Siapa Patut Jadi Presiden UMNO?

THERE MUST ALWAYS BE A LICH KING!

Malam ni aku nak tulis pasal bagaimana UMNO boleh menjadi pembangkang yang berkesan. Selepas kalah dengan teruk pada GE14 yang lepas, UMNO dalam keadaan terumbang-ambing. Trauma kekalahan dan siasatan ke atas bekas pemimpin tertinggi UMNO, serta imej ahli politik pembangkang menjadi menteri dan disayangi ramai menyebabkan ramai penyokong dan ahli UMNO terlopong.

Bagi aku, rakyat Malaysia sentiasa perlukan pembangkang yang berkesan. Mana-mana kerajaan pun perlukan pembangkang. Ini untuk memastikan ada check and balance, timbal-balik atas keputusan yang melibatkan nasib dan wang rakyat.

Aku jugak kesian baca penderitaan member-member aku yang jadi penyokong UMNO kat FB yang setiap hari seolah-olah clutching at straws. Berita palsu pun diorang share, asalkan boleh menampal dunia mereka yang dirobek-robek keputusan GE14. Desperado nak mati.

UMNO bagi aku masih boleh memenuhi peranan sebagai pembangkang, tetapi ada beberapa perkara yang perlu diorang buat. Yang paling penting ialah memilih Presiden yang sesuai.

Persoalan aku nak kupas hari ni ialah, sapa patut take over UMNO?

1. Zahid Hamidi?



Sepatutnya Zahid take over, tapi ada pulak terdengar orang lain dalam UMNO buat statement kononnya tanpa kebenaran Zahid. Statement pasal rampasan di kondo Pavilion ialah harta UMNO. Ini bagi aku tidak masuk akal, tapi whateverlah. Zahid kena make sure statement cuma datang daripada dia. Kalau ada orang lain buat statement, baik takyah ada Presiden.

Ada audio keluar pasal Zahid cakap PUKIMAK kat Pemuda UMNO. Bila ditanya, Zahid cakap bukan dia. Kalau aku Zahid Hamidi, aku mengaku je. Cakap dah tak tahan dan emosional pasal kecewa dengan ahli parti. Kalau betul dia la yang cakap.

Zahid boleh memupuk imej seorang ketua yang keras dan tidak berkompromi. Tapi dia terlepas peluang ini sebab taknak mengaku dia cakap pukimak. Sejak GE14, Zahid nampak macam placeholder je dan takde tunjukkan ketegasan yang perlu ada pada seorang pemimpin UMNO, lebih-lebih lagi pada masa sekarang.

Zahid juga maybe terkesan dengan skandal duit sebelum ini, sebagai sebahagian Majlis Tertinggi.

Rating: 2/5 - Mamat ni garang, tapi tak pakai kegarangan dia dengan betul.

2. Hishamuddin Hussein?



Mamat ni handle kes MH370 kat media dengan baik, pada pandangan aku. Malangnya dia macam lebih sesuai handle portfolio Foreign Minister daripada jadi Prime Minister atau Presiden UMNO. Of course, dia takkan diberi Foreign Ministry bawah kerajaan PH.

Dia ada pedigree - bapak dia Hussein Onn - tapi mulut dia tak bukak luas bila bercakap, so air liur senang berbuih kat tepi.

Pilihan yang lagi baik daripada Zahid, tapi masih lemah.

Rating: 2.5/5 - Bini dia lawa.

3. KJ?


Kononnya 'the future PM', tapi gelaran tu jatuh pada Dr M pada 9 Mei 2018.

Sejak GE14, KJ dah senyap kat social media. Dulu bukan main.

Masih mendapat sokongan segelintir dalam UMNO, tetapi ramai jugak cakap kekalahan GE14 ialah kegagalan Pemuda dan ketuanya.

Kempen dengan mesej yang dangkal, mata stim dan kekurangan kejujuran memastikan KJ takleh jadi PM.

Rating: 2/5 - Sudah-sudahlah tu KJ

4. Ahmad Maslan?


Sebenarnya antara calon terhebat yang paling sesuai jadi Presiden UMNO.

Sejak GE14, Ahmad Maslan melaksanakan tugasnya sebagai MP di Pontian dengan bersahaja dan tenang. Dia pergi majlis berbuka, melawat kebun nenas, dan menunjukkan hidangan berbukanya.

Kekalahan BN dan kejatuhan Najib seperti tiada kesan kepada Ahmad Maslan, yang satu ketika dahulu mungkin dianggap sebagai pelawak yang diberi jawatan untuk menceriakan hari anda.

Ahmad Maslan melawat ladang nenas

Juadah berbuka Ahmad Maslan

Ahmad Maslan menunjukkan sikap tenang dan profesional yang tidak ada pada kebanyakan pemimpin UMNO sekarang. Dia seolah-olah kebal skandal dan tidak risau langsung pasal apa yang terjadi sekelilingnya.

Kestabilan seorang yang berkepala batu seperti Ahmad Maslan amatlah diperlukan untuk menstabilkan UMNO.

Dan dengarnya, dia menang di Pontian tanpa perlu kiraan semula.

Rating: 5/5 - Daripada lawak jenaka kepada fearless leader.

5. Tok Pa


Pilihan paling membosankan, tetapi sama hebat dengan Ahmad Maslan.

Tok Pa tidak dibenci ramai, dan dihormati oleh kebanyakan orang. Muka dan pertuturannya tidak akan membakar semangat sesiapa, tetapi seperti Ahmad Maslan, Tok Pa mampu membawa kestabilan kepada UMNO jika dipilih sebagai Presiden.

Rating: 5/5 - Ahli politik sepatutnya boring

Teori Bodoh GE14: Najib Lari ke Indonesia

GE14 banyak teori. Kebanyakannya salah. Ini salah satu teori yang terbukti salah.

Pada malam Dr M angkat sumpah sebagai PM ketujuh Malaysia, ada beberapa member aku (sebenarnya, sorang je - Mogi) yang asyik tengok CCTV SUbang Airport takut Najib dan Rosmah nak melarikan diri ke Jakarta.

