Some of my friends said I am more positive now after the heart attack rather than before. She said this a couple of weeks ago and I have had time to think about that comment.
I disagree. I'm still the distrusting paranoid wreck I was and forever will be. I am convinced that people are inherently, by nature, petty and evil. It is up to them to evolve beyond that and very few actually do.
What has changed could be that my friend has had time to know me a little better. Or perhaps I had more time to explain myself.
Inside my head are complex ideas and thoughts that I could never bring forth in their entirety in just one session or speech. There is so much information and I always believe that people need all the information I have before making a decision.
Unfortunately, this is not true. I collect information. Tons of it. It is in my nature. But most people would find all that information useless.
I entered the media industry precisely because I was weak in communication. Writing was my weakest subject in primary school. In high school, I trained myself to write better, but my connection with people still suffered.
I'm socially awkward in the way I always find myself feeling like I'm trapped in a glass bottle with all this information and I can't transfer them all to the other subject via telepathy. And you need ALL of it.
But you don't, do you?
What if the objective has changed? What if the game has shifted? It is not about how much information I can or should give you, but what kind of information do I decide you will have, in order for you to do what I want?
That sounds really evil, doesn't it?
Well, maybe not.