There is a hill just outside the gate to my apartment compound. Every day, when I walk up the hill, I experienced a tightness in my chest. It's not similar to the heart attack pain I had two months ago, more like a soreness I could feel. It's like the heart is informing me, "hey, this part is dead, dude."
I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to get all these people worried and they might try to stop me from walking. I know I need the exercise, with my life expectancy now severely reduced - which I must say is part of the plan anyway. So, no one will stop me from doing at least walking. It's just a small fucking hill anyway - around 200m on a steep incline - and if I did detect any real problems, I'd call a cab and go to the emergency room.
Anyway, for the past few days and especially today, that tightness as I climbed the slope was gone. I feel fine, no pain or soreness or whatever. To celebrate, I walked even further today. Usually I walk between 4-6km in one hour, twice a day, almost every day unless it's raining. On a normal day, that's 8-12km of walking.
I have discovered such things as a war memorial just behind my apartment complex, a pack of stray dogs that constantly bark at and ambush me in the beginning but less so now, an international school, a Chinese school, miles of graveyards, some killer views of KL, a fucking palace, training centers as well as grilled fish places.
Today, I decided to explore a bit more and discovered a fucking park. I was living and walking right next to a park and I never knew it existed!
So I walked in, had a chat with the groundskeepers and walked through the thing. Next time I'm walking, I'll explore the full breadth of the space.
I was also cleared for swimming two days ago, when I did my stress test. My fitness level is 10.7 out of a possible 12. This means I can do most things except deep sea diving, skydiving, mountain climbing and those types of stuff. I can run, swim, and do heavy farming.
So, yesterday I went and swam 20 laps for 500m. It was a great workout and sleep was really good. I'm going swimming again today, if I can squeeze the time, but just to relax. I will only do 20 laps around 3 times a week. Can't overexert myself or I might die.
Walking, though, is something I can do every day.
Since the heart attack two months ago, I have lost 15kg. I am halfway to my goal - losing 30kg. Next week, I will go for cardiac rehab's physiotherapy where I hope to learn some weight training techniques and limitations for heart patients such as myself. I also want to know whether it's safe for me to do crunches.
If I develop my muscles, my weight loss will slow down as I build more healthy mass. But more muscle mass means a faster weight loss in the long run.
I'm not doing this for aesthetic reasons. I'm an ultra-handsome bastard as it is. I need to shed the weight and the fat percentage in order to deal with my disease. Life expectancy is the game. Ejection fraction, METS, blood cholesterol levels are all numbers I need to manage and improve.
Not all my doctors will tell me everything. That pissed me off, but since I have access to loads of data from US-based studies, I am okay for now. I know that I won't live that long, but whatever time I have left, I want it to be on my terms.
So that's why I walk, and keep on walking.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Happy 60th Day Anniversary of Almost Dying
Aku baru habiskan dekat 12 jam kat Pusat Perubatan UM, sempena ulangduabulan aku kena sakit jantung. Pagi tadi, aku pergi cardiac rehab untuk stress test.
Stress test ni dia lekatkan benda kat badan ko pastu dia suruh ko lari atas treadmill, sampai ko takleh lari dah.
Dia ada enam level dan dia bagi markah based on ko punya fitness level. Maximum markah 12. Setiap level bagi ko keupayaan untuk buat sesuatu aktiviti. Contohnya, pada level 12, ko boleh menyelam di laut dalam.
Markah aku ialah 10.7. Ini bermakna aku boleh berlari pantas, berenang (yay!) dan membuat 'heavy farming'. Bila aku tanya 'heavy farming' tu apa (sebab dalam kepala aku, aku fikir macam bawak traktor besar atau harvester yang banyak gigi tu), rupanya, mencangkul dan menggali lubang.
Aku tanya doktor, "Buat apa saya nak gali lubang?" Tapi aku paham, soalan sebegini amat relevan untuk majoriti pengidap sakit jantung yang rata-rata tua dan daripada golongan petani.
Aku direkomen oleh Dr Anees di cardiac rehab untuk menyertai latihan fizikal di gym cardiac rehab - sesuatu yang memang aku nak. Gym dan satu lagi, occupational therapy.
Aku AMAT suka team cardiac rehab aku, sama ada doktor-doktornya, nurse-nurse yang friendly dan jugak ahli-ahli baru dalam team aku - Cik Yasmin (Physiotherapy) dan Cik Siti (Occupational Therapy). Aku rasa diorang amat okay.
Kemudian, selepas lunch, aku pergi check INR level aku. Aku terpaksa menunggu selama lebih enam jam. Sambil-sambil tu, aku maki hamun kat Twitter semua kelemahan sistem kat PPUM terutama selepas mamat yang datang 30 minit SELEPAS aku dapat jumpa doktor dan balik SEJAM sebelum aku. Aku komplen kat admin staff kot, lepas tu dapat muka sindir. Aku fikir seseorang perlu menyusun semula sistem menunggu kat PPUM.
Jumpa je doktor, dia terus macam, "Sorry for the long wait" atau something like that. Aku terus bagitau dia kepincangan sistem tu, dengan peluang menyediakan kemudahan untuk orang naik wheelchair, etc, etc.
Tapi, aku tau dia bukan nak dengar sangat pun, dan aku perlukan dia punya prescription je. Bestnya doktor ni, dia selesaikan dua masalah aku sekali gus. Aku patut test INR aku tetiap minggu, dan cara diorang pastikan ini terjadi ialah dengan hanya bagi aku Warfarin untuk satu minggu. Maksudnya, kalau aku tak pergi test, aku boleh mati terus.
Tapi, doktor ni bagi aku Warfarin dua bulan terus. Aku AMAT gembira. Aku tau aku kena monitor INR aku dan ejas dosage Warfarin. Aku boleh test INR kat luar, dan aku sebenarnya tak perlu ejas dosage warfarin sebab tahap INR aku sekarang tepat pada kadar yang dikehendaki. Maksudnya, kalau aku maintain pemakanan aku tanpa tambah sayur hijau or anything, aku boleh gunakan itu sebagai variable dan dosage Warfarin sebagai constant.
Aku happy balik dengan PPUM - sebenarnya sudah menjadi hospital kegemaran aku. Aku masih rasa sistem menunggu di Klinik Perubatan perlu diperkasakan, sebab kesian nurse dan doktor yang kerja macam orang nak gila, tapi patient masih nak mati tunggu sampai enam jam.
Bukan salah medical staff, dan sepatutnya team yang bukan medical staff patut handle administration dan focus on management and operational workflow issues. Sebagai separa management consultant yang suka memberitahu orang dan kompeni diorang di mana diorang salah, ini memang kerja yang aku buat, biasanya free sebab takde sapa nak bayar budak Melayu paya yang bagitau diorang how much their system sucks.
Anyway, di hujung pengembaraan ke PPUM ni, aku naik teksi dengan cardiology consultant. Mamat ni kaya, sebab seluar dia sahaja dah dalam lingkungan 600 atau seribu. Kemeja dia tak kurang 400. Tie dia kualiti tinggi dan fresh. Mamat yang tie kotor biasanya ada satu atau dua tie sahaja.
Aku borak cerita pasal queue yang cam haram tu. Dia terperanjat sebab biasanya 30 minit je. Aku explain, jadi teruk sebab last week pada hari klinik INR, ada Deepavali. So, untuk minggu tu, double trouble lerrr.
Lepas dia blah, aku dengan drebar teksi je dalam kereta. Drebar teksi tu tanya pasal apa aku borak dengan mamat doktor tu tadi. Aku cerita pasal penyakit aku, etc, etc.
Drebar: Abang sakit jantung? Sakit macam mana tu bang? Kalau abang terperanjat, abang mati ke?
Aku: Takde la camtu. Jantung aku, ada damage kat laluan LAD... errr... kat salah satu urat dia, ada block. So jantung tu dah mati. 1/3 jantung aku dah mati.
Drebar: Separuh jantung abang dah mati?
Aku: Tak. Satu pertiga.
Drebar: Suku jantung abang mati?
Aku: Tak. Satu pertiga.
Drebar: Habis, kalau bukan separuh, bukan suku, berapa banyak yang mati? Jantung abang hidup lagi ke?
Aku: Satu pertiga la. 1/3. One over three. Kalau ko beli kek bulat, ko bahagi tiga, ko ambik salah satu potongan, itu satu pertiga la.
Drebar: Jadi, kalau kita ambik kek pound, atau kek kat Starbucks, kita kerat dua?
Aku: Aaaa...ko pusing sini bro. Ko pusing kiri sini.
Lepas tu aku senyap. Maleh dah nak layan.
Stress test ni dia lekatkan benda kat badan ko pastu dia suruh ko lari atas treadmill, sampai ko takleh lari dah.
Dia ada enam level dan dia bagi markah based on ko punya fitness level. Maximum markah 12. Setiap level bagi ko keupayaan untuk buat sesuatu aktiviti. Contohnya, pada level 12, ko boleh menyelam di laut dalam.
Markah aku ialah 10.7. Ini bermakna aku boleh berlari pantas, berenang (yay!) dan membuat 'heavy farming'. Bila aku tanya 'heavy farming' tu apa (sebab dalam kepala aku, aku fikir macam bawak traktor besar atau harvester yang banyak gigi tu), rupanya, mencangkul dan menggali lubang.
Aku tanya doktor, "Buat apa saya nak gali lubang?" Tapi aku paham, soalan sebegini amat relevan untuk majoriti pengidap sakit jantung yang rata-rata tua dan daripada golongan petani.
Aku direkomen oleh Dr Anees di cardiac rehab untuk menyertai latihan fizikal di gym cardiac rehab - sesuatu yang memang aku nak. Gym dan satu lagi, occupational therapy.
Aku AMAT suka team cardiac rehab aku, sama ada doktor-doktornya, nurse-nurse yang friendly dan jugak ahli-ahli baru dalam team aku - Cik Yasmin (Physiotherapy) dan Cik Siti (Occupational Therapy). Aku rasa diorang amat okay.
Kemudian, selepas lunch, aku pergi check INR level aku. Aku terpaksa menunggu selama lebih enam jam. Sambil-sambil tu, aku maki hamun kat Twitter semua kelemahan sistem kat PPUM terutama selepas mamat yang datang 30 minit SELEPAS aku dapat jumpa doktor dan balik SEJAM sebelum aku. Aku komplen kat admin staff kot, lepas tu dapat muka sindir. Aku fikir seseorang perlu menyusun semula sistem menunggu kat PPUM.
Jumpa je doktor, dia terus macam, "Sorry for the long wait" atau something like that. Aku terus bagitau dia kepincangan sistem tu, dengan peluang menyediakan kemudahan untuk orang naik wheelchair, etc, etc.
Tapi, aku tau dia bukan nak dengar sangat pun, dan aku perlukan dia punya prescription je. Bestnya doktor ni, dia selesaikan dua masalah aku sekali gus. Aku patut test INR aku tetiap minggu, dan cara diorang pastikan ini terjadi ialah dengan hanya bagi aku Warfarin untuk satu minggu. Maksudnya, kalau aku tak pergi test, aku boleh mati terus.
Tapi, doktor ni bagi aku Warfarin dua bulan terus. Aku AMAT gembira. Aku tau aku kena monitor INR aku dan ejas dosage Warfarin. Aku boleh test INR kat luar, dan aku sebenarnya tak perlu ejas dosage warfarin sebab tahap INR aku sekarang tepat pada kadar yang dikehendaki. Maksudnya, kalau aku maintain pemakanan aku tanpa tambah sayur hijau or anything, aku boleh gunakan itu sebagai variable dan dosage Warfarin sebagai constant.
Aku happy balik dengan PPUM - sebenarnya sudah menjadi hospital kegemaran aku. Aku masih rasa sistem menunggu di Klinik Perubatan perlu diperkasakan, sebab kesian nurse dan doktor yang kerja macam orang nak gila, tapi patient masih nak mati tunggu sampai enam jam.
Bukan salah medical staff, dan sepatutnya team yang bukan medical staff patut handle administration dan focus on management and operational workflow issues. Sebagai separa management consultant yang suka memberitahu orang dan kompeni diorang di mana diorang salah, ini memang kerja yang aku buat, biasanya free sebab takde sapa nak bayar budak Melayu paya yang bagitau diorang how much their system sucks.
Anyway, di hujung pengembaraan ke PPUM ni, aku naik teksi dengan cardiology consultant. Mamat ni kaya, sebab seluar dia sahaja dah dalam lingkungan 600 atau seribu. Kemeja dia tak kurang 400. Tie dia kualiti tinggi dan fresh. Mamat yang tie kotor biasanya ada satu atau dua tie sahaja.
Aku borak cerita pasal queue yang cam haram tu. Dia terperanjat sebab biasanya 30 minit je. Aku explain, jadi teruk sebab last week pada hari klinik INR, ada Deepavali. So, untuk minggu tu, double trouble lerrr.
Lepas dia blah, aku dengan drebar teksi je dalam kereta. Drebar teksi tu tanya pasal apa aku borak dengan mamat doktor tu tadi. Aku cerita pasal penyakit aku, etc, etc.
