. Malayan Union
D. Samurai Jack
E. Union Jack
3. Apakah nama rasmi Malaysia (tidak termasuk Sabah dan Sarawak) sebaik sahaja sebelum menyambut kemerdekaan pada 31 Ogos 1957?
A. Malayan Union
B. Gangga Negara
C. Persekutuan Tanah Melayu
D. Malaya
E. Serambi Mekah
4. Bilakah Darurat pertama diisytiharkan?
A. 1969
B. 1984
C. 1948
D. 1998
5. Bilakah Darurat berakhir?
A. 1975
B. Tidak pernah berakhir
C. 1960
D. 2005
Kalau tak pass, pergilah balik ke mana-mana lubang ko keluar dari.
Nah, aku bagi ko kuiz:
1. Di manakah pengisytiharan kemerdekaan dibuat?
A. Stadium Merdeka
B. Dataran Merdeka
C. Padang Kelab Selangor
D. Padang Merbok
E. Sushi King
2. Apakah nama bendera British yang dipakai sebelum kemerdekaan?
A. British Union
B. St Peter's Cross
C. Malayan Union
D. Samurai Jack
E. Union Jack
3. Apakah nama rasmi Malaysia (tidak termasuk Sabah dan Sarawak) sebaik sahaja sebelum menyambut kemerdekaan pada 31 Ogos 1957?
A. Malayan Union
B. Gangga Negara
C. Persekutuan Tanah Melayu
D. Malaya
E. Serambi Mekah
4. Bilakah Darurat pertama diisytiharkan?
A. 1969
B. 1984
C. 1948
D. 1998
5. Bilakah Darurat berakhir?
A. 1975
B. Tidak pernah berakhir
C. 1960
D. 2005
Kalau tak pass, pergilah balik ke mana-mana lubang ko keluar dari.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Fixi: Ulasan Novel Pecah
AKu rehat kejap daripada buat kerja aku, untuk menumpukan pada karya orang lain pulak.
Novel bawah label Buku Fixi atau Fixi pertama aku baca adalah Pecah, karya Khairulnizam Bakeri (KNB atau kat Twitter dia @nizambakeri je).
Ada lagi dua buku - Kougar (Shaz Johar) dan Cekik (Ridhwan Saidi) yang apabila bergabung, membentuk Maskman! Eh, maksud aku, membentuk tiga novel pertama Fixi seterusnya menentukan rentak projek ini. Sekurang-kurangnya untuk gelombang awal.
Aku baru habis baca Pecah tadi. Berani aku katakan, novel ini senang dilabelkan sebagai novel genre fiction dengan rentak crime thriller atau Bahasa Melayunya, fiksyen bergenre jenayah mengujakan. Kah kah kah. Cerita pasal rompakan bank yang bukan setakat jenayah berenjata, tetapi adalah sebahagian rancangan rumit membabitkan balas dendam, seks, dan sejarah keturunan. Juga, harta karun. Ambik ko!
Walaupun begitu, Pecah ditulis dengan lenggok bahasa dan gaya novel 'sastera'. Jenis yang macam DBP selalu terbitkan, sampailah masanya, DBP berputus asa menerbitkan novel dan lebih giat mencetak buku teks, demi memartabatkan sastera Melayu.
Pertama kali baca, aku memang terasa kehilangan Kamus Dewan aku, pasal kosa kata Pecah amat luas. Lepas dua-tiga bab, aku pun cakap, "Pergi mampus Kamus Dewan (juga terbitan DBP, kan?)" dan terus membaca cerita itu sendiri, sebab plot dan rentaknya agak laju. Perkataan aku tak paham, aku boleh agak maksudnya daripda ayat.
Kalau dulu, aku selalu mengomel dan merengek, pasal novel Melayu biasanya 99% mengelamun. Keluar rumah, mengelamun. Kayuh basikal, mengelamun. Duduk minum kopi, mengelamun. Mengumpat, mengelamun. Berak, mengelamun. Bila nak actionnya, wei?
Aku baca Relung - Sasterawan Negara mana entah tulis - dan walaupun ada adegan bunuh harimau, diceritakan dalam bentuk mengelamun.
Bukan salah, dan bukan buruk. Gila ko, aku nak cakap novel-novel sastera buruk. Tak, cuma aku baca, banyak novel sastera sepesen je. Macam lekat dan terbatas pada tahun 60an.
Pecah memecahkan tradisi bukan sahaja dengan menggabungkan gaya bahasa novel sastera dengan genre fiction. Pecah bermula dengan penuh aksi, seolah-olah ingin dibuat filem jenis caper atau heist yang sekarang dipopularkan oleh Guy Ritchie. Sepanjang novel itu juga banyak dimuatkan aksi-aksi yang menyegarkan. Macam baca thriller omputih, tapi dengan Bahasa Melayu yang kuat.
Sebagai seorang penulis novel pertama yang datang seolah-olah dari padang kiri (muahahaha!), Nizam memang membawa kelainan. Namun, perlu diingat yang aku ni bukan baca buku sangat. Aku baca komik. Haruki Murakami tu sapa? Mitch Albom tu, jual kuih bom ke? Aku tak kenal. Kafka, bagi aku, sama macam couscous. Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Brian Michael Bendis, aku tau. Brian Michael Bendis dengan Warren Ellis jawab tweet aku ari tu, dan aku senyum selama dua hari. Senyum aku terhenti pada hari ketiga sebab ada orang tak bayar duit aku. Dah bayar dah, jadi okay lah. Hahaha.
Jalan cerita Pecah penuh berselirat dengan beberapa misteri dan jalinan plot yang best. Aku sebenarnya lebih tertarik dengan beberapa watak daripada watak yang lain, jadi aku menunggu pendedahan kisah mereka.
Nizam telah menjalin cerita yang berlapis. Dapat aku rasakan cintanya pada karya medium novel ini. Sesuatu yang dibuat dengan rasa cinta dan hormat pada medium itu sendiri sememangnya lebih sedap dibaca daripada karya dengan motivasi lain.
Plotnya memang kaya - sekaya bahasanya - dan bilangan watak yang agak ramai buat aku rasa best membaca. Sensibiliti Barat yang digunakan juga memudahkan pembacaan, mengikut susur-galur novel thriller yang lain.
