Last night, as I sat down and wrote about the bad diagnosis I received yesterday, my chest felt tight, I was exhausted and generally in extremely low spirits.
The condition of my heart is worse than I expected. There are also complications that put me at risk to either a stroke or the House condition - the medical problem TV doctor Gregory House faced in his origin.
The doctor prescribed a new drug for me - Warfarin. Warfarin was used previously as rat poison. It stops blood clots from forming and for the next six months, this is what the doctors will try to do. I'm already on two other types of blood thinners and Warfarin will be a third drug to function similarly.
The doctor looked very grave, as if predicting my death within a few years. Even his apology sounded to me a bit sarcastic, but I knew he was just telling the truth.
Warfarin is one of the drugs I was hoping to avoid. If taken with the wrong dosage, I could end up with a brain hemorrhage. There are also many types of food that reacts with Warfarin, especially cranberry juice, green leafy vegetables, alcohol, and a bunch of other stuff.
I have to go to the lab every week to get my blood coagulation ratio thing. They need to test how fast my blood clots to adjust the Warfarin to the required target level. The rule then is that I need to make damn sure my intake of green leafy vegetables is consistent at all times.
This means I need a vegetable schedule. Perhaps four (4) heads of butterhead lettuce a week, with one head per day, sawi (choy sam) - maybe one RM2 bunch and three stalks of bok choy a day for two days.
Once I decide on the vegetable schedule, this is what greens I will eat for the next six months with absolutely no changes whatsoever.
This means I won't eat out at all. I won't go to any of your stupid weddings or events. I won't go to parties or travel anywhere I can't replicate my vegetable intake. Not that I go now anyway.
In fact, I have regulated my vegetable intake so far. It's just so fucking bad when you actually have to do it.
I'm dealing with all this, so I have a favour to ask from friends, family or anyone interested in talking to me - do not try to proselytize or convince me to become a devout follower of your stupid religions.
I have long ago accepted wherever God wants to throw me. Heaven, hell, limbo - it is not for me to judge and certainly not for you, who are all inferior to me. I have never met anyone smarter than myself and you are all stupid. Why should I listen to stupid people?
I don't believe in miracle cures that can be whipped up in the kitchen, I don't trust homeopathy, no matter where they're from, and I especially hate anything and everything that comes out of Saudi Arabia and treated as if it's some sort of magic bullshit thing.
I don't believe in magic metal bracelets, enchanted volcanic rock medallions, sacred pieces of paper with Arabic script written by the mouth of a man with no arms or legs, water infused with spiritual incantations, super magic incense, or any type of thing that was not studied by various medical and scientific organisations and are now dispensed by modern clinics or hospitals around the world - preferably First World.
I do not believe that bribing God with extra super duper prayers or fasting or reading a book will accomplish anything. I do not believe in a point system devised by modern Muslims who all believe that the concept of 'good deeds' and 'bad deeds' to determine whether you go to heaven or hell can be quantified.
It is believed by some that if you do as God tells you, you get points. The more points you score, the more you can offset your negative points, accumulated when you are doing bad things. In the end, on Judgment Day, these points are calculated and regardless of anything else, you will go to hell or heaven based on these points.
It's as if someone who lies, cheats or steals can offset his or her bad deed points with a string of combo good deed points during Ramadan. Or a wife beater, a murderer, a child rapist can get away from eternal damnation by following certain dietary restrictions.
In the immortal words of Chris Rock, "On Judgment Day, I refuse to believe that my diet will come into question. Hey, God, I killed a bunch of kids, but I ate right!"
The point system is immensely corrupt and bears a striking resemblance to the practice of the Catholic Church in the past of selling pieces of paper to 'forgive' sinners. The similarity lies in the view that sin can be quantified, and as if God has to adhere to some sort of system.
What if God says fuck you, and all your deeds, you going to hell, fucker! No amount of praying or pretending to be pious to other people will save you then.
I would appreciate it if no one tries to talk about the afterlife to me. None of you have ever been there so everything you tell me is a fucking lie.
I've made peace with God years ago. So take your bullshit, roll them up real tight, spit polish it and stick it up your ass.