Drebar: Abang sakit jantung? Sakit macam mana tu bang? Kalau abang terperanjat, abang mati ke?
Aku: Takde la camtu. Jantung aku, ada damage kat laluan LAD... errr... kat salah satu urat dia, ada block. So jantung tu dah mati. 1/3 jantung aku dah mati.
Drebar: Separuh jantung abang dah mati?
Aku: Tak. Satu pertiga.
Drebar: Suku jantung abang mati?
Aku: Tak. Satu pertiga.
Drebar: Habis, kalau bukan separuh, bukan suku, berapa banyak yang mati? Jantung abang hidup lagi ke?
Aku: Satu pertiga la. 1/3. One over three. Kalau ko beli kek bulat, ko bahagi tiga, ko ambik salah satu potongan, itu satu pertiga la.
Drebar: Jadi, kalau kita ambik kek pound, atau kek kat Starbucks, kita kerat dua?
Aku: Aaaa...ko pusing sini bro. Ko pusing kiri sini.
Lepas tu aku senyap. Maleh dah nak layan.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
60 Days After
Next week, two months on the dot from the time I had my heart attack, I will be back at the hospital for an echo stress test. It's a cardiac rehab thing where the doctors will see how my heart moves and functions while I'm exercising.
I hope to get some information from this - particularly how much I can push myself in my daily exercise. The past two months, I took to climbing stairs and then switching to walking.
I started doing 30 minute walks, then I got bored so I did 40 minute walks. Then that became boring as well so I did hour-long walks. Now, I'm doing it twice a day and found out my speed and stamina have increased.
That hour-long walk now takes 40 minutes. I now have to walk further to meet my 60 minute target. I think I want to run, but it is not safe and I could have a heart attack, a stroke or an embolism if I do it wrong or over-exert myself. I also want to know whether I can go swimming again, but walking works for me.
One of these days, maybe tomorrow, I'll write about my walking adventures. They're pretty dumb and interesting, like Jiro Takiguchi and his comic book.
The 60 days also saw a huge change in my lifestyle. First up, no cigarettes. I quit smoking cold turkey and have never had a single stick since the day I got a heart attack.
I reformatted my diet. I asked my sister - a control and health freak - to set up a system for me. I took the system and improved it for my own use. Her recipe to make soup, I have altered to include things I need, such as tomatoes due to my meds not allowing me to have vegetables.
Oh yeah, the doctors found blood clots in my heart, which is potentially life-threatening. So they prescribed Warfarin for me. Warfarin is very sensitive to many things so I had to get rid of leafy green vegetables which formed a large part of my diet. I also stopped taking garlic, western herbs, soy products and a bunch of other stuff.
I also cannot drink cranberry juice, or I might die of brain hemorrhage. It's fucking serious. My friends and family members save for my sister will never be able to understand all this. In some cases, they're dumb. In others, they're delusional or in denial. Also, there is an anti-knowledge culture in our society.
Each person's medical condition is different, but for most people out there, these are just broad categories. "He has hart disease." "Oh? DUUUUUUUUUUH What colour pill does he take?" "She has diabetes? Does she take injections or does she take pills? Are they gonna cut off her foot?"
It doesn't help that most of the medical fraternity in Malaysia do not explain. Thank God for Google.
I'm always pissed off with our dumb society and our stupid people. This is what got me sick in the first place. That and cigarettes and an extremely unhealthy diet. But mostly it was idiots.
After the heart attack, in these two months, I have had a few days when I felt sorry for myself but for the most part, I felt lucky. My sister kept on bugging me about it. "You don't realise how lucky you are."
I had the strength and presence of mind to go to the hospital. We did reach the ER on time. I responded to the anti-thrombolytic agent they injected in me (probably Heparin) as an emergency treatment, I responded to medication, my arteries were okay with the angiogram and angioplasty. I was not allergic to anything. The list goes on.
In terms of my mental well-being, I am quite okay. I'm confident I can keep my cholesterol level low, that I can keep on not smoking, and maintaining my exercise regime. I believe I can get my heart to function better after six months.
In fact, I want to increase the intensity of my exercise regime, and I want to go longer. I want to check out the newly refurbished public gym at Bangsar Sports Complex. I'll have to wait for Wednesday to find out from the doctors.
I hope to get some information from this - particularly how much I can push myself in my daily exercise. The past two months, I took to climbing stairs and then switching to walking.
I started doing 30 minute walks, then I got bored so I did 40 minute walks. Then that became boring as well so I did hour-long walks. Now, I'm doing it twice a day and found out my speed and stamina have increased.
That hour-long walk now takes 40 minutes. I now have to walk further to meet my 60 minute target. I think I want to run, but it is not safe and I could have a heart attack, a stroke or an embolism if I do it wrong or over-exert myself. I also want to know whether I can go swimming again, but walking works for me.
One of these days, maybe tomorrow, I'll write about my walking adventures. They're pretty dumb and interesting, like Jiro Takiguchi and his comic book.
The 60 days also saw a huge change in my lifestyle. First up, no cigarettes. I quit smoking cold turkey and have never had a single stick since the day I got a heart attack.
I reformatted my diet. I asked my sister - a control and health freak - to set up a system for me. I took the system and improved it for my own use. Her recipe to make soup, I have altered to include things I need, such as tomatoes due to my meds not allowing me to have vegetables.
Oh yeah, the doctors found blood clots in my heart, which is potentially life-threatening. So they prescribed Warfarin for me. Warfarin is very sensitive to many things so I had to get rid of leafy green vegetables which formed a large part of my diet. I also stopped taking garlic, western herbs, soy products and a bunch of other stuff.
I also cannot drink cranberry juice, or I might die of brain hemorrhage. It's fucking serious. My friends and family members save for my sister will never be able to understand all this. In some cases, they're dumb. In others, they're delusional or in denial. Also, there is an anti-knowledge culture in our society.
Each person's medical condition is different, but for most people out there, these are just broad categories. "He has hart disease." "Oh? DUUUUUUUUUUH What colour pill does he take?" "She has diabetes? Does she take injections or does she take pills? Are they gonna cut off her foot?"
It doesn't help that most of the medical fraternity in Malaysia do not explain. Thank God for Google.
I'm always pissed off with our dumb society and our stupid people. This is what got me sick in the first place. That and cigarettes and an extremely unhealthy diet. But mostly it was idiots.
After the heart attack, in these two months, I have had a few days when I felt sorry for myself but for the most part, I felt lucky. My sister kept on bugging me about it. "You don't realise how lucky you are."
I had the strength and presence of mind to go to the hospital. We did reach the ER on time. I responded to the anti-thrombolytic agent they injected in me (probably Heparin) as an emergency treatment, I responded to medication, my arteries were okay with the angiogram and angioplasty. I was not allergic to anything. The list goes on.
In terms of my mental well-being, I am quite okay. I'm confident I can keep my cholesterol level low, that I can keep on not smoking, and maintaining my exercise regime. I believe I can get my heart to function better after six months.
In fact, I want to increase the intensity of my exercise regime, and I want to go longer. I want to check out the newly refurbished public gym at Bangsar Sports Complex. I'll have to wait for Wednesday to find out from the doctors.
Mesej Untuk Beruk Atau Biawak
Aku tengah sibuk menyusun kembali hidup aku lepas kena sakit jantung dan takleh buat mende sangat selama dua bulan.
Sambil aku menulis tiga novel serentak dan satu skrip filem, aku nak rehat kejap dan cakap pasal tabiat pemakanan sihat yang mak bapak kat Malaysia - terutamanya mak bapak Melayu - memang gagal segagal-gagalnya.
Tabiat makan mula kat rumah. Mula dengan mak bapak ko, dan kalau ko dah membiak dan ada anak, tanggungjawab tu jatuh pada ko. Malangnya, kebanyakan orang yang kahwin dan membiak sebenarnya tak cukup matang untuk bertanggungjawab atau memikul tanggungjawab menjaga dan membesarkan budak.
Aku kata macam ni sebab pengetahuan pasal pemakanan yang paling basic, diajar di sekolah rendah, PUN DIORANG TAK INGAT. Aku amat terperanjat dengan tahap pengetahuan kebanyakan mak bapak yang sama tahap dengan beruk. Kalau bagi anak ko kat beruk, aku rasa budak tu lagi sihat.
Takkanlah Rosmah nak bagitau semua orang, "Makan fast food tu tak bagus, tak sihat. Banyak garam, lemak tepu, lemak pondan (trans fat) dan gula. Tak caya, tengok saya ni."
Aku perhatikan banyak mak bapak bila bagi anak-anak dia makan, dia bagi ikut apa budak tu suka makan. Kalau budak tu suka McDonald's, dia sumbat McD. Kalau budak tu suka makan mentega, dia sumbat mentega.
Pasal apa diorang ni tak tegah atau halang anak-anak diorang makan macam babi?
Sebabnya, mak bapak jenis camni takde emotional maturity - kematangan emosi. Diorang nak anak-anak diorang suka diorang, sebab diorang sebenarnya tak tahu dan tak pernah rasa kasih sayang. Kebanyakan keluarga yang aku perhatikan secara teliti, hanya bersama sebab alasan-alasan yang amat cetek dan superficial. Diorang bukan sayang pun anak diorang tu.
Keluarga yang tidak bersama sebab emosi atau perasaan, tetapi sebab ingin menjaga imej sendiri. Inilah sebab kita nampak mak dan bapak yang jauh lebih pentingkan bagaimana orang lain melihat diorang sebagai mak bapak atau sama ada anak-anak diorang sukakan diorang atau tak. Basically, selfish, stupid, immature motherfuckers.
Bagi aku, keluarga yang asyik sumbat bebudak dalam kelompok diorang dengan makanan tanpa memikirkan damage jangka panjang adalah keluarga yang pentingkan diri sendiri dan sepatutnya dimusnahkan, atau ditempatkan di zoo.
Jadi, aku cuma nak bagi satu peringatan, kepada semua pembiak - kalau ko dah bawak satu manusia ke dalam dunia ni yang satu hari nanti akan berdepan dengan kesakitan, kematian dan kesedihan, ko bertanggungjawab untuk paling kurang bagi diorang cukup bekalan ilmu dan basis untuk menghadapi semua ini.
Kalau tak, ko beruk. In fact, beruk train anak dia cukup untuk survive dalam hutan. Ko tak. Jadi ko lebih teruk daripada beruk. Ko reptilia. Biawak.
Sambil aku menulis tiga novel serentak dan satu skrip filem, aku nak rehat kejap dan cakap pasal tabiat pemakanan sihat yang mak bapak kat Malaysia - terutamanya mak bapak Melayu - memang gagal segagal-gagalnya.
Tabiat makan mula kat rumah. Mula dengan mak bapak ko, dan kalau ko dah membiak dan ada anak, tanggungjawab tu jatuh pada ko. Malangnya, kebanyakan orang yang kahwin dan membiak sebenarnya tak cukup matang untuk bertanggungjawab atau memikul tanggungjawab menjaga dan membesarkan budak.
Aku kata macam ni sebab pengetahuan pasal pemakanan yang paling basic, diajar di sekolah rendah, PUN DIORANG TAK INGAT. Aku amat terperanjat dengan tahap pengetahuan kebanyakan mak bapak yang sama tahap dengan beruk. Kalau bagi anak ko kat beruk, aku rasa budak tu lagi sihat.
Takkanlah Rosmah nak bagitau semua orang, "Makan fast food tu tak bagus, tak sihat. Banyak garam, lemak tepu, lemak pondan (trans fat) dan gula. Tak caya, tengok saya ni."
Aku perhatikan banyak mak bapak bila bagi anak-anak dia makan, dia bagi ikut apa budak tu suka makan. Kalau budak tu suka McDonald's, dia sumbat McD. Kalau budak tu suka makan mentega, dia sumbat mentega.
Pasal apa diorang ni tak tegah atau halang anak-anak diorang makan macam babi?
Sebabnya, mak bapak jenis camni takde emotional maturity - kematangan emosi. Diorang nak anak-anak diorang suka diorang, sebab diorang sebenarnya tak tahu dan tak pernah rasa kasih sayang. Kebanyakan keluarga yang aku perhatikan secara teliti, hanya bersama sebab alasan-alasan yang amat cetek dan superficial. Diorang bukan sayang pun anak diorang tu.
Keluarga yang tidak bersama sebab emosi atau perasaan, tetapi sebab ingin menjaga imej sendiri. Inilah sebab kita nampak mak dan bapak yang jauh lebih pentingkan bagaimana orang lain melihat diorang sebagai mak bapak atau sama ada anak-anak diorang sukakan diorang atau tak. Basically, selfish, stupid, immature motherfuckers.
Bagi aku, keluarga yang asyik sumbat bebudak dalam kelompok diorang dengan makanan tanpa memikirkan damage jangka panjang adalah keluarga yang pentingkan diri sendiri dan sepatutnya dimusnahkan, atau ditempatkan di zoo.