Aku suka penilitian dalam Pecah. Ada Ayam Goreng McD dan Double Cheeseburger dinyatakan dalam cerita, sebab aku fikir makanan itu penting, walaupun aku lebih suka Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
Namun, aku rasa pengakhiran novel ini sedikit mengejut. Salah satu misteri cerita yang dipegang sampai akhir, penyelesaiannya seperti memandu atas jalan di tepi pantai dan tertekan brek apabila rusa melintas. Walaupun aku tak tau apa pasal mesti ada rusa kat tepi pantai. Tapi, kat Kuantan, yang ada pantai, memang ada orang bela rusa dengan pinjaman badan-badan kerajaan.
Dan, walaupun aku amat menggemari karya yang dapat memperkayakan dan memperkosakan, eh, memperkasakan kosa kata aku, aku rasa Nizam tak perlu terlalu bersastera, mungkin. Aku takut khalayak (chewah!) akan bimbang membaca novel ini kerana bahasanya agak kaya. Mungkin juga ada yang akan tertarik, sebab bahasanya. Ada orang, suka makan kek. Ada orang tak suka.
Ah! Itu bukan sesuatu yang Nizam atau aku perlu risaukan. Sakit kepala itu, milik Amir Muhammad, yang harus menjual buku ini. Dan mungkin tak sakit pun. Pasal, kalau kau dapat baca buku ni, maka kau akan kelihatan segak dan berpelajaran tinggi, walaupun hanya lulus SPM.
Aku sarankan agar kamu semua membaca Pecah, walau hanya jika novel ini membawa nafas baru kepada genre fiksyen dan novel sastera. Malah, aku rasa kalau dibuang plot jenayahnya, dan ditambah dalam 30,000 patah perkataan dipenuhi watak-watak yang mengelamun, aku rasa novel Pecah ini layak diterbitkan DBP dan dinobatkan sebagai 'novel sastera'. Aku sebenarnya lebih suka novel ini seadanya.
Novel bawah label Buku Fixi atau Fixi pertama aku baca adalah Pecah, karya Khairulnizam Bakeri (KNB atau kat Twitter dia @nizambakeri je).
Ada lagi dua buku - Kougar (Shaz Johar) dan Cekik (Ridhwan Saidi) yang apabila bergabung, membentuk Maskman! Eh, maksud aku, membentuk tiga novel pertama Fixi seterusnya menentukan rentak projek ini. Sekurang-kurangnya untuk gelombang awal.
Aku baru habis baca Pecah tadi. Berani aku katakan, novel ini senang dilabelkan sebagai novel genre fiction dengan rentak crime thriller atau Bahasa Melayunya, fiksyen bergenre jenayah mengujakan. Kah kah kah. Cerita pasal rompakan bank yang bukan setakat jenayah berenjata, tetapi adalah sebahagian rancangan rumit membabitkan balas dendam, seks, dan sejarah keturunan. Juga, harta karun. Ambik ko!
Walaupun begitu, Pecah ditulis dengan lenggok bahasa dan gaya novel 'sastera'. Jenis yang macam DBP selalu terbitkan, sampailah masanya, DBP berputus asa menerbitkan novel dan lebih giat mencetak buku teks, demi memartabatkan sastera Melayu.
Pertama kali baca, aku memang terasa kehilangan Kamus Dewan aku, pasal kosa kata Pecah amat luas. Lepas dua-tiga bab, aku pun cakap, "Pergi mampus Kamus Dewan (juga terbitan DBP, kan?)" dan terus membaca cerita itu sendiri, sebab plot dan rentaknya agak laju. Perkataan aku tak paham, aku boleh agak maksudnya daripda ayat.
Kalau dulu, aku selalu mengomel dan merengek, pasal novel Melayu biasanya 99% mengelamun. Keluar rumah, mengelamun. Kayuh basikal, mengelamun. Duduk minum kopi, mengelamun. Mengumpat, mengelamun. Berak, mengelamun. Bila nak actionnya, wei?
Aku baca Relung - Sasterawan Negara mana entah tulis - dan walaupun ada adegan bunuh harimau, diceritakan dalam bentuk mengelamun.
Bukan salah, dan bukan buruk. Gila ko, aku nak cakap novel-novel sastera buruk. Tak, cuma aku baca, banyak novel sastera sepesen je. Macam lekat dan terbatas pada tahun 60an.
Pecah memecahkan tradisi bukan sahaja dengan menggabungkan gaya bahasa novel sastera dengan genre fiction. Pecah bermula dengan penuh aksi, seolah-olah ingin dibuat filem jenis caper atau heist yang sekarang dipopularkan oleh Guy Ritchie. Sepanjang novel itu juga banyak dimuatkan aksi-aksi yang menyegarkan. Macam baca thriller omputih, tapi dengan Bahasa Melayu yang kuat.
Sebagai seorang penulis novel pertama yang datang seolah-olah dari padang kiri (muahahaha!), Nizam memang membawa kelainan. Namun, perlu diingat yang aku ni bukan baca buku sangat. Aku baca komik. Haruki Murakami tu sapa? Mitch Albom tu, jual kuih bom ke? Aku tak kenal. Kafka, bagi aku, sama macam couscous. Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Brian Michael Bendis, aku tau. Brian Michael Bendis dengan Warren Ellis jawab tweet aku ari tu, dan aku senyum selama dua hari. Senyum aku terhenti pada hari ketiga sebab ada orang tak bayar duit aku. Dah bayar dah, jadi okay lah. Hahaha.
Jalan cerita Pecah penuh berselirat dengan beberapa misteri dan jalinan plot yang best. Aku sebenarnya lebih tertarik dengan beberapa watak daripada watak yang lain, jadi aku menunggu pendedahan kisah mereka.
Nizam telah menjalin cerita yang berlapis. Dapat aku rasakan cintanya pada karya medium novel ini. Sesuatu yang dibuat dengan rasa cinta dan hormat pada medium itu sendiri sememangnya lebih sedap dibaca daripada karya dengan motivasi lain.
Plotnya memang kaya - sekaya bahasanya - dan bilangan watak yang agak ramai buat aku rasa best membaca. Sensibiliti Barat yang digunakan juga memudahkan pembacaan, mengikut susur-galur novel thriller yang lain.