Dia buat camtu sebab ada orang leak Najib dan Rosmah dah tempah private jet nak ke sana.

Aku cakap kat dia supaya dia pergi tido, sebab Dr M macam 12 langkah ke depan dalam game ni.

So teori aku pada masa itu ialah, Dr M dah renovate satu kawasan kat Langkawi supaya menyerupai Jakarta Timur. Bila jet Najib berlepas, dia akan buat u-turn dan pergi mendarat kat Langkawi.

Najib dan Rosmah akan disambut oleh pelakon-pelakon Istana Budaya dan Aswara yang boleh menggunakan Bahasa Indonesia. Yang tak boleh, akan berlakon bisu.

Pelakon: Selamat datang ya, bapak Najib, ibu Rosmah.

Najib: Sekejapnya flight tadi?

Pelakon: Mungkin bapak tertidur sebab kepenatan. Mari saya pandu ke kamarnya.

And then Najib and Rosmah would check in and then taken to a restaurant - Waroeng Ayam Penyet AP.

Pelakon: Enak ya pak?

Najib: Enak...

Rosmah: Errrm...

Pelakon: Iya, ibu?

Rosmah: Itu... tugu apa ya?

Rosmah points to a statue of an eagle.



Pelakon: Oh, itu namanya burung Garuda, burung penuh kesaktian budaya kami.

Najib: Ohh... Garuda...

Sementara itu, semua ini dipantau dalam sebuah bilik hotel di sebelah bilik Najib dan Rosmah. Di dalam bilik itu, Dr M sedang duduk sambil menutup mulutnya, menahan ketawa.

Butthurt Notes 3: To Infinity and Beyond

Previously, from Butthurt Notes:


I planned a small resistance against BN bots for GE14, started selling t-shirts out of spite, and was swept in by non-partisan, non-governmental grassroots movements to bring people home to vote.


Read Butthurt Notes: Origin Story here


The BN campaign was immensely flawed. Stupid choices in imagery, iconography, narrative, messaging and deployment of resources. They also managed to annoy the people with pettiness and supposedly unfair advantage over institutions such as the Election Commission.


Meanwhile, the youth movements brewing online are making voting fun. I also discovered that the maturity of online young people at a level that is unprecedented.


Read Butthurt Part 2: Big Little Mistakes here.


So yes, I was impressed with the young people I saw and dealt with online. They are smart, aware, generous and compassionate. I began to see an idea, a vision, a hope. That no matter what the result of the election, the point for this whole thing I'm doing is to provide support - space and opportunity so these young people can reclaim their voice, their power and right what is wrong.


I dreamed of a day when the age where we wait for a hero to save us all is over. Even if it's Dr M, we should not allow responsibility for our situation and environment fall into the hands of others. I have often felt frustrated with others not sharing or understanding what I want out of my people, my society. It seems that after I gave up years ago, they all grew up into these amazing beings of my dreams.


The X Factor


Talking to these young people, I don't have to explain a lot of things. They pick up things very quickly. They watched Marvel Cinematic Universe movies for 10 years and know the ideas and ideals of Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, and the rest.


The older folks (my generation and beyond) remembered the days of Dr M, and knew what he stood for, both good and bad.


Surrounded by these wonderful Malaysians, I did not have to do much but just place my trust in them and allow myself to be carried by their energy and spirit.


Fear vs Faith


Meanwhile, BN's camp showed immense fear. It started with a jittery Najib announcing the dissolution of Parliament. He seemed so... scared. I could not understand why. I tried prying some information from Government contacts and all I could glean was that it would be a very close election with BN winning in every projected scenario. Only one contact said Pakatan will win, by 7 seats. AFter which, PAIS-M would join BN or BN will get 7 parliamentarians to jump.


I also noticed an absence of BN leaders. They were uncharacteristically quiet, save for Najib and Zahid. KJ had his dumb videos, and Hishamuddin responded when Rafidah Aziz called out his Ministry. Where were the rest? It's understandable to keep Ahmad Maslan quiet, but they had 133 parliamentarians and all the ministers and deputy ministers?


Where is the thing where the Agriculture Minister saying, "Hey, bitch, we did this for poor farmers and now everyone's livin' large, motherfuckers!."


Where's education, health, finance? Oh, finance did a free concert in Langkawi the same time Dr M was supposed to speak. That's a bad move for BN and adds to the 'annoying factor'.


For most of the campaign period, it seemed as if Najib was campaigning alone. His posters suggested as much.


On the other side, Pakatan showed a unified front. They're never alone, in every speech or poster. It reminded me of an exchange between Captain America and another character in one of the Marvel movies. I am misremembering the line, and its purpose, but it was something like this:


Cap: If we want to win, the only way is to do it together.


Other Character: But what if we lose?


Cap: Then we'll lose. Together.


I put this up on Twitter not to spark the spirit of togetherness and unity, but because it was what I felt from Pakatan as well as the youth. I don't think I sparked anything, just documenting and relaying the spirit of the moment.


To me, this was the major difference between the two campaigns. BN showed fear. Pakatan and the people shared faith. In Dr M, in the future, and most importantly, in each other.


The Final Pitch


Najib and Dr M each delivered a final speech, the night before voting.


Najib offered more goodies, which I thought was insulting. He was the same guy who was handing out RM100 notes to those poor makciks. It's demeaning, reducing the people to infants who get distracted with something shiny.


To make it worse, the shiny things he was holding over our heads are poorly thought out and potentially damaging.


26 year olds and below don't have to pay tax? How many 26-year-olds make more than the taxable level? It reminded people that the young are finding irt difficult to find jobs, and the existing jobs offer low pay.


What if giant companies give all their profit to the owner's children or grandchildren through a Sdn Bhd and they take all the money as director's fees? If they don't have children, why not a willing 21-year-old? No company would pay tax, ever. This would bankrupt the country. Whose idea was this? Were they high on cocaine?