Jadi, aku cuma nak bagi satu peringatan, kepada semua pembiak - kalau ko dah bawak satu manusia ke dalam dunia ni yang satu hari nanti akan berdepan dengan kesakitan, kematian dan kesedihan, ko bertanggungjawab untuk paling kurang bagi diorang cukup bekalan ilmu dan basis untuk menghadapi semua ini.
Kalau tak, ko beruk. In fact, beruk train anak dia cukup untuk survive dalam hutan. Ko tak. Jadi ko lebih teruk daripada beruk. Ko reptilia. Biawak.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Bahan Makanan Bunuh Diri Untuk Manusia Biasa Dan Pesakit Jantung Yang Ambik Warfarin
Untuk manusia biasa yang mahu mengelak sakit jantung/stroke, jangan makan:
1. SEMUA jenis fast food. No exceptions.
- Semua fast food kaya dengan saturated fat, trans fat dan garam atau gula. Aku tau, sebab aku pernah makan semua jenis fast food.
- Makan fast food macam McDonald's dan KFC, Domino's dan Pizza Hut menaikkan risiko sakit jantung, stroke, kencing manis, darah tinggi, liver failure, buah pinggang dan AIDS, kalau suka ke belakang McD atau KFC dan main toron jubur pondan sambil tak pakai kondom.
2. SEMUA jenis makanan yang dihidangkan di kedai mamak.
- Sama je dengan fast food. Minyak dia entah berapa kali guna dan dipanaskan semula - meningkatkan jumlah trans fat dan bahan-bahan carcinogenic.
- Teh tarik tu cuma gula, lemak dan lemak lagi. Pastu ada air sikit dengan serbuk teh yang entah mana dia lancapkan.
- Mi goreng mamak tu aku rasa kalori dia cukup untuk tiga hari kot.
- Roti canai ada minyak banyak gila sebab setiap kali dia tebar dan goreng, dia letak minyak banyak.
3. SEMUA hidangan tradisional Melayu, India, Cina, Indonesia. SEMUA.
- SEMUA cara masak buatkan hidangan tradisional ni banyak lemak, garam dan akhirnya akan bunuh ko. Nak makan, kena ubah cara masak.
- Hanya cara masak aku yang boleh mengekalkan 85% rasa masakan tradisional, dan menjadikannya sihat.
4. SEMUA jenis kuih.
- aku amat suka kuih. Untuk satu jangka masa panjang, aku percaya kelebihan orang Melayu hanya pada kuih yang hebat. Sekarang aku sedar, kaum lain pun cam puki je - tak bayar utang dengan aku sebanyak 30K. Pui. Superior apa, camtu?
- Anyway, semua jenis kuih tak sihat. Karipap ke, kuih bakar ke, tepung bunga ke, semua aku dah haramkan untuk diri aku sendiri. Harap korang ikut sama.
Pantang Larang Warfarin
Dan untuk mereka yang sedang mengambil ubat Warfarin - biasanya pesakit jantung - ini ialah senarai bahan makanan yang tak boleh makan jugak(perlu diingat, Warfarin bertindakbalas dengan Vitamin K):
1. Herba Mat Salleh
- 100g Basil ada 2143% jumlah keperluan harian Vitamin K. Atau, untuk setiap sudu besar, atau 5g basil, ada 107% keperluan harian untuk Vitamin K. Yang lain - thyme, marjoram, sage pun ada kandungan vitamin K yang tinggi.
- Ini bermakna aku terpaksa melepaskan resipi grill aku dan bertukar ke rempah dan herba Asia.
2. Serbuk dan Rempah Kari/Rempah Jenis Pedas
- WHAAAAAT? Takpe. Satu sudu besar rempah kari/paprika ada 7% keperluan harian Vitamin K. Serbuk cili ada 11% setiap sudu besar.
- Ini bermakna aku perlu mengawal jumlah rempah yang aku makan. Aku biasa gunakan satu sudu besar rempah untuk masak kari yang tahan satu hari (dua kali makan). Okay kot.
3. Sayur-sayuran Berdaun Hijau,.
- dengan kandungan vitamin K yang amat tinggi (lebih 1000% keperluan harian untuk bayam, kale, atau beberapa ratus peratus keperluan harian untuk yang lain), memang takleh makan.
4. Sayur Salad Mat Salleh
- Pun takleh makan.
5. Soya dan barang makanan diperbuat daripada soya
- aku amat sukakan tempe. Takleh makan.
- Takleh minum air soya
- Takleh makan taugeh - tapi aku takde la suka mana taugeh
- tauhu takleh, barang makanan vegetarian berasaskan soya, takleh. tau foo far takleh.
Nak tau nilai dia semua, klik kat sini.
Basically, banyak gila la benda takleh makan sebab tengah makan Warfarin.
Apa yang aku boleh makan sekarang amat-amat terhad, untuk at least 6 months. Kalau tak, aku mungkin mati sebab stroke.
1. SEMUA jenis fast food. No exceptions.
- Semua fast food kaya dengan saturated fat, trans fat dan garam atau gula. Aku tau, sebab aku pernah makan semua jenis fast food.
- Makan fast food macam McDonald's dan KFC, Domino's dan Pizza Hut menaikkan risiko sakit jantung, stroke, kencing manis, darah tinggi, liver failure, buah pinggang dan AIDS, kalau suka ke belakang McD atau KFC dan main toron jubur pondan sambil tak pakai kondom.
2. SEMUA jenis makanan yang dihidangkan di kedai mamak.
- Sama je dengan fast food. Minyak dia entah berapa kali guna dan dipanaskan semula - meningkatkan jumlah trans fat dan bahan-bahan carcinogenic.
- Teh tarik tu cuma gula, lemak dan lemak lagi. Pastu ada air sikit dengan serbuk teh yang entah mana dia lancapkan.
- Mi goreng mamak tu aku rasa kalori dia cukup untuk tiga hari kot.
- Roti canai ada minyak banyak gila sebab setiap kali dia tebar dan goreng, dia letak minyak banyak.
3. SEMUA hidangan tradisional Melayu, India, Cina, Indonesia. SEMUA.
- SEMUA cara masak buatkan hidangan tradisional ni banyak lemak, garam dan akhirnya akan bunuh ko. Nak makan, kena ubah cara masak.
- Hanya cara masak aku yang boleh mengekalkan 85% rasa masakan tradisional, dan menjadikannya sihat.
4. SEMUA jenis kuih.
- aku amat suka kuih. Untuk satu jangka masa panjang, aku percaya kelebihan orang Melayu hanya pada kuih yang hebat. Sekarang aku sedar, kaum lain pun cam puki je - tak bayar utang dengan aku sebanyak 30K. Pui. Superior apa, camtu?
- Anyway, semua jenis kuih tak sihat. Karipap ke, kuih bakar ke, tepung bunga ke, semua aku dah haramkan untuk diri aku sendiri. Harap korang ikut sama.
Pantang Larang Warfarin
Dan untuk mereka yang sedang mengambil ubat Warfarin - biasanya pesakit jantung - ini ialah senarai bahan makanan yang tak boleh makan jugak(perlu diingat, Warfarin bertindakbalas dengan Vitamin K):
1. Herba Mat Salleh
- 100g Basil ada 2143% jumlah keperluan harian Vitamin K. Atau, untuk setiap sudu besar, atau 5g basil, ada 107% keperluan harian untuk Vitamin K. Yang lain - thyme, marjoram, sage pun ada kandungan vitamin K yang tinggi.
- Ini bermakna aku terpaksa melepaskan resipi grill aku dan bertukar ke rempah dan herba Asia.
2. Serbuk dan Rempah Kari/Rempah Jenis Pedas
- WHAAAAAT? Takpe. Satu sudu besar rempah kari/paprika ada 7% keperluan harian Vitamin K. Serbuk cili ada 11% setiap sudu besar.
- Ini bermakna aku perlu mengawal jumlah rempah yang aku makan. Aku biasa gunakan satu sudu besar rempah untuk masak kari yang tahan satu hari (dua kali makan). Okay kot.
3. Sayur-sayuran Berdaun Hijau,.
- dengan kandungan vitamin K yang amat tinggi (lebih 1000% keperluan harian untuk bayam, kale, atau beberapa ratus peratus keperluan harian untuk yang lain), memang takleh makan.
4. Sayur Salad Mat Salleh
- Pun takleh makan.
5. Soya dan barang makanan diperbuat daripada soya
- aku amat sukakan tempe. Takleh makan.
- Takleh minum air soya
- Takleh makan taugeh - tapi aku takde la suka mana taugeh
- tauhu takleh, barang makanan vegetarian berasaskan soya, takleh. tau foo far takleh.
Nak tau nilai dia semua, klik kat sini.
Basically, banyak gila la benda takleh makan sebab tengah makan Warfarin.
Apa yang aku boleh makan sekarang amat-amat terhad, untuk at least 6 months. Kalau tak, aku mungkin mati sebab stroke.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Warfarin and Peace
So I went for my INR check today. INR is International Normalised Ratio. It measures how fast our blood clots.
A value of 1 is normal human. A value of 2 means it takes twice the time for the blood sample to clot than normal. A value of 0.5 means it clots in half the time. So on and so forth.
I have this condition called left ventricular thrombus, that developed perhaps after 1/3 of my heart died. After the heart attack, my blood probably went to a hypercoagulable state to prevent the heart walls from rupturing. Now, blood clots have formed in the dead region of my heart.
If the blood clot becomes bigger, and if it is dislodged from the heart, the damn thing can travel to my brain and cause a stroke, hopefully killing me instantly if that happens. Or it could go elsewhere and create many problems.
The standard treatment is either surgery or meds. Meds are usually warfarin and aspirin - a concoction usually separated. Blablabla.
Anyway, Warfarin is sensitive to many things, including vitamin K which is found in leafy green vegetables. Leafy green vegetables are a major part of my diet, my system. I had a fucking system and Warfarin ruined everything.
So I had my INR levels checked and it was 1.2 - way below the targeted 1.8-2.0. So the doc told me to stop eating leafy vegetables.
I had a bit of an argument with the young doctor.
Me: So, wait, you are increasing the dosage based on this reading, correct? So if Vitamin K is a factor, and Warfarin dosage is a factor, if I maintain the Vitamin K levels, all we need to do is adjust the Warfarin dosage, correct?
Doctor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOO.
And so on and so forth. Basically, the doctor disagreed and told me to stop eating vegetables. Meanwhile, I was trying very hard not to be a dick.
But anyway, I'll take the doctor's word for it. I now have increased my Warfarin dosage and have given up leafy green vegetables for the next six months.
Now, I need to make sure I don't lose out on the vitamins. However, I can'y take supplements because Warfarin forbids it.
So, for each of these, I'll be upping:
Vitamin A - carrots (I hate carrots)
Vitamin B - oats, etc (covered)
Vitamin C - tomatoes, oranges
Vitamin D - I walk on most mornings
Vitamin E - I use a bit of oil
Vitamin K - minute amounts from whatever, probably garlic and ginger I use as seasoning
Oh well. That's it for now. And that's it for salads until mid-March, hopefully. I don't want to be on Warfarin forever.
A value of 1 is normal human. A value of 2 means it takes twice the time for the blood sample to clot than normal. A value of 0.5 means it clots in half the time. So on and so forth.
I have this condition called left ventricular thrombus, that developed perhaps after 1/3 of my heart died. After the heart attack, my blood probably went to a hypercoagulable state to prevent the heart walls from rupturing. Now, blood clots have formed in the dead region of my heart.
If the blood clot becomes bigger, and if it is dislodged from the heart, the damn thing can travel to my brain and cause a stroke, hopefully killing me instantly if that happens. Or it could go elsewhere and create many problems.
The standard treatment is either surgery or meds. Meds are usually warfarin and aspirin - a concoction usually separated. Blablabla.
Anyway, Warfarin is sensitive to many things, including vitamin K which is found in leafy green vegetables. Leafy green vegetables are a major part of my diet, my system. I had a fucking system and Warfarin ruined everything.
So I had my INR levels checked and it was 1.2 - way below the targeted 1.8-2.0. So the doc told me to stop eating leafy vegetables.
I had a bit of an argument with the young doctor.
Me: So, wait, you are increasing the dosage based on this reading, correct? So if Vitamin K is a factor, and Warfarin dosage is a factor, if I maintain the Vitamin K levels, all we need to do is adjust the Warfarin dosage, correct?
Doctor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOO.
And so on and so forth. Basically, the doctor disagreed and told me to stop eating vegetables. Meanwhile, I was trying very hard not to be a dick.
But anyway, I'll take the doctor's word for it. I now have increased my Warfarin dosage and have given up leafy green vegetables for the next six months.
Now, I need to make sure I don't lose out on the vitamins. However, I can'y take supplements because Warfarin forbids it.