Aku suka penilitian dalam Pecah. Ada Ayam Goreng McD dan Double Cheeseburger dinyatakan dalam cerita, sebab aku fikir makanan itu penting, walaupun aku lebih suka Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
Namun, aku rasa pengakhiran novel ini sedikit mengejut. Salah satu misteri cerita yang dipegang sampai akhir, penyelesaiannya seperti memandu atas jalan di tepi pantai dan tertekan brek apabila rusa melintas. Walaupun aku tak tau apa pasal mesti ada rusa kat tepi pantai. Tapi, kat Kuantan, yang ada pantai, memang ada orang bela rusa dengan pinjaman badan-badan kerajaan.
Dan, walaupun aku amat menggemari karya yang dapat memperkayakan dan memperkosakan, eh, memperkasakan kosa kata aku, aku rasa Nizam tak perlu terlalu bersastera, mungkin. Aku takut khalayak (chewah!) akan bimbang membaca novel ini kerana bahasanya agak kaya. Mungkin juga ada yang akan tertarik, sebab bahasanya. Ada orang, suka makan kek. Ada orang tak suka.
Ah! Itu bukan sesuatu yang Nizam atau aku perlu risaukan. Sakit kepala itu, milik Amir Muhammad, yang harus menjual buku ini. Dan mungkin tak sakit pun. Pasal, kalau kau dapat baca buku ni, maka kau akan kelihatan segak dan berpelajaran tinggi, walaupun hanya lulus SPM.
Aku sarankan agar kamu semua membaca Pecah, walau hanya jika novel ini membawa nafas baru kepada genre fiksyen dan novel sastera. Malah, aku rasa kalau dibuang plot jenayahnya, dan ditambah dalam 30,000 patah perkataan dipenuhi watak-watak yang mengelamun, aku rasa novel Pecah ini layak diterbitkan DBP dan dinobatkan sebagai 'novel sastera'. Aku sebenarnya lebih suka novel ini seadanya.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Jejak Kelana: Susah Senang Diriku
Aku sedang menulis filem yang bagi aku paling susah pernah aku tulis. Berminggu-minggu aku cuba mencari rentak dan intipatinya.
Aku juga sedang menulis novel, tapi entah bila boleh aku sambung, pasal aku menumpukan perhatian pada skrip TV dan skrip filem dulu.
Malam ni, aku tak kira. Aku akan habiskan apa yang boleh aku habiskan. Biar tak tidur sampai pagi, biar mata aku merah macam setan.
Aku kena siapkan sebelum deadline.
Inilah Jalan Pedang!
Aku juga sedang menulis novel, tapi entah bila boleh aku sambung, pasal aku menumpukan perhatian pada skrip TV dan skrip filem dulu.
Malam ni, aku tak kira. Aku akan habiskan apa yang boleh aku habiskan. Biar tak tidur sampai pagi, biar mata aku merah macam setan.
Aku kena siapkan sebelum deadline.
Inilah Jalan Pedang!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Jejak Kelana: Bukak Langkah, Selak Kain
Aku memulakan hari semalam pada pukul 12 tengah malam. Mata aku jahanam sekejap, jadi aku membuat senaman dan bertafakur selama sejam, untuk mendapatkan penglihatan aku balik.
Aku menulis sampai ke pagi. Pukul 7, aku dah nak mampus. Jadi aku tidur selama sejam, atas lantai yang sejuk. Ini petua datuk aku, yang Cina tu. Kalau baring atas tilam, berbantal empuk, mesti nak terjaga tengahari. Kalau berbantalkan batu-bata, beralas simen, mesti bangun cepat.
Tapi, aku masih terlajak tidur selama 20 minit.
Pukul 9 lebih, aku masuk kelas. Aku mengajar dua jenis kelas penulisan, di sebuah kolej swasta. Bebudaknya rata-rata jenis datang daripada keluarga berada.
Mereka bernasib baik sebab aku dah ada sedikit pengalaman mengajar tahun lepas, jadi semua berjalan dengan agak lancar.
Malah, aku menawarkan khidmat latihan intensif untuk mereka yang kurang mahir menulis. Secara percuma. Patut aku caj lebih sikit. Hahaha.
Lepas habis kelas, aku bergegas, atau dalam erti kata lain, aku lari lintang pukang naik teksi ke pelancaran dan sidang media tertutup Buku Fixi. Sidang media ini bukan untuk umum, yang akan diadakan juga pada esok malam, sebab majlis ini juga adalah majlis menandatangan memorandum persefahaman antara Buku Fixi dan Lightbulb Studios.
Gabungan ini bercita-cita mengadaptasi beberapa (harapnya) novel terpilih daripada terbitan Buku Fixi menjadi filem.
Aku tersua Khairul Nizam Bakeri - @nizambakeri di Twitter - penulis novel Pecah, Shaz Johar (Kougar) dan Ridhwan Saidi (Cekik). Inilah tiga penulis pertama yang menerbitkan novel mereka bawah label Buku Fixi, kelolaan Amir Muhammad (@amirmu).
Ada awek Cina seorang, dan wakil Lightbulb Studios.
Aku sempat bercakap dengan wakil Lightbulb Studios, tetapi tidak sempat makan nasi goreng percuma dan sambal udang petai sebab aku menumpang Raman dari Silverfish balik ke Bangsar.
Dalam perjalanan pulang, Raman sempat mentarbiah aku pasal keadaan penerbitan sekarang, dan mengapa ada orang yang mengeluarkan kenyataan bahawa novel Faisal Tehrani yang diterbitkan pada awal abad ini adalah novel Bahasa Malaysia pertama diterbitkan selepas 14 tahun.
Ah, pedulikan politik itu semua. Yang aku tahu, aku ada tiga deadline yang aku nak uruskan, dan memikirkan apa aku nak ajar bebudak dalam kelas, minggu depan.
Majulah sukan untuk negara. Dan Fixi.
Oh ya. Tahniah untuk tiga orang penulis novel tadi, Amir Muhammad, Buku Fixi dan Lightbulb Studios. Moga ramai orang baca hendaknya.
Aku menulis sampai ke pagi. Pukul 7, aku dah nak mampus. Jadi aku tidur selama sejam, atas lantai yang sejuk. Ini petua datuk aku, yang Cina tu. Kalau baring atas tilam, berbantal empuk, mesti nak terjaga tengahari. Kalau berbantalkan batu-bata, beralas simen, mesti bangun cepat.
Tapi, aku masih terlajak tidur selama 20 minit.
Pukul 9 lebih, aku masuk kelas. Aku mengajar dua jenis kelas penulisan, di sebuah kolej swasta. Bebudaknya rata-rata jenis datang daripada keluarga berada.
