If I told you that I am happy, or that I have been mostly happy since 2009, I think no one would believe me.
I have displayed anger, sadness, hatred, frustration and was in depression quite a number of times. There were occasions I sought the company of friends, thinking I was in despair or needed advice on things. Some were kind enough to give me time of day and I appreciate that.
In truth, though, sometime in 2009, I realised that nothing really matters. I say this not with negativity, but with a quiet fondness for the idea. It is about letting go, and that was the hardest lesson.
You see, humans are all so intense and worked up because of the ego. This feeling that you need to shout your existence or ensure your presence is felt. The ego also convinces us that we need to be better, larger, faster than others. It is one thing that tells us we are separate from others.
In Buddhism, this is pegged as desire. In Hinduism, the mind. In Neon Genesis Evangelion, this is called the Absolute Terror Field or AT Field. The AT Field encapsulates even cell membranes on a sub-atomic level and pushes each field apart, eventually developed as a defensive/offensive system for robots.
Buddhist philosophies, though, say that we are all connected. We are not separated, but rather part of a larger whole. Seeing it this way, the competition, the concerns of being better or faster does not even emerge.
Hinduism says the mind is maya. The mind is false. It means what we experience through our senses is not true. Islamic mysticism and philosophy, Sufism, says that 'all structures are unsafe'. This refers to the impermanence of everything.
If everything is connected, and nothing is permanent, then why the struggle? Like The Joker in The Dark Knight said, "Why so serious?"
Once you have detached your self from the squabbles of daily living, of perceived reality, you will discover a kind of freedom, which leads to nothing really matters.
So why live at all?
Well, the only way to ensure the ego does not influence what we do or experience is to acknowledge it. If we are angry, then we are angry. If we are sad, then we are sad. Does it mean anything? No. Does it affect the state of the universe? No. Given a long enough timeline, everything that happened might have never happened at all. Look at mythology. Look at history. Nobody knows for sure.
Our planet is a tiny speck of dust. If we look at the real big picture, we do not matter at all. And neither do our frustrations, our lives, or the monkeys who surround us.
It is all a big joke. Just like your mother.