So, for each of these, I'll be upping:
Vitamin A - carrots (I hate carrots)
Vitamin B - oats, etc (covered)
Vitamin C - tomatoes, oranges
Vitamin D - I walk on most mornings
Vitamin E - I use a bit of oil
Vitamin K - minute amounts from whatever, probably garlic and ginger I use as seasoning
Oh well. That's it for now. And that's it for salads until mid-March, hopefully. I don't want to be on Warfarin forever.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Some Wanking Before Writing
The ugly topic of depression rears its ugly head once more. I want to talk about depression for heart patients.
First of all, it is quite common and a lot of my medical friends try to cheer me up because it is very easy to fall into a state of despair and self-pity once you get a serious illness. Also, some people might find it great to embody the identity of the disease. To become Lord Myocardial Infarction, Esq. It's all about ego. And attention.
However, I don't believe people can be cheered up with fluff or kind words. I believe the only thing that can be useful to get people out of the rut is the truth.
Two days ago, after I saw the cardiologist, I was on the brink. It was a shock to find out that my heart is worse than I thought and the fact that I have to take Warfarin to prevent strokes or embolism threw my carefully constructed dietary system into disarray.
Mentally, I was a mess. I didn't know what I had, why Warfarin was necessary, how did my heart get damaged so much when I went to the hospital quickly, etc, etc.
The past few days, I collected lots of info and harassed all doctor friends within talking distance. In an effort to make sense of it all.
I have found my peace with God a few years ago. I am okay with anything God throws at me. I am not resisting the MI, the angiogram, the angioplasty, the stent, the slow recovery process, the meds, the Warfarin. No none of those are in contention. I just want to make sure that I have done all that is humanly possible and know all that is possible for a human to know about my condition.
I am not a lazy ass motherfucker who treats God as my bitch, to leave it all up to God. Cause that's bullshit - regardless whether you believe in a higher power or not. But until the minute I die, I will not stop to do all I can. And all I can is a lot of stuff. Actually, all any of us can do, is a lot of stuff. Don't give me any excuses.
So anyway, I was in a state, but I kept on going. And one of my friends came through. After asking about these alternatives to Warfarin (there are three, new drugs in use since last year or so), I found out the name of my condition, common treatments and later on, I will find the survival rate.
Finding a name means I now have a thing to refer to. It would speed up my reading of the medical journals and other stuff. I felt relieved. I am not scared of death at all. Everybody dies and heart disease is preferable to cancer. I pushed myself these past two weeks and I think I will recover just fine, with all capabilities intact. I just won't be running a marathon or skydiving or bungee jumping anytime soon. Oh, and it seems I'll never ride a roller coaster.
I have a name for my condition. I know what it is. I know that humanity has encountered it before. That there exists a protocol to deal with it. Somewhere, there is a mortality rate, but that can wait.
Right now, I feel so good and free, I'm going to start writing a brand new book tomorrow. I mean, seriously, I'm writing a book.
See, to me, I don't get out of depression with anything other than the truth.
First of all, it is quite common and a lot of my medical friends try to cheer me up because it is very easy to fall into a state of despair and self-pity once you get a serious illness. Also, some people might find it great to embody the identity of the disease. To become Lord Myocardial Infarction, Esq. It's all about ego. And attention.
However, I don't believe people can be cheered up with fluff or kind words. I believe the only thing that can be useful to get people out of the rut is the truth.
Two days ago, after I saw the cardiologist, I was on the brink. It was a shock to find out that my heart is worse than I thought and the fact that I have to take Warfarin to prevent strokes or embolism threw my carefully constructed dietary system into disarray.
Mentally, I was a mess. I didn't know what I had, why Warfarin was necessary, how did my heart get damaged so much when I went to the hospital quickly, etc, etc.
The past few days, I collected lots of info and harassed all doctor friends within talking distance. In an effort to make sense of it all.
I have found my peace with God a few years ago. I am okay with anything God throws at me. I am not resisting the MI, the angiogram, the angioplasty, the stent, the slow recovery process, the meds, the Warfarin. No none of those are in contention. I just want to make sure that I have done all that is humanly possible and know all that is possible for a human to know about my condition.
I am not a lazy ass motherfucker who treats God as my bitch, to leave it all up to God. Cause that's bullshit - regardless whether you believe in a higher power or not. But until the minute I die, I will not stop to do all I can. And all I can is a lot of stuff. Actually, all any of us can do, is a lot of stuff. Don't give me any excuses.
So anyway, I was in a state, but I kept on going. And one of my friends came through. After asking about these alternatives to Warfarin (there are three, new drugs in use since last year or so), I found out the name of my condition, common treatments and later on, I will find the survival rate.
Finding a name means I now have a thing to refer to. It would speed up my reading of the medical journals and other stuff. I felt relieved. I am not scared of death at all. Everybody dies and heart disease is preferable to cancer. I pushed myself these past two weeks and I think I will recover just fine, with all capabilities intact. I just won't be running a marathon or skydiving or bungee jumping anytime soon. Oh, and it seems I'll never ride a roller coaster.
I have a name for my condition. I know what it is. I know that humanity has encountered it before. That there exists a protocol to deal with it. Somewhere, there is a mortality rate, but that can wait.
Right now, I feel so good and free, I'm going to start writing a brand new book tomorrow. I mean, seriously, I'm writing a book.
See, to me, I don't get out of depression with anything other than the truth.
The Numbers of Death
Since the medical people don't tell you everything, I've been doing some reading on my own. Basic stuff that all heart patients and their family should know.
90% of people who survived after a few days of their first heart attack can make a full recovery. 10% will die in the first year, usually in the first 3-4 months.
I'm still alive after more than a month so my chances look good. BUT - they found some blood clots in the section of my heart that is dead. This could cause strokes or embolism, which means automatic death. Or worse.
1/3 of my heart is dead. The human heart pumps at 60-70% capacity or ejection rate. Mine is 41%. There have been people who have lost half their heart and survived for over 40 years, there are people who have lost just 15% capacity and died.
There is no way the heart can regenerate, so the thing that pisses me off is when people ask me whether I have recovered. It's not the flu or a toothache. My heart will never recover the part that is now dead. It's gone. Goodbye. Adios. The only thing that can be done is to make the other parts of the heart stronger so they can compensate.
Here's a risk - a majority of heart patients may find their heart to increase in size. A bigger heart is stronger at pumping, but may suffer from arrhythmia.
When you have had a heart attack, you will take certain meds forever. Forever. Forever ever? Forever-EVER!
This is usually anti-platelets like aspirin and/or clopidogrel (brand Plavix) and in severe cases, the dreaded Warfarin. There are ACE inhibitors and beta blockers, statins, etc.
You need to be able to trust your doctor. My doctors are okay, but they don't give all information. No one in the public healthcare system will tell you all the information because either they don't know/don't have it or they simply don't think you need to know. I need to know. I deal with massive amounts of information. So be prepared to conduct your own research.
Cardiac rehab may help, if you're in a First World country. It has been shown to reduce risk of another heart attack or dying from boredom. I have yet to try out Malaysia's public healthcare cardiac rehab programmes but initial meetings with the team seems okay.
Heart disease costs money. Not so much as cancer, but be prepared to spend for procedures, meds, etc.
90% of people who survived after a few days of their first heart attack can make a full recovery. 10% will die in the first year, usually in the first 3-4 months.
I'm still alive after more than a month so my chances look good. BUT - they found some blood clots in the section of my heart that is dead. This could cause strokes or embolism, which means automatic death. Or worse.
1/3 of my heart is dead. The human heart pumps at 60-70% capacity or ejection rate. Mine is 41%. There have been people who have lost half their heart and survived for over 40 years, there are people who have lost just 15% capacity and died.
There is no way the heart can regenerate, so the thing that pisses me off is when people ask me whether I have recovered. It's not the flu or a toothache. My heart will never recover the part that is now dead. It's gone. Goodbye. Adios. The only thing that can be done is to make the other parts of the heart stronger so they can compensate.
Here's a risk - a majority of heart patients may find their heart to increase in size. A bigger heart is stronger at pumping, but may suffer from arrhythmia.
When you have had a heart attack, you will take certain meds forever. Forever. Forever ever? Forever-EVER!
This is usually anti-platelets like aspirin and/or clopidogrel (brand Plavix) and in severe cases, the dreaded Warfarin. There are ACE inhibitors and beta blockers, statins, etc.
You need to be able to trust your doctor. My doctors are okay, but they don't give all information. No one in the public healthcare system will tell you all the information because either they don't know/don't have it or they simply don't think you need to know. I need to know. I deal with massive amounts of information. So be prepared to conduct your own research.
Cardiac rehab may help, if you're in a First World country. It has been shown to reduce risk of another heart attack or dying from boredom. I have yet to try out Malaysia's public healthcare cardiac rehab programmes but initial meetings with the team seems okay.
Heart disease costs money. Not so much as cancer, but be prepared to spend for procedures, meds, etc.
Death, Warfarin, Famine, Pestilence
I have been collecting information about my condition and got segued looking into healthcare protocols and procedures. Can't help it - part of my work is assessing organisations.
First of all, there's an information gap. Serious gaps in information that I would need. These are not gaps in info the doctors need to treat patients, but simply the type of info I wish was there for me. It's a selfish thing.
For example, how many people have the same condition here in Malaysia? What is the mortality rate? How long do I have to live - a rough estimate is fine? How about morbidity - how do we determine what I can or cannot do? How long do I have to wait when given a number? I Googled and read up studies on every single drug they give me, but what if an old pakcik was prescribed a risky med and does not have Internet access to know that eating something together with the drug could cause a brain hemorrhage?
I haven't done much but what I encountered when I ask some questions or give some small suggestions is how defensive some people working in the medical industry are. This is understandable. Humans are defensive. And I should just shut up.
Especially when given the fact that I can't afford private hospitalisation. Being poor, I should just take it up the ass. And I'm not a Datuk or Tan Sri who can get in IJN. Even if I can, I don't have the money to pay for it. And I don't think my condition is special enough to warrant free healthcare at IJN, for research purposes. At least I hope it's not.
The thing is, I'm not even criticising individuals or even doctors. I just believe some of the system can be improved. It is an administration and management issue, which is not an ailment unique to just hospitals but is prevalent everywhere in Malaysia.
I would have been happy if the nurses told me, "You HAD an appointment at 11am, but you will only see the doctor after 4pm or so. Now go fuck yourself and come back at 4pm." AND if the doctors just told me, "hey, you know what? You lost a third of your heart. There are people who lost half their heart to whatever and they are unfortunately still alive 40 years later. Then again, there are people who died two weeks after their first heart attack. Badum-tish! The stats according to people who get treated here would be 546 of 1098 patients with similar conditions die within the first two years. Here's a chart. Good luck. Now fuck off."
Studies, stats and the rest are unavailable, unless conducted by pharmaceutical companies to prove or disprove the effectiveness of their or competitors' drugs. But there are independent studies.
For example, the drug I am on right now - Warfarin (formerly rat poison) - is used to treat severe heart conditions, DVT, etc, etc. A doctor friend only mentioned Warfarin as treatment for DVT - deep vein thrombosis - but further reading showed that it is used for severe cases of heart problems.
Warfarin also significantly increases the mortality risk of traumatic injuries in both elderly and younger patients.
These studies and stats, numbers and figures are unavailable in Malaysia - except through the internet - and it's not the doctors' fault. This thing can be made available with better management and administration.
However, it is impossible to expect this kind of coordination when you have to wait 5-6 hours to see a doctor, if you are not really, really dying.
Some systems work very well, even the non-emergency cases. The pharmacy at UMMC, for example, is reasonably fast on certain times of day.
Oh well. Just wanking.
First of all, there's an information gap. Serious gaps in information that I would need. These are not gaps in info the doctors need to treat patients, but simply the type of info I wish was there for me. It's a selfish thing.
For example, how many people have the same condition here in Malaysia? What is the mortality rate? How long do I have to live - a rough estimate is fine? How about morbidity - how do we determine what I can or cannot do? How long do I have to wait when given a number? I Googled and read up studies on every single drug they give me, but what if an old pakcik was prescribed a risky med and does not have Internet access to know that eating something together with the drug could cause a brain hemorrhage?
I haven't done much but what I encountered when I ask some questions or give some small suggestions is how defensive some people working in the medical industry are. This is understandable. Humans are defensive. And I should just shut up.
Especially when given the fact that I can't afford private hospitalisation. Being poor, I should just take it up the ass. And I'm not a Datuk or Tan Sri who can get in IJN. Even if I can, I don't have the money to pay for it. And I don't think my condition is special enough to warrant free healthcare at IJN, for research purposes. At least I hope it's not.
The thing is, I'm not even criticising individuals or even doctors. I just believe some of the system can be improved. It is an administration and management issue, which is not an ailment unique to just hospitals but is prevalent everywhere in Malaysia.
I would have been happy if the nurses told me, "You HAD an appointment at 11am, but you will only see the doctor after 4pm or so. Now go fuck yourself and come back at 4pm." AND if the doctors just told me, "hey, you know what? You lost a third of your heart. There are people who lost half their heart to whatever and they are unfortunately still alive 40 years later. Then again, there are people who died two weeks after their first heart attack. Badum-tish! The stats according to people who get treated here would be 546 of 1098 patients with similar conditions die within the first two years. Here's a chart. Good luck. Now fuck off."