Mereka bernasib baik sebab aku dah ada sedikit pengalaman mengajar tahun lepas, jadi semua berjalan dengan agak lancar.
Malah, aku menawarkan khidmat latihan intensif untuk mereka yang kurang mahir menulis. Secara percuma. Patut aku caj lebih sikit. Hahaha.
Lepas habis kelas, aku bergegas, atau dalam erti kata lain, aku lari lintang pukang naik teksi ke pelancaran dan sidang media tertutup Buku Fixi. Sidang media ini bukan untuk umum, yang akan diadakan juga pada esok malam, sebab majlis ini juga adalah majlis menandatangan memorandum persefahaman antara Buku Fixi dan Lightbulb Studios.
Gabungan ini bercita-cita mengadaptasi beberapa (harapnya) novel terpilih daripada terbitan Buku Fixi menjadi filem.
Aku tersua Khairul Nizam Bakeri - @nizambakeri di Twitter - penulis novel Pecah, Shaz Johar (Kougar) dan Ridhwan Saidi (Cekik). Inilah tiga penulis pertama yang menerbitkan novel mereka bawah label Buku Fixi, kelolaan Amir Muhammad (@amirmu).
Ada awek Cina seorang, dan wakil Lightbulb Studios.
Aku sempat bercakap dengan wakil Lightbulb Studios, tetapi tidak sempat makan nasi goreng percuma dan sambal udang petai sebab aku menumpang Raman dari Silverfish balik ke Bangsar.
Dalam perjalanan pulang, Raman sempat mentarbiah aku pasal keadaan penerbitan sekarang, dan mengapa ada orang yang mengeluarkan kenyataan bahawa novel Faisal Tehrani yang diterbitkan pada awal abad ini adalah novel Bahasa Malaysia pertama diterbitkan selepas 14 tahun.
Ah, pedulikan politik itu semua. Yang aku tahu, aku ada tiga deadline yang aku nak uruskan, dan memikirkan apa aku nak ajar bebudak dalam kelas, minggu depan.
Majulah sukan untuk negara. Dan Fixi.
Oh ya. Tahniah untuk tiga orang penulis novel tadi, Amir Muhammad, Buku Fixi dan Lightbulb Studios. Moga ramai orang baca hendaknya.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
V for Vagina
I do recommend meditation. May sound pretentious and shit, but it works.
I have been battling depression since my teens. I tried many things, but this is the one that worked and is still working.
My methods are simple, and here it is (for free):
1. Sit down or lie down. Doesn't matter which.
2. Don't try to empty your mind. You might end up thinking about what an empty mind feels like, and that's NOT an empty mind. Instead, simply embrace and accept the fact that you are constantly thinking. Allow it to happen. Don't focus on your busy mind, just accept it. Oh, best do this alone. People are a distraction.
3. No chants. No mantras. No magic. Just be in the experience. Feel your breathing. Feel your heartbeat, if you can. Don't label anything.
4. Do this for a while, and you can access a sense of peace or whatever the fuck. This peace, this solace, is our connection to the universe. We are not the center of the universe. None of us are. We are the universe.
After doing this, I guarantee you can shoot laser beams from your eyes.
Nah, but you can start bringing that state of awareness into your daily life and in your interaction with people. I'm sure of that. Doesn't always work for me, but when it does, it's fucking sweet.
I have been battling depression since my teens. I tried many things, but this is the one that worked and is still working.
My methods are simple, and here it is (for free):
1. Sit down or lie down. Doesn't matter which.
2. Don't try to empty your mind. You might end up thinking about what an empty mind feels like, and that's NOT an empty mind. Instead, simply embrace and accept the fact that you are constantly thinking. Allow it to happen. Don't focus on your busy mind, just accept it. Oh, best do this alone. People are a distraction.
3. No chants. No mantras. No magic. Just be in the experience. Feel your breathing. Feel your heartbeat, if you can. Don't label anything.
4. Do this for a while, and you can access a sense of peace or whatever the fuck. This peace, this solace, is our connection to the universe. We are not the center of the universe. None of us are. We are the universe.
After doing this, I guarantee you can shoot laser beams from your eyes.
Nah, but you can start bringing that state of awareness into your daily life and in your interaction with people. I'm sure of that. Doesn't always work for me, but when it does, it's fucking sweet.
Vagabond: The Vicious Cabaret
I lost part of my vision just now. Been working too hard. Oh well. I go out there and I give 400% every day. I leave everything on blank virtual pieces of paper.
I am not someone who can hold back. Tried it. Can't. I just can't. Through all my training, I have become a bit calmer, but that does not change how I do my work. If you're looking for a quick-fix guy, then find him or her somewhere else.
I am not part of the Vicious Cabaret. Not anymore. And if you'll excuse me, DEADLINES! Not fucking DATElines, which are roughly along the longitudes of the earth, but DEADlines.
I want to finish these things in April, and finish my novel in May.
I got stuff to do!
I am not someone who can hold back. Tried it. Can't. I just can't. Through all my training, I have become a bit calmer, but that does not change how I do my work. If you're looking for a quick-fix guy, then find him or her somewhere else.
I am not part of the Vicious Cabaret. Not anymore. And if you'll excuse me, DEADLINES! Not fucking DATElines, which are roughly along the longitudes of the earth, but DEADlines.
I want to finish these things in April, and finish my novel in May.
I got stuff to do!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Vagabond: And When That Trumpet Sounds...
I need to get some shuteye soon. I got deadlines up the wazoo.
Three major ones I need to finish BEFORE the weekend, cause this Sunday, I'm heading east.
I have no doubt that I have made the right decision in choosing this path, and it will be a cold day in hell before I ever turn back.
My aim is straight and true. Whatever comes my way, I'll kill it.
Now, I just need some Zs. As in, Zzz zZz zzZ.
Three major ones I need to finish BEFORE the weekend, cause this Sunday, I'm heading east.
I have no doubt that I have made the right decision in choosing this path, and it will be a cold day in hell before I ever turn back.
My aim is straight and true. Whatever comes my way, I'll kill it.
Now, I just need some Zs. As in, Zzz zZz zzZ.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Vagabond: The Vagaries of Life
I am writing a screenplay for a very difficult movie, when all I want to write right now is a BM novel. It (the film) has stumped me for two weeks.
I started today, redoing Scene 16. I am now at Scene 50. In my head, I know how I want the movie to turn out. But between my head and the actual screening, are months of production work, rehearsals and meetings.
