For some reason, some people still ask my friends whether I'm gay. Some idiots also believe it would just take one key to unlock my gayness. Let me put the record straight - I'm straight. I fuck pussy. I DATY, FK, motorboat girls, I titty-fuck them, donkey punch them, whatever.
I have never and will never fuck guys or any variation of guys turned to women in whatever stage.
I have lots of gay friends and some bisexual ones. I am not bothered by their sexuality. They are not a roving band of merry gay men or women waiting to jump me and fuck me in the ass in some darkened alley. Generally, they're quite nice, though some are rather unpleasant - a description you can slap on any group of people.
Some idiots also assume I'm an atheist. These are idiots who are so insecure in their own faiths, they will look upon others to validate or disprove their own religion. These fucktards are extremely stupid and would often come out guns blazing in judging other people's faiths or belief system.
So what brand of chocolate religion do I subscribe to? The exact same stupid one you believe in, whoever or whatever the fuck you believe in.
Some of these nuts believe I am trying to cheat God, as they do, by hiding my amoral activities. I have never done that - hide from God. That's them, thinking they can get away with being an asshole and as long as God gets some measly bribes in the form of prayers or shitty incantations, then the entity will be sated.
And then there are people who assume I would lie and cheat, like they do, to get either approval or attention or maintain a foolish facade. I have never lied since my teenage years.
This has of course gotten me into lots of trouble, but it is the only way I want to live and conduct my business. I always tell the truth.
I will not tell you the whole truth - such as the color of my shit this morning being brown and the one in the evening being black. Or that I found chilli seeds while washing my ass post-dump - but I thought that's normal.
I am the smartest man I have ever met, with this one weakness - a refusal to lie. And yet I'm still alive. I'm still standing here yelling fuck the free world.
So suck my dick while I'm pissing.