I have been getting a lot of telemarketer calls in recent years, and I got another one today.
I answered because I thought it could be news that my father is sick or something. The old man's not in perfect health these days.
Anyway, here's the conversation:
Bitch: Hello, may I speak to Mr Amir Hafizi please?
Me: Speaking.
B: Ah, sir, you have registered a few months ago, for a yachting club.
Me: No, I didn't.
B: How can that be? I have all your details here. You must have registered for the yachting club.
Me: Are you calling me a liar?
B: Wh-what? No, but you have registered with this yachting club.
Me: No, but ... I'm a liar? You're calling me a liar?
B: Sir, you have registered with this yachting club...
Me: No, I haven't and I'm not interested, especially after you've called me a liar.
B: Okay.
And then she hung up. I immediately felt bad. I felt really, really bad, because I could have instead have this conversation:
Bitch: Hello, may I speak to Mr Amir Hafizi please?
Me: Speaking.
B: Ah, sir, you have registered a few months ago, for a yachting club.
Me: Are you a telemarketer? And you have my details? Why don't you do me a favour and take a few steps back and RAM THE NEAREST FUCKING PHONE RECEIVER DOWN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH?!
B: S-Sir?
Me: You listen to me, and you listen to me carefully. I will hunt you down. I will find out where you live, and where your family lives, and I will fucking catch you, and I will SEW EACH OF YOUR MOUTHS TO EACH OTHER'S ASSHOLE, MAKING A HUMAN RING OF MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT!
Me: I WILL RAIN DOWN FIRE FROM THE HEAVENS ON YOU. I WILL TAKE THE YOUNGEST MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY, AND I WILL COOK IT, AND THEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, I WILL EAT IT! AND I WILL RELISH IT.
Me: I WILL TIE YOUR ARMS WITH RUBBER BANDS UNTIL THEY ARE GANGRENOUS, AND THEN I WILL STARVE YOU, AND THEN I WILL COOK SAVOURY STEW USING YOUR MEAT AND I WILL FUCKING FEED IT TO YOU.
Me: YOU WILL SURVIVE FOR A VERY LONG PERIOD OF TIME, AND YOU WILL SUFFER FOR EACH SECOND THAT YOU BREATHE. DID YOU HEAR THAT? I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. I WILL FIND YOU! AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
B: Boo hoo hoooooooooo.... wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaiiiillllllll!
Mess with the best, die like the rest.