Studies, stats and the rest are unavailable, unless conducted by pharmaceutical companies to prove or disprove the effectiveness of their or competitors' drugs. But there are independent studies.
For example, the drug I am on right now - Warfarin (formerly rat poison) - is used to treat severe heart conditions, DVT, etc, etc. A doctor friend only mentioned Warfarin as treatment for DVT - deep vein thrombosis - but further reading showed that it is used for severe cases of heart problems.
Warfarin also significantly increases the mortality risk of traumatic injuries in both elderly and younger patients.
These studies and stats, numbers and figures are unavailable in Malaysia - except through the internet - and it's not the doctors' fault. This thing can be made available with better management and administration.
However, it is impossible to expect this kind of coordination when you have to wait 5-6 hours to see a doctor, if you are not really, really dying.
Some systems work very well, even the non-emergency cases. The pharmacy at UMMC, for example, is reasonably fast on certain times of day.
Oh well. Just wanking.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Death and Bullshit
Last night, as I sat down and wrote about the bad diagnosis I received yesterday, my chest felt tight, I was exhausted and generally in extremely low spirits.
The condition of my heart is worse than I expected. There are also complications that put me at risk to either a stroke or the House condition - the medical problem TV doctor Gregory House faced in his origin.
The doctor prescribed a new drug for me - Warfarin. Warfarin was used previously as rat poison. It stops blood clots from forming and for the next six months, this is what the doctors will try to do. I'm already on two other types of blood thinners and Warfarin will be a third drug to function similarly.
The doctor looked very grave, as if predicting my death within a few years. Even his apology sounded to me a bit sarcastic, but I knew he was just telling the truth.
Warfarin is one of the drugs I was hoping to avoid. If taken with the wrong dosage, I could end up with a brain hemorrhage. There are also many types of food that reacts with Warfarin, especially cranberry juice, green leafy vegetables, alcohol, and a bunch of other stuff.
I have to go to the lab every week to get my blood coagulation ratio thing. They need to test how fast my blood clots to adjust the Warfarin to the required target level. The rule then is that I need to make damn sure my intake of green leafy vegetables is consistent at all times.
This means I need a vegetable schedule. Perhaps four (4) heads of butterhead lettuce a week, with one head per day, sawi (choy sam) - maybe one RM2 bunch and three stalks of bok choy a day for two days.
Once I decide on the vegetable schedule, this is what greens I will eat for the next six months with absolutely no changes whatsoever.
This means I won't eat out at all. I won't go to any of your stupid weddings or events. I won't go to parties or travel anywhere I can't replicate my vegetable intake. Not that I go now anyway.
In fact, I have regulated my vegetable intake so far. It's just so fucking bad when you actually have to do it.
I'm dealing with all this, so I have a favour to ask from friends, family or anyone interested in talking to me - do not try to proselytize or convince me to become a devout follower of your stupid religions.
I have long ago accepted wherever God wants to throw me. Heaven, hell, limbo - it is not for me to judge and certainly not for you, who are all inferior to me. I have never met anyone smarter than myself and you are all stupid. Why should I listen to stupid people?
I don't believe in miracle cures that can be whipped up in the kitchen, I don't trust homeopathy, no matter where they're from, and I especially hate anything and everything that comes out of Saudi Arabia and treated as if it's some sort of magic bullshit thing.
I don't believe in magic metal bracelets, enchanted volcanic rock medallions, sacred pieces of paper with Arabic script written by the mouth of a man with no arms or legs, water infused with spiritual incantations, super magic incense, or any type of thing that was not studied by various medical and scientific organisations and are now dispensed by modern clinics or hospitals around the world - preferably First World.
I do not believe that bribing God with extra super duper prayers or fasting or reading a book will accomplish anything. I do not believe in a point system devised by modern Muslims who all believe that the concept of 'good deeds' and 'bad deeds' to determine whether you go to heaven or hell can be quantified.
It is believed by some that if you do as God tells you, you get points. The more points you score, the more you can offset your negative points, accumulated when you are doing bad things. In the end, on Judgment Day, these points are calculated and regardless of anything else, you will go to hell or heaven based on these points.
It's as if someone who lies, cheats or steals can offset his or her bad deed points with a string of combo good deed points during Ramadan. Or a wife beater, a murderer, a child rapist can get away from eternal damnation by following certain dietary restrictions.
In the immortal words of Chris Rock, "On Judgment Day, I refuse to believe that my diet will come into question. Hey, God, I killed a bunch of kids, but I ate right!"
The point system is immensely corrupt and bears a striking resemblance to the practice of the Catholic Church in the past of selling pieces of paper to 'forgive' sinners. The similarity lies in the view that sin can be quantified, and as if God has to adhere to some sort of system.
What if God says fuck you, and all your deeds, you going to hell, fucker! No amount of praying or pretending to be pious to other people will save you then.
I would appreciate it if no one tries to talk about the afterlife to me. None of you have ever been there so everything you tell me is a fucking lie.
I've made peace with God years ago. So take your bullshit, roll them up real tight, spit polish it and stick it up your ass.
The condition of my heart is worse than I expected. There are also complications that put me at risk to either a stroke or the House condition - the medical problem TV doctor Gregory House faced in his origin.
The doctor prescribed a new drug for me - Warfarin. Warfarin was used previously as rat poison. It stops blood clots from forming and for the next six months, this is what the doctors will try to do. I'm already on two other types of blood thinners and Warfarin will be a third drug to function similarly.
The doctor looked very grave, as if predicting my death within a few years. Even his apology sounded to me a bit sarcastic, but I knew he was just telling the truth.
Warfarin is one of the drugs I was hoping to avoid. If taken with the wrong dosage, I could end up with a brain hemorrhage. There are also many types of food that reacts with Warfarin, especially cranberry juice, green leafy vegetables, alcohol, and a bunch of other stuff.
I have to go to the lab every week to get my blood coagulation ratio thing. They need to test how fast my blood clots to adjust the Warfarin to the required target level. The rule then is that I need to make damn sure my intake of green leafy vegetables is consistent at all times.
This means I need a vegetable schedule. Perhaps four (4) heads of butterhead lettuce a week, with one head per day, sawi (choy sam) - maybe one RM2 bunch and three stalks of bok choy a day for two days.
Once I decide on the vegetable schedule, this is what greens I will eat for the next six months with absolutely no changes whatsoever.
This means I won't eat out at all. I won't go to any of your stupid weddings or events. I won't go to parties or travel anywhere I can't replicate my vegetable intake. Not that I go now anyway.
In fact, I have regulated my vegetable intake so far. It's just so fucking bad when you actually have to do it.
I'm dealing with all this, so I have a favour to ask from friends, family or anyone interested in talking to me - do not try to proselytize or convince me to become a devout follower of your stupid religions.
I have long ago accepted wherever God wants to throw me. Heaven, hell, limbo - it is not for me to judge and certainly not for you, who are all inferior to me. I have never met anyone smarter than myself and you are all stupid. Why should I listen to stupid people?
I don't believe in miracle cures that can be whipped up in the kitchen, I don't trust homeopathy, no matter where they're from, and I especially hate anything and everything that comes out of Saudi Arabia and treated as if it's some sort of magic bullshit thing.
I don't believe in magic metal bracelets, enchanted volcanic rock medallions, sacred pieces of paper with Arabic script written by the mouth of a man with no arms or legs, water infused with spiritual incantations, super magic incense, or any type of thing that was not studied by various medical and scientific organisations and are now dispensed by modern clinics or hospitals around the world - preferably First World.
I do not believe that bribing God with extra super duper prayers or fasting or reading a book will accomplish anything. I do not believe in a point system devised by modern Muslims who all believe that the concept of 'good deeds' and 'bad deeds' to determine whether you go to heaven or hell can be quantified.
It is believed by some that if you do as God tells you, you get points. The more points you score, the more you can offset your negative points, accumulated when you are doing bad things. In the end, on Judgment Day, these points are calculated and regardless of anything else, you will go to hell or heaven based on these points.
It's as if someone who lies, cheats or steals can offset his or her bad deed points with a string of combo good deed points during Ramadan. Or a wife beater, a murderer, a child rapist can get away from eternal damnation by following certain dietary restrictions.
In the immortal words of Chris Rock, "On Judgment Day, I refuse to believe that my diet will come into question. Hey, God, I killed a bunch of kids, but I ate right!"
The point system is immensely corrupt and bears a striking resemblance to the practice of the Catholic Church in the past of selling pieces of paper to 'forgive' sinners. The similarity lies in the view that sin can be quantified, and as if God has to adhere to some sort of system.
What if God says fuck you, and all your deeds, you going to hell, fucker! No amount of praying or pretending to be pious to other people will save you then.
I would appreciate it if no one tries to talk about the afterlife to me. None of you have ever been there so everything you tell me is a fucking lie.
I've made peace with God years ago. So take your bullshit, roll them up real tight, spit polish it and stick it up your ass.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Bad News
So I went to UMMC for my follow up and a check at the results of my MRI. After more than five hours of grueling waiting in a system that barely works, I didn't get to see my previous attending physician and I also did not get the news I wanted.
Instead, I was told of some rather bad news concerning my health and my heart. This means I am on new medication in addition to whatever I have now for the next six months.
This new medication requires I don't change whatever diet I will be on as soon as I start. It is extremely sensitive to multiple types of food and reacts with certain things that contain certain minerals.
What this means is I can never, ever, deviate from my diet plan. It means I can't go anywhere on earth where I can't replicate what I eat every day. This rules out any travel plans for the next six months, including going back home to Kuantan.
I can't have cheat days, I can't have people bringing me food, I can't eat out without doing the math and balancing whatever I eat. Well, basically what I'm doing already, but firmly, for the next six months or so.
I need to go to the lab every week and have my blood tested.
This is what I have to do. The alternative is death. Or worse. Seriously, but not THAT seriously. These are the things I'm dealing with right now - an extremely fragile balance in the numbers game of the chemicals in my body.
There are certain ratios that I need to balance and if it's too low, I might get a heart attack and die. Too high, I might damage my brain and die. Frankly, I'd rather face a firing squad.
So, I know what is happening. I know what I need to do and how to do it. I might not emerge from this alive or unscathed. So, in the event of my death in the next few weeks, here are my official last words: FUCK OFF AND DIE.
Instead, I was told of some rather bad news concerning my health and my heart. This means I am on new medication in addition to whatever I have now for the next six months.
This new medication requires I don't change whatever diet I will be on as soon as I start. It is extremely sensitive to multiple types of food and reacts with certain things that contain certain minerals.
What this means is I can never, ever, deviate from my diet plan. It means I can't go anywhere on earth where I can't replicate what I eat every day. This rules out any travel plans for the next six months, including going back home to Kuantan.
I can't have cheat days, I can't have people bringing me food, I can't eat out without doing the math and balancing whatever I eat. Well, basically what I'm doing already, but firmly, for the next six months or so.
I need to go to the lab every week and have my blood tested.
This is what I have to do. The alternative is death. Or worse. Seriously, but not THAT seriously. These are the things I'm dealing with right now - an extremely fragile balance in the numbers game of the chemicals in my body.
There are certain ratios that I need to balance and if it's too low, I might get a heart attack and die. Too high, I might damage my brain and die. Frankly, I'd rather face a firing squad.
So, I know what is happening. I know what I need to do and how to do it. I might not emerge from this alive or unscathed. So, in the event of my death in the next few weeks, here are my official last words: FUCK OFF AND DIE.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Generation Stupid
For years, I've been telling people how bemused I am when Malaysians think I'm gay. Funnily enough, some people thought that this means I am insecure about my sexuality, and that my 'trigger' or my 'button' is when my masculinity is questioned.
I don't blame them, because they are idiots living in a stupid world of faux machismo. Also, they have no concept of complex ideas and are only attuned to simple, base emotions. This is important, as any campaign or work of commercial art requires you to boil down your messages to its empirical values. We're talking ad or political campaigns, films, books, songs, etc.
Like in Animal Farm, complex political ideals are simplified to the most basic - "four legs good, two legs bad". Malaysian film producers have long said that "Malaysians are stupid". This is both true and false. It's not about them being stupid or smart - it's about mental and emotional maturity. This maturity I define as being able to understand complex, subtle thoughts or emotions - something that comes with a developed sense of empathy.
The Malaysian audience or Malaysians in general are insular, selfish and ultimately low in empathy. We, as a people, don't care about other people - only what other people think about us. It is all in relation to ourselves. It's all about me.
Somebody dies, has a heart attack, wins the Nobel Prize, loses the Olympic gold medal, whatever, and the first reactions from Malaysians are always to the tune of "I can't believe this is happening to me!"
When MH370 and MH17 happened, some people even said how this COULD have involved them, hoping to get a piece of the attention. They said "I could have been on that plane! Mememememememe!" Or "I knew someone who was on that plane!" Or "I knew someone who could have been on that plane!" Or simply "I don't know how to respond, how to feel!"