Doubling BR1M? That's old news, right? So now BR1M cost is like, RM7 billion? Doubling it means the country has to pay over RM14 billion a year. And you said we had a RM40 billion hole in the federal budget. How are you going to amke up for this, really? More taxes? You tell people we have no money, and then you want to give them money. Either you're lying or there;s a catch.


Pakatan offered holidays on Thursday and Friday. Najib offered Monday and Tuesday. Even if the people were that petty and easily bought, which one do you think they would choose? Again, who's the idiot who came up with this stuff?


And here's another one - no tolls for five days during Raya. First of all, Pakatan is offering no tolls, ever, on those same highways. Why the fuck did you lowball on this one? Secondly, it shows BN is trying to cut on the goodies, meaning they are seen as less generous and trying to cheat... again.


You might think young people are too dumb to understand this - Najib might bet on this. But no. The young people of this country immediately understood they were offered shit. A hot pile of steaming shit that constantly insults them. You go back and see how they reacted, on ANY media platform. Listen and read what they have to say on the matter.


Over in Langkawi, Dr M simply repeated the same message of the campaign, unwavering and consistent. It's a call to restore the dignity, the 'Maruah' of the country, by cleaning up corruption, arresting thieves, etc.


So on one hand, you have a clearly desperate politician offering dubious gifts, and on the other you have a statesman with a call for integrity, honour and justice.


It was Maruah vs Rasuah. I didn't coin this, but someone attributed it to me. I merely repeated it in a tweet, but it encapsulates the very essence of the campaigns of both sides.


D-Day


And then voting day happened. I travelled from KL to Kuantan and voted in Paya Besar. My area is traditionally BN, but I didn't care. I couldn't forget the makciks and pakciks that the politicians failed. I couldn't fathom the inane strategies and stupid decisions made not just during the campaign, but for the past 8 or 10 years AT LEAST.


But more than anything, I have faith in the people. An empowered people is the real prize. Even if BN won, if the voters - the people - understood the power they have, no politician can ever mess with them or their country ever again.


That's what I voted for. I voted for hope in the future, guided by my faith in the people of  this country. I started this whole thing a spiteful, cynical bastard whose true power is being an asshole online. I went out of the voting station a true believer.


And now, I wake up every day to a new Malaysia.

Butthurt Notes Part 2: Big Little Mistakes

Previously, from Butthurt Notes:

I planned a small resistance against BN bots for GE14, started selling t-shirts out of spite, and was swept in by non-partisan, non-governmental grassroots movements to bring people home to vote.

Read Butthurt Notes: Origin Story here

A Flawed Campaign

And now, I must say that Najib and BN's campaign was atrocious. Contradictory messages, distributed network of cybers who sometimes attacked each other and the strange decision to use Najib's photo as the anchor image for most of the posters.

 I went for the KL International Book Fair at PWTC for 10 days and outside the building was a banner stating "Mahasiswa Menyokong Kerajaan Barisan Nasional". You know what picture they used? Not students from the various associations who supposedly paid for the banner. Not UMNO Youth people, not even Najib and some random college kids. No, it was just Najib. Is he... a student?

BN also did the usual dog and pony show they did every GE. The difference this time is that a lot more of their activities are captured on video.

I remember feeling really angry when I saw a video of a BN politician eating while his aide distributed RM100 bills to a bunch whom I presume to be BN party workers. I saw the makciks jumping up and down and showing the thumbs up sign repeatedly to the datuk while saying, "Terima kasih, Datuk. Terima kasih."

It was a cringefest and I felt angry because it tells me this story: For years, the UMNO politicians who were supposed to improve the lives of these folks have neglected them so much that a RM100 note every five years caused them to hop excitedly. It was demeaning and cruel.

Those women are old enough to be my mother, and they dared to treat them like monkeys?

Gamification

The worst thing, though, was they did these little petty things like (though it is SPR doing this, people will assume it's BN) the voting day on Wednesday thing, screwing up the postal ballots and suddenly including new rules that prohibited Dr M's image from being used. They even cut out Dr M's image from posters or painted over it.

I believe this created small, petty hurdles for a young generation of voters accustomed to facing these things in games. Yes, I have a dumb theory that BN effectively gamified the election. They turned it into a fun game.

BIG. MISTAKE.

The key word here is fun, because back with PulangMengundi and UndiRabu, the community has started making going to the election fun. Some dug up b/w photos of elections in the past and saw that in those days, people dressed up to go and vote. So there was a smaller bunch within PulangMengundi who pledged to wear their best traditional costumes to the polling stations.

Even though just a few people did this on polling day, it already created a festive atmosphere with people arranging carpools and collecting money to give food to weary travellers who arrive at airports. I read that several hundred packs of food were purchsed and given to anyone who arrived to vote.

Again, I must stress these things were not done in support or against any party. The entire goal was to increase the percentage of voters.

As an alternative, someone developed an app - Droupr - for carpooling. It can be used for GE14 and even beyond that.

There was also a loose agreement that saw people in different states going back on different days. At least most of them. Kelantanese people I think mostly went on Monday. Pahang and Terengganu went on Tuesday. I have no idea how the Northerners scheduled their travel, but the roads were jammed anyway.

It was like a very organised Raya thing. People - YOUNG PEOPLE - were excited to vote. They asked their friends to go with them. This young generation loves travel for any reason and what better than 'saving the nation'?

These are all facets of a grassroots movement that made going back to vote fun and relevant for young people who know what the stakes are.

Meanwhile, Back in the Swamp...

Even with all this excitement, I have no idea what was going on in the rural areas. I know the very presence of Dr M and his team of The Expendables would be a clarion call for Malays no matter where they are.

Malaysians remember Dr M as the leader who brought honour and respect to the country. Some remember his less colourful moments, but even then, enough of that group see him as an asshole who fights for them. Most Malays love Dr M or at least respect him and the fact that he brought the old guns out for one last ride suggests he's not a bored, lonely, senile old man who must have his fix of toppling another Malaysian Prime Minister.

