Today, my DnD group allowed me to do my first session as Dungeon Master.
I sucked really bad and there were moments of sheer terror, but I had fun learning how fucked up things are as a DM. My group seemed to have fun because they are the type that could have fun on their own anyway.
Having had my first taste as DM, I'm more than determined now to host my own game and create a new world sometime down the line. You either learn from your fuck ups or you will always repeat them.
After the three hour session, we played Cosmic Encounters for another three hours or so. After that, I rushed to Kelana Jaya for a high school reunion.
My batch will be celebrating our 20 years graduation anniversary next year and the guys have planned some things to give back to the school, our celebration dinner and the like.
I used to have a problem with my high school and the society we created there, but we're nearing 40 now. In 10 years, how many of us would remain standing, much less 20 years from now?
I am in a period of my life where I am closing books and writing epilogues. I'm preparing for death proper. I've always thought of how to die since I was 17 and saying goodbyes to everything is one of those items you wish you could plan for properly.
Looking back, I have lived quite a good life, all things considered.
Born in the swamp, in a third world country that mostly would not understand my ideas or ideals, I have done everything I could ever want, much earlier than I thought I could. Being the DM for at least one session - no matter how stupid and terrible it was - ranks as one of the things I never thought I would do.
I have not and will not trust people. But people seem to trust me. I'm not feeling guilty nor boastful. I just feel a sense of gratitude to the world for these small mercies.