First of all, are you in any way part of the search and rescue mission for MH370? Are you part of Malaysia's team of air crash investigators tasked to the MH17 case? If you are, then how you should feel is driven with a sense of purpose and duty, all the while maintaining calm and keeping all other emotions in check. That's how you should feel, if you are in any way involved.
If you are not part of the ones doing work, you can do everyone else a favour by shutting the fuck up and sticking your father's penis up your butthole. Fucking selfish motherfuckers. It's not about you, it's never been about you, and it will never be about you.
This, to me, goes to show how far the rabbit hole goes - extremely shallow. So, if you want to do anything that involves communication - ad campaigns, political bullshit, films, books, songs (modern pop songs are usually base emotions or situations, while some classics are delightfully layered and nuanced), you should:
1. Keep it simple
2. Show the audience how this is about them
Because in the end, Malaysians are fucking pondans.
I don't blame them, because they are idiots living in a stupid world of faux machismo. Also, they have no concept of complex ideas and are only attuned to simple, base emotions. This is important, as any campaign or work of commercial art requires you to boil down your messages to its empirical values. We're talking ad or political campaigns, films, books, songs, etc.
Like in Animal Farm, complex political ideals are simplified to the most basic - "four legs good, two legs bad". Malaysian film producers have long said that "Malaysians are stupid". This is both true and false. It's not about them being stupid or smart - it's about mental and emotional maturity. This maturity I define as being able to understand complex, subtle thoughts or emotions - something that comes with a developed sense of empathy.
The Malaysian audience or Malaysians in general are insular, selfish and ultimately low in empathy. We, as a people, don't care about other people - only what other people think about us. It is all in relation to ourselves. It's all about me.
Somebody dies, has a heart attack, wins the Nobel Prize, loses the Olympic gold medal, whatever, and the first reactions from Malaysians are always to the tune of "I can't believe this is happening to me!"
When MH370 and MH17 happened, some people even said how this COULD have involved them, hoping to get a piece of the attention. They said "I could have been on that plane! Mememememememe!" Or "I knew someone who was on that plane!" Or "I knew someone who could have been on that plane!" Or simply "I don't know how to respond, how to feel!"
First of all, are you in any way part of the search and rescue mission for MH370? Are you part of Malaysia's team of air crash investigators tasked to the MH17 case? If you are, then how you should feel is driven with a sense of purpose and duty, all the while maintaining calm and keeping all other emotions in check. That's how you should feel, if you are in any way involved.
If you are not part of the ones doing work, you can do everyone else a favour by shutting the fuck up and sticking your father's penis up your butthole. Fucking selfish motherfuckers. It's not about you, it's never been about you, and it will never be about you.
This, to me, goes to show how far the rabbit hole goes - extremely shallow. So, if you want to do anything that involves communication - ad campaigns, political bullshit, films, books, songs (modern pop songs are usually base emotions or situations, while some classics are delightfully layered and nuanced), you should:
1. Keep it simple
2. Show the audience how this is about them
Because in the end, Malaysians are fucking pondans.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
State of the Attack
Some of my doctor friends asked me about depression. One of the side effects of heart disease or low blood pressure is depression.
I have none of that, but I do get angry a whole lot more. Just, extremely pissed off. I feel like I'm 23 again, with a whole bunch of anger, and fear.
I sneaked a look at my MRI results and while my attending physician will discuss what the numbers mean to me, I found out already how much of my heart is dead. This part will never regenerate, but there is hope to strengthen other parts of the heart to compensate for the muscle tissue I lost.
Been reading up on the condition and what I can do to help ease collaterals along. Collaterals is a medical term referring to smaller vessels branching off the main arteries on the heart - the RCA, LAD and LCX (that's right coronary artery, left anterior descending artery and left circumflex artery - the circumflex portion of the left coronary artery).
I was, for a time, walking around with two blocked arteries and one of them had a 90% blockage. The only reason it could accumulate that much is because for a time, the load of that artery was perhaps shared by collaterals, and I had quite a bit.
According to my cardiac rehab doctor, collaterals are created when we exercise, so all those exercise sessions I did probably saved my life by creating the collaterals. All that cardiovascular exercise - so that's why it's called cardiovascular.
The idea behind strengthening other parts of my heart work in the same way. My heart is now weak, though I do not feel any different unless I exert myself - there is a slight tightness of the chest that goes away after I force myself through the activity.
I began my exercise regime, post-discharge from the hospital, sporadically. I went up the stairs five floors up after the first week, 8 floors up the second week and 11 floors on the third week.
The doctors told me to stop because it is too much, according to their expert view. I don't feel as if it's too much, but I'll listen to my doctors for now.
After I decided to forego my stair-climbing, I opted for walks. I started a couple of weeks ago with short walks within the compounds of my apartment. Then, I went outside and walked for half an hour. Today, I walked for 40 minutes non stop, on various types of inclinations (I live beside a cemetery with many small and big hills).
A lot of the research I've done on food, I wrote in Bahasa Malaysia here because I found a distinct lack of info and literature in BM. There is a wealth of it in English, but almost none in BM, so, I've been recording and translating what I've found.
A note - almost ALL Malay and Indonesian cuisine are unhealthy. Either high in salt, fat or just fucking dumb. Chinese cuisine is also high in sodium, for example General Tso's Chicken, fat - all types of great tasting crab dishes - or just spiked in MSG. I forego all MSG and all soy sauce, oyster sauce, etc.
Now, Indian cuisine - I don't trust it. Chapatti might SEEM like a good alternative, but some cook it with ghee - extremely high in saturated fat. Same goes with dhal - how the fuck do I know what they put in there? Indian cuisine also treats vegetables as if they need to torture it or add stuff to make it unhealthy.
The only cook I can trust is myself. I have been cooking almost 90% of my meals since I've been discharged from the hospital to ensure I know EXACTLY what the fuck I'm putting into my body.
I have lost 11kg since my cardiac event on Aug 29. Watching what I eat, I hope to lose 30kg eventually, within a year. I have the perfect motivation - I eat kuih and I die. This is also one of those numbers I can work on.
I'm so fucking bored sometimes, without a goal I can work on. Putting a 30kg goal on losing weight and going for a 12-months deadline works for me. I also know the percentage of my heart capacity, so I can work on that, as well as my cholesterol level, liver functions, BP, etc. These numbers keep me sane.
Smoking is another issue. The first few weeks without cigarettes, I was right as rain. Now, I'm feeling the effects of withdrawal, which has contributed to my anger. I'm just really pissed off most of the time.
It's like, I understand now that there is not much time left, and people who dilly-dally or just be stupid for no reason just pisses me off because they're wasting my time and my life.
Meditation has helped. Eckhart Tolle's teachings keep me balanced and centered. I still don't trust people and I see no reason why I should do otherwise. People always try to manipulate or fool you. They lie, they cheat, they steal. They pretend. I don't like people.
Two days from now, I'm seeing my attending physician. He's a cardiologist. I hope to gain more info on my condition and see what else I can do. I have some numbers and I want to do better at them.
I have none of that, but I do get angry a whole lot more. Just, extremely pissed off. I feel like I'm 23 again, with a whole bunch of anger, and fear.
I sneaked a look at my MRI results and while my attending physician will discuss what the numbers mean to me, I found out already how much of my heart is dead. This part will never regenerate, but there is hope to strengthen other parts of the heart to compensate for the muscle tissue I lost.
Been reading up on the condition and what I can do to help ease collaterals along. Collaterals is a medical term referring to smaller vessels branching off the main arteries on the heart - the RCA, LAD and LCX (that's right coronary artery, left anterior descending artery and left circumflex artery - the circumflex portion of the left coronary artery).
I was, for a time, walking around with two blocked arteries and one of them had a 90% blockage. The only reason it could accumulate that much is because for a time, the load of that artery was perhaps shared by collaterals, and I had quite a bit.
According to my cardiac rehab doctor, collaterals are created when we exercise, so all those exercise sessions I did probably saved my life by creating the collaterals. All that cardiovascular exercise - so that's why it's called cardiovascular.
The idea behind strengthening other parts of my heart work in the same way. My heart is now weak, though I do not feel any different unless I exert myself - there is a slight tightness of the chest that goes away after I force myself through the activity.
I began my exercise regime, post-discharge from the hospital, sporadically. I went up the stairs five floors up after the first week, 8 floors up the second week and 11 floors on the third week.
The doctors told me to stop because it is too much, according to their expert view. I don't feel as if it's too much, but I'll listen to my doctors for now.
After I decided to forego my stair-climbing, I opted for walks. I started a couple of weeks ago with short walks within the compounds of my apartment. Then, I went outside and walked for half an hour. Today, I walked for 40 minutes non stop, on various types of inclinations (I live beside a cemetery with many small and big hills).
A lot of the research I've done on food, I wrote in Bahasa Malaysia here because I found a distinct lack of info and literature in BM. There is a wealth of it in English, but almost none in BM, so, I've been recording and translating what I've found.
A note - almost ALL Malay and Indonesian cuisine are unhealthy. Either high in salt, fat or just fucking dumb. Chinese cuisine is also high in sodium, for example General Tso's Chicken, fat - all types of great tasting crab dishes - or just spiked in MSG. I forego all MSG and all soy sauce, oyster sauce, etc.
Now, Indian cuisine - I don't trust it. Chapatti might SEEM like a good alternative, but some cook it with ghee - extremely high in saturated fat. Same goes with dhal - how the fuck do I know what they put in there? Indian cuisine also treats vegetables as if they need to torture it or add stuff to make it unhealthy.
The only cook I can trust is myself. I have been cooking almost 90% of my meals since I've been discharged from the hospital to ensure I know EXACTLY what the fuck I'm putting into my body.
I have lost 11kg since my cardiac event on Aug 29. Watching what I eat, I hope to lose 30kg eventually, within a year. I have the perfect motivation - I eat kuih and I die. This is also one of those numbers I can work on.
I'm so fucking bored sometimes, without a goal I can work on. Putting a 30kg goal on losing weight and going for a 12-months deadline works for me. I also know the percentage of my heart capacity, so I can work on that, as well as my cholesterol level, liver functions, BP, etc. These numbers keep me sane.
Smoking is another issue. The first few weeks without cigarettes, I was right as rain. Now, I'm feeling the effects of withdrawal, which has contributed to my anger. I'm just really pissed off most of the time.
It's like, I understand now that there is not much time left, and people who dilly-dally or just be stupid for no reason just pisses me off because they're wasting my time and my life.
Meditation has helped. Eckhart Tolle's teachings keep me balanced and centered. I still don't trust people and I see no reason why I should do otherwise. People always try to manipulate or fool you. They lie, they cheat, they steal. They pretend. I don't like people.
Two days from now, I'm seeing my attending physician. He's a cardiologist. I hope to gain more info on my condition and see what else I can do. I have some numbers and I want to do better at them.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Karangan Keprihalan: Sushi, Lucy dan Raya Haji di Midvalley
Hari yang penuh untuk aku. Aku pergi makan sushi, menonton wayang Lucy, dan secara keseluruhan, menyambut hari raya haji di Midvalley Megamall.
Aku bermula dengan sarapan, kemudian aku mendapatkan teksi melalui EasyTaxi dan mendapat confirmation pada 10.50. Sambil menunggu teksi, aku check apa wayang yang main hari ni. Pada 10.53am, aku dapati Lucy ada show pukul 11.40am. Aku beli tiket melalui Maybank2U dalam masa 5 minit dan kemudian bergegas turun untuk masuk ke dalam teksi yang membawa aku ke Midvalley
SUSHI
Semalam, aku rasa macam nak makan sushi. Ini sebab aku nak dapatkan asid lemak Omega 3 dengan semua kelebihan dia. Of course, ini disebabkan sakit jantung aku dan maklumat yang aku kumpul untuk memastikan aku tak kena serangan sakit jantung atau angin ahmar lagi sepanjang aku hidup. Jadi, sampainya di Midvalley, aku bergegas ke Sushi King.
Jam tangan aku - jenama Polo (murah!) - menunjukkan aku masuk ke restoran Sushi King pada pukul 11am. Aku ada setengah jam saja untuk makan tengahari sebelum bergegas ke GSC untuk menonton Lucy. Sebelum pergi menonton Lucy, aku perlu mendapatkan bekalan Omega 3 dahulu!
Setakat ni, sumber Omega 3 aku ada dua - tuna dalam tin dan benda yang dicampurkan dalam susu kacang soya aku, menjadikannya kaya dengan Omega 3 dan 6. Dia cakap la. Standard pantauan makanan kat Malaysia ni aku tak confident sangat. Aku boleh botolkan air paip, pastu cakap ini air ada vitamin, hantu pontianak dan kote rimau. Bukan Kementerian Kesihatan ada ujian untuk tentukan sama ada terdapat kote rimau dalam air tu.
Malangnya, tuna dalam tin dituduh oleh beberapa website rujukan aku sebagai berisiko kandungan mercury yang sederhana tinggi. Sumber paling bagus masih salmon.