My task is not simply to have ideas, but to be able to communicate them effectively. I see several long meetings in the horizon.
I don't have a muse, unless you count porn and comic books. However, the comic books vital for the film are not with me. Small matter. It will test my mettle and what I have learned, to do this properly.
After three tries, I think I am getting the hang of writing screenplays and anticipating how directors work with the material at hand.
Still, this is by far the hardest movie I have worked on. After concluding the final part of the story tonight, I will spend most of tomorrow's allotted time for this project, polishing up everything.
Meanwhile, the novel will have to wait as I have prioritised three deadlines this weekend and damn me to hell if I can't finish all of them.
But the characters in the novel are yearning to be let out. Straining against whatever.
I feel like such a fucking artist. Without the 'e'.
I started today, redoing Scene 16. I am now at Scene 50. In my head, I know how I want the movie to turn out. But between my head and the actual screening, are months of production work, rehearsals and meetings.
My task is not simply to have ideas, but to be able to communicate them effectively. I see several long meetings in the horizon.
I don't have a muse, unless you count porn and comic books. However, the comic books vital for the film are not with me. Small matter. It will test my mettle and what I have learned, to do this properly.
After three tries, I think I am getting the hang of writing screenplays and anticipating how directors work with the material at hand.
Still, this is by far the hardest movie I have worked on. After concluding the final part of the story tonight, I will spend most of tomorrow's allotted time for this project, polishing up everything.
Meanwhile, the novel will have to wait as I have prioritised three deadlines this weekend and damn me to hell if I can't finish all of them.
But the characters in the novel are yearning to be let out. Straining against whatever.
I feel like such a fucking artist. Without the 'e'.
Vagabond: The Humans
I neded some human references, so today, I decided to spend some time with Homo Sapiens.
I am very good when it comes to one-on-one conversations, but in a social group of primates, I degenerate into a performer. But fuck me (please?). I needed the human contact and observations for the stories I am working on.
I even went to a play, and yet I still feel as if I'm locked in a glass bottle. So, I am going to use that instead. The feeling of alienation.
The way I am approaching my new projects, I try to insert some acting technoques. I envelope myself in a certain thought or emotion, and write from there. It is, at the end of the day, an experiment.
I am curious as to how things would turn out, so here I go! See you after the first deadline.
I am very good when it comes to one-on-one conversations, but in a social group of primates, I degenerate into a performer. But fuck me (please?). I needed the human contact and observations for the stories I am working on.
I even went to a play, and yet I still feel as if I'm locked in a glass bottle. So, I am going to use that instead. The feeling of alienation.
The way I am approaching my new projects, I try to insert some acting technoques. I envelope myself in a certain thought or emotion, and write from there. It is, at the end of the day, an experiment.
I am curious as to how things would turn out, so here I go! See you after the first deadline.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Generations
I have often heard how stories are generational. I didn't know how, until now.
My mother has become her mother. One of us has become our aunt. I will not be anyone other than myself.
I see, though, how some people grow to becoming their fathers or their mothers, repeating the same mistakes, having the same values, eventually with the same results, etc.
The victims will constantly strive to keep on being victims.
I think that's dumb, but hey, knock yourself out.
My mother has become her mother. One of us has become our aunt. I will not be anyone other than myself.
I see, though, how some people grow to becoming their fathers or their mothers, repeating the same mistakes, having the same values, eventually with the same results, etc.
The victims will constantly strive to keep on being victims.
I think that's dumb, but hey, knock yourself out.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Jejak Kelana: Falsafah Neraka Dan Kitab Damo
Hari ini, hari yang menenangkan. Setelah semalam yang amat memenatkan, hingga aku rasa seperti badan berbalut kain putih saja hari ini. Cuma tak masuk liang lahad je.
Aku pergi mengajar di sebuah kolej swasta pada paginya, dan kemudian pergi menghadiri mesyuarat di Bangsar. Sementara itu, dengan bateri yanag makin kehabisan tenaga, aku membalas emel serta panggilan telefon.
Kau takkan dapat menduga betapa menggunungnya kerja yang menanti aku. AKu tak rasa bimbang. Malah, aku teruja. Dalam ketenangan, dibawa oleh kepenatan yang sukar dijumpai manusia, aku dengan berhati-hati, mampu menaruh harapan, macam Zaiton Sameon.
Sekarang, dengan lampu kalimantang yang berdengung, aku rasa seperti sebuah bangunan yang bakal rebah ke atas katil sebentar lagi.
Namun aku tahu, esok aku akan bekerja dengan kesungguhan yang aku pelajari daripada Kitab Falsafah Neraka.
Aku pergi mengajar di sebuah kolej swasta pada paginya, dan kemudian pergi menghadiri mesyuarat di Bangsar. Sementara itu, dengan bateri yanag makin kehabisan tenaga, aku membalas emel serta panggilan telefon.
Kau takkan dapat menduga betapa menggunungnya kerja yang menanti aku. AKu tak rasa bimbang. Malah, aku teruja. Dalam ketenangan, dibawa oleh kepenatan yang sukar dijumpai manusia, aku dengan berhati-hati, mampu menaruh harapan, macam Zaiton Sameon.
Sekarang, dengan lampu kalimantang yang berdengung, aku rasa seperti sebuah bangunan yang bakal rebah ke atas katil sebentar lagi.
Namun aku tahu, esok aku akan bekerja dengan kesungguhan yang aku pelajari daripada Kitab Falsafah Neraka.
The Malay Male Family Values: Lord Shaper
I was in Kuantan these past few days. I ended a four hour journey back to KL today, with a birthday celebration of one of my closest friends.
The time back in Kuantan was a rewarding one. It used to be that Kuantan was a place for hellish confrontations and destructive actions. Imagine a few decades of The Bold and the Beautiful, combined with Wrestlemania, all rolled into three days.
My family's defining emotion, was anger. We all embody a wrath that could bend steel. We harboured revenge for decades, like any Sicilian family, of which we are not.
Fortunately, those were the old days and I hope to put all that behind us.
I no longer try to change my parents, or wish for them to be different. They were and are not the best parents in the world, but they did their very best. It was a long and arduous journey to get to this, as I have inherited my parents' difficulty in letting go.
For years, I tried to fix them, as for years, they tried to fix me. We were locked in a dance that could have pushed us over the edge.