Dr M also gave a very public answer on how to talk to rural folks who might not understand the complex, multi-faceted nature of 1MDB. He suggests focusing on things the rural folks could relate to - the higher cost of living they now experience every day. Where previously they could eat three times a day, they could now eat twice or only once.

Where before this, their children could go to MARA Colleges or get scholarships, their younger offspring get less or can't get anything at all.

He hit exactly where the BN government failed. MARA colleges used to be for the excellent students from poor families. Now, almost half the spots are taken by middle class or rich students. You think people won't notice or feel the pinch, when you take their spots? Well. Fuck you, rich assholes.

All Quiet on the Digital Front

Meanwhile, I ran out of bots. I was hunting them happily for a few days at the beginning of the campaign. Russian bots, Chinese bots, local bots. And then they went extinct.

I did not hunt them to extinction. I reported maybe a total of 40? 100? I dunno. I spent half an hour a day on my own. After two or three days, I couldn't find any bots.

I think one of three scenarios could have unfolded:

1. BN ran out of money for social media campaigns.

They may have been advised by some people (hehehe) that Twitter is a lost cause and a waste of money. So they spent on ground troops. Which is good... but risky.

That left only cybertroopers on Twitter in the second half of the campaign. Most of them paid anywhere between 1K to 10K a month. Some received RM100 for 30 tweets, which is pathetic.

2. The MCMC stepped in

The usage of bots were detected and MCMC could have done something. I dunno.

3. Twitter stepped in

After the US Presidential election, I believe Twitter is wary of bots, especially ones that try to influence. Maybe after a few people reported a few hundred bots, they took action?

I don't know. I was busy selling t-shirts.

I must say that I did not make such a great impact on social media this GE14. I used to run campaigns like Anugerah Bintang Popular that had millions of hits, likes and reach. My social media presence was negligible... ON ITS OWN.

The great thing about this was I was not alone. These kids, man. They grow up so fast. There are swaths of users I never interacted with who could read the situations unfolding and come to the same conclusions I do. I checked them out. They're all young, random people with actual lives and followers.

If BN wanted to try use bots and cybertroopers to bamboozle or unsettle people on social media this GE14, they may have found it puzzling that their messaging did not get as much traction as they hoped.

The social media users have adapted to bots and cybertroopers so that it's not that easy to manipulate them. All those years of jumping to conclusions or raising a mob and then realising it was for nothing have educated a whole generation of users.

And when KJ released his video with Najib at a mamak restaurant and another with a well-known actress, people were like, 'meh'.

The messages in both videos were shockingly empty. Just vapid protestations of how the Opposition is lying and that BN politicians are such honourable people, and nothing else.


To Be Concluded

Butthurt Notes: Origin Story

You know, I've never felt like this country is my home than the last few weeks.

A few weeks ago, I didn't know what to do. Some of my friends were targeted by BN's thugs. The 1MDB scandal, and the way the country was run was a cause for major concern. Projections for the future were not good. I saw the numbers and the scenario projections some were brandishing about and I decided my decision to migrate as soon as I had enough money was sound. Most of my friends have also left the country and sometimes I felt as if I'm alone. I worked harder than my doctors advised, so I could finally make the move away from Malaysia.

Even Dr M came out of retirement at 92 years of age to deal with these issues, among other things, head on. I, on the other hand, was planning on running away.

Darkest Night

The election was coming up, and I had no plans on voting. I had given up. I understood the odds, as well as the kind of evil tricks that can be employed to secure power. Also, I view elections as a bunch of rich people fighting another bunch of rich people, to see who gets richer afterwards.

The pawns, the victims, have always been the people. It was abuse on a grand scale. Evil that plays not just with people's future, but their hopes and dreams.

I decided to do what I can. And what I can do is very little. At the very least, I could help my friends by being an asshole.

Annoy-o-Tron

One of my pet peeves of BN's campaigns was the use of bots and cybertroopers. They are annoying and in my opinion, pee into the data pool. How can Najib know what the real sentiment is, if his own goons skew the numbers with their presence? These cybertroopers and bots also harass people, making them hate BN even more. This act of stupidity that is also insulting everyone's intelligence is extremely grating. At least to me.

So I decided to get a few friends to go bot hunting for GE14. The idea was to expose how the bots and cybertroopers operated to the online mob. How to identify them, classify them, and how to deal with them. Bots and cybertroopers waste everyone's time. So the idea is to waste their time instead.

Cybertroopers function by having one person managing multiple accounts at the same time. A team of say, 20, could be handling 400 accounts or more. Some work in shifts. Whatever time he or she spends engaging one person is a small drain off his or her resources. If he or she has to reregister an account that was banned or reported as spam, then that's more time wasted.

If a lot of people participated in the bot hunt, I was sure the machinery would fail its intended function.

I made my plans public on social media for a few reasons. And this activity was the only thing I thought I could do.

Spiteful Summoner

And so, I made a few jokes, as is my custom, and the cybertroopers descended upon me. Perhaps my earlier challenge piqued their interest.

I found a t-shirt design I did in 2008 and uploaded it as a joke. It was the face of Dr M combined with Che Guevara with the caption Che Det under it.

Some cybertroopers, as well as perhaps well-meaning pedantic morons, decided to try and educate me on the very irony of the image, which was the point of the joke that they missed entirely. Perhaps they were also afraid of anything that would make Dr M or the image of Dr M an icon. I don't know because I can't read minds, even ones that are as simple as that of a cybertrooper.

Out of spite and boredom, I decided to actually print the t-shirt and start selling it. It was a moderate success, and I almost covered my cost - which was my one goal- within two weeks.

Odin's Day

And then the Election Commission announced that voting will be on a Wednesday. This triggered me. Earlier, Najib and friends redrew the parliamentary areas in Malaysia to what seems to be their benefit. Some analysis showed BN only needed to notch less than 20% of total votes to win in certain areas to capture the federal Government again.