Malah, tilapia dan keli (juga hampir semua jenis ikan tempatan) ada kandungan lemak tepu yang tinggi. Penyediaan dan cara masakan di Malaysia pula menjadikan hampir semua jenis ikan tak selamat, terutama kalau digoreng dalam minyak kelapa sawit.
Seterusnya, aku nak berenti minum susu kacang soya sebab dia ada phytoestrogen. Aku nak minum low-fat milk sahaja atau skim milk lepas ni. Phytoestrogen memang boleh merendahkan kolesterol untuk lelaki, tetapi bagi aku, apa-apa yang ada nama estrogen melibatkan penumbuhan tetek atau pengecutan batu pelir.
Masalah aku yang lebih besar - secara umumnya, aku tak suka makan ikan. Ini masalah psikologi sejak kecil dan tak akan dibincangkan di sini.
Namun, menghadapi kemungkinan mati beragan jika tidak menangani kebencian aku pada rasa dan tekstur ikan, aku memberanikan diri pergi ke Sushi King setelah mendapati menunya menyenaraikan kandungan kalori untuk setiap jenis hidangan.
Ini penting sebab aku sedang menguruskan pemakanan aku dengan bantuan dietitian UMMC. Aku diberitahu, untuk berat badan aku, aku perlu makan lebih 2000 kalori sehari. Jadi dalam 600-700 kalori untuk satu hidangan besar atau aku juggle supaya tak lebih 2200 kalori sehari.
Satu hidangan nigiri sushi ada 96 kcal:
Kalau dibandingkan, scallops ada kurang kalori (81):
Dan memeranjatkan, Sushi UDANG ada kurang kalori (78kcal) berbanding sushi salmon:
Aku mula musykil dengan data Sushi King, terutama bila aku dapati hidangan Edamame mereka menyenaraikan jumlah kalori yang betul (147kcal, setara dengan jumlah yang diterbitkan saintis di laman web), dan ia lebih tinggi daripada semua yang lain, walaupun antara benda paling sihat boleh kau order kat Sushi King:
Tapi, sebab Raya Haji, aku pun makan edamame, sushi salmon tu, sushi scallops dan yang ini:
Atau: Oats bagus? Kita makan oats on top of apa kita makan hari-hari!
Ini nama dia: bodoh. Benda-benda tu untuk ganti apa sampah yang kita makan setiap hari. Kalau makan ikan bagus sebab ada asid lemak Omega 3, maka kita sepatutnya tukar ayam atau daging yang kita makan dengan ikan.
Kalau oats bagus, maka kita jangan makan nasi, sebaliknya ganti dengan oats. Kalau madu atau agave nectar bagus, buang semua gula dan pakai agave nectar SAHAJA. Aku dah buang SEMUA gula dan garam kat rumah aku, termasuk semua jenis sos dan kicap. Yang ada sebagai sumber gula hanya organic agave nectar yang mahal (RM30 untuk 340ml or something), jadi kalau aku nak pakai pun sayang. Sumber garam hanya fleur de sel atau French Sea Salt SAHAJA yang harganya dalam empat kali ganda harga garam biasa (RM8++ sebotol, boleh tahan setahun atau dua tahun, jadi takde le mahal sangat pun muahahaha).
Masalah aku yang tak suka rasa dan tekstur ikan aku atasi semasa makan sushi mentah ni dengan menggunakan wasabi. Aku letak wasabi kat ikan dan aku kunyah, telan, sebelum aku rasa loya dengan tekstur ikan.
Aku rasa, aku boleh makan salmon, tapi kena ada rempah.
Kemudian, aku fikir, "Daripada makan sushi tetiap hari sampai bankrupt, baik aku beli minyak ikan je."
Malangnya, pada masa itu aku terpaksa bergegas ke GSC untuk menonton Lucy
LUCY
Aku sempat sampai ke panggung pada tepat jam 11.40 pagi, kalau mengikut jam Polo aku (bermakna, aku sampai tepat 11.34 pagi, sebab jam tu cepat 6 minit). Ambik tiket kat kaunter, terus masuk - inilah sebabnya aku suka beli kat rumah je tiket.
Di sebelah kiri aku ada sepasang beruk, dan jauh di tengah barisan juga ada sepasang beruk. Beruk-beruk ini asyik bercakap pada beberapa ketika semasa wayang ditayangkan. Ini menyebabkan aku marah! Jadi aku toleh ke kanan, dan menjerit, "SHHHHHHH!!!" sebanyak dua kali sebelum si celaka-celaka yang tidak diajar oleh mak bapak mereka bagaimana nak ada adab tu senyap, tapi hanya untuk sekejap.
Untuk pasangan beruk di sebelah kiri aku, aku menggunakan taktik menjeling dengan pandangan orang gila. Aku berjaya menakutkan mereka dengan renungan kegilaan aku, yang seolah-olah berkata - "Mak bapak ko tak ajar ko adab ya? Tapi mak bapak aku campak aku dalam hutan dan aku dibesarkan oleh SYAITAN JADI KALAU KO NAK MAMPUS MASUK LUBANG JUBUR NERAKA HARI NI, KO BERCAKAP LAGILAH DALAM PANGGUNG, DASAR PUKIMAK ANAK ANJING TAK RETI BASA!"
Filem Lucy ditulis dan diarah oleh Luc Besson. Premis dia agak straightforward dan sedikit lemah. Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) terperangkap dalam situasi yang mendedahkannya kepada sejenis dadah yang menyebabkan otaknya diteroka sampai 100%. Sambil dia meneruskan pengembaraan dengan kemampuan dan bakat baru sebagai seorang yang bijak dan ada kuasa luarbiasa, Morgan Freeman memberi kuliah dan menerangkan teori yang tak betul ini.
Teori manusia menggunakan 10% kemampuan otak hanyalah satu dongeng moden yang tidak diambil serius oleh sesiapa kecuali Luc Besson, Tony Wong (dalam babak-babak awal komik HK terjemahan Dewata Raya) dan mereka yang mahu percaya pada potensi diri sendiri.
Selaras dengan itu, keseluruhan filem Lucy ialah satu power fantasy atau igauan kuasa (?) bagi penonton yang mahu percaya mereka boleh jadi lebih bagus dengan hanya satu dadah yang istimewa.
Bagi aku, sebagai seorang omega-level genius, Lucy tidak mengambil tindakan yang pandai sangat. Dia boleh menidurkan semua orang dalam satu bilik dengan tahap penerokaan otak yang lebih rendah, jadi kenapa dia memilih untuk menggunakan cara lain untuk menangani musuh pada babak lain (mengapungkan mereka)? Ini mesti kes Luc Besson nak buat babak yang dia rasa cool dan popular.
Lagi satu, Lucy membuat kesilapan dengan tidak membunuh Mr Jang lakonan Choi Min-Sik pada awal filem, sebaliknya, memenjarakan pelakon itu selama 15 tahun, kemudian membebaskannya semata-mata supaya dia boleh melakukan sumbang mahram dengan anak perempuannya. Eh, itu filem lain.
Tak, Lucy patut bunuh je mamat tu bila ada peluang. Tapi takpelah, sebab kalau tak, babak ketiga filem ni takde adegan aksi dan hanya ada Morgan Freeman bagi kuliah pasal ilmu biologi berdasarkan dongeng yang dah lama dibuktikan palsu.
Lakonan Scarlett Johansson, buah hati pengarang jantung aku (yang sudah luka), sebenarnya agak biasa sahaja. Lakonan Scarjo dalam Captain America: The Winter Soldier lebih best, sebab dalam Lucy, dia cuba mengKeanuReeveskan diri - dan bukan Keanu Bill and Ted, tetapi Keanu The Day the Earth Stood Still.
Apapun, Lucy membuktikan Scarlett Johansson mampu memikul hampir keseluruhan filem berseorangan, jadi aku harap si celaka-celaka kat Hollywood boleh luluskan filem Black Widow yang best.
Morgan Freeman macam dia buat episod Through the Wormhole je. Interchangeable dengan sesiapa yang ada suara best.
Lucy ialah filem yang okay, dan memenuhi keinginan ramai orang yang ada fikiran, "Sebenarnya, aku power, aku ada potensi, cuma aku takde dadah boleh bukak semua kehebatan aku." Fikiran sebegini ada dalam setiap manusia yang umurnya 8 tahun ke bawah. Namun, sesetengah orang sampai ke tua pun akan cuba meyakinkan orang bahawa dia akan buat lagi best "Kalau aku betul-betul serius".
Ini semua melancap tak tentu pasal dan cubaan ego untuk jaga air muka. Setiap kali ko buat sesuatu, kalau kau tak buat dengan sepenuh kekuatan dan kebolehan (setaraf dengan bayaran), maka ko akan mati dalam keadaan rugi.
100% All the way, all the time. Tengok macam aku ni. Sampai sakit jantung sebab intense sangat. Dan kacak.
Anyway, abis tengok Lucy, aku ke farmasi untuk membeli minyak ikan.
Raya Haji di Midvalley
Sampai ke farmasi, aku tengok ada promosi - kalau aku beli minyak ikan dengan harga RM205, aku akan ada bekalan untuk 10 bulan (300 kapsul).
Tetapi, aku tak sure benda ni bagus sangat. Aku nak cuba je dalam 2-3 bulan dulu dan consult doctor aku, kalau ada perubahan.
Promoter kat situ cuba jual aku minyak ikan dengan evening primrose oil. Aku cakap, itu untuk perempuan. Dia balas, lelaki pun boleh jugak maa.
Ye la, boleh jugak, kalau aku nak besarkan tetek. Dan dapat kanser tetek. Kimak punya promoter. Aku paling menyampah orang cuba bagi aku maklumat palsu atau menipu aku. Akulah minda terhebat abad ke-21 ni, berani ko nak sabotaj aku dengan besarkan tetek aku?
Lepas tu dia cuba suruh aku makan minyak ikan dua kapsul sekali gus. Nampak sangat tamak haloba, betina ni.
The American Heart Association mencadangkan pesakit jantung makan 1 gram DHA/EPA sehari.
Ini bermakna SATU pil (1000mg atau 1gm minyak ikan) sudah cukup untuk keperluan sehari. Tak payah lah nak ngengada makan banyak sangat.
Lepas tu, aku beli multivitamins, sebab dengan kawalan pemakanan yang aku jalankan sekarang, aku dah kurangkan gila babi jumlah makanan dan jenis makanan yang aku makan. Ada kemungkinan aku tertinggal apa-apa zat atau vitamin, juga menambah risiko kehilangan nutrien ialah pemakanan serat tinggi aku yang mengeluarkan banyak minyak daripada tubuh.
Kalau aku makan kurang minyak, dan minyak yang masuk pun banyak terbuang, aku mungkin kekurangan vitamin E. Jadi aku beli multivitamin untuk memastikan kandungan vitamin aku okay.
Selepas beli benda-benda ni, aku beli bawang, badam, halia pastu balik rumah. Aku dah tak tahan dikelilingi ramai orang. Dulu pun aku menyampah dengan manusia ni semua, terutama kalau ramai-ramai.
Jadi, Selamat Hari Raya Haji untuk semua orang, tak kira ko sambut ke tak. Kalau aku mati dan tak sempat mintak maaf, ketahuilah, aku tak pernah rasa bersalah atau nak mintak maaf sebab aku tak pernah menganiaya sesiapa dalam hidup aku, kecuali sorang budak yang aku terpecah thermos dia masa umur aku 15 tahun pastu taknak bayar. Apapun, point is: aku tak mintak maaf dan aku tak maafkan sesiapa yang pernah buat dajal dengan aku. Kalau sempat, aku balas. Kalau tak sempat, then what to do? No Sympathy for Mr Vengeance.
Aku bermula dengan sarapan, kemudian aku mendapatkan teksi melalui EasyTaxi dan mendapat confirmation pada 10.50. Sambil menunggu teksi, aku check apa wayang yang main hari ni. Pada 10.53am, aku dapati Lucy ada show pukul 11.40am. Aku beli tiket melalui Maybank2U dalam masa 5 minit dan kemudian bergegas turun untuk masuk ke dalam teksi yang membawa aku ke Midvalley
SUSHI
Semalam, aku rasa macam nak makan sushi. Ini sebab aku nak dapatkan asid lemak Omega 3 dengan semua kelebihan dia. Of course, ini disebabkan sakit jantung aku dan maklumat yang aku kumpul untuk memastikan aku tak kena serangan sakit jantung atau angin ahmar lagi sepanjang aku hidup. Jadi, sampainya di Midvalley, aku bergegas ke Sushi King.
Jam tangan aku - jenama Polo (murah!) - menunjukkan aku masuk ke restoran Sushi King pada pukul 11am. Aku ada setengah jam saja untuk makan tengahari sebelum bergegas ke GSC untuk menonton Lucy. Sebelum pergi menonton Lucy, aku perlu mendapatkan bekalan Omega 3 dahulu!