I understand now how your relathionship with your family could define all your other relationships. I had trouble because to me, not 'fixing' anyone meant that I would just wash my hands of their affairs and let them rot in hell. It was either one or the other.
For years, what I was trying to do, was to live my parents' lives for them. I wanted to fix my father's neurons and the capilaries in his brain so he won't have a stroke again. So that he could walk without wobbling, and have his encyclopaedic mind again. I wanted to cure his pancreas so it would produce insulin and he could eat all the things he wanted. So that he won't get frustrated when we wouldn't buy him cookies.
I wanted to allay my mother's fears and to show her that the world is much, much more than an acre of land in Kuantan. To convince her that she does not need approval from anyone to approve of herself, and that it was, is, and forever will be okay to love yourself.
I wanted so much to reach into the souls of these imperfect beings, and tell them that it's okay, really.
That it's okay to live, and it's okay to die. That you make of your world, what you want of it. And that no one can take it away from you, forever and always.
But.
I realised that it's not up to me. The realisation, awareness, revelations - all the lessons - are not for me to teach. They will understand it on their own terms, in their own time, in their own fashion. Whatever it is they decide to understand.
I can't 'save' them as much as they can't 'save' me. I'm afraid our jobs are not to save each other, and it was very difficult for all of us, this family of superheroes.
This is why, this dance from SYTYCD made me cry like a bitch. And it still does.
The time back in Kuantan was a rewarding one. It used to be that Kuantan was a place for hellish confrontations and destructive actions. Imagine a few decades of The Bold and the Beautiful, combined with Wrestlemania, all rolled into three days.
My family's defining emotion, was anger. We all embody a wrath that could bend steel. We harboured revenge for decades, like any Sicilian family, of which we are not.
Fortunately, those were the old days and I hope to put all that behind us.
I no longer try to change my parents, or wish for them to be different. They were and are not the best parents in the world, but they did their very best. It was a long and arduous journey to get to this, as I have inherited my parents' difficulty in letting go.
For years, I tried to fix them, as for years, they tried to fix me. We were locked in a dance that could have pushed us over the edge.
I understand now how your relathionship with your family could define all your other relationships. I had trouble because to me, not 'fixing' anyone meant that I would just wash my hands of their affairs and let them rot in hell. It was either one or the other.
For years, what I was trying to do, was to live my parents' lives for them. I wanted to fix my father's neurons and the capilaries in his brain so he won't have a stroke again. So that he could walk without wobbling, and have his encyclopaedic mind again. I wanted to cure his pancreas so it would produce insulin and he could eat all the things he wanted. So that he won't get frustrated when we wouldn't buy him cookies.
I wanted to allay my mother's fears and to show her that the world is much, much more than an acre of land in Kuantan. To convince her that she does not need approval from anyone to approve of herself, and that it was, is, and forever will be okay to love yourself.
I wanted so much to reach into the souls of these imperfect beings, and tell them that it's okay, really.
That it's okay to live, and it's okay to die. That you make of your world, what you want of it. And that no one can take it away from you, forever and always.
But.
I realised that it's not up to me. The realisation, awareness, revelations - all the lessons - are not for me to teach. They will understand it on their own terms, in their own time, in their own fashion. Whatever it is they decide to understand.
I can't 'save' them as much as they can't 'save' me. I'm afraid our jobs are not to save each other, and it was very difficult for all of us, this family of superheroes.
This is why, this dance from SYTYCD made me cry like a bitch. And it still does.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Rota Fortuna
It's been crazy, man.
Going after my dreams means a lot of work. A lot. If I was 'being smart about it', I would be doing much less work, for more money - more or less guaranteed payment, but with such little satisfaction.
There are some who have stayed with me through thick or thin, and some new faces who have come forward and supported me in tough times. I appreciate their efforts, especially in the wake of some shit that's been going on.
I am moving forward, taking no prisoners. Letting go of a lot of baggage and just walking, man. I know what I can and cannot do. I don't know and don't care about other people, but I do know myself.
I got shit to do tonight, before I go back to Kuantan tomorrow. Time for the grind, baby.
Going after my dreams means a lot of work. A lot. If I was 'being smart about it', I would be doing much less work, for more money - more or less guaranteed payment, but with such little satisfaction.
There are some who have stayed with me through thick or thin, and some new faces who have come forward and supported me in tough times. I appreciate their efforts, especially in the wake of some shit that's been going on.
I am moving forward, taking no prisoners. Letting go of a lot of baggage and just walking, man. I know what I can and cannot do. I don't know and don't care about other people, but I do know myself.
I got shit to do tonight, before I go back to Kuantan tomorrow. Time for the grind, baby.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Jejak Kelana: Tulis Buku
Aku tengah menulis novel Bahasa Malaysia untuk projek Fixi Amir Muhammad. Dia cakap kat Twitter, jadi aku rasa aku boleh kongsi kat sini.
Aku rasa, aku nak buat novel cinta jiwang karat Melayu. Aku punya stail pasal cerita jiwang karat Melayu.
Ramai pengkarya yang asyik mengomel pasal kerja diorang tak dibaca, dihidu atau dijenguk pun oleh orang ramai, atau bahasa bestnya - khalayak. Kalau pakai slang, kita cakap, 'diorang tak ambik pot pun, nyah!'
Jadi, kalau orang tak pergi kepada kau, kau kenalah pergi kepada orang. Sorry, khalayak. Nak jual mahal buat apa? Takde orang beli, komplen lagi. Macam orang putih yang mungkin Islam akan cakap, "kalau Muhammad taknak pi ke gunung, biaq gunung pi kat Muhammad."
Keputusan tentang untuk siapa kau menulis, amat penting. Kalau orang tua, caranya lain. Bebudak muda, caranya lain.
Integriti karya boleh dikekalkan, sambil memenuhi kehendak khalayak. Itu apa yang aku percaya.
Okaylah, aku akan meneruskan penulisan aku dalam satu benda yang baru - novel jiwang karat Bahasa Malaysia.
Aku rasa, aku nak buat novel cinta jiwang karat Melayu. Aku punya stail pasal cerita jiwang karat Melayu.
Ramai pengkarya yang asyik mengomel pasal kerja diorang tak dibaca, dihidu atau dijenguk pun oleh orang ramai, atau bahasa bestnya - khalayak. Kalau pakai slang, kita cakap, 'diorang tak ambik pot pun, nyah!'