I have been a member of UMNO for 20 years (still eligible for UMNO Youth), and I have never seen a sitting UMNO president and Prime Minister use ALL of the dirty tricks at their disposal. Some, yes, but never all. By holding back, there is that gentlemanly idea of a sporting chance. I turned a blind eye all these years, because there were invisible lines they did not cross. This seemed like bullying, and I hate bullies.

I immediately vowed to go back and vote, despite my injured ass. as well as campaign against BN.

Within minutes of the announcement, some people started the non-partisan, non-governmental #PulangMengundi movement. I believe it was KlubbkiddKL (Joe) who coined the hashtag and what they were going to do - raise funds to get people to go back and vote. Joe was a former colleague of mine and I know he can drum up lots of attention to the cause. With him are also capable social media thought leaders and influencers. This movement will get traction.

I then decided to use all the profits from the sale of the t-shirt for PulangMengundi and its sister movements UndiRabu and CarpoolGE14. I announced this and sales picked up.

The intention of these movements is not to topple the Government or to support any political party, but to get people out to vote. If voting day was decided on Wednesday by some unscrupulous parties to decrease the number of voters, hopefully this will counter it.

That's all I wanted at this point. Just to increase the number of voters. I had no faith that any of this will result in anything significant, but it was a fun thing to do.

The AllSpark

This was the turning point for me personally. I began to see Malaysians whom I derided all these years for being weak and self-defeating, step up. Within a week, the movements collected a decent sum of money and those NGO-auntie types herded the applicants and decided on a foolproof way to authenticate real voters in need of funds to get back and vote. This slapdash movement run by a ragtag team of volunteers is more transparent and efficient than 1MDB.

On my end, a miniscule corner of what's happening, I was encountering humanity on a grand scale. There were people who paid more for the t-shirts or simply sent in a small amount of money to be distributed to people going back to vote.

I was immensely touched. These were not rich people. These were people whose lives were made more difficult by questionable policies of the Government. They had less spending power, some of them work more jobs or couldn't even find jobs. The institutions and policies set up to pull them up the ladder of social mobility have failed or are failing. And yet they still shared what little they had, for something they actually believe in.

Even though we all believed firmly that BN will win, even though there was no hope. I got sappier and cheesier in my writing at the time. I don't think I could be any different in the face of such great human spirit.

What touches me is never suffering (that's why whiny Opposition people or victim mentality people always turn me off), but the human spirit in the face of great adversity.

This was genuine, not astro-turfed or manufactured or planned or staged. The thing you have to realise about these things is that inauthenticity is quickly identified and weeded out. The public shaming would be brutal. I have always complained about people being fake, about people being liars. This was the anti-thesis to that.

To Be Continued...

Nota Sakit Bontot: Apa Akan Jadi Kalau Whatever Menang

Aku lepak dengan member aku sambil berniaga pastu of course keluar cerita politik.

"Apa akan jadi kalau PH menang? Mesti politicians yang dah lama terliur nak rompak duit akan rompak duit gila babi, balas dendam tak dapat duit 60 tahun."

Aku ejas duduk aku kejap sebab takut menekan bontot sangat, sebab aku masih sakit bontot walupun dah beransur pulih.

Ini rumusan jawapan aku kalau PH menang dan kat bawah, kalau BN menang.

Senario A: PH menang.

1. Kerajaan Cockblock

Kalau PH menang, sebab pakatan diorang tu rapuh, takde sapa boleh seleweng duit dengan suka hati diorang. Kalau Guan Beng nak curi 2.6 billion, sama ada Mat Sabu atau Nurul Izzah, atau Mat Sabu bergandingan tangan dengan Nurul Izzah dalam satu video, atau Mat Sabu dengan Muhyiddin akan sekat dia.

Kalau Dr M tetiba nak bunuh orang, aku yakin Wan Azizah, Kit Siang dan Guan Beng akan block dia.

So kerajaan PH ialah kerajaan yang akan block memblock kalau ada benda bangang diorang nak buat. Mamat-mamat DAP yang terliur tu, aku rasa akan dicheckkan oleh colleagues diorang from PKR, Amanah and Bersatu. Kalau Bersatu nak makan duit, yang lain akan balance dan blockkan dia.

Aku namakan struktur kerajaan ini, struktur Kerajaan Cockblock. Takde sapa akan pancut sangat aku rasa. Padan muka.

2. Ke Arah Rakyat Yang Lebih Berkuasa dan Bertanggungjawab

Tetapi PALING penting, ialah rakyat yang akan muncul selepas ini. GE14 ni, bagi aku, bukanlah peluang untuk letak kerajaan yang semua orang suka, tetapi satu percubaan untuk memperkasakan orang ramai.

Sebenarnya, tak perlu kalahkan BN pun, kalau orang ramai dah sedar kuasa diorang dan tak senang dimomokkan atau ditakutkan oleh ahli politik daripada mana-mana pihak, aku rasa semua dah menang.

Sebab musuh sebenar bukan orang parti lawan, tetapi sebenarnya ahli politik. Ahli politik yang mengambil kesempatan daripada kebodohan orang ramai untuk kaut keuntungan demi diri sendiri. Korang yang gaduh cam nak rak, tapi yang kenyangnya ahli politik.

Rakyat yang berjaya menumbangkan BN - sebuah kerajaan berumur 60 tahun - akan membuktikan kuasa rakyat ke atas ahli politik. Takkan ada lagi ahli politik akan berani buat kurang ajar suruh orang buat dua kerja, suruh makan kangkung, cuba curi duit pastu cakap ada Alab derma, dan cuba tipu level tadika. Nak tipu pun, cuba la pakai level sekolah rendah ke, kolej swasta ke.

Rakyat akan sedar kuasa yang diorang ada, dan akan gunakan kuasa itu kalau ada ahli politik cuba buat 2MDB: 2 Fat, 2 Babi.

Sesapa nak main politik perkauman? Undi dia keluar. Letak kambing pun sebagai lawan dia, undi kambing. Cuba nak curi duit? Perhambakan orang atas dasar perkauman? Jangan layan dia sampai dia nangis pastu dia boleh pergi mampus. Daddy ke, Ah Beng ke, Anwarista ke, Mahithirist ke, semua kena menjawab kepada rakyat.