Setakat ni, sumber Omega 3 aku ada dua - tuna dalam tin dan benda yang dicampurkan dalam susu kacang soya aku, menjadikannya kaya dengan Omega 3 dan 6. Dia cakap la. Standard pantauan makanan kat Malaysia ni aku tak confident sangat. Aku boleh botolkan air paip, pastu cakap ini air ada vitamin, hantu pontianak dan kote rimau. Bukan Kementerian Kesihatan ada ujian untuk tentukan sama ada terdapat kote rimau dalam air tu.
Malangnya, tuna dalam tin dituduh oleh beberapa website rujukan aku sebagai berisiko kandungan mercury yang sederhana tinggi. Sumber paling bagus masih salmon.
Malah, tilapia dan keli (juga hampir semua jenis ikan tempatan) ada kandungan lemak tepu yang tinggi. Penyediaan dan cara masakan di Malaysia pula menjadikan hampir semua jenis ikan tak selamat, terutama kalau digoreng dalam minyak kelapa sawit.
Seterusnya, aku nak berenti minum susu kacang soya sebab dia ada phytoestrogen. Aku nak minum low-fat milk sahaja atau skim milk lepas ni. Phytoestrogen memang boleh merendahkan kolesterol untuk lelaki, tetapi bagi aku, apa-apa yang ada nama estrogen melibatkan penumbuhan tetek atau pengecutan batu pelir.
Masalah aku yang lebih besar - secara umumnya, aku tak suka makan ikan. Ini masalah psikologi sejak kecil dan tak akan dibincangkan di sini.
Namun, menghadapi kemungkinan mati beragan jika tidak menangani kebencian aku pada rasa dan tekstur ikan, aku memberanikan diri pergi ke Sushi King setelah mendapati menunya menyenaraikan kandungan kalori untuk setiap jenis hidangan.
Ini penting sebab aku sedang menguruskan pemakanan aku dengan bantuan dietitian UMMC. Aku diberitahu, untuk berat badan aku, aku perlu makan lebih 2000 kalori sehari. Jadi dalam 600-700 kalori untuk satu hidangan besar atau aku juggle supaya tak lebih 2200 kalori sehari.
Satu hidangan nigiri sushi ada 96 kcal:
Kalau dibandingkan, scallops ada kurang kalori (81):
Dan memeranjatkan, Sushi UDANG ada kurang kalori (78kcal) berbanding sushi salmon:
Aku mula musykil dengan data Sushi King, terutama bila aku dapati hidangan Edamame mereka menyenaraikan jumlah kalori yang betul (147kcal, setara dengan jumlah yang diterbitkan saintis di laman web), dan ia lebih tinggi daripada semua yang lain, walaupun antara benda paling sihat boleh kau order kat Sushi King:
Tapi, sebab Raya Haji, aku pun makan edamame, sushi salmon tu, sushi scallops dan yang ini:
Chuka Kurage atau ampai-ampai jeruk antara sushi paling aku suka, walaupun tak sihat sangat.
Jadi, hari ni, aku makan sushi sebagai hidangan tengahari dengan jumlah kalori -yang didakwa oleh Sushi King - 496 kalori. Campur air teh hijau takde gula yang aku minum, aku rasa ada la 500 kalori lebih sikit kot.
Kesilapan ramai manusia, terutama Melayu, ialah fikir kau kena tambah item dalam pemakanan ko. Oh, minyak ikan bagus? Kita makan ikan banyak-banyak, on top of apa kita makan hari-hari!
Atau: Oats bagus? Kita makan oats on top of apa kita makan hari-hari!
Ini nama dia: bodoh. Benda-benda tu untuk ganti apa sampah yang kita makan setiap hari. Kalau makan ikan bagus sebab ada asid lemak Omega 3, maka kita sepatutnya tukar ayam atau daging yang kita makan dengan ikan.
Kalau oats bagus, maka kita jangan makan nasi, sebaliknya ganti dengan oats. Kalau madu atau agave nectar bagus, buang semua gula dan pakai agave nectar SAHAJA. Aku dah buang SEMUA gula dan garam kat rumah aku, termasuk semua jenis sos dan kicap. Yang ada sebagai sumber gula hanya organic agave nectar yang mahal (RM30 untuk 340ml or something), jadi kalau aku nak pakai pun sayang. Sumber garam hanya fleur de sel atau French Sea Salt SAHAJA yang harganya dalam empat kali ganda harga garam biasa (RM8++ sebotol, boleh tahan setahun atau dua tahun, jadi takde le mahal sangat pun muahahaha).
Masalah aku yang tak suka rasa dan tekstur ikan aku atasi semasa makan sushi mentah ni dengan menggunakan wasabi. Aku letak wasabi kat ikan dan aku kunyah, telan, sebelum aku rasa loya dengan tekstur ikan.
Aku rasa, aku boleh makan salmon, tapi kena ada rempah.
Kemudian, aku fikir, "Daripada makan sushi tetiap hari sampai bankrupt, baik aku beli minyak ikan je."
Malangnya, pada masa itu aku terpaksa bergegas ke GSC untuk menonton Lucy
LUCY
Aku sempat sampai ke panggung pada tepat jam 11.40 pagi, kalau mengikut jam Polo aku (bermakna, aku sampai tepat 11.34 pagi, sebab jam tu cepat 6 minit). Ambik tiket kat kaunter, terus masuk - inilah sebabnya aku suka beli kat rumah je tiket.
Di sebelah kiri aku ada sepasang beruk, dan jauh di tengah barisan juga ada sepasang beruk. Beruk-beruk ini asyik bercakap pada beberapa ketika semasa wayang ditayangkan. Ini menyebabkan aku marah! Jadi aku toleh ke kanan, dan menjerit, "SHHHHHHH!!!" sebanyak dua kali sebelum si celaka-celaka yang tidak diajar oleh mak bapak mereka bagaimana nak ada adab tu senyap, tapi hanya untuk sekejap.
Untuk pasangan beruk di sebelah kiri aku, aku menggunakan taktik menjeling dengan pandangan orang gila. Aku berjaya menakutkan mereka dengan renungan kegilaan aku, yang seolah-olah berkata - "Mak bapak ko tak ajar ko adab ya? Tapi mak bapak aku campak aku dalam hutan dan aku dibesarkan oleh SYAITAN JADI KALAU KO NAK MAMPUS MASUK LUBANG JUBUR NERAKA HARI NI, KO BERCAKAP LAGILAH DALAM PANGGUNG, DASAR PUKIMAK ANAK ANJING TAK RETI BASA!"
Filem Lucy ditulis dan diarah oleh Luc Besson. Premis dia agak straightforward dan sedikit lemah. Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) terperangkap dalam situasi yang mendedahkannya kepada sejenis dadah yang menyebabkan otaknya diteroka sampai 100%. Sambil dia meneruskan pengembaraan dengan kemampuan dan bakat baru sebagai seorang yang bijak dan ada kuasa luarbiasa, Morgan Freeman memberi kuliah dan menerangkan teori yang tak betul ini.
Teori manusia menggunakan 10% kemampuan otak hanyalah satu dongeng moden yang tidak diambil serius oleh sesiapa kecuali Luc Besson, Tony Wong (dalam babak-babak awal komik HK terjemahan Dewata Raya) dan mereka yang mahu percaya pada potensi diri sendiri.
Selaras dengan itu, keseluruhan filem Lucy ialah satu power fantasy atau igauan kuasa (?) bagi penonton yang mahu percaya mereka boleh jadi lebih bagus dengan hanya satu dadah yang istimewa.
Bagi aku, sebagai seorang omega-level genius, Lucy tidak mengambil tindakan yang pandai sangat. Dia boleh menidurkan semua orang dalam satu bilik dengan tahap penerokaan otak yang lebih rendah, jadi kenapa dia memilih untuk menggunakan cara lain untuk menangani musuh pada babak lain (mengapungkan mereka)? Ini mesti kes Luc Besson nak buat babak yang dia rasa cool dan popular.
Lagi satu, Lucy membuat kesilapan dengan tidak membunuh Mr Jang lakonan Choi Min-Sik pada awal filem, sebaliknya, memenjarakan pelakon itu selama 15 tahun, kemudian membebaskannya semata-mata supaya dia boleh melakukan sumbang mahram dengan anak perempuannya. Eh, itu filem lain.
 |
| Ye, ko tak paham lawak di atas sebab Choi Min-Sik dulu berlakon jadi Oh Dae Su dalam OldBoy |
Tak, Lucy patut bunuh je mamat tu bila ada peluang. Tapi takpelah, sebab kalau tak, babak ketiga filem ni takde adegan aksi dan hanya ada Morgan Freeman bagi kuliah pasal ilmu biologi berdasarkan dongeng yang dah lama dibuktikan palsu.
Lakonan Scarlett Johansson, buah hati pengarang jantung aku (yang sudah luka), sebenarnya agak biasa sahaja. Lakonan Scarjo dalam Captain America: The Winter Soldier lebih best, sebab dalam Lucy, dia cuba mengKeanuReeveskan diri - dan bukan Keanu Bill and Ted, tetapi Keanu The Day the Earth Stood Still.
Apapun, Lucy membuktikan Scarlett Johansson mampu memikul hampir keseluruhan filem berseorangan, jadi aku harap si celaka-celaka kat Hollywood boleh luluskan filem Black Widow yang best.
Morgan Freeman macam dia buat episod Through the Wormhole je. Interchangeable dengan sesiapa yang ada suara best.
Lucy ialah filem yang okay, dan memenuhi keinginan ramai orang yang ada fikiran, "Sebenarnya, aku power, aku ada potensi, cuma aku takde dadah boleh bukak semua kehebatan aku." Fikiran sebegini ada dalam setiap manusia yang umurnya 8 tahun ke bawah. Namun, sesetengah orang sampai ke tua pun akan cuba meyakinkan orang bahawa dia akan buat lagi best "Kalau aku betul-betul serius".
Ini semua melancap tak tentu pasal dan cubaan ego untuk jaga air muka. Setiap kali ko buat sesuatu, kalau kau tak buat dengan sepenuh kekuatan dan kebolehan (setaraf dengan bayaran), maka ko akan mati dalam keadaan rugi.
100% All the way, all the time. Tengok macam aku ni. Sampai sakit jantung sebab intense sangat. Dan kacak.
Anyway, abis tengok Lucy, aku ke farmasi untuk membeli minyak ikan.
Raya Haji di Midvalley
Sampai ke farmasi, aku tengok ada promosi - kalau aku beli minyak ikan dengan harga RM205, aku akan ada bekalan untuk 10 bulan (300 kapsul).
Tetapi, aku tak sure benda ni bagus sangat. Aku nak cuba je dalam 2-3 bulan dulu dan consult doctor aku, kalau ada perubahan.
Promoter kat situ cuba jual aku minyak ikan dengan evening primrose oil. Aku cakap, itu untuk perempuan. Dia balas, lelaki pun boleh jugak maa.
Ye la, boleh jugak, kalau aku nak besarkan tetek. Dan dapat kanser tetek. Kimak punya promoter. Aku paling menyampah orang cuba bagi aku maklumat palsu atau menipu aku. Akulah minda terhebat abad ke-21 ni, berani ko nak sabotaj aku dengan besarkan tetek aku?
Lepas tu dia cuba suruh aku makan minyak ikan dua kapsul sekali gus. Nampak sangat tamak haloba, betina ni.
The American Heart Association mencadangkan pesakit jantung makan 1 gram DHA/EPA sehari.
Ini bermakna SATU pil (1000mg atau 1gm minyak ikan) sudah cukup untuk keperluan sehari. Tak payah lah nak ngengada makan banyak sangat.
Lepas tu, aku beli multivitamins, sebab dengan kawalan pemakanan yang aku jalankan sekarang, aku dah kurangkan gila babi jumlah makanan dan jenis makanan yang aku makan. Ada kemungkinan aku tertinggal apa-apa zat atau vitamin, juga menambah risiko kehilangan nutrien ialah pemakanan serat tinggi aku yang mengeluarkan banyak minyak daripada tubuh.
Kalau aku makan kurang minyak, dan minyak yang masuk pun banyak terbuang, aku mungkin kekurangan vitamin E. Jadi aku beli multivitamin untuk memastikan kandungan vitamin aku okay.
Selepas beli benda-benda ni, aku beli bawang, badam, halia pastu balik rumah. Aku dah tak tahan dikelilingi ramai orang. Dulu pun aku menyampah dengan manusia ni semua, terutama kalau ramai-ramai.
Jadi, Selamat Hari Raya Haji untuk semua orang, tak kira ko sambut ke tak. Kalau aku mati dan tak sempat mintak maaf, ketahuilah, aku tak pernah rasa bersalah atau nak mintak maaf sebab aku tak pernah menganiaya sesiapa dalam hidup aku, kecuali sorang budak yang aku terpecah thermos dia masa umur aku 15 tahun pastu taknak bayar. Apapun, point is: aku tak mintak maaf dan aku tak maafkan sesiapa yang pernah buat dajal dengan aku. Kalau sempat, aku balas. Kalau tak sempat, then what to do? No Sympathy for Mr Vengeance.
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