Jadi, kalau orang tak pergi kepada kau, kau kenalah pergi kepada orang. Sorry, khalayak. Nak jual mahal buat apa? Takde orang beli, komplen lagi. Macam orang putih yang mungkin Islam akan cakap, "kalau Muhammad taknak pi ke gunung, biaq gunung pi kat Muhammad."
Keputusan tentang untuk siapa kau menulis, amat penting. Kalau orang tua, caranya lain. Bebudak muda, caranya lain.
Integriti karya boleh dikekalkan, sambil memenuhi kehendak khalayak. Itu apa yang aku percaya.
Okaylah, aku akan meneruskan penulisan aku dalam satu benda yang baru - novel jiwang karat Bahasa Malaysia.
Exorcism
These few nights, I have been listening to people talk about pain. The energy was so potent, that I carried it back with me to my apartment. It also attracted some stupid shit kids who played with some garbage I put outside my door, for throwing out later.
I don't advise people anymore, unles it's for money. However, I felt compelled to share my experience, dealing with shit.
Just let go, man. It's not worth it. Not worth your time, not worth your energy, or happiness.
Some things in life, are worth fighting for. They're worth everything. If you need to kill yourself for it, then by all means, let the guillotine swing.
But here's the thing - that is not for everything, and in fact it is not true for most things. Maybe not true for all THINGS. Or ALL PEOPLE.
A person I respect taught me how to choose my battles, and choose my focus. I totally agree. The only thing that truly needs your focus and your everything, is yourself and your work.
Everything else, is just bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I don't even want to break it down.
I am happy now that I am on course, and that my work is steadily moving forward. When I get in the zone, eventually, nothing can stop me. Everything would be gold.
Before that, I just need to do shit like this - exorcising all that painful energy, that dark cluster. A miasma of emo bullshit.
I was looking for a bit of that, tonight, cause I was writing a particularly depressing sequence in a project I'm doing, but I was immediately reminded how out of control despair is.
If you're not conscious enough, it could just latch onto you and just follow you around.
I deal with it like how I always deal with things. I hit it till it stops moving. But what worked eventually, are my new tricks.
Oh well.
Time to get back to work.
I don't advise people anymore, unles it's for money. However, I felt compelled to share my experience, dealing with shit.
Just let go, man. It's not worth it. Not worth your time, not worth your energy, or happiness.
Some things in life, are worth fighting for. They're worth everything. If you need to kill yourself for it, then by all means, let the guillotine swing.
But here's the thing - that is not for everything, and in fact it is not true for most things. Maybe not true for all THINGS. Or ALL PEOPLE.
A person I respect taught me how to choose my battles, and choose my focus. I totally agree. The only thing that truly needs your focus and your everything, is yourself and your work.
Everything else, is just bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I don't even want to break it down.
I am happy now that I am on course, and that my work is steadily moving forward. When I get in the zone, eventually, nothing can stop me. Everything would be gold.
Before that, I just need to do shit like this - exorcising all that painful energy, that dark cluster. A miasma of emo bullshit.
I was looking for a bit of that, tonight, cause I was writing a particularly depressing sequence in a project I'm doing, but I was immediately reminded how out of control despair is.
If you're not conscious enough, it could just latch onto you and just follow you around.
I deal with it like how I always deal with things. I hit it till it stops moving. But what worked eventually, are my new tricks.
Oh well.
Time to get back to work.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Seeing the Clouds
I've done many stuff, but the one thing I haven't done properly is comics.
Comics is still my first love. I left computer programming in order to go and become a comic book writer.
I read that Neil Gaiman became a journalist for eight years and deemed it as the best training he got, so that's what I did. I became a journalist for more or less eight years. Rather, I spent eight years in the media, trying my hand at as many mediums as I can.
Writing articles, books, short stories, poems, drama serials, animation, travelogues, documentaries, variety shows, talk shows, films all have their own unique requirements and challenges.
I have yet to write a comic book properly, though, and would not pass up a good opportunity doing that.
See, comic books are unique. Imagine taking cells from a movie and having the ability to just map out scenes perfectly. You map the visuals of the storytelling, and the readers' minds make the movie inside their heads.
People say that voice-acting and radio dramas utilise the 'theatre of the mind' - a concept that I have also heard in dances such as lyrical jazz and contemporary ballet, as well as negative space in theatrical modern art. In reality, it is used in almost all art forms.
Comic books is a unique medium because it has so much of the strengths of the film medium, as well as a book, while embodying this pretentious-sounding, conceptual 'theatre of the mind'. It's the perfect marriage of many mediums as one.
I'm sure others have written this more eloquently and clearly than I have right here, but I just want to stress my belief that if one can master comics, he or she can also master printed pages as well as the celluloid world and everything in between.
In comics, you can have for instance, silent screams - the worst kind are ones with 'screaming eyes' - and it does it better than film. The readers choose the voice of the narrator themselves. Instead of miles of exposition or set-up in a novel, a scene can be done in just one panel. The potential for comics is boundless, limited only by what story you want to tell, and how you tell it.
It is the audience that adds and subtracts things from it as they see fit.
This is important as a crucial part of delivering a work of art is when the intended audience receives it and makes something out of nothing. Value is in the eye of the buyer, not the seller. In storytelling, the space that is the most vital, and yet in which we have the least control, is the time between the delivery of a work and the senses of the audience.
I believe that the medium that boasts the most control over this vital time-space, is comic books.
Comics is still my first love. I left computer programming in order to go and become a comic book writer.
I read that Neil Gaiman became a journalist for eight years and deemed it as the best training he got, so that's what I did. I became a journalist for more or less eight years. Rather, I spent eight years in the media, trying my hand at as many mediums as I can.
Writing articles, books, short stories, poems, drama serials, animation, travelogues, documentaries, variety shows, talk shows, films all have their own unique requirements and challenges.
I have yet to write a comic book properly, though, and would not pass up a good opportunity doing that.
See, comic books are unique. Imagine taking cells from a movie and having the ability to just map out scenes perfectly. You map the visuals of the storytelling, and the readers' minds make the movie inside their heads.
People say that voice-acting and radio dramas utilise the 'theatre of the mind' - a concept that I have also heard in dances such as lyrical jazz and contemporary ballet, as well as negative space in theatrical modern art. In reality, it is used in almost all art forms.