Ahli Politik semua kena tabik pastu cakap, "Tuan, saya pacal yang hina nak pergi bersidang di dewan rakyat ni Tuan. Boleh kewwww?"

Rakyat: Menyalak dulu dua kali.

Ahli Politik: Ouk! Ouk!

Rakyat: ... Okay.

Aku dah lama menunggu rakyat yang bertanggungjawab pada diri diorang sendiri. Terlalu lama, orang kat Malaysia mengharapkan suatu kuasa besar untuk tolong diorang. Semua kena sedar bahawa kebanyakan benda ko kena buat sendiri, sebab ko ada kuasa untuk tentukan apa jadi kat keliling ko.

Selama ni, makan kat gerai atau restoran fastfood, ada orang bersihkan. Isap rokok, buang puntung merata ada orang bersihkan. Tertipu dengan propaganda bodoh yang McD support Israel, terlopong bila McD tak diharamkan kerajaan.

Semua benda kita terlalu harapkan kerajaan atau pihak lain untuk buat. Memang ada tanggungjawab kerajaan, antaranya menguruskan duit cukai yang kita bayar untuk sediakan pendidikan, khidmat kesihatan, keselamatan etc, tetapi sebenarnya banyak benda yang kita kena tentukan sendiri.

Aku rasa, selama ni hampir semua rakyat Malaysia takde ownership pada negara diorang sendiri sebab diorang kena tipu dengan politician. Kena tipu sampai jadi beruk. Dan aku amat rimas dikelilingi beruk.

Tak kisahlah siapa menang masa GE14 nanti, aku harap korang semua jadi orang dan tidak mudah diberukkan oleh ahli politik.

Senario B - BN Menang

Macam ni le.

Nota Sakit Bontot: Aku Tak Tahu

Bila borak politik (sambil aku standby painkiller sebab aku masih sakit bontot walaupun dah makin pulih), ramai member aku tanya siapa akan menang GE14.

Aku jawab jujur: aku tak tau. Dan aku rasa takde sapa akan tau sampailah abis mengundi pastu keputusan keluar kat berita.

Ini semua yang aku tau pasal GE14:

1. Bakal berlangsung pada 9 Mei 2018

- Aku balik kampung hari mengundi. Harap tak jam. Harap aku sempat sampai sebelum pukul 4pm supaya relax sikit pergi mengundi.

2. Ada 222 kerusi parlimen. Kerusi DUN, whatever.

3. BN nampak takut.

Atau Najib nampak takut. Sebagai ahli UMNO selama 20 tahun, aku tak paham kenapa aku nampak dia macam takut. Ko takut apa ni, Najib?

Aku rasa SEPATUTNYA BN buat pengumpulan data berterusan. Najib mesti dah umum tarikh GE14 ikut intel yang dia ada. Bila last dia dapat report?

Data Merdeka Center sampai April 16 untuk 1200 orang, dan sampai May 1 untuk 875 orang interview pakai phone.

Kempen Dr M and The Expendables cuma start selepas Hari Penamaan Calon pada April 28.

Merdeka Center cakap ada kenaikan sokongan kepada PH sejak Hari Penamaan Calon. Setiap hari BN, PH kempen, berapa perubahan dia?

Adakah orang akan menipu masa survey? Atas pelbagai sebab?

Brexit punya survey dan survey masa Hillary Vs Trump bagi aku membuktikan, bila cakap pasal politik, orang boleh menipu dtau buat keputusan last minute. Aku rasa neutrals masih ramai - at least cukup untuk 20-30% swing. Aku RASA je lah. Aku tak tau.

So aku dahlah takde data, dan aku tak confident sangat orang bagi data betul.

So secara ikhlas dan jujurnya, AKU TAK TAU. Bestlah sembang politik, sebab aku dah tua. Tapi aku takde access to data. Kepada yang menyumbang, terima kasih.

Apa yang aku tau, aku ada bet dengan member aku sama ada Najib akan ada dalam negara pada malam keputusan GE14.

Dan aku suka lagu ni:




Walaupun dah keluar lebih sebulan, aku rasa amat hip.

Nota Sakit Bontot: Wanking Sebelum Tido

Ramai tanya aku, macamana la BN boleh kalah GE14 ni?

Aku takde data on the ground, sebab bontot sakit dan sibuk bekerja. Dan aku tak percaya semua poll politik kat Malaysia sebab aku rasa orang ramai menipu kat poll politik.

So aku judge based on sentiment je.

Bagi aku, keadaan sekarang hampir 50-50. Banyak benda boleh jadi dalam seminggu, tapi BN punya jentera penerangan dan strategi pilihanraya banyak ambik keputusan bangang. Bagi aku la. Pada pendapat aku.

First of all, BN dah tahu orang marah. GST dan kenaikan kos sara hidup, harga barang, dah menyusahkan orang. Lepas tu dibuat pulak mengundi hari Rabu. Lagilah annoying dan nampak desperate.

Ini petua: Kalau ko nampak takut, neutrals boleh hidu darah dan akan cuba cucuk ko kat tempat ko takut. Public perception aku RASA ialah majoriti tak takut dan tak senang dimomokkan dengan benda remeh yang pettty.

Strategi petty bebudak tadika ni aku rasa ialah hasil keputusan Najib untuk memakai strategi beruk yang dilaksanakan oleh beruk-type. Akibatnya, amat annoying untuk orang biasa. Tip kedua: never underestimate spite.

BN punya jentera asyik recycle cerita lama.

DAP (CINA!) akan take over dan curi duit Melayu! 

- Well, Jho Low tu jawa ya?

Kerajaan DAP tidak menjaga kepentingan Cina, dan melebihkan Melayu (Sekolah Cina tak dijaga)! - MCA punya benda.

Macamana DAP boleh terima Dr M sebagai ketua diorang? - MCA punya benda

TETAPI!

Kerajaan DAP tidak menjaga kepentingan Melayu, dan melebihkan Cina (Isu tanah 999 tahun or something)! - UMNO punya benda

Dr M diperkuda DAP! - UMNO punya benda

Beruk zoo mana ko ambik jadi coordinator ni wei?

So anyway, sekarang kita ada:

1. Taktik petty yang annoying dan menambah kemarahan

2. Messaging ala kadar dan kadang-kadang contradictory

Aku rasa, satu lagi benda bangang BN buat ialah buat kurang ajar kat Dr M. Aku cakap bukan pasal aku fan Dr M - dan memang aku fan Dr M - tapi orang tak suka la tengok orang tua tu cuba dibuli.

Bagi aku, approach Najib yang lagi pandai ialah kalau dia tunjukkan rasa hormat pada Dr M sambil tak setuju, dan sedikit sedih sebab dia terpaksa menentang mentor lamanya. Naratifnya patut, "Ianya perkara yang amat sukar dan menyedihkan saya, tetapi saya terpaksa buat."

Sayangnya, Najib asyik maki dan biarkan orang dia + jentera maki Dr M.

Kalau la dia buat drama sikit, macam hantar Ahmad Maslan maki Dr M pastu dia pulak pergi depan defend Dr M daripada Ahmad Maslan dan drop Ahmad Maslan sebab buat kurang ajar dengan Dr M, aku rasa dah boleh meyakinkan sebilangan pengundi yang Najib ni takdelah jahat sangat.

"Dia negarawan! Dia mentor saya! Dah macam bapa kedua saya! Walau macam mana pun dia memfitnah saya, saya takkan benarkan orang buat kurang ajar kepada Dr M!" kata Najib yang lebih pandai dan devious (dalam sebuah realiti alternatif).

Orang akan judge ko based on cemana ko treat orang lain. Lebih-lebih lagi bila ko ada kuasa. Missed opportunities untuk defuse kemarahan pengundi.

So anyway, tambah:

3. Missed opportunities.

Menyentuh situasi on the ground, KALAU Sabah jatuh, Johor jatuh, Perak, dan sebahagian besar negeri lain, aku rasa BN kalah.

Tough proposition, sebab BN hanya perlukan undi yang minimum untuk menang. Diorang tak perlu menang popular vote. Lebih banyak undi kepada Pakatan diperlukan untuk memenangkan diorang sebab Pakatan kuat di bandar, lemah di kampung.

Tough, but not impossible.

Aku takde data pasal Internet penetration dan media consumption behaviour serta sentiment analysis untuk penduduk luar bandar. Aku bukan agensi kerajaan. Aku rakyat biasa yang sakit bontot kalau jalan/berdiri/duduk lama sangat.

And aku malas nak bukak peta kawasan parlimen sebab ini bukan kerja aku. Aku saja nak wank sebelum tido.

GE14 akan menunjukkan hasil keberkesanan atau kegagalan jentera penerangan kedua-dua belah pihak.

Nota Sakit Bontot

Lebih sebulan lepas, aku kena sakit otot bahagian punggung dan belakang. Tak serius, tapi sakit nak mampus. Dua hari pertama, aku tak boleh berjalan. Sekarang pulak, aku tengah sibuk dengan kerja walaupun berjalan pakai tongkat.

Jadi aku tak boleh menyibuk kumpul maklumat pasal Pilihanraya Umum ke-14 (PRU-14). Apa yang aku tau amat terbatas, dan aku rasa beberapa senario yang mungkin terjadi, sama ada susah nak tercapai atau akan bawa banyak masalah.

Anyway, aku terjaga malam sebab tetiba rasa nak menulis, so aku nak consider empat kemungkinan PRU-14:

1. BN menang besar
2. BN menang tipis
3. PH menang tipis
4. PH menang besar

Ini berdasarkan lancapan je, and aku takde langsung maklumat bocor daripada mana-mana kem. So ini basically ialah hentam keromo. Jangan percaya sangat.

1. BN menang besar

Kebarangkalian: Mungkin 20%

Agak susah BN nak menang besar sebab skandal banyak sangat, kebangkitan kemarahan rakyat, kenaikan kos sara hidup, janji PRU-13 Dicapati, kegagalan penerangan kepada rakyat, kegagalan menjawab naratif pembangkang, dan ketiadaan penerangan berkesan.

Aku tak tau sapa yang handle strategi BN sekarang, tapi taktik keanak-anakan dan jenis mesej yang dikeluarkan ialah jenis yang kita jangkakan daripada pembangkang zaman akhir dekad dahulu. Lemah. Amat lemah dan membayangkan seolah-olah kem BN dalam ketakutan yang amat.

Mungkin ini apa yang jadi bila Najib cakap dia tak perlukan orang pandai, tapi orang yang setia. Ya lah, orang pandai bahaya, nanti dia tau ko kelentong apa. Orang setia yang bodoh kerja dia goreng nasi dengan ridsect je.

Tapi penurunan kualiti strategi BN menghampakan aku.

Contohnya, diorang pergi maki Dr M dekat TV, kerat poster Dr M, halang Dr Siti Hasmah hadir ke anugerah buku yang sebenarnya tidaklah significant sangat dalam politik negara, dan senario media sosial yang lebih macam anjing menyalak bukit.

Walaupun semua ini, termasuk tindakan SPR mengharamkan imej Dr M di sesetengah tempat, mengundi hari Rabu dan sebagainya akan dikatakan sebagai tindakan pihak yang BUKAN BN, tetapi rakyat - pengundi - akan melihatnya sebagai berasal daripada BN. Apa-apa yang jadi, BN akan dipertanggungjawabkan.

Ini bukan perbuatan orang yang yakin menang. Walaupun kalau nak menang, selepas persempadanan semula, BN hanya perlukan minimumnya kurang 20% undian di kawasan-kawasan kecil atau mengambil peluang kawasan strategik yang dulunya majoriti tipis dan sudah disertakan pengundi kawasan lain.