Comic books is a unique medium because it has so much of the strengths of the film medium, as well as a book, while embodying this pretentious-sounding, conceptual 'theatre of the mind'. It's the perfect marriage of many mediums as one.
I'm sure others have written this more eloquently and clearly than I have right here, but I just want to stress my belief that if one can master comics, he or she can also master printed pages as well as the celluloid world and everything in between.
In comics, you can have for instance, silent screams - the worst kind are ones with 'screaming eyes' - and it does it better than film. The readers choose the voice of the narrator themselves. Instead of miles of exposition or set-up in a novel, a scene can be done in just one panel. The potential for comics is boundless, limited only by what story you want to tell, and how you tell it.
It is the audience that adds and subtracts things from it as they see fit.
This is important as a crucial part of delivering a work of art is when the intended audience receives it and makes something out of nothing. Value is in the eye of the buyer, not the seller. In storytelling, the space that is the most vital, and yet in which we have the least control, is the time between the delivery of a work and the senses of the audience.
I believe that the medium that boasts the most control over this vital time-space, is comic books.
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Fool: Happiness
A lot of people come to me and say that this thing or those people made them happy, sad, whatever the fuck.
I, too, have - most of the time - attributed my feelings of joy, bliss, sadness and despair on external factors.
However, The Truth is that you decide on your own how you feel. I've met very insecure millionaires as well as happy paupers. Also, happy, humble multi-millionaires and very angry middle-class people. I got a neighbour who makes like, RM400 a month with six kids to feed. One of the most good-natured person I know.
I've met lonely people in marriages who cheat like hell, trying to fill in a void in their beings. I've met people who go to remote areas in Africa or Antartica, alone at times for six months or more, who keep their sanity just by meditating and acquiring a hobby.
End of the day, happiness, solace, joy, comes from within us all. I believe that the path to happiness is pursuing what you want to do, and you only know what you want to do, if you get real with yourself.
A lot of people put on masks, or try to affect a persona, blending into something they are not. That won't get you anywhere. But don't take my word for it. Go on and try it for a few decades.
And now, I need to get to bed. Full day, today, and I'm not pulling any pranks. Hopefully.
I, too, have - most of the time - attributed my feelings of joy, bliss, sadness and despair on external factors.
However, The Truth is that you decide on your own how you feel. I've met very insecure millionaires as well as happy paupers. Also, happy, humble multi-millionaires and very angry middle-class people. I got a neighbour who makes like, RM400 a month with six kids to feed. One of the most good-natured person I know.
I've met lonely people in marriages who cheat like hell, trying to fill in a void in their beings. I've met people who go to remote areas in Africa or Antartica, alone at times for six months or more, who keep their sanity just by meditating and acquiring a hobby.
End of the day, happiness, solace, joy, comes from within us all. I believe that the path to happiness is pursuing what you want to do, and you only know what you want to do, if you get real with yourself.
A lot of people put on masks, or try to affect a persona, blending into something they are not. That won't get you anywhere. But don't take my word for it. Go on and try it for a few decades.
And now, I need to get to bed. Full day, today, and I'm not pulling any pranks. Hopefully.
Village People: The Clitoris
Today, or rather yesterday, I managed something I thought couldn't be done - find a foundation for the project I'm working on.
I really thought I had to go guerilla on this shit, you know? I've approached about 10 or 12 foundations and organisations as well as ministries to get behind the project. It is vital, because I don't want to start any fund-raising activities without a legit body behind it.
A tough time explaining to donors is one thing - because I don't want them to just rely on their trust of me, but also a proven system.
Also, I want to start working with some foundations, because the housing project for the poorest family in my village is just a start.
There are currently some under-utilised funds in the Government itself, aimed at alleviating poverty, but the poor are too disorganised - more so than even disorganised me - as they are scrambling to put food on the table to even think of ways of ending their cycle of poverty.
I've been lucky, cause even though I grew up just a few feet from their houses, I got the resources and the opportunities to get myself out of the swamp. These people, have much less.
If my businesses take off, and I don't have to worry about money, I will be spending my time trying to create ways for these people to make money on their own.
There are ways - agriculture, cottage industries, the works. And rather than yelling at politicians to do something, I believe that it is the responsibility of each and every person to ensure that everyone is cared for.
Politicians are just people, and a lot of them have proven to be very human all these years. I think it is foolish to put all our hopes on them.
I believe that we can make a lasting difference with bypassing a lot of the bullshit and creating great stuff on our own.
Fuck the bullshit, man. Fucking do it, all right?
Knowing that neither you nor anyone else is the center of the universe, is a start. I believe that not looking up nor down on anyone - but taking a look around and what can be done - is the way to go.
Oh well. We shall see.
I really thought I had to go guerilla on this shit, you know? I've approached about 10 or 12 foundations and organisations as well as ministries to get behind the project. It is vital, because I don't want to start any fund-raising activities without a legit body behind it.
A tough time explaining to donors is one thing - because I don't want them to just rely on their trust of me, but also a proven system.
Also, I want to start working with some foundations, because the housing project for the poorest family in my village is just a start.
There are currently some under-utilised funds in the Government itself, aimed at alleviating poverty, but the poor are too disorganised - more so than even disorganised me - as they are scrambling to put food on the table to even think of ways of ending their cycle of poverty.
I've been lucky, cause even though I grew up just a few feet from their houses, I got the resources and the opportunities to get myself out of the swamp. These people, have much less.
If my businesses take off, and I don't have to worry about money, I will be spending my time trying to create ways for these people to make money on their own.
There are ways - agriculture, cottage industries, the works. And rather than yelling at politicians to do something, I believe that it is the responsibility of each and every person to ensure that everyone is cared for.
Politicians are just people, and a lot of them have proven to be very human all these years. I think it is foolish to put all our hopes on them.
I believe that we can make a lasting difference with bypassing a lot of the bullshit and creating great stuff on our own.
Fuck the bullshit, man. Fucking do it, all right?
Knowing that neither you nor anyone else is the center of the universe, is a start. I believe that not looking up nor down on anyone - but taking a look around and what can be done - is the way to go.
Oh well. We shall see.
Seribu Pedang Pulang ke Asal: Kembali ke Jalan Yang Benar
Ya manusia! Hentikanlah melakukan kerosakan di muka bumi ini, dan kembalilah mengingati hari mati, dan kekuasaan Tuhan.
Sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat, kecuali kepada orang yang bertakwa.
Sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat, kecuali kepada orang yang bertakwa.
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