Aftermath:

Sebenarnya, kalau BN menang besar, negara akan aman. Dengan semua undang-undang lama dan baru, mereka boleh memburu semua yang menentang mereka dengan pelbagai cara.

Parti Agama Islam Se-Malaysia (PAIS-M) juga tiada modal untuk menjual 'servis' dan kerusi mereka kepada BN, dan hudud tak akan jadi.

Malaysia akan menjadi macam negara yang aman, tetapi dikawal dengan pemerintahan kuku besi. Politician BN akan lebih takut kehilangan kuasa, sebab takut dibicarakan atau dipenjarakan, maka kalau ada majoriti 2/3, kita akan dapat lihat pelbagai persembahan sarkas. GST mungkin naik, harga minyak mungkin naik, projek mega dengan China akan keluar suratkhabar yang akan diguanakan untuk bungkus nasi lemak takde ikan bilis sebab ikan bilis mahal.

Adakah Malaysia akan menjadi lebih makmur? Kita mungkin takkan tahu sebab lepas tu mungkin tak boleh komplen apa-apa sebab nanti kena tangkap.

2. BN menang tipis

Kebarangkalian: Mungkin 50%

Ini bagi aku ialah yang paling mungkin berlaku.

Ada dua senario. Satu, BN menang tapi kurang 133 kerusi - kurang daripada PRU-13 sebelum ini, tapi majoriti mudah, jadi tak perlukan kerusi PAIS-M.

BN kalah negeri Pulau Pinang, Selangor, Johor, Sabah, Perak dan Kelantan (PAIS-M) akibat rakyat mahu 'mengajar' BN, tetapi tak sanggup undi Kerajaan Persekutuan lain.

Senario kedua ialah: BN menang 110 kerusi - kurang dua kerusi untuk membentuk kerajaan. PAIS-M datang, offer 5 kerusi, tapi nak sesuatu - hudud.

Ni mungkin hudud main-main, sebab bagi aku PAIS-M sekarang bertuhankan Ringgit Malaysia. Apa pun, cadangan macam punch card untuk sembahyang Jumaat, semua perempuan kena bertudung kalau tak kena pancung, stuff like that akan jalan. Pawagam asing untuk lelaki dan perempuan bujang dan yang berkeluarga, supermarket line asing-asing, bukak hari lain untuk berlainan jantina.

Apa-apa lah, untuk menyenangkan hati penyokong PAIS-M supaya pemimpin diorang sekarang boleh terus berkuasa. Oh, dan Hadi sebagai Timbalan Perdana Menteri.

Aftermath:

Chaos. Kemarahan yang aku detect sekarang akan berterusan, sekurang-kurangnya di kalangan sesetengah orang. Aku fikir akan ada banyak perarakan yang annoying, bagi aku.

Rusuhan? Kalau kau tanya aku tiga bulan lepas, aku akan cakap orang Malaysia ni malas. Sekarang? Dunno?

Dengan taktik tadika anjing yang amat annoying digunakan oleh jentera yang semakin digerakkan oleh lebih ramai orang bodoh, akan menimbulkan perasaan marah yang tidak berkesudahan.

Pada masa yang sama, prestasi yang menurun mungkin akan digunakan sebagai alasan politicians BN sendiri untuk menumbangkan Najib dan menaikkan diri sendiri. Aku tengok masa kempen ni, Najib sorang je lebih. Yang lain mana? Macam menjauhkan diri daripada Najib, just in case dia kalah.


3. PH menang tipis

Kebarangkalian: Mungkin 40%

Kalau betul ada peralihan undi orang Melayu kepada PH, maka BN akan kalah. Walaupun PH sebahagian besarnya incompetent sebab selama 10 tahun aku tak nampak pun usaha berkesan untuk pujuk orang luar bandar.

Aku selalu tuduh PH ni pemalas sebab nak lepak kat bandar je, dan sebab orang duk maki BN kat Twitter dan Facebook, diorang mungkin ingat orang suka sangat diorang tu.

KALAU PH menang, memang bukan sebab rakyat suka sangat PH, tapi pasal dah menyampah dengan BN. Ada la yang sokong DAP, PKR dan ada peminat die-hard Dr M. Tapi majoritinya akan undi PH sebab dah tak tahan dengan Najib and gang punya bullshit pasal 1MDB, cerita masukkan duit RM2.6 billion ke akaun sendiri, dan taktik-taktik tadika anjing menjelang PRU-14.

Aftermath:

Chaos. Ada dua benda buruk yang MUNGKIN jadi. Satu, BN yang kalah cuba buat rusuhan untuk activate Emergency.

Keduanya, kerajaan yang dibentuk akan hadapi hari-hari kusut macam mana nak ambik alih apa yang sedia ada.

Cakap apa nak buat dalam 100 hari memanglah senang. Aku boleh cakap, kalau aku memerintah, dalam 100 hari pertama, aku akan ukir muka Eisaya Hosuwan kat bulan.

Ada banyak structure dan protokol yang ada, dan orang berkuasa dalam kerajaan yang diletakkan oleh politicians. Geng Dr M dengan Muhyiddin maybe boleh lead the way untuk handle structure ni, tapi memang akan ada banyak benda keliru masa transition ni.

Aku pikir pun pening, tapi aku rasa ada at least 2 minggu bila rakyat Malaysia rasa best dan mula peluk satu sama lain sebab gembira, dah tumbangkan BN.

Of course, diorang tak ramai pikir kerja menimbun yang ada lepas tu. Nak siasat 1MDB, nak deal dengan AG, BNM, etc. Nak lantik orang itu, ini.

Aku cuma rasa hal ni semua akan settle down lepas dua sesi parlimen kerajaan baru, so maybe after 6 bulan atau setahun.

4. PH menang besar

Kebarangkalian: 10%

Aku letak je 10%.

Aftermath:

Hari esoknya, Najib dah fly ke negara yang takde extradition treaty dengan Malaysia. Anak cucu kita akan tengok dia kat channel TV dokumentari pada masa